A/N: Hi again. As you will soon notice, there are a lot of stupid references to that new movie Orphan. A few people I know enjoy dorky horror movies, so I have a feeling I might have to go see it. Why not parody it before it even comes out?

Sorry if anyone likes that movie, I mean no offense. I happen to be a bit biased, as I freak out at every horror movie, so I obviously would dislike it. I mean no harm to those who enjoy horror movies.

Secondly, if this whole putting-other-works-into-this-Narnia-parody is far from good, let me know so I can quit doing it.

By the way, the pants are based on sweatpants my friend Victoria made for my friend Aidan. They are beyond amusing.

Note: I don't own Orphan, I don't own Narnia (ohhh how I wish I did…) and I don't own any of the other things you recognize in here. Like Veggie Tales. Though they do amuse me. A lot. I don't own Harry Potter either.

"God is bigger than the *clap* boooogie man, he's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV – "

"Lucy, our whole existence is based on a thinly veiled Christian allegory. Is it really necessary to sing it blatantly?" said Edmund, thumbing through one of Susan's old books.

"Yeah, I know. But those songs are far too addictive."

Edmund sighed. "Luce, can you at least sing another one? That boogie man song is reminding me too much of that time a deranged and soaking wet villain broke into Peter's room," he shuddered. "That was one of the most terrifying moments anyone could have come up with. I don't even want to tell you about it, Lucy, I'd feel horrible if your fragile pre-pubescent mind was tarnished by that disgusting image."

Lucy glared. "Edmund?"

"Yes?" asked Edmund, not looking up from the book.

"That monster was me?"

He looked up. "Oh no. The monster was much more hideous than-oh wait that was you."

Lucy's eyes flashed red. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'LL BURN DOWN OUR HOUSE AND YOUR HUSBAND WON'T BELIEVE IT WAS ME. I WILL BECOME AN ORPHAN AND I WILL BE ANOTHER EVIL CHILD IN THE WORLD!"

"That sounds strangely like the plotline for that movie Orphan."

"WHY DOES EVERYONE TRY TO UNDERMINE MY DREAMS! AUTHORESS, YOU BETTER MAKE THIS TIME CUT GOOD!"

However, since Lucy was being a whiny brat, Authoress did the same as Andrew Adamson and sent Lucy from mildly annoyed to screw-up face'd in less than a second. Authoress smiled evilly.

"I knew everyone hated me!" And with that Lucy, doing what she does best, ran crying out of the room right into Tumnus, who noticed her distress and made her cake and a cup of tea.

"I think there's something wrong with Lucy," said Edmund to Susan who randomly appeared.

"Like we haven't known that from the day she was born. Hey what are you doing with my book?"

"I'm reading it. It's typically what you do with words on bound paper."

Susan rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know, but –"

"I am also getting astounded by how attractive this vampire seems."

Susan's mouth dropped open. "Edmund…Which…Vampire…Exactly?"

"The hot one!"

Susan continued to stare in confusion.

"You know, the one with the really sexy hair."

"Which one exactly?" asked Susan cautiously, knowing that one word could have half the Narnian fangirls in a fit of both rage and tears in less than a second.

"Rosalie. She seems like she'd be smoking'! Even though she has that wicked mean attitude, maybe she's secretly nice! I bet she'll warm up to this Bella chick someday."

Susan let out a whoosh of air, and landed once again in a purple butterfly chair that did not belong to her.

"Get out of the chair."

"Why are you two so possessive with the chairs?" said Susan, sighing angrily. She stood up and sat down hard on an angry mermaid.

"Get off of the mermaid."

"Why do you have a mermaid?"

Edmund squirmed in his seat. "Personal reasons."

Peter popped in, shirtless, on the back of a gryphon. "Personal reasons involving a mermaid? You wouldn't be talking about me now would you?"

The younger Pevensies blinked. "No. No we were not."

Peter sighed and leaped off the gryphon, who flew away singing Pokerface with a small hamster that seemed to have leapt from Peter's pants.

Speaking of Peter's pants, they were black leather, with purple and black rhinestones spelling out, "I'm So Excited!" on the rear.

"Then who were you talking about?" asked Peter, trying to conceal the hurt that there was a moment in which there was no mention of his lovely abs or even his mere existence.

"Edmund. He has a mermaid in his room."

Peter turned to Edmund, who had been trying to sneak out of the room using a strange piece of fabric.

"Edmund, where are you going?"

"You can't seeeee me. This is my invisibility cloak. I am invisible."

Susan and Peter stared, and saw the fabric more closely. "Edmund, that's Susan's coronation dress."

"No…" said Edmund in a voice that was an attempt at ghostly, "This is too terrrrifying to be a dresssssss."

Susan looked appalled. "Are you crazy? I spent months making that dress!"

"No you didn't," said Peter, glad the focus was back on his ab-tastic figure, "You spent months making small woodland creatures do your evil bidding."

"How is a coronation dress evil bidding?"

All of a sudden, Hermione Granger popped in and stared at the dress.

"Slave labor," said Hermione, breathing hard through her nose. "That's what made this dress. Slave labor." She looked up at Susan with a fire in her eyes. "You will regret this. I am now making a new organization."

Susan stared, still missing any sense of this conversation and the insertion of this raving lunatic with big hair and big teeth. "What?"

"I'm creating SWASFOMSOPABQ."

"Say WHAT?" said all three remaining Pevensies.

"Small Woodland Animals Shouldn't Feel Obligated to Make Stupid Outfits to Please A Bratty Queen."

All the Pevensies stared, but Edmund recovered first. "Swas-fom-so-pab-kwuh?"

"YES YOU TERRIBLE PEOPLE!"

Susan, however, wouldn't take this sitting down. So she stood up. "I'ma check yo Hogwarts bum! There's only room in this story for one overly hormonal teenage girl!"

"OH NO, YOU DI-INT!" shouted Hermione, "Bring it on, cheeseface!"

The two started spinning around each other, death in each others eyes. Edmund and Peter could just feel the anger rolling off of them.

No, seriously, I'm not kidding. Little balls of anger kept sliding down each of their backs and kicking Peter and Edmund in the face, which is the reason they couldn't and wouldn't stop the ensuing argument.

"I CHOOSE YOU, FAWKES THE PHOENIX!" shouted Hermione, waving her wand viciously.

"I CHOOSE YOU, MR. BEAVER!" shouted Susan, flipping her hair menacingly.

Both animals zoomed in threw a window behind Peter, and promptly knocked him into the mermaid that started this whole mess. She giggled childishly as she realized Peter in his ab-tastic glory was in her vicinity.

No one noticed as she introduced herself as "Marinaqua Suermaid."

"Oi! Why am I here, Susan, I was in the middle of my daily game of strip poker with Tumnus."

In the distance, one could hear Pokerface sung again by the gryphon. Most brushed it off as a coincidence.

"SQUAAAAAAAAWK!" said Fawkes.

"Please, Fawkes, leave your prejudices behind. Just because they are pasty pale -"

"HEY!" shouted Susan, appalled.

"Sorry. But you are."

"SQUAAAAWKA SQUAWK!" interrupted Fawkes again.

"Yes, I understand it is against your common nature to exist in alternate realities."

Fawkes' eyes became sad. "Squizawk?"

Hermione sighed. "No, this universe will not let you be the first rapping phoenix either."

"Squahawkpawk?"

"No, not even saving a small child from a well will help."

"SQUAWK." And with that last statement of well executed anger, Fawkes the phoenix went out of this universe and back into his own.

Hermione looked at Susan and her irritated little friend.

"Hello, small woodland creature, are you suffering from oppression from this violent and menacing queen?"
"Um. No? She's way better than the other queen we had. And she's not even the highest leader. She's just queen. Peter's the high King.

"The hot guy?"

Mr. Beaver looked awkward. "I, uh, I can't really make those judgements, Miss. I'm married."

Hermione nodded. "Understood, small mammal."

Mr. Beaver's eyes flashed and with an almighty "DO NOT MOCK MY HEIGHT, SERVING WENCH" he slapped Hermione back into her universe with his large tail.

"Thank you," said Susan, "I knew there was a reason I brought you here."

"Now," said Susan, as she gently shooed her little anger balls away from her petrified and mentally scarred brothers, "Edmund, why were you reading my book?"

"I was bored."

"Well, did you like it?"

"Very much," said Edmund, ignoring the slight twitch in his eye, "Hey the doctor vampire character reminds me of that guy who visited earlier…"

"You're crazy!" said Susan, laughing.

"Yes," said Edmund, "I'M FRIGGIN NUTSO!" Edmund began doing some serious screaming and running around the house, stealing Susan's forgotten coronation dress again

Peter and Marinaqua stared, half naked and both covered with lipstick.

"Aslan's mane, Peter, not another Mary Sue! And right when you're brother's having a mental breakdown!"

"Well," said Peter as Marinaqua tickled him with her fish tail, "Edmund's always having a mental breakdown. And this is different. Marinaqua isn't a Mary Sue. She's the love of my young and restless life." And with that, Peter stole away with his "love" and ignored Susan's shouts of "BUT SHE'S NOT REAL!"

Strange noises came from the kitchen cabinet. No one wanted to know what, "Ow! Why am I getting poked in the arm by the mop?" or "No, no, no, that is no how you shuck corn, Peter, you must wait until it's ripe," or the horrifying, "To make the perfect beef stew, one must cook the carrots and potatoes together before putting them into the stew to prevent raw vegetables from entering the stew."

"WHY MUST I BE STUCK WITH A STRANGE FAMILY?!" shouted a distraught Susan, sobbing into her room.

Seconds later, a significantly more happy Lucy returns to the scene of all of these problems. "Where'd you all go? Edmund? Peter? Susan?"

Lucy's lip began to tremble, when all of a sudden, Mr. Tumnus returned. "Hi, Lucy, what's wrong now?"

"My," she said, holding back tears, "My siblings have all left me! I am but a small girl!"

"They left you?" asked Tumnus, shocked.

"Yes!" Lucy buried herself in the fawn's arms.

"They'll come back when you call them. Maybe they just can't take it in. No need to say goodbye. This is home. This is finally where you belong. Just do a dance around the memory tree."

"YOU AREN'T HELPING!" yelled Lucy, crying into Tumnus' arms again. Unfortunately, he pushed her off.

"Well no wonder they ditched you!"
"What?"

He sighed. "You're such a friggin crybaby!"

"STOP IT!" and, realizing she no longer had anyone to cry at, she ran into Edmund bedroom, stole his hair dye, became raven-haired, and tattooed "my heart is a black hole of darkness" over her heart. Gone was the innocent, carefree little Lucy we'd all known.

She was now…Smoogly, Empress of Darkness.

"Psst," she said to the Authoress, "It's time for you to end this now."

"What?" asked the Authoress, extremely distracted, "What was that?"

"End the story."

"Why?"

"We had the epic exit of normal Lucy. It's a perfect place to stop."

Re-reading the story, Authoress had no choice but to agree with Lucy -

"SMOOGLY!"

Smoogly, she had no choice but to agree with Smoogly.

"Why the heck did you choose Smoogly?"

"It sounded intimidating at the time!"

Authoress sighed. "Fine then. Back to the story?"

"Finally, you numskull!"

"Hey! I'll make you bald again!"
Lucy/Smoogly immediately retracted her insult. "Sorry!"

Luc-Smoogly, I mean, snagged a cloak out of thin air and wrapped it around her like Dracula.
"Now," said the newly christened Smoogly, "I shall construct my revenge against all those who've scorned me. MWAHAHAHAHAH!"

A/N2: Wow. That made no sense. If this isn't funny at all, I'm sorry.

I need a life so badly. Maybe the stupidity will be enough to make you guys laugh.

The Star Trek thng from last chapter is still going on. Same rules, just there's nothing in this chapter that has anything to do with it.

Hope you guys liked this somehow! Review if you will! I love you all!