I love all of you. Like, love love. Like, I want to hug my computer when my mom isn't looking love. Like a Teletubbie or some shit like that.

Okay, there was like a totally gay block of paragraphing here that explained my life, but I pushed that all the way down to the ending author's notes, so it doesn't turn you off the chapter. Noone likes being turned-off, believe me I know.

Anyway, I've made up my mind. I'm going…to finish this story and every other unfinished Naruho story I have out there in the world. And. I will write them with passion.

Watch me. :D And, while watching me, check out this easy program to letter writing, in style! :D

"Who the hell was that?" Suigetsu asked, arms crossed.

Sasuke glanced at him, dark eyes narrowed. "I do not know," he admitted in a dark tone. "And I cannot say why he came to us with that…degrading work of calligraphy."

The ex-Mist ninja shrugged, running his calloused fingers between strands of his light gray hair. "I thought the calligraphy was kickass," he replied, waving a hand in dismissal. "But, why care about the font? Shouldn't you, I don't know, try to find out if it's really by your psychotic brother or not? And if it is, try looking up ways to protect your ass?"

As the leader of their small group narrowed his eyes even further to mere slits, Juugo smacked a hand over the brash ninja's mouth, forgetting his own strength as Suigetsu was thrown to the ground ungracefully.

"S-sorry!" the ginger-haired teenager apologized, holding out a hand to help the grounded shinobi. "It's just, uh, you know how he gets about his brother!"

Suigetsu smacked his hand away, choosing instead to shakily stand back up himself. "Heh," he snickered, wiping the dirt from his chin. "At least we know how his brother gets about him."

Karin, who wore glasses moreover as a fashion statement than a real need of them, had to remove her spectacles from the bridge of her nose, as in less than a second, Sasuke had his hand clenched tightly around the taller ninja's throat, slamming him into the wall of the building they loitered by. Several onlookers gasped in shock, while the redhead had to swallow back a whoop of joy.

It wasn't like Suigetsu didn't have it coming.

"Don't even…kid…about that," the dark-eyed shinobi hissed, grip tightening.

The white-haired teenager rolled his eyes, liquefying his body through Sasuke's hold on his neck.

The Uchiha grimaced and flit his hand through the air a few times, trying to dry the appendage. "Don't think that I might be kidding," he said, looking over to the forest area. "As impossible as you might think it to be, I will kill you."

Suigetsu yawned, waving off the leader of their mismatched group. "Okay."

"I'm glad we're on the same point now." Sasuke brushed his bangs away from his face. "I've been meaning to get there for a long while."

"Intriguing." The former Mist ninja subtly patted the scroll in his pants. "Hey, so, like, your brother."

"What about him." It was a statement, one that should've been a question, but Sasuke honestly stopped asking about his brother. It just didn't work that way.

"Um." Suigetsu scratched behind his head. "Aren't we going to, well, go after him?"

"Dumbass," replied Karin instead, rolling her eyes while cleaning her lenses. "I think half of our existence with Sasuke has included going after his brother."

Juugo nodded. "She has a point, you know that right?" he interjected as well, but Suigetsu didn't feel like listening to Freak and Freakier, because they never really had anything good to say.

"Well, apparently since we're just idly standing around like idiots," the white-haired teenager said with a toothy smile. "I thought that, 'hey! Maybe we should actually go after the guy, since he obviously was here at some recent time,' but since that's not the plan, then I'm going to get something to drink." Man, existing with bitches and spazzers was such hard work.

Sasuke hummed, tapping his finger against his bicep in thought. "Hmm," he hummed in thought, cocking an eyebrow. "You have a valid point, Suigetsu."

"Don't I always?" Suigetsu replied sweetly, crossing his arms. He cocked an eyebrow. "So, what's the plan, Sasuke?"

"We spend the night." Sasuke stated, nodding. "And, in the morning, we move out west."

"Go west?"

"Exactly. I'm getting the feeling that Itachi wants me to follow him," the Uchiha narrowed his eyes, glowering towards the trees. "And I believe I can grant that little wish for him."

----

"Okay." Kisame coughed into his throat, looking over at Itachi. "Your brother is giving us these really dirty looks."

"Then," Itachi replied calmly. "We are going about this correct way. The angrier he is at me, then the more likely he is to succumb to my will."

What the fuck kind of logic— "Really?" the ex-Mist ninja asked slowly, cocking a nonexistent eyebrow. "And. Um. How does that work?"

The Sharingan-infused eyes of the younger man looked over at him, the deep red reminding Kisame of just why he hated conversations and generally existing with Uchiha Itachi.

"When one is angry," the younger man started in his usual monotonous voice that shook the blue-skinned man's psyche to the core. There was a reason he took almost everything Itachi said seriously. "It is the showing of a weak mind. Anger is not an emotion underestimated, for a person—in example my brother—has a higher chance of doing more…unsuitable things when blinded by such a feeling." He waved dismissively towards the fading lights of the village. "That is a weak mind. And, as weak minds go—" at this part, he quirked a small, almost insignificant smile. "—my beautiful brother is a fantastic example."

"Mm hmm," Kisame hummed in complete understanding, crossing his arms. "So, how are you going to get him all riled up?"

"Didn't you suggest that I write him a letter?" Itachi asked, tipping his chin in an arrogant move. "If the poem irked him so much, I can barely imagine what a full-length note to him might do."

Make him explode like your fucking rock? Make him kill himself and all of his friends? Make him give up on unconsciously helping your plan to get him in the ASS? "I don't know," the blue-skinned man replied, huffing. "Maybe we should try it to find out."

"Exactly." The Uchiha lifted himself up, the wooden branch underneath his sandaled feet making not even a small rustle as he stood stiffly. "Let us go."

The wispy clouds of smoke brushed against Kisame's skin as he looked blankly at the spot where Itachi once occupied.

He stood up as well. "Damn it."

----

Kisame looked at the lengthy piece of parchment in his hands, and he blinked at the small cap of ink in front of Itachi's tea.

"So." He coughed lowly. "You're serious."

Itachi hooked his fingers around the entirety of the teacup. "Yes," he answered easily, bringing the cup to his lips. "Is there a problem?"

The blue-skinned man looked around the small booth they sat in, narrowing his eyes at the overly interested farmer across the bar-like table. "Isn't it a little…public here," he replied quietly. "I mean, to be writing love letters to your little brother and stuff."

"Amusing. You act like they'll live."

This is true. Itachi wasn't some sort of idiot who just shouted disturbing shit like this aloud in public and left everyone unscathed at the end. He was moreover the type to whisper disturbing shit like this in public and then kill everyone involved in the scene.

It was brutal, but it was effective, and that's what really mattered.

"Okay." Kisame placed the parchment on the polished surface. "So, what did you have in mind?"

"I was actually thinking that you would write it." Itachi replied, looking over at him with heavy lidded eyes. "You must see, I'm not the most…emotionally experienced for writing a heartfelt letter."

"Um." I'm not either. "Okay. So. What do you want me to do?"

The tea was placed down on the bar top. Ripples broke the surface, and Itachi's purple painted nails tapped the top in thought. "Well," he began softly. "You can start with Dear."

"Dear." This was going to be a bit of a problem. Kisame looked at the small calligraphy brush in his large hands and winced. He hadn't done calligraphy in years, and even when he did do it, he was pretty much no good. "Dear."

Itachi cocked a slow eyebrow. "…Are you not going to write it?" he asked.

"Dear." Kisame repeated, looking down at the parchment. After the word refused to show up despite his repetitive demand, he decided that a ninjutsu technique was necessary for this kind of work. "It isn't working."

"You did not even move your hand."

"I know." The Akatsuki member huffed. "I'm no good at writing." He shrugged.

Itachi looked almost offended. "And you didn't think to tell me this before. "

"No, because I didn't know you were going to make me do this." Kisame sniffed, actually affronted. "Sometimes, it feels like I'm trying to have crazy disturbing sex with your little brother, because I'm doing most of the crap—"

A pale hand—more specifically, Itachi's pale hand—shot out and gripped the large man by his jaw. His nails dug into his skin, and Kisame was forced to look into Itachi's drowning red eyes.

I'm going to die now, Kisame suddenly thought, and he felt okay with that. He was really okay with that. Especially since it meant he wouldn't be helping the Uchiha get sex with his younger brother anymore.

"Kisame," the dark-haired man murmured, narrowing his eyes. "There are some things people just can't say—any subject relating to anyone but myself having sex with my brother is a part of that very," he tightened his grip. "very long list. Are we on the same accord?"

"Yes." Kisame rasped, wishing that he could fucking die faster.

"That is very pleasing to hear." Itachi relinquished his hold on the older man, waving his hand in thought. "Now, answer me a question."

"Oh yeah, any question you want, I've got the answer." Except for if you asked me why I didn't die, because I can't even answer that, and I WANT to know the answer.

"Who is going to write this?" the Uchiha asked, motioning towards the blank parchment.

"Um." Kisame rubbed his chin in thought. "How about, you?"

"Me?" a small smile stretched on Itachi's thin lips. "I believe you weren't listening—"

"No, no, I was listening to my fullest extent." The blue-skinned man tapped the surface of the bar. "You said you can't be emotionally accurate or something, and since I apparently can…you can write it, and I'll tell you what to write." He is a genius sometimes, he swears.

"Hmm…" Itachi hummed lowly, looking down. "This might work."

"It'll work. Has anything gone wrong yet?" Kisame paused. "Other than the poem plan. That was a disaster, I'll admit."

"Indeed." The calligraphy brush was dipped into the ink bottle slowly, and the younger ninja glanced at the large man. "What am I writing?" he asked.

"Well, we'll just start off with Dear," the S-class shinobi stated, grinning toothily.

He looked up. The overly interested farmer was being really, really obvious about his eavesdropping.

The ex-Mist ninja smirked. There was always something useful about normal people.

----

Sasuke knew it would come soon.

But, not this soon.

A farmer, one with the obvious scar from a kunai pressed to the soft skin of his neck, trotting up to the tree he sat quietly in.

"Uchiha Sasuke?" he asked in a raspy voice. "I-I was—"

Suigetsu snorted. "Save it." He waved up at his leader. Sasuke stretched out his legs and hopped down. "It's from Uchiha Itachi, right?"

The man's eyes widened. "That was Uchiha Itachi?" he demanded, deeply disturbed. "The way he spoke of you—as he wrote the letter, that is—was horrible—" He held a parchment scroll close to his chest, his dark eyes wide.

"And," the fifteen-year-old shinobi replied dismissively. "I could care less." No, he could care more, but why let this commoner know?

"Oh." The farmer held out the scroll. "Well, it's for you. If you open it, though," he gulped loudly, a thin layer of sweat slowly beginning to form. "The larger man said it would explode."

What the hell was up with Itachi and explosions, lately? Sasuke nodded and broke the seal, unraveling the scroll slowly.

His face slowly drained of any further color as the words got to him, and he couldn't possibly understand what the hell was up with Itachi period.

"Suigetsu," he spoke once more, handing the parchment to the older teenager. "Do whatever you want with it. Just, don't let me see that ever again."

"Will do." The white-haired ninja replied with a sneaky grin, taking the letter out of his hands. "So, uh, I'll see you in a moment?"

But the Uchiha was already gone, with not even a footstep to remind the world of his existence.

Suigetsu grinned harder, straightening out the scroll. "Dear Sasuke," he read aloud, looking over at the farmer to gauge his reaction. "I want you." He paused, staring at the letter a little harder. "I want you more than anything in this life of mine, and I rightly believe you want me as well. There is a heat that follows my every step when I ponder upon you, and—" he blinked, gagging. "—it creeps along my skin as I sleep. Perhaps you don't realize it now, but you will understand when we meet again, for then it will be a time for methods such as –"

Okay. Suigetsu rolled the scroll back up. That was really disturbing. But he was still going to keep the letter, because it's also kind of hilarious.

"—rugh," the farmer was groaning, looking sick to his stomach. "That man was truly a horrible man."

"Maybe, maybe not," the ex-Mist ninja replied, waving a hand in dismissal. He eyed the farmer. "Hey. You know whether or not they're looking forward to you?"

"Um. No?"

"Good." Suigetsu wrapped an arm around the middle-aged man's shoulder, leaning in conspiringly. "You're gonna play gofer with Sasuke and his sick bastard of a brother."

END CHAPTER

So. Yeah.

But, anyway, I've got some explaining to do, right? Alright. I kind of hate Naruto now. Not the series, because Naruto himself just got kind of sexy and no I'm totally not gay. But. The fandom disappointed me for, like, the zillionth time. D: So, I needed something to fill that empty hole like a bad yaoi lemon, and I found that writing DGM fulltime has done very well on that point and I was actually considering never writing for Naruto again. But then I realized that I, like, breathed Naruto fanfiction for two years and it's not going to end like this, because I still love the series. Just, not a good number of the fanfiction anymore.

BUT DO NOT DESPAIR because you guys totally love me and embrace all of my faults with love and appreciation. Right? Right?

Right.

So, we're all good because I'm awesome and you're awesome and Jesus is awesome and the WORLD is awesome.

(I love you)