Marriage to Millions;;
Cute is What We Aim For

Whatever you put in my hands is my life savings, my main man
I got a box fit for a king on Queens Street
(Tell me that's not irony)

Money can't buy happiness
Man, I think the opposite
If I had just one chance
I'd buy romance

I want to know the things you're thinking
I want to be the place you are
Under the city lights, I'm sinking
Is anybody out there, anybody out there?

All alone in the strange city
Every other face is a blank to me
But I'm gone, gone, gone
And I'm lost in a sea of anonymity

Money can't buy happiness
Man, I think the opposite

I want to know the things you're thinking
I want to be the place you are
Under the city lights, I'm sinking
Is anybody out there, anybody out there?

I want to know the way you're feeling
I want to hear your deepest thoughts
I'm drowning myself, for sure I'm thinking
Is anybody out there, anybody out there?

I love the way the city turns
I'm yours someday, I will be found
So I can't stop laughing, I can't stop smiling
All the time

I want to know the things you're thinking
I want to be the place you are
Under the city lights, I'm sinking
Is anybody out there?

I want to know the things you're thinking
I want to be the place you are
Under the city lights, I'm sinking
Is anybody out there, anybody out there?

--

Fast Forward, Just a Bit.

Kayden.

I walked over to the edge of the railing. I leaned across it staring down at the concrete beneath me. Outside of the arena, it's always much more peaceful. No one to bother you, no one to interrupt you with 'Sound check' or 'Hair and make-up!' Even if it wasn't for me, I still felt it. It was tearing me apart, making me feel empty and alone. This was easily pushing my limits, and I wasn't sure I could handle it anymore.

To the world, I am nothing. I barely exist unless I've been spotted walking around with Kara Hudson or standing outside of her trailer as we talk. She's the fiery red head with blue eyes that made everyone, including her beloved boyfriend Ryan Sheckler, go absolutely mad. She's the paparazzo's favorite subject. Whether she's eating, chewing gum, walking out of the house, laughing, and especially when she's on a date, as long as they get the shot they are good. She was beautiful, smart, and ridiculously awesome. I guess that's good, given that I'm known as, "Kara Hudson's right hand woman." Eliza's not even seen with her that often. But Eliza could careless. She was too busy making Nick 'jealous'.

That's why Kara and I have been close. Because one, we never see our boyfriends. She actually has a reason, her boyfriend is back in Los Angeles shooting his current season of 'Life of Ryan'. His career has always been amazing, but now with all the publicity it seems like he's bigger than ever. But of course, my boyfriend is never far away. Well physically he is just a few feet away. But emotionally, he's light-years away.

That's why this little ring wrapped around my finger is a lie. A piece of metal and a scrappy diamond mocks me every single day. On the inside, in perfect cursive is written, 'I Will Be Here'. As I slip the metal off of my ring finger, I laugh, rolling my eyes. Joe told me when he gave it to me, "There are so many meanings Kayden." I watched him slip it on my finger as he continued, "One is that I'll always be there no matter what. In any situation, I'll always love you." I thought this was true, at the time, he wanted nothing more than to be with me. "The second," he began again, "is that even when I'm away," Like he always is nowadays. "I'll be here, in spirit with you forever." He smiled, linking his fingers with mine as I stared at the diamond. "The last is under your request." He said unwillingly. My only request was that we waited. "It means I'll be here, and you'll always have my heart. That way, the day you decide you want to get married, I'll be up for it." And just like that he kissed each and every single one of my fingers.

Then, it seemed logical. That he'd be there whenever I was in trouble, or needed him for any reason at all. He'd be there in a drop of a hat. Just like that. He was always on my mind, so being there in spirit was nothing short of easy. He wanted us to get married as soon as humanly possible. If there was a priest on tour, I'm sure he would have gotten us to say our vows and bam, husband and wife. I was reluctant, not sure if this is what I wanted to do.

But now, everything has changed. Getting him alone is harder than getting into college. We barely have time to talk. Since either he was needed, he had a show in less than a few minutes, or he was tired. He woke up everyday early, went running, came back and showered. Then with everyone he'd eat breakfast before having to call the local radio station with his band. After that, lunch with the entire tour and everyone else. Next would be sound check, hair and make-up, meet-and-greets, sometimes more interviews, and then show time. You'd think he'd have a least a moment to spare. But then it's like, the show is over and all he wants to do is cool off and relax. We'd talk for a moment before probably getting into some huge fight then I'd go to the side of the stage to watch Kara with my sister. We'd all go backstage, wait for things to get packed up and we'd head off to the next city. As soon as we stepped onto that bus, it'd be lights out.

End of my life.

The only time I ever thought about him, it was either longing for things to be the same, pissed for putting me through this, or just missing him. And then I'd think about something else because I can't handle that anymore. I used to be able to push through it, but now I'm not sure.

What's funny though, is that he doesn't even seem like he wants to get married anymore. Like giving me the ring was just to hold on to me for now, and when the tour is done and finished, maybe we'll work something out.

What happened to us? Time. Time and unfortunate events that nothing can change it back. I twirled the ring around in my thumb and forefinger as I stared at the diamond. This was supposed to mean so much to me. It was the symbol of my future.

I put the ring into my palm, closing my hand over it and stuffing it deep into my pocket. I looked down at the ground, breathing slowly as if to hope maybe I'd just die. I could hear Kara's music, the faint sound that extended past the backstage and all the way outside. She had just gotten on, performing her first song while the crowd went crazy. That's how it always was.

I sighed, letting go of the railing and sitting down on the steps off to the right side. I sat on the top stair, looking across the closed off parking lot. The night was perfect, the cars zooming by and people walking in and out of bars while they laughed happily with their stomach's full of beer and cigarette smoke. I stared at the buses, the big black one that used to be my mortal enemy. Now it was just my home.

"Kayden?" Someone called from behind me. I felt no need to look, since it wouldn't matter if I did. I have to admit, I didn't even hear the door open. "Oh there you are." They said, taking a seat next to me.

His white Nike's with a black swoosh made me smile. They were always extremely clean, he'd freak out if someone even stepped near them, warning them with 'Shoes! SHOES!!'. "How are you doing?" He asked calmly.

I sighed, "I'm not sure anymore babe." I looked down to the ground scuffing at the gravel. "Things just aren't the same. I'm not sure I can handle it."

"What do you mean?" He asked leaning in closer to me. His shoulder was touching mine, the closest I've been to anyone in the past few days.

He knew exactly what I meant, why did he even have to ask? "Everything!" I threw up my hands. "This sucks! This was supposed to be the beginning of forever, and now it just makes me want to die. That's it." I said turning to him and giving him a helpless look.

"Come here," He whispered to me. His arms went up around my shoulders and brought me close to his chest. His lips were touching my hair, as he spoke quietly. "You know that I love you, right?" He asked.

I nodded once, feeling the tears coming to my eyes. I've been so numb for days now. My heart's been shattering. "Good because I do love you. I love you a lot." He whispered to me.

I pulled away from him, still facing his chest though. His face was unreadable, confused I guess. I sighed miserably as I ran one hand through the side of his hair. I smiled sorrowfully as I whispered, "I love you too Nick."

"Good," He smiled a little to show me that that's what he wanted to hear. "Now come on. Let's go back inside." He offered a hand to me and I took it slowly. He glanced down at my fingers and as we stood up, he opened the door. "You should put your ring back on before he notices." Nick added as he guided me back into the arena.

I rolled my eyes, not that he would notice. He doesn't even care. I reached into my pocket, grabbing the ring and pulling it out of my jeans. I slipped it back on and glanced at Nick. He smiled triumphantly. "It looks so pretty on your finger." He added sadly.

I turned back around, as we walked through the hallways, careful not to meet his eyes. I saw people walking back and forth from side to side making sure everything was in working condition for Kara. As I was about to reach the end of the hallway, Joe walked past, wearing an expression of worry, nervousness and anxiety. He glanced at me, and kept walking.

This is my life. I am nothing to him. When I used to be everything.

"Kayden!" He screamed happily, his face melting into relief as he reappeared in front of me. He walked toward me, reaching out for my body. I closed my eyes the moment my face hit his chest. "Oh baby, I've been looking for you." He whined to me.

I nodded into his chest. "I'm sure." I answered sarcastically.

He pulled back, lifting my face up by the back of my neck. He creased his eyes to show he didn't want to fight. "Of course I was." He suddenly smiled, "I miss you."

I wanted to say something back. That he had no idea how I was feeling. But then he looked up at Nick, giving him one good stare before he said, "Where were you?" He asked me. The edge in his voice was hard to miss.

I sighed, this was never ending. At first he misses me, and he's been looking for me. Then suddenly it switches and he goes into this crazy boyfriend-fiancée mode. "I was outside sitting by myself." He looked down at me then up at his little brother. "Nick came outside to check if I was all right."

"Oh," was all that Joe said. He didn't seem like he was going to drop this fact. "Well that's nice of him." He didn't sound like he thought that was nice. He looked at me again, "How about you and I go hang out for a while? Alone." He emphasized, barely glancing at Nick to give him the message.

I nodded, my hands still on his back holding him close. "I'd love that." I whispered dejectedly.

Joe smiled happily while he answered back with, "I love you." As cheesy as that was, I needed that reassurance as much as humanly possible. I needed to hear those three words that was the push behind all of this. The secret relationship, the under wraps engagement, the reason I'm on this tour, and the reason I'm feeling like this.

I smiled back but it wasn't working out. "I love you too." I said as Joe grabbed my hand and started pulling me away. I followed him closely, while looking back at Nick who just stood there, watching the entire thing. Nick's face was longing, just like mine, hurt and hopeless.

Joe pulled me away from my best friend, the only thing that kept me sane this entire time. We reached a backroom, walking past Eliza and Kevin who were standing there talking quietly while Kara performed. I walked uneasily, as Joe put me inside the room with him alone. He shut the door quietly, locking it as well. He looked back at me. "Finally, we're alone." He smiled devilishly as he walked toward me.

I stood there, watching as he approached my body. He grabbed me, pulling my face to his and crashed our lips together. He kissed me urgently, like this was all we were going to get. And he was right on the money, because we barely got to hold hands. Joe's hands crowded my face while we kissed and he pushed and pushed it.

Suddenly, I reached up, grabbing his wrists and pulling away. He looked confused and completely lost. I looked down to the ground uncertainly. "Can we just take this slowly?" I asked almost silently.

Joe scoffed, but not out of frustration, more of like he thought I'd never ask. "Of course we can babe." He kissed me once more before grabbing both of my hands. "Come on, do you just want to talk?" He asked.

I nodded as he pulled me to the couch, sitting me on top of his lap. He wrapped his arms around my torso and pulled me back into him. Joe seemed surprised when he said, "Man you've gotten skinny."

I shrugged, staring at my fingers that were caressing the tan skin on his arm. His skin was so soft, and warm. So comforting. "What's wrong Kay?" He asked.

I turned to him, looking deep into his brown eyes that his hair used to overlay. He didn't even have to flip his hair to the side anymore, since he got a hair cut it was perfectly clean and he could see. Talking to him was impossible though, now I wish his face was hidden by his beautiful locks. I gave him the best fake smile I possibly could. "Nothing's wrong Joe." I whispered. "I'm fine." I lied uncontrollably around him. I just wanted him to be happy and I couldn't have him worrying about me.

"Are you sure?" He asked knowing that I was bluffing. I nodded, turning around on his lap and wrapping my legs around his waist. "I'm more than sure," I raised an eyebrow as I leaned down to kiss him hard. I put my hands on the back of his neck while working my fingers through his hair. He slipped his hands up my shirt, grabbing my bare back.

"Do you want to?" He asked breathlessly while he kissed my neck. He sucked it mercilessly, while I closed my eyes.

I nodded my head, "Yes." I said immediately. This was the only way I was getting to be with Joe, the only time we could be alone. And if this is the only way, then so be it. He started grabbing my pants, slipping them off of my body, I stood up, kicking them off. I sat back down on his lap pushing my pelvis to his. My hands went to his jeans, unzipping them quickly and tugging on them. There was no need for being completely naked, since all this was going to be was a little sex, and that's it.

After making out, him entering me, us both moaning and finally climaxing, it was all over. We sat there, letting our hearts calm down. I stood back up, grabbing my underwear and jeans and slipping them back on. I threw Joe his bottoms as I put on mine. "We should be going." I said to him as I heard Kara's very last song.

Joe looked confused as I turned to go. "Kayden!" He called to me, "Kayden!!" I stopped, twisting around to face him. He looked hurt like I suggested we sleep in separate beds. Oh that's right, we already do. "Hey, come here." He said cooing at me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you so much baby. I do." He kissed my hair as I hugged him back.

"I love you too." I said with a hint of uncertainty. I pulled back looking up at him. "Well come on, they'll be looking for us." I slipped my hand into his as I walked back to the door. Once we opened the door, I let go of his hand out of instinct since we were to be not seen. "I'll see you back on the bus." I sighed, avoiding eye contact.

He lifted my chin up so that I was looking at him. "Okay, I'll see you there." He said sadly before he turned and walked away.

I watched him leave me, feeling the lump in my throat beginning to grow. I felt used, like I was only worthy of time if we had sex. Not that it happens often, since he barely notices me. Of course unless I'm with his brothers. Then it's like, 'where have you been?!' I waltzed back to Kevin and Eliza, standing vacantly next to my sister. "How was the show?" I asked them after they calmed their conversation.

Eliza shrugged, giving me a smirk. "The same as always?" I glanced at her, giving her a small smile. "Where have you been?" She asked innocently.

I fought an urge to roll my eyes. She's my sister, not my fiancée. "I was outside with Nick, then Joe came and got me. We were in the back room." I led on to that yes we fucked, it was no longer anything meaningful. Just sex.

Eliza nodded, "Oh well, do you want to go back to the bus with me?" She asked looking hopeful. I nodded replying with, "I'd love that." I glanced at Kevin and waved at him. "I'll see you later." I said politely. I only talked to Kevin when needed, or when I'm out of my mind.

He smiled at the two of us leaving. "See you guys."

I linked arms with my sister, leaning my head on her shoulder. We walked in the hallways, my eyes to the ground while she led the way. I felt so little and insignificant. I was being taken advantage of, used and I was paying for it. What have I done to deserve this?

As we reached the backdoor I galloped down the stairs and straight to the bus. We had to get into the bus before we exited the arena, staying in our room with the blinds completely shut while the boys stood in front of the bus waving at their beloved fans. I ran to my bed, the tears in my eyes cold and unwelcome. I hadn't asked for this, I asked for love, for happiness and everything that I wasn't getting.

--

Nick.

"Kayden, what are you doing?" Joe's voice was muffled through the door as he spoke. You could hear the scared, whiney helpless tone that laid in his words. It was early in the morning, and we had just stopped at our next destination. We were in New Mexico. Joe paced the room, his eyes wide and ready to shed tears.

"Joe!" Kayden screamed to silence him. All the movement stopped, and she dropped her voice into a whisper, "I just need to think." I couldn't help but listen, along with Kevin, and Eliza. We stood there in the living room, eating our breakfasts as quietly as possible. I stared at the ground blankly.

"Think?!" Joe laughed crazily. "Think about what?" He started to sound like he was going mental. I glanced up at Kevin who wore the same expression as me.

Kayden sighed loudly, miserably. "About everything, Joe." She finally answered. "I'm not sure I'm meant to be here." And there it was. Everything that she had been thinking, it never made any sense to her. She told me there was all this stuff, but she just didn't know the big idea. The big idea was that – not belonging here.

Joe's voice caught in his throat. "What do you mean?" He was now truly losing his mind. "Of course you do!" He cried to her. "I love you Kayden." The pleading in his tone was hard not to miss.

"I know, Joe." She whispered back to him. She sounded like she was holding on to her sanity, or possibly fighting back tears.

"So then why?!" Joe protested, gaining his voice and his strength back.

"Because Joe…" Kayden stopped, given that the reason was more than apparent. Apparent to everyone, including her own father. She must have been looking down, her face helpless and confused. "Joe, what do you want?"

Her question must have caught him off guard because he had to stop and think about it. "You, Kay, I want you." Joe cried, taking a step toward her. I was hoping she stepped back. "You need to be right here with me."

Kayden's laugh filled the back room quietly. "So we obviously don't want the same things." She answered her tone serious and point blank.

"Well then what do you want!?" Joe asked anxiously. He'd do anything to keep her exactly how she is. But I didn't want that, I wanted her to do what she wanted.

"You." She said confidently. I closed my eyes, setting my bowl down on the table next to me. I can't believe this. This couldn't be happening.

Joe let out a breath of relief. However, I could feel she wasn't done yet. "Then you can have me." He said to her, probably wrapping his arms around her petite little body.

She must have shaken her head. "Just not like this." And suddenly the door to the back room opened wide. She stood there, her favorite pair of dark skinny jeans cuffed once at the bottom over her black Brazilin flip flops that her mom got her. She had on her favorite white slinky loose fitting shirt. Her black hair was straight, barely reaching past her shoulders. She was wearing my black beanie on top of all that. She had a duffel over her right shoulder, staring out toward the front of the bus confidently, or like she had made up her mind.

She took a few steps forward; her face calm like no tears had been shed. "Kayden!" Joe cried from the back room. She was now standing at the top of the bus stairs. We all watched her move across the room with confidence. She looked back at him with her expression unreadable as I asked, "Where are you going?" I couldn't help but sound sad, worried.

Kayden gave me a small smile as she leaned in toward me. "I'll be back soon, I promise." She whispered just as she pressed her lips against my cheek letting it linger. She pulled back, her voice louder and calm. More importantly, it was serious. "I'm going home Nicky," She dropped her voice to something more meaningful, "I'm going home."

And with that, she grabbed her things, fixated her eyes to the exit as she opened the bus door and stepped out into the sun. She handed her bags over to Big Rob, who stuffed them into a black car. With one last look, she glanced up at the arena next to her and then disappeared.

Welcome to Marriage to Millions. The beloved sequel to Guilty Pleasure. I'm more than certain everyone's going to be pissed. More than certain. But here's the first chapter that I decided I'm going to tease you with before I head off on my three week vacation!!

God please don't hate me. :). Actually some of you asked for this, soooo enjoy.

So much more to come!!

I'LL BE BACK: AUGUST 12TH. EXPECT AN UPDATE THEN!

Peace and love.