6:47 A.M. – 12.17.2011

"I've got the Girafarig mutant, sir," I said, directing the two thugs to drop the sprawling burlap sack on the floor in front of the boss's desk.

"Good job, 1333402," said Volkner. "I will see to it that you gain two ranks from this job, which should make you seventh lieutenant brigadier general, and as an added benefit, I'll see to it that you are recognized as the official head of the Chambers of Mischief for the Wynaut evolution family." He looked underneath his desk, where I could not see. "You've finished, you can leave now." An intern with the torso of a Gengar and the legs of a Rapidash, stood up from underneath the desk, wiped off his mouth, and galloped out of the underwater office, sending heated bubbles every which way.

I eyed the intern cautiously as he exited, and then looked back at Volkner. "Do you have another mission for me?"

"No, you bitch," he said. "We're all going to die, because this dream is underwater." With that, everyone in the room, including Volkner, choked, snapped their head back, and began to float lifelessly in the office.

I stepped out of my body, and turned to look at myself. "Thanks, asswipe." I pulled out a beam sword and sliced through my copy's neck. My own head bounced from my neck to the floor, and I keeled over as my copy laughed over my decapitated body. Then the water caught fire, and everything burned and went black.

"Aaaaaaaah!" I gasped as my head shot upward from my pillow. "The hell was that?"

After waking up from the odd nightmare, I had been expecting to see night stars above my sleeping bag, or maybe the roof of a six-man tent dimly illuminated by a dying lantern, but I found that I couldn't see anything. I remembered that my dream ended in blackness, and I began to silently panic and think of paranoid explanations for my dream continuing into reality, like a Darkrai nearby, or maybe Brock tearing the tag from a mattress, but before I could act upon some wild theory, I realized I wasn't in my sleeping bag at all. I felt around my sleeping residence, and found I was under four blankets and surrounded by pillows.

"The hell?" I said. "Where am I?"

Suddenly, all the preceding events that lead to where I was came flooding back in rapid succession. May raised her camera. Pikachu fell into my arms with a cry. I smashed against some trees on the side of a steep slope. I stood up and hit my head on Ash's bunk. May spilled hot cocoa on our heads. The snow was creating walls around us. May and Ash held hands. We stumbled down the slushy hill to…

The Negative City Grand Pokémon Center and Hotel.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

"I am so stupid," I said to myself, swinging my legs down from my bed. "Well, at least nobody else heard me. Nobody has to know I'm so short-bus."

I think the point that I realized that I had the top bunk was about five feet into my fall.

8:11 A.M. – 12.17.2011

"You feeling okay, Max?" Brock asked.

Brock and Marshtomp were sitting across from Grovyle and I in our window booth of our dining area, enjoying some breakfast and keeping an eye on our other Pokémon playing in the open room across from us. Brock was cutting into some toast with jam, fruit, coffee, poached eggs and hash browns; I was swallowing the remnants of my bacon, scrambled eggs, hot cocoa, orange juice and stack of pancakes, and Marshtomp and Grovyle were munching some of Brock's special blend of Pokémon food, because apparently, nothing else compares.

Brock drank some coffee and gave me a concerned look. "You feeling okay, Max?" he reiterated.

"Huh?" I blinked, and pushed my glasses back. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Marrrrrrrsh," Marshtomp said to me, arching his back and filling his mouth with water. Cold water will make it feel better.

"No!" I said quickly, grimacing as I rubbed the bandage. "I'll be fine, no Water Gun necessary." I drank the rest of my juice nervously, and swallowed the last of my eggs with some difficulty.

"Mamamamarsh," laughed Marshtomp. I'm just joking, Max.

"Grove, Grovyle," said my Grovyle with a small smile, sitting next to me. Marshtomp, your Water Gun couldn't get Max's ears wet.

"Marshtomp, Marsh," said Marshtomp. Hey, at least I don't fire a SolarBeam that smells like a lawnmower ran over some Snubbull shit.

"Grovyle Vyle Vy," Grovyle laughed. You should be the Grass type, with all the bud you must be smoking.

"Come on, now, guys," I said. "Don't get in a fight this early in the day. Ash and May aren't even awake."

"Right, this is never a good way to start the morning… Wait a minute," said Brock, slowly interrupting himself. He flicked his fork back onto his plate. "Ash and May aren't awake… are they?"

I shrugged. "Well, they're not down here, so they must be asleep, because they wouldn't have any reason to be awake and…" Horrifying realization dawned upon me, and my fork dropped out of my hand. I looked at Brock, aghast. "…stay in the room."

"Grovyyyyle, Grovyle Grove," said Grovyle, food spilling from his mouth back into his bowl. Oh, my God, they're having sex.

"Marrrrshtomp?" asked Marshtomp, looking at Brock. Well, what should we do?

Brock was already recalling his Pokémon in the next room to their PokéBalls, leaving Marshtomp out. "We have to go see if they're alright," he said, with drive.

I groaned, recalling my Pokémon as well, except for Grovyle. "Okay, we'll go see, but if I see any penetration, you won't be seeing me help you again."

Brock shuddered as he hurriedly stood up. "Oh, Max, don't say that."

The four of us gulped down the rest of our food and made a dash for the closest elevator, remembering that our room was on the seventh floor and stairs would get us nowhere fast. We spent the entire thirty seconds we were in the elevator panicking, and bolted down the hall as soon as the metal doors slid open.

"I really hope they're using a condom," I said as we rounded a corner, Grovyle running up and across the wall.

We skidded to a stop around room 718, and quickly made our way back to 713. Brock almost used his room key to open the door, but he stopped himself.

"What now?" I asked. "We can't just go barging in accusing them of boning."

"Hold on," he said, shushing me. "I hear something." He pressed his ear against the door.

I sighed as the two Pokémon and I pressed our ears to the door as well. "I can't believe we're doing this. What if-" I stopped talking when I heard their voices, and as I listened, my exchanged looks with Brock turned from confusion, to disgust, to straight horror.

"May, are you feeling okay?" came Ash's voice.

"No, it actually really hurts," said May.

"Well, I wrapped it-"

"That doesn't help the pain, Ash!"

"Well, should I lie you back on the bed? The pillow will help relax you."

"I'd like that, thanks." I heard some scuffling, and May laughed. "I feel a little silly, doing this at such an early time of day."

"Don't worry," said Ash. "Anything can happen in the dark."

"Yeah, and something did happen. God, I'm going to feel sore later."

The hell?

"Oh, that's IT," Brock and I said together.

Brock keyed open the door and the four of us burst into the room, ready to roar our disapproval, but we found that Ash and May weren't red-faced, naked, and in the same bed. May was flustered, but fully clothed, and lying on her bottom bunk with her bandaged head resting on several pillows; Ash was kneeling a couple feet from the bed, his hands rummaging through a first aid kit. Pikachu cocked his head, giving us an odd look. Our faces grew incredulous, and Brock and I began to realize that we were in a load of misunderstanding.

"Oh, good, it's you, Brock," said Ash. "Can you take a look at May's head for me? I dressed it alright, but I'm not sure of any lasting repercussions."

Brock slowly lowered himself to their level, while saying, "Uhm, yeah, I suppose so." He placed his forefingers on May's temples. "Are… you okay, May?" He began to check the bandage.

"I feel dizzy," she said. "I fell off the bed- Hey." She interrupted herself, and pointed at me. "What happened to you, Max?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Your head." May closed her eyes as Brock rubbed her head. "What happened to it?"

"Oh, yeah. I… I fell off the bed, too."

Brock stood up. "Well, it looks like a concussion," he stated, after inspecting May's head. "Can somebody call Nurse Joy down at the desk?"

"I've got this," I said. I threw a PokéBall in the air, which burst open in a flash of light and revealed Kirlia, stretching yet alert. "Kirlia, Teleport to the first floor and tell Nurse Joy that May has a concussion."

"Kirliaaa," Kirlia tittered as he vanished from view. Be right back.

Ash was gaping. "A concussion? She just fell off the bed!"

May frowned. "The TOP bed."

CRACK.

"Kirrrr." Kirlia had reappeared already, and brought a confused-looking Nurse Joy with him. I'm back.

"Grovyle," said Grovyle. You're fast.

"What is this?" asked Nurse Joy, looking around, and eventually, down at May. "Oh, dear, what happened to you?"

"She's fallen from the top bunk, Nurse Joy," said Brock. I noticed he made no move toward her. "We wanted your medical advice."

After a good long while, filled with prodding and advice-taking, Nurse Joy stood up. "If it is a concussion, it's not very serious, but I advise that she stay awake until midnight, to avoid the constant possibility that she'll fall comatose," she said. "That's the case with any head injury."

I put my hand on May's shoulder. "Don't worry, May. If you have a concussion, that means that there's a possibility that you have a brain."

She looked up at me, somewhat unsteadily. "Then why didn't you get one?"

"My dick broke my fall."

9:31 A.M. - 12.17.2011

"Max and I already had breakfast," said Brock. He looked around at the quickly emptying tables. "It looks like everybody else has, too."

"I hope there's still food," said Ash longingly. "I can't function without breakfast."

"Pikachu," Pikachu said. He skips breakfast often.

"Well," said May, blinking rapidly, "I'll get the drinks for Ash and I. Since I need to stay awake, should I go for some caffeine?"

"Yes," said Ash, at the same time as I said, "No." Frowning at me, he continued. "The Center's not much for energy drinks, but I saw some Red Bull in a vending machine next to the main dining counter."

Brock and I froze.

Red Bull. Just the thought sends a chill up my spine. The last time May had Red Bull was back in Petalburg City. I had poured some Red Bull in a glass full of ice, and while I was going to get a snack, May showed up. Somehow thinking that it was strawberry soda, she downed it in one, and when I got back, she was winning in a boxing match with Vigoroth. I had told Brock, Pikachu and the Pokémon about the incident, and thinking back, I really should have told Ash.

May grinned. "Sure!"

Ash tossed the silver can into May's hands, not knowing that this would probably bring our eventful lives to a sadly comical end.

She popped the lid open, and with a commencement speech of "Down the hatch!" she drank the entire thing in one go. As if in slow motion, she dropped the empty can onto the floor, and the loud, slow clanging noise it created made me wonder if some chemical reaction inside May was distorting time and bringing slow motion into reality.

But May wasn't doing anything.

"May," I began, after what seemed like hours, "you don't feel jittery, do you?"

"No, actually, I don't. Wait a minute-" She scrunched her face, and rubbed her stomach. "I feel kinda funny."

Brock forced his eyes open, something I had never seen him do. "Oh, God."

The first one start yelling was Pikachu.

"PIKA PIKACHUUUUUUU!" he screamed. LET'S GET OUT OF HEEEEERRRRE!

Marshtomp yelped and ran out into the hall, skidding into the wall and nearly knocking himself unconscious.

"Ash, move it!" Brock yelled, shoving him in the direction of the lobby.

"Um… okay…" Ash said confusedly, allowing Brock to frantically push him into the hall as Grovyle dashed up and across the wall in an arc over their heads.

I found that I was the last one left, and May's stomach was lurching from the rest of her body. I made a frantic dash across the dining area in no specific direction, and found a large table directly in my way. Too late to avoid it, I leapt forward and over it. My hands found their way to the table surface at the apex of my jump and used it as a springboard, and I pulled a flip over three more tables and landed on my elbows, rolling behind a counter and curling into a the fetal position.

"Oh, God, I'm going to need therapy after this," groaned May, as she arched backwards, puffed out her stomach and took a deep breath.

Two blocks away, several couples looked up and wondered if a thunderstorm was near.

May's chair lurched backward into the wall, and left a permanent wear mark engraved in the floor. She screamed as she burped, which created a gargling nails-on-chalkboard kind of noise that sent Brock stumbling straight into a lamp. He fell over the couch behind him backwards and landed on his face on the floor, scaring Marshtomp and Grovyle into firing leaves and water everywhere. One spurt of water hit a stack of dishes on my hiding counter and knocked them off the edge and into a pile that smothered me.

Ash involuntarily took a few steps backward. "Got DAMN."

May smiled, and hiccupped.

10:18 A.M. – 12.17.2011

Ash, May, Brock and I were sitting in a circle in front of a giant fireplace, discussing our schedule for the rest of the day, with our Pokémon lounging on pillows nearby.

"So, we've got all day to mess around," said Brock. "The competition is in a few days, so in not too long, we'll all be too busy training to do anything else. Whatever we want to do in the city, we should start doing it today. What are our plans?"

"I want to find a battle or two," Ash said immediately.

"There's some great stores in town," said May cheerfully. "I need to get some presents bought."

"I've got to pick up some supplies," Brock said. "Max?"

"I'm down to do everything, but I want to go exploring," I said. "There's an old deserted part of town that sounds interesting."

"HEY!"

I blinked. Somebody had shouted, and it wasn't any of us.

Brock frowned. "Was that you, Ash?"

Ash shook his head. "I don't think it was any of us, Brock."

"They might have just been yelling at somebody else," said May, soon to be proven wrong.

"HEY, YOU!"

This time, I turned to look, and found a young Trainer pointing at us with his eyes wide.

"You're… you're… May Maple a-a-a-a-a-an-an-an-and Ash Ketchum!" he said excitedly. "And you're here! Wait until I tell the others!" He turned to dash away, but slipped on the untied shoelace of his left sneaker, and nearly regained his balance, but his right knee collided with a footstool, and he fell over it and flipped onto his back. He hurriedly jumped to his feet and scurried away.

Brock was blank. "Where have I seen this before?"

"I know!" May held up a finger. "Remember way back in our first Hoenn journey, when I was a brand-new Trainer, and we journeyed through North Petalburg Town? Those people went nuts over us."

"Correction," said Ash glumly. "They went nuts over you."

"Nuh-uh-uh," she said lightly, waggling her finger. "They were excited about Max, too."

"That was because we're Norman's kids, and Petalburg City is like Zion to anybody in North Petalburg," I said. "When it comes to Dad, they're like high school sluts watching a scruffy tattooed college student with some Starbucks in his hand go by."

"Oh well," said Brock. "Let's just forget about it. So, to recap, Ash and Max will go explore and battle together, and May and I will go shopping. We'll meet back here later. Sound good?"

Ash stood up. "I approve," he said, grinning.

May stretched and stood up as well. "Alright, Brock, let's do it."

"Sweet," I said, already up and jerking my thumb in the direction of the front revolving doors. "Let's go, Ash, we've got battles to win and sights to see, and we can't win and see them while we're still here."

Ash's grin grew wider. "That's what I like to hear!"

With our backpacks on and our Pokémon at hand (Pikachu on head), the two of us made a dash for the doors with a hurried tip of the hand to May and Brock, who just smiled and shook their heads.

"These revolving doors confuse me," said Ash, cocking his head and watching the golden-framed glass panes swing by. "My timing's not the best; I could get guillotined or something."

I stepped back, smiled, and propelled my right foot squarely into Ash's back, pushing him into a moving space of the door, which eventually pushed him out onto the frozen sidewalk. He scrambled to his feet, Pikachu clinging to his hat, and turned to look menacingly at me just as I had walked through the revolving door and stopped a foot from his face.

"What was that for?" asked Ash indignantly.

"You're not battling anybody while you're stuck in a revolving door," I said coolly, "except maybe a revolving door."

"Pikachu Pika Ka," said Pikachu, looking around the very deserted block. I don't think we'll be battling anybody anyway.

"Maybe not here, but we can look in other places," Ash said. "It's an entire city, somebody must want to battle us."

11:10 A.M. – 12.17.2011

"Maybe the town has been overrun by Ghost Pokémon and everybody fled," said Ash thoughtfully as we shuffled down another poorly paved street. Old cobblestone from past decades could be seen through cracked divots in the asphalt, and most buildings on this street were boarded up, as the city had proceeded to expand in the opposite direction of this district.

I turned to look at him. "Well, we can't find any other trainers to tag-team, so why don't we battle each other?"

He shrugged, and smiled. "Okay." His eyebrows lowered, and he brought his fist close to his face. "Let's do this."

Pikachu's cheeks sparked. "Pika, Pikachu! Pika!" We're the ones who taught you. We're bringing you down!

Suddenly, before either of us could reach for a PokéBall, a great rumbling echoed down the street from several blocks away and interrupted our pregame hype, making us look in that direction with confused faces.

"Pikachu?" asked Pikachu. Earthquake?

"Not sure, buddy." Ash squinted. "What is that?"

I adjusted my glasses, stared down the street at an incoming sea of people streaming down the boulevard in our direction, and instantly became suspicious. "Was there a riot?"

"Pikapika…" said Pikachu, shaking his head. I don't like the looks of this…

They were a mere five hundred feet away, and they weren't stopping.

"Well, do you think they're coming for us, or something else?" Ash asked. "I guess they may just want to get to the Main Street district, but this isn't exactly the most direct way to get there."

Four hundred feet.

"I think it's us they want," I said slowly. "We're the only ones around."

Three hundred feet.

"They're not stopping," said Ash, taking a step back. "Should we do something?"

"Pikapika Pikachu Pikapika," said Pikachu, scratching his head. I think this is usually where the main characters start running.

Two hundred feet.

Ash turned his head to look at me. "Should we make a break for Main Street?"

I exhaled deeply, and rocked back and forth on my heels with my hands in my pockets. Upon seeing the crowd reach the one hundred foot mark, and beginning to hear their shouts, I turned back to him. "We should make a break for Main Street."

We both swiveled on a dime and kicked off from our right feet at a crouch, madly sprinting in the direction of Main Street, screaming our heads off.

11:20 A.M. – 12.17.2011

"I love this new swimsuit!" said May joyfully, her bag swinging on her arm. Her woven hat pressed her hair to her head tightly, and the snow-dusted sparkling brown hair that wasn't restrained by her hat spilled across the shoulders of her coat, attracting second looks from several boys as they walked by. "This two-piece will get all the attention!"

"I still don't know why you bought a swimsuit in the middle of December," said Brock, without looking up from his guide.

"There's a pool in the hotel, Brock," May said, in a way that suggested that Brock was extremely dim.

Brock held up his hands in resignation. "Alright, alright, have it your way."

May smirked, but before she could issue a winning statement, she felt a rumbling under her feet. "Whoa, what's that?"

"I don't know." Brock folded his guide and put it in his pants pocket, and casually looked around. "Could be that mob of people over there," he said, pointing up the street.

Sure enough, a sea of riled Trainers was breaking over the hill in the street, and as they got closer, May could see that they were chasing two people. She squinted. "Hey, isn't that Ash and Max they're chasing?

"Could be," said Brock as the crowd drew closer.

11:23 A.M. – 12.17.2011

Ash flailed his arms at May and Brock. "RUN!"

"Get going!" I shouted. "We've taken a million random turns, but they won't stop chasing us!"

Brock put his hand to his face. "Then why didn't you use Kirlia to Teleport?"

"Damn it, he's right," I muttered. I shoved my hand in my pocket and brought out the glistening ball. Throwing it in the air, I shouted, "Kirlia! Get the hell out here!"

"Kirliaaaaa?" Kirlia burst onto my shoulder in a flash of light. What is it?

My eyes thinned, and I looked at Kirlia with a serious amount of dullness in my face. "Seriously? Look behind you."

Kirlia did look, and he screamed. "KIRLIAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" TELEPORRRRRRRRRRRT!

"Wait! Not yet-"

Quickly thinking, Ash grabbed my arm as our vision of Negative City snapped and disappeared.

A new environment faded in. A series of lush, green hills rolled toward faraway mountains, and it smelled like the ocean wasn't far away. A familiar-looking fenced-in property for herding Pokémon could be seen, and several houses lined the casually winding street.

It didn't take long for us to realize that we had Teleported somewhere not even remotely close to where we just were, and on top of that, we had ended up twenty feet in the air.

SMASH.

As I groaned, picked myself up from the pavement and popped my shoulder back into place, realization dawned on me. "Ash, I think we're in Pallet Town."

Ash peeled his face from the pavement. "What?"

"We're in Kanto, man. Kirlia panicked and brought us to Pallet Town. We're a few blocks from your house."

He stood up, wiping the dirt and gravel from his face, and his eyes widened as he looked around. "We are."

I turned to Kirlia. "Why are we in Pallet Town?" I asked him.

"Kirrrrlia?" he said sheepishly. Uh, there's… no crazy mob here?"

Ash turned his attention to Kirlia as well. "It's great to be here, Kirlia, I'm definitely going to tell you whenever I get homesick, but we just wanted to teleport somewhere else in the city. We can't leave May and Brock facing that mob."

Kirlia turned to me glumly, and I nodded. Sighing as he climbed onto my shoulder, and as Ash and Pikachu gripped my arm, he shouted, "Kirlia!" Teleport!

Professor Oak's ranch faded, and we reappeared on Main Street, this time on the north side. Thankfully, we reappeared on the ground.

Ash sighed gratefully. "Thanks, Kirlia, that's more like it." He frowned. "Are Brock and May still where we left them?"

I shrugged. "Should we go in that direction?"

"HEY!"

Our eyes widened, and we froze.

"IT'S ASH KETCHUM!"

The enormous thundering sound of a mob of people running toward us rattled the street as Ash's face turned to mine. "We should go in that direction."

We both kicked off with the same foot, and madly ran up the street as fast as we could, screaming our heads off once again.

"This is a different mob, you know," I gasped as the shopping district came into view. "There's no way the first mob would have circled the entire town and come back down Main Street in the other direction in the three minutes we were in Pallet Town."

Ash's eyes widened. "You're right, and I think I found the first mob."

I turned to see the cavalcade of people that had chased us first streaming down the avenue, now chasing Brock and May in our direction, screeching random words we couldn't make out. There was no intersection close enough, and to our horror, we realized we were going to be sandwiched.

"Pika," said Pikachu, with resign. We're boned.

In a roaring mess that would have made an Exploud cringe, the two mobs collided, with Ash, May, Brock, Pikachu, Kirlia and I in the middle.

"It's Ash Ketchum, the famous Pokémon Trainer!" someone said.

"And May Maple, the coordinator extraordinaire!" said another.

"Hey! That looks like someone from Pewter Gym in Kanto!" said a third.

A reporter jumped in front of Ash. "So, Ash Ketchum, sources claim you landed the top four in the Lily of the Valley conference! Can you give us your thoughts on this topic?"

Ash's countenance immediately changed, and he flashed his trademark grin. "Well, I'm more proud of my Pokémon than ever before, and we keep getting stronger every day!"

"May Maple," said another reporter, "you placed in the top two in the Johto Grand Festival last year. What do you plan to do next?"

"Well," said May, "I plan to travel the world with my friends, competing in any contests on the way that I please."

I folded my arms. "I came in second in the Ever Grande conference, and I landed the top four in the Indigo conference."

"What's your point, loser?" said a voice.

"Thanks, but, no thanks," said another.

Evidently, those two were outnumbered, as several others tried to make their way toward me, but before they could, I was pushed over the curb and onto the sidewalk.

"We don't have room for wannabes in this town," said the apparent pusher, a fat boy of about fourteen. "Get lost."

I stood up, and let my backpack drop to the ground. At my full height, I realized he was rather short as well as fat. "Say that again, asshole."

The kid spit at my feet. "Get lost. Even I don't even know who you are."

"My name's Max," I said, snarling. "Max Maple. May's my sister. I travel with them."

"You're pretending to know May Maple and Ash Ketchum personally?" the guy scoffed. "That's defamation if I've ever heard of it. I should get them to sue you."

"Well, you should sue McDonalds, because they fucked you over," said a voice darkly.

I whirled to see a very white teenager standing next to me, staring down at the fat kid. The guy was wearing a burgundy snapback over his sweeping hair. His gray hooded jacket had the word Supreme emblazoned on the front, and his bag was slung over one shoulder. His dark jeans had a faded and ruffled front, and he was somewhere between Ash and Brock's age.

"Who asked you?" said the fat kid defensively.

"Everybody's entitled to my opinion, whether they like it or not," replied Supreme Jacket. "Now beat it, before I send out my Pokémon."

The fat kid left in a hurry, and I noticed it was in the direction of the closest food restaurant.

"Thanks a load," I said gratefully. "Who are you?"

"August," said Supreme Jacket. "August Mist."

12:06 P.M. – 12.17.2011

With one final shove, August shut the door to the Pokémon Center. He slumped over and wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Tough crowd," he gasped.

"Seriously," I said, turning to Ash and May. "They would burn you two and snort your ashes if you let them."

"Well, we are pretty great," Ash boasted.

May blinked. "We? As in you and I?"

Ash grinned. "Sure!"

A look of pure joy enveloped my sister's face, and she kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Ash. That means a lot to me." She stepped into the elevator, and smiled at him as the doors closed.

Ash was beaming.

Brock smiled. "Ah, to express thy young love."

I laughed. "Yeah, well, their expressing love makes me want to express my lunch."

"Relax," August said nonchalantly. "From what I gather, they're made for each other."

"Yeah," I snorted. "They're soul mates. Can we have some lunch?"

10:07 P.M. – 12.17.2011

I had decided that since I had already spent some quality time with Grovyle and Kirlia that day, I would take Gabite out for some personal time next. She and I were stargazing on a Main Street bench, gulping down our chocolate Oreo malts and comparing brain freezes. Ice being her weakness, Gabite's headaches were always worse than mine, but she kept at it, saying it would build up her resistance. I agreed, but I personally thought she just liked the taste. She had nearly lost her right eyeball to a killer freeze when we heard Ash and May's voices. Snickering, we both hid behind the bench and waited for them to come by.

"So, May, there were some things you wanted to tell me about your journeys away from here," said Ash, his hands in his pockets. Pikachu was evidently back at the Center.

"Oh, right," said May, in a different tone of voice than I usually heard "Well, it was kind of weird not seeing much of Team Rocket. I mean, since they're always following you, I never saw them for a long time."

"Well, I guess that's a bit of a blessing, isn't it?" Ash said, laughing.

"Not really," she said honestly. "It made me feel… uh…"

"Worried," I said hoarsely.

May nodded. "Yeah, worried – Hey! Who said that?"

"Who said what?" asked Ash.

"Your conscience," I answered.

"Mine?" Ash said, confused.

"No, mine," said May indignantly. "Don't steal my thoughts!"

"Sorry," he said, scratching his head. "Well, May, I came out here to tell you something. It's a…. uh…. er…."

"Spit it out!" I said.

"Shut up, May's conscience!" Ash said loudly.

"It's not me," said May. "But the voice is right; spit it out!"

Ash took a deep breath. "I loo… I looov…"

"You love… what?" May said perplexedly.

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"You!"

"What about me?" She was smiling.

"I love you, May! Don't make it so hard to for me to talk to you!" he said, laughing

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, Ash…" said May softly.

"Biiiiiite," Gabite whispered. Oh, God.

I peeked around the edge of the cold, gray, granite bench to see May standing on her toes, leaning in toward Ash's face. You know, whenever you see a moment like this, you really wish you had your digital camera with you.

Lucky for me, I had mine.

I yanked the black metal camera out from my jacket pocket and snapped a photo just as their tongues met, but I had forgotten about the flash being on, and it was much brighter than I wanted it to be. Ash must have noticed the flash, because he began walking in my direction, May close behind.

"Gabiiiiiiiite," said Gabite, giggling. Incoming shit storm.

"Max," said May, fuming, "if that is you and Gabite back there, I swear on all things holy and pure that I will shoot your head off with August's gun-"

"August has a gun?" asked Ash.

"Shut up. As I was saying, I will shoot your head off with his gun. I will slice open your stomach with Gabite's fin, yank out your intestines, take them into the middle of Main Street on New Year's Eve, and skip rope with them."

Gabite and I stood up from behind the bench, downing the last of our malts and throwing the glasses to the ground, shattering them. "You have reason to be angry," I said, swaying. "This was a direct invasion of privacy, that should in no way be excused. You have every right to make good on the threats you have just stated. But!" I held my forefinger in the air, and Gabite mirrored my movement with her claw. "There is some question as to how much privacy can be expected in…" I spun in a circle with Gabite, our hands/claws gesturing to our entire surroundings. "…public!" I pointed to myself, stubbornly poking myself in the chest. "I could have been anybody. Anybody. Anybody could have seen this wretched act of…" I spat on the ground, and so did Gabite. "…affection. Somebody could have gotten off to this, shudder at the thought as I may. Anybody could have pulled a peeping tom at this…" I made a face. "…nasty sight that we have beheld here this evening. But, thankfully, it was just us. Just us. Just your little brother and his harmless Gabite. I'm not a rapper, nor a rapist, nor a racist. I'm just your little brother. So, when you threaten me with such ungodly visuals as my entrails tripping you up when you 'skip rope?' Is that what you said?" I pointed directly at May. "I have seen you skip rope. I also had to untie you from that rope, that had you stuck in a tree. Do you want my shit chute to tangle you in a tree? No, you don't. So, when you threaten me with all of these ways to take my life and humiliate my dead body, and I know that I am probably the safest person to catch you doing this, I simply shake my head and say…" I raised my middle finger, and Gabite raised her middle claw. "…Fuuuuuck you. This picture is going straight to Mom's email." I stepped off the street, took astride of Gabite, and smiled. "I REGRET NOTHING."

They chased us back to the Grand Center, Gabite and I laughing all the way.

tl;dr? Eh, get over it.