Kagome's heart felt like it was being shredded as she watched Inuyasha mourn for Kikyo. Naraku had managed to lure them into a trap in which Inuyasha was forced to watch him destroy Kikyo.
That had been months ago and Inuyasha was still pining away for his lost love. It made no difference to him how much it was hurting Kagome as well. Her love for the hanyou slowly began to melt away as the time passed, sure that he would never love her now. Besides, what is worse than unrequited love?
Late one night, Kagome slipped away from the camp to seek solitude to gather her thoughts. Inuyasha was so incoherent lately that she doubted he even noticed her leaving. She fought her way through bush and brier until she came across a stream. Taking a seat on the shore, she looked up at the sky wishing she could sprout wings and take flight to the stars. Would anyone notice, she wondered sadly. Across the stream lay a wide field. Something glinted in the light of the moon and immediately Kagome sensed two familiar jewel shards coming her way, quickly. Before she could react, Kouga was seated beside her, stroking her hand in his.
"Good evening, my beautiful Kagome. You should be asleep, my love," he said. Immediately, Kagome was touched by his kindness and couldn't help but want to hear more.
"It's nothing," she said, looking away from his brilliant green eyes. She knew that if he saw the tears that were welling in the back of her eyes, he would instantly assume it was Inuyasha and go after him. And to be honest, she wasn't sure she wanted to cry over him anymore.
"You don't have to be strong in front of me. I'll listen if you just want to talk." Kagome turned to him, surprised.
"You will?" It was the first time in a long time that someone offered to listen to her. Surely, Inuyasha would've laughed in her face and called her a wench.
"Yes, I will," he said, still stroking her hand. She looked down at them and then her eyes traced up his muscular arms. She blushed as she looked over his body, silently wondering why she had never found him attractive. His tan physique and hard muscles were from running and fighting and his green eyes held a depth to them that could've rivaled Inuyasha, had his eyes not become dull and empty. Kouga' eyes twinkled in the moonlight and from the corner of his smile, a sharp fang protruded over his lip.
"Promise you won't get mad and run off?" she asked, hoping that what she had to say wouldn't make him jump up and go after Inuyasha.
"I know it has to do with dog shit, so I'm already mad that he's gotten you so upset and isn't here comforting you." When she looked down, he continued. "But, his loss, my gain. I promise I won't leave."
"Thank you, Kouga. But for now, do you think we can just sit here? I'm not sure I want to talk about it yet." She closed her eyes and drew in a calming breath, trying to soothe away her tears.
"That's fine with me. I'm here for you. And I don't mind, as long as I get to spend time with you," he said, slinking his arm around her shoulders.
Kagome blushed deeper, but she didn't push away his arm. It was comforting. She rested her head against him and stared up at the stars, still wondering how she had overlooked him. Before she knew it, the sun was rising and the stars were beginning to fade. She felt him stir for the first time since he put his arm around her.
"I better get back to the clan. I'll find you tomorrow night if you want," he said, helping her to her feet.
"Okay," she nodded, liking the idea of spending time with someone who wanted to spend time with her. He squeezed her hands in his and the sped off into the horizon.
As she approached camp, the others were just starting to stir. Inuyasha was nowhere in sight.
"Good morning, Kagome," Sango said as she yawned and stretched. "Where were you so early in the morning?"
Kagome blushed, but instantly put on a straight face. "I was just watching the sunrise. I couldn't sleep." She knelt down and started to roll up her unused sleeping bag.
Miroku and Sango exchanged concerned glances. "Where's Inuyasha?" Miroku asked.
She just sighed. "I don't know. He has no interest in talking to me anymore, so why would he tell me where he's going?" In her mind, the comment hadn't sounded as bitter as she had spoken it. Miroku's face hardened.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean," he tried to apologize. Kagome put her hand up to silence him.
"No, I'm sorry Miroku. I guess I'm just tired." She turned to the fire and crouched down to warm her hands.
A few moments of silence were interrupted by Inuyasha coming through the brush with some dead rabbits in his hand.
"Breakfast," he grunted and then resumed his place by the tree.
Kagome looked at him and then down at her hands. She didn't feel the least bit ashamed or guilty about being with Kouga all night long. In fact, she looked forward to seeing him again that night. She furrowed her eyebrows together and stood, suddenly feeling the need to get away from the depressed hanyou.
"Sango, do you want to go to the hot springs with me?" she said. She started walking before Sango had a chance to answer and by the time Sango got to the spring, Kagome had already stripped and was sitting chin-deep in the hot water.
"Kagome, what's wrong?" Sango asked. She'd seen how Kagome had been lately. She knew that her friend was hurting, even if she refused to acknowledge it.
Kagome shook her head, wanting silence to collect her thoughts.
"I know you're depressed about the way Inuyasha has been. It's only natural for you to be this way after how he's treated you these last few months. I know you love him," Sango said, completely avoiding the small talk and getting right to the root of the problem.
Kagome pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them. "Is it that obvious?"
"To everyone but Inuyasha," she replied.
"Right," she sighed. How could she make this pain go away for the both of them if he never even talked to her anymore? "There's nothing I can do about it," she resolved aloud.
Sango shook her head. "There has to be a way to snap Inuyasha out of his funk. I know what to do," she said as she stood and went to her clothes. She walked away from Kagome without saying a word. She headed back to the camp and crouched in front of Inuyasha, pointing a finger in his face. "I know you still care for Kagome, even though you are mourning for Kikyo. But you need to come to your senses quickly or lose her too." She took a seat next to Miroku and remained silent the rest of the afternoon. Inuyasha hadn't even acknowledged her words, although he heard them.
Kagome stayed in the hot springs for the rest of the day. She was so zoned out that she didn't even realize that the sun was setting. She let out a depressed sigh, knowing that had Inuyasha been himself, he would have dragged her out hours ago. Sadly, this was not the case. She stood, not even bothering to check to see if she was alone and put her clothes on. She walked back to the campsite and without looking at anyone, muttered, "Watching the sunset," and kept walking.
She walked until she found the spot where she and Kouga had sat the night before. Within minutes, Kouga was by her side, stroking her hand in his.
"Hello, my Kagome. How was your day?" he asked, cheerfully.
"Lonely," she admitted. She didn't have to look to know that Kouga's smile had faded from his face.
"Kagome, I've been thinking. Why don't you come back with me and live with my clan?"
"What?" she said.
"I know it's a bit sudden, but with the way you're treated around here, I think you'd be better off with me. We can search for Jewel Shards together and then we can defeat Naraku once and for all. Please, think about it." He put his arm around her and breathed in deep.
"How do you know how I'm being treated," she asked defensively, pulling away from his arm. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and rubbed with his thumbs.
"Because, I can tell. You're eyes that were once deep and shimmering, are dull and lifeless, like someone killed your best friend. And you rarely smile anymore. Never a memory remains in my mind that doesn't having your smiling face. Tell me, Kagome. Does he always neglect you like this or is it because of what happened to that priestess?"
"How can everyone else see these things but not," she stopped. She didn't want to say it out loud, for fear of making it true, even though it already was.
"But not Inuyasha?" he finished for her. "I've said it once, and I'll say it again. You're better off with me, Kagome. I'd never put you aside for my own feelings. You're way too important to me. I couldn't do that to you. If I were the reason for your sadness, I'd do anything to make it better."
"Kouga, I can't leave," she tried to explain but he put up a hand to silence her.
"Don't say no just yet. Think about it for a while. And remember, the more time you spend with that moping mutt, the more time Naraku has to collect the Jewel Shards. Just think about it." He put his arm back around her and pulled her close.
She wanted to argue with him, to tell him that Inuyasha was just mourning for Kikyo, but with his obvious neglect, she knew it was more than just a phase. She was beginning to think he was right. She made a pact with herself that if things hadn't changed one week from now, then she'd accept Kouga's offer and leave. It was for the best of the Feudal Era; her feelings would not hold sway over her decision. As much as she loved Inuyasha, she knew it had to be done. Kagome didn't know how much longer her heart could put up with his ignorance. Though her love for him was waning thin, the feeling was still there.
She rested her head on Kouga's strong shoulder and watched as the sun peeked over the distant horizon, blazing and blinding the world with the day's first rays. They stood together and walked their separate ways after he promised to find her the following night.
Kagome grumped into camp and sat down on her unused sleeping bag. Immediately, Miroku sat up and stared at her.
"Where were you this morning?" he cocked an eyebrow.
Kagome sighed. "Just watching the sunrise, again. I couldn't sleep." She stole a quick glance in Inuyasha's direction. He was staring at the ground, not even listening. She could've said that she was slitting her wrists, but it probably wouldn't have fazed him. She looked down at her fingers and counted; she'd gone five days without sleep and no one seemed to care. Maybe, she thought, Kouga was right. Maybe she would be better off with him. She would miss Sango though. Sango had become the closest thing to a sister that Kagome had ever had. Perhaps she would understand and wish her well on her travels with Kouga. Still, she would keep to her pact to give it a week.
A few hours later, after walking for that same amount of time, Kagome veered from the group toward a large field. A few fleeting butterflies were floating just above the ground and she walked into the flurry. They danced around her lightly on the air, how she wished she could. They were so free and easy, living life by the tips of their wings.
She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to face Miroku. He was smiling sadly at her.
"I don't know how you're feeling right now, but I wanted you to know that I'm here for you," he said. He put a supportive hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you, Miroku," she smiled. "I just want you to promise me something."
"Anything," he said.
"Promise me you'll support my decisions."
He gave her a concerned look, but nodded none the less. "I promise. Just tell me, do these decisions have an outcome that will harm you?"
She smiled again and shook her head. "No, if anything, my decisions will keep me from harm."
"You have my full support."
"Thank you Miroku. Now, I think it's time we get back to the group before Sango thinks you ran off after some young girl."
Kagome walked away and Miroku followed after a minute or two. "Hey! I should be offended by that comment."
"Take it how you want to," she laughed. She walked until she was caught up with Sango, who crinkled her eyebrows at her.
"Where were you?" she asked.
"I was conversing with the Monk and I need to ask you the same thing. Will you support my decisions?"
"What decisions?"
"Any I make," Kagome said, trying not to reveal too much. "I just want to know if I have your support."
"Of course you do. I'm always here for you and anything you feel you need to do." Sango took Kagome's hand and swung it between their bodies. She hummed quietly to herself as they walked. Kagome sighed, not knowing what else to do. She was glad to be with her friend, but the agony of being neglected by Inuyasha was a bit overwhelming. As they walked to their new destination, Kagome found herself looking forward to her nightly chats with Kouga. Though, most of their chats were of him trying to convince her to leave with him.
The next two days consisted of the same thing: walking by day and camping by night. Each night, Kouga would sniff her out and they would watch the sunrise together. Each night, she liked the idea of staying with Kouga more. He was everything she wanted Inuyasha to be.
Finally, the day came that she would make her decision. Inuyasha hadn't spoken more than ten words to her in the last five days. She knew what she was going to choose. She knew that her heart couldn't take any more of Inuyasha's disregard. It was when they were settled by the campfire that she abruptly stood. Everyone but Inuyasha looked up at her in surprise.
"I'm leaving," said, getting right to the point.
"What?" Sango asked. "Are you going home?"
"No, Sango, I'm leaving to go find the rest of the Jewel." She began to shove her things into her notorious yellow backpack.
"You can't do it by yourself!" Miroku exclaimed.
"You both promised to support my decisions. This is the decision I am making, whether you like it or not." She rolled up her sleeping bag and tied it to the top of her backpack.
"How can you do it by yourself?" Inuyasha asked, suddenly voicing his thoughts. He had been silent until now.
"I won't be by myself. I'll be with Kouga."
"You'll be with Kou-," he started, anger in his voice. It was the first emotion he'd felt since Kikyo died other than grief.
"Yes," she said, anger seeping from every ounce of her body. "Like you care anyway."
"What? You think I don't care?" he asked incredulously.
"What proof do I have that you do? Is it the way you ignore me for days on end or the way you don't even bother to check on me when I wander away from camp every night?"
Inuyasha stuttered for words. He knew she was right but he didn't understand why she was leaving.
"Well, guess what. Kouga was there for me. He sat with me and said that he would listen if I wanted to talk. He was worried about me, Inuyasha. And I'm going with him and we're going to look for shards together. Then, we're going to look for Naraku."
"Like hell you're going with that wolf shit. You're staying with us and we're going to defeat Naraku together." His face was getting red with frustration. He didn't want Kagome to leave. He just needed some time to get over Kikyo's death, if that was at all possible.
"I'm sorry, but it's too late for that. I'm leaving with Kouga in a little while." She turned to Miroku and Sango, who were sitting by the fire with their mouths open. "I'll miss you both terribly. Give Shippou a kiss for me."
She turned on her heal and headed to the opening where she knew Kouga would find her. She hitched her backpack higher on her shoulder and crossed her arms, guarding herself in case the tears should fall. She felt a hand on her shoulder and the backpack was lifted from its place. She turned around and Inuyasha was holding it.
"Please stay," he said with a pleading look.
"Don't do this, Inuyasha. We both know it's for the best. I'll be safe with Kouga. You know that."
"You'll be safe with me. We need you here."
"No, what you need is some time away from me. I'm going with Kouga. You can't change my mind."
He stepped closer, reaching out a hand to her. "Stay," he whispered. She stared at the hand, weighing the options. She looked in his sorrow-ridden eyes and knew that he wanted her to stay. But she knew that he would never see her as anyone but Kikyo. That hurt worse than his neglect.
She felt the whirlwind coming before she saw it and held her skirt to her thighs so that it would not blow up. Kouga whizzed by Inuyasha, grabbing the backpack from his hands and then stopped behind Kagome.
"Did you make a decision?" he asked, hoping that the pack was a sign that she had.
"Yes," she said, looking straight at Inuyasha. "I did."
"Well?"
"I'm coming with you," she said over her shoulder. He smiled kindly at her, knowing that this was probably difficult for her.
"Come on," he said, as he hugged her to his side. He turned to leave, and then stopped. He looked back at Inuyasha and nodded. "I'll keep her safe. I promise."
He bolted into the setting sun, Kagome safely tucked to his side. Inuyasha's hand was still held out as he watched them leave. He fell to his knees.
"No," he said to her retreating form. What had he done? He'd driven the only other girl he'd ever cared about into the arms of another man. After a few minutes, he started back to the camp. When he got there, Sango stood, her features blazing with anger.
She marched up to him and punched him in the face.
"Look what you've done. Go after her right now or so help me I'll," she took another swing, but he had the brains to duck and back away. Miroku quickly forced himself between the two.
"She's right, Inuyasha. This is your fault. The only reason I'm not hitting you myself is because Sango got the first punch."
Before he even had a chance to speak, Sango was lunging around Miroku and headed straight for him. "I can't believe how you've treated her! You're the reason she wouldn't stay. It's because of your constant dwelling in self-pity that she had to find a way out. She knew that you would never love her. She knew that her feelings wouldn't be returned. She knew that you would always see her as Kikyo!" With each sentence, she got louder, until by the end, she was screaming loud enough to send the birds from their nests. Sango was so angry that she was shaking. She turned to Miroku and buried her face in his shoulder. She wanted to cry and to kill something. She wanted to do it to Inuyasha.
"There's nothing I can do now. She chose Kouga. I asked her to stay. I told her she'd be safe with me." Sango snorted and Inuyasha looked at her with a heated glower. "You know that I will always protect Kagome."
"Oh, you mean the way you should have been the last few months?" she chided. "She's been wandering away from us and spending more and more time alone, and you haven't even noticed. This last week alone, she hasn't slept at all. As soon as Miroku and I would fall asleep, she would walk away from camp to who knows where. You were awake the whole time and didn't even notice!
"Didn't you even take notice to the paleness of her skin or the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep? Or, how about the fact that she hasn't eaten anything the last few days. She's slowly dying Inuyasha. And it's your fault." Sango huffed and marched away from the camp, mumbling his shortcomings under her breath as she stormed away.
"She hasn't been eating or sleeping?" he asked Miroku, who was looking at him with a disgusted glare.
"No, she hasn't. Perhaps, it is a good thing she went with Kouga. We all know how he feels about Kagome. He'll keep her safe and never let her fall into such a state of despair. She's better off with him. And it's time we all move on with our lives. There's no use dwelling on the past when all it is doing is hurting the future.
"Let go of Kikyo, Inuyasha. She's dead. Her soul is at peace. It's time that you find some peace as well. And if you care for Kagome, the way I think you do, then you best shape up and go after her. Let her know how much she means to you, or she'll never come back. Kouga will show her what she was missing from you. You know he won't hold off on his feelings. He'll show her the love she truly deserves," Miroku warned. He stomped away from camp to find Sango, leaving Inuyasha to his thoughts.
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