This plotbunny took a completely different route from where I orginally planned it but oh well. :) This is second in my Sheppard/Keller series but you don't have to have to read the first to enjoy this one.

Title: Ironic
Author: Cindy Ryan
Category: episode tag
Spoilers: Heavy for season five. Major for the Seed.
Pairing: Sheppard/Keller
Summary: How do you thank somebody for saving your life?

As soon as Colonel John Sheppard dropped his gear off he switched his communication device to a secure private channel.

"Sheppard to Keller."

"Go ahead."

"Just got back and got your message. Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine…..just a change of plans for dinner if you don't mind."

John smiled as he headed toward his quarters. "Don't mind at all. Let me shower and change quick and I'll head over."

"Looking forward to it."

"Me too. See you shortly."

Jennifer didn't know why she was nervous. It wasn't like they hadn't been dating almost a year. Granted not all of it had been smooth, but then what relationship was?
But this was really the first alone time they'd had since her recovery from the alien seed.
Jennifer just wanted to make sure the night was perfect. She had to find some way to thank him.

How did you thank somebody for saving your life? She was a doctor, saving lives was part of it. So was losing them.
Jennifer shuddered as she forced herself to continue setting up the small table.
She'd nearly killed Ronon and Radek……and John.
God, John…..
He'd nearly been killed three times trying to get to her…….
How do you face somebody after that?

Jennifer set the glasses on the table and leaned heavily against it. Some days she thought she was past it.
Others she couldn't look anybody in the eye.
No matter how many times they assured her it wasn't her fault.
Jennifer didn't feel like a team member any more and she didn't know how to fix that.

Jennifer finished setting the table. She double checked the small warming tray she'd borrowed from the kitchen.
Everything looked fine.

Jennifer stepped back and picked up a pack of matches and lit each of the two candles that set in the center of the table.

Once that was done Jennifer sat down on the corner of her new bed and waited.
It'd taken her a long time to be able to sleep easily in her quarters.
Every time she'd almost fallen asleep Jennifer would wake up terrified that she'd die if she closed her eyes.
Sedatives and therapy had helped that.

Jennifer got up and absently began to straighten things on her nightstand and put others away. The therapy had been a suggestion of Woosley's.
She hadn't wanted to at first.
Hadn't wanted to relive it.
But Jennifer had also known that the IOA would eventually make Woosley's suggestion an order.
She was CMO after all.

The talking had helped, the two mandatory sessions Jennifer had been able to stand.
It had helped get her comfortable to step into the Mess and attend meals with her friends.
Well almost every meal.
Tonight she just hadn't been able to stand the crowd.

The door chimed and Jennifer smoothed out her dress as she went to answer it.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Jennifer stepped back allowing John entry. As soon as the door slid closed John embraced her drawing her into a long kiss.

When they finally came up for air Jennifer pulled back slightly so she could see his eyes."Wow, that was some hello. Everything go okay?"

"Yeah."Sheppard replied as he rested his forehead against hers. He gently caressed her right cheek. "Just took forever…..wanted to get back to you."

Jennifer closed her eyes inhaling his scent. "Missed you."

John took a step back smiling. "Missed you too. Something smells wonderful."

Jennifer kissed him quickly as she moved back to the table and the warming tray next to it. "I didn't have time to cook so I bribed the kitchen."

John sat down as Jennifer placed the food on his plate. A steak, baked potato, and mixed vegetables.

"Jen, it's been months since I've had steak. You had to do more than bribe them…."

Jennifer laughed as she poured each of them a glass of wine. "The steaks were mine. I had them shipped in for your birthday in a few months but decided after recent events not to wait."

John sobered and caught her right hand in hers once she sat down. "I'm sorry I haven't been here much…..you doing okay? Any more nightmares?"

Jennifer squeezed his hand. "Just the normal amount."

"Jen….."John began then trailed off noting the circles under her eyes were worse than the last time he'd seen her. The makeup couldn't completely hide the fact that she hadn't been sleeping much.

Jen interlaced their fingers as she met his gaze. "I'm alright, John. "

"Okay."Sheppard acknowledged as he reluctantly withdrew his hand from hers.

Jennifer took a sip of wine as she watched him cut into the steak. "How is it?"

John took a bite and closed his eyes savoring the taste. "Heavenly. Thank you."

"You're welcome. It was the least I could do."

"Jen, we've been over this you don't have to thank me."

Jennifer shook her head. "Please, let me…..I need too…..John, you nearly died….."she broke off in a choked hiccup. "I nearly killed you."

John placed his fork down and stood. He closed the small space between them and crouched so he was eyelevel. John had thought she'd been healing. She'd smiled and laughed with everyone…..even nailed Evan with a paper airplane the other day. John mentally kicked himself apparently there were some demons she was still dealing with that he hadn't been here to see.

"Jennifer, look at me."John pleaded as he took her hands in one of his.

Jennifer shook her head as she fought to control the tears.
She'd sworn she wouldn't cry tonight.

John raised his free hand and gently raised her chin forcing her to meet his gaze. "Please, listen…..you don't owe me anything….or Ronon or anyone."

John released her hands and cupped her face with his. "This was Michael….not you, never you."

The tears flowed freely down Jennifer's face and John tenderly wiped them away

"I'd do it a hundred times over."John stated huskily his voice near breaking. "After everything we've been through…….it nearly drove me crazy being stuck in quarantine not being able to see you….not knowing.

Woosley wasn't going to keep me from trying to save you. I would've found some way…..I love you, Jen and I don't give up on the people I love."

John stood and drew her into an embrace resting his head on top of hers.

"When the lights went off…..I thought everybody had left me for dead……I was so scared……I knew you'd try……but I didn't know if you'd already tried…."

John pulled back and captured her lips with his. Trying to convey his comfort and love another way since his words were failing.

Jennifer melted into John's kiss returning it with a passion of her own.
She needed him to banish the darkness.
She needed him to make her feel safe and whole again.

John broke the kiss and met her gaze. "I'm nobody's knight in shining armor…..but I promise you…..I will be there whenever you need me…..no matter what."

Jennifer smiled tearfully. "You're my knight in shining armor…..thank you."

John returned her smile tenderly brushing a stray hair away from her face. He kissed her deeply moving them toward the bed.

Hours later they lay entwined in each others arms, sound asleep.

The food long forgotten.

end