Phew, this story has gone fast, and I'm surprised to say that this is the last chapter. I'm sorry if it doesn't draw up nicely, but I wanted to leave it a bit open. The whole idea is that Eddie's experience never really ends, and that what she's gone through isn't something that goes away.

"You mean you've been living here, as a wolf, the entire time?" My tone was incredulous. What sort of stuffed up person would trap themselves in wolf-form and live by killing deer and whatever else by choice? My form of self-torture was totally different. Kinda.

Jacob shrugged, leaning back against a tree-trunk. "What else was I going to do? You don't… love… a person like that and then just get over it when they choose not to be with you." His voice broke a bit, but I chose to ignore it.

Instead I laughed quietly. "Don't worry, I know enough about reacting to people who hate you but you love. But that's not what bothers me about what you did."

He raised his eyebrows, either at the first part or the last part of my comment. "What bothers you then?" The last part then.

"You still had – you still have – people who care about you, people who love you."

"So? They don't know what I'm going through, they can't help me get out it or over it."

"Maybe they can." I hadn't told Jacob why I'd been in the middle of the woods late one night. I hadn't told him that I'd once been The Girl Who Loved Edward Cullen. I didn't ant to face it – my past. Maybe to help him though, I'd have to.

Jacob shook his head, and looked down, fumbling with a handful of twigs and dirt. "Maybe they can't."

I rolled my eyes. Standing I walked over to him, dropping down and sitting beside him. He didn't move away, but neither did her shift closer. In fact, nothing about him changed. He was frozen in his moment in time. He had no way to move forward, to escape.

"That's just it, isn't it?" I asked.

"What's it?"

"It's all about what you think."

He was unimpressed with my rhetoric. "I know that."

"So, if you wanted to, you could get yourself out of it."

"But that's just it, isn't it? If I wanted to. Have you ever considered that I mightn't want to?"

I was confused. "Huh?"

"What's wrong with me living in my little world where Bella chose me and where she never left? Why can't I stay there, happy, ignorant?"

I shook my head in disagreement. "Because you can't spend your entire life escaping from reality. Life is long, it's meant to be lived."

"And I'll live it out inside my head."

I appraised him in silence. "That's just dumb," I finally decided.

He looked amused at my bluntness. "Of course it is, but it works."

I continued. "You're like those people who live their lives inside computer games. They get caught up into thinking that they're someone they're not – that they look different, sound different, are reacted to differently. Then these people have the most warped idea of reality and they have no real friends and become obese and have mental issues. Only your thing is about a thousand times worse. Because you've chosen to trap yourself there, and you're hurting other people by doing it."

"Thanks," he said dryly, gaping a little at me.

It felt like it'd been ages since I'd had one of my pointless rants. It felt good to do it again. It felt like I was me again. I shrugged, as if I went off like that all the time.

Then there was silence. The sun was setting, but I wouldn't have known it if my watch hadn't beeped for five o'clock. The woods were always dark, especially this far from town. For the first time in what felt like forever I was a little worried about walking home through the woods in the dark. For the first in what felt like forever I was actually worried about myself. The feeling was refreshing.

"I've loved someone too, you know," I offered, breaking the silence. Jacob ignored me. "He didn't love me back."

"I wonder why."

His comment stung, digging much deeper than I'd anticipated. I'd been ready for nasty comments, people who didn't believe I was better, or who just felt like punishing me a little more. I'd hoped I could handle them. Maybe I couldn't.

"His name was Edward Cullen."

Jacob's dark gaze flicked up to meet mine. A single ray of sunlight that had managed to pierce through the trees reflected off his left eyes, and he blinked, ducking to the side to avoid the light before focussing back on me. Somewhere within him, I could hear a noise. A sort of gurgling, growling noise. A fierce shudder ripped through him, closely followed by a sense of dread. This was dangerous ground to step on.

"I loved him the first time I saw him. He never talked to me. Ever." I paused, withdrawing myself from my story to concentrate of Jacob. If he lost control I might be in danger. And, now that I was finally free of my own, I wasn't about to immerse myself in someone else's dangers.

"People used to make fun of me, 'The Girl Who Loves Edward Cullen'. Isabella came. Then, a little over two months ago, they left."

A growl slipped from his trembling lips. "You think I didn't know that?" His tone was subdued. Forced. He was having trouble with controlling himself.

"It was then that I died, but I bet you know all about that." I looked at him, met his gaze solidly. He knew that I'd suffered. Maybe he didn't know the extent, but he that I'd shared at least some of his experiences. We'd both died, in our own way, back then.

"You never really lose hope, do you?" He asked, speaking again before I could answer. "Even when you know that you've lost the person who you love, even when you can see, so clearly, that they haven't and never will choose you, you still want to fight it. You still make yourself believe that there's hope. That maybe, one day-"

"-they'll turn to look at you and say, 'I was wrong, I need you'. Because you know, even if they don't, that you need them, and it's impossible to imagine that they don't feel even a tiny bit of that need."

Jacob's eyes burnt, scorched, with anger and hurt and despair. He knew what I was talking about. Biting my lip to hold back the assault of pain that I could feel straining on its tight leash, I stood, moving as far away from him as possible with leaving the clearing. Even from that distance, I could see the moment in his eyes when he lost control. I could see as his body was drowned by a wave of violent shivers. I looked away as the transformation took place. I looked back in time to see the huge bulk of a wolf disappearing silently through the trees.

My legs collapsed beneath and I fell to the ground, my pain suddenly winning over my internal struggle. It attacked me too, with all the violence of Jacob's transformation I could feel very dagger of pain slash at my heart, every red-hot iron burn me inside. It engulfed me, threatened to destroy me. But still, somewhere in my head I found that place. The little world that was stored inside of my mind that I'd spent the time since Edward had gone immersed in. And it was still perfect. The walls of my imaginary life stayed firm against the barrage of pain inside me. It was hard to resist the temptation of staying there, of preserving myself and letting go to the allure of this perfect world. It was so easy, so simple. I could disappear into that world, right here, right now, and virtually no one would know the difference.

You've chosen to trap yourself there, and you're hurting other people by doing it. Would I hurt other people if I let myself go in that little world of my own? Lalo, and maybe even Tony, would notice. Gran wouldn't. Was it worth preserving myself just to make two other people happy?

It was a strange decision to have to make. My sanity had nothing to do with the result. My own feelings didn't matter. It would be unwise to trust them at this point anyway. Even stranger was the condition that I was in, mentally, as I was making this decision. I couldn't let myself into the world in my head, the perfect one, because once inside it would be so much harder to leave. So, as a compromise, I was outside that world, but focussing all my mind on the sensation of being it. The pain still lashed at me, trying to hurt me, but it was like a cut with antiseptic slowly taking effect. The pain was there, certainly, but it wasn't hurting, at least not nearly as much as it should've.

How much did I care about Lalo? More than I cared about myself, definitely, but that was obvious. What about Tony, did he matter in this equation? Yes, I decided, he mattered too. After all, he had tried to be nice to me. And Jacob? I'd seen him become enveloped by his pain, I'd seen him lose that internal battle, but could I let myself believe that all hope of his victory was lost.

No.

I couldn't.

So I pulled myself out. I let myself feel that pain.

Love hurts. Loosing the person you love hurts more. But loosing the person you loved, without them even knowing that you lost them hurts the most.

I knew it was stupid and childish. Maybe a more intelligent person, a more controlled person wouldn't have made the same mistake I did. The same mistakes. But I'd made them now, and the only way to undo them, the only possible route to redemption was to try. To keep trying with the vague hope that one day I'd succeed.

There was nothing to stop me loving again. Nothing to prevent me falling into that same trap. And maybe it'd happen. Or maybe another person, far away, one of the unfortunate ones who didn't get my message, would make that pathetic mistake of falling in love with someone who doesn't know you exist. Maybe that same person would, one day, feel the same pain as me. And maybe they'd give in to it, like Jacob had. Then again, maybe they wouldn't. There's always hope.

Hope's like that. It's powerful. It can do a lot of things that other feelings – feelings like love and trust and faith – can't do. It's not that it can change you, put you in a different light, love can do that. It's not that it can draw you closer to others, like trust can. In fact, it doesn't need to have anything to do with other people, not like faith. Hope is internal. It's all about you. It's your hope, that changes you, your hope that allows you to let others in, your hope that heals you. My hope. And maybe, one day, Jacob's hope.

A mournful howl echoed through the woods, making birds take flight above the trees, the rich rays of golden sunset capturing them in its light.

Jacob Black. A boy destroyed by love. A wolf with the mind of that boy trapped inside. It would take time, that was certain, wounds like mine and his didn't heal quickly. But, as far as I was concerned, we had time. And I, for one, had hope.

Yes, a couple of simple words could easily renew my pain and make me doubt myself. But, now that I'd escaped once, endured once, I was ready to do it again. I wanted my own mind back. I wanted control. Most of all, I wanted to live. I wanted to go off on random rants, to laugh with Lalo about the stupid things that people do, to eat and sleep and do everything else that is a part of life. Maybe it was the idea that I could've lost all of that forever that made me appreciate so much more. Maybe it was the idea that I knew someone who still might lose it forever. I'm not sure.

Jacob's howl came again, this time from further away. I'd help him first, that was my job, my responsibility. We were connected in a way that wasn't going to disappear quickly. We'd shared a pain that could never be forgotten.

And what better to heal the pain of lost love than to find new love?

But maybe I was getting ahead of myself there.

I did re-read the other chapters, but this story just isn't flowing for me anymore. I think it's because of the total AU of it post-Breaking Dawn's release. Anyway, serious thanks to those kind reviewers who felt for my character (or just pitied me due to my obvious lack of talent) and reviewed my story. I really do appreciate every single little compliment or piece of advice that people have given me about my writing.

Special thanks to stariinights for making me think; ichishifire, Lakis, Edwardcullenmyboyfriend (I'm usually pretty obsessive about spelling too) and evasive love for your compliments, I needed them way more than you know. And special special thanks to xXWrennaXx, I hope I managed to finish this with the same type of beauty I started it with.

Becky and Annie... I promise to write a better story for you gus next time.