Title: Taking the Plunge
Author: Shen
Rating: PG
Characters: Rose, Ten, Donna, Jack, Gwen, Owen, Tosh, Ianto
Setting/Spoilers: No spoilers whatsoever. Part of my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at shengirl dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html
Teaser: Trouble in paradise! The Doctor's really done it now, and his friends suggest a rather drastic solution: Marriage?!

Chapter 1: Henpecked

It was a quiet day at Torchwood 3. Incredibly quiet. Owen thought he was being surreptitious about playing a game on his computer, Ianto was half-heartedly organizing their supply of cups by height in an effort to stay occupied, and Tosh at least seemed to be working on an independent programming project... interrupted frequently by trips to internet forums. Gwen's state gave Jack the most personal amusement; she was going over paperwork at her desk with drooping eyes. As he looked over at her again, her chin crashed into her chest and startled her back to temporary wakefulness.

Jack, of course, had tired her out the night before.

Slowly, a familiar whirring sound began to fill the office. On its heels, the TARDIS materialized, to the pleasant surprise of Jack. Not that its inhabitants iever/i called before stopping by, he thought in a falsely grudging tone. As he took a cheery step towards the blue box, its doors flew open, and out stalked Rose Tyler. Her expression was the likes of which made immortals take a hurried step back in fear, and he did. However, the abrupt clicking of his departing shoes caught her attention, and she looked up at him as if completely unaware of her surroundings.

"Jack! Hello," she said in a high, surprised tone. Then, she pulled him into a hug, taking an extra moment to snuggle and thus putting Jack at ease. At least he wasn't the target of her apparent rage. Politely, she commented, "Didn't know he'd drop us right in your office; sorry." Finally, the Doctor poked his head out of the doors, saw Rose there, and stepped out.

"But Rose-" he began, but her expression morphed back into one of heart-stopping anger, and she whirled around to face him.

"No amount of alcohol or chocolate can fix this! Just- leave me alone for awhile!" she ordered before walking away from him again. Jack took in the Doctor's kicked puppy look and quickly put himself between the Time Lord and his lover.

Leaning in, he gently explained, "Best let her be for now, Doc." There was much pouting. Fighting the urge to either roll his eyes or bite that pouting lip, Jack instead whispered, "What the hell did you do?"

"I... sort of... misjudged her physiology. A bit. There are a few enzymes you lot hadn't developed yet by this century, and I just got mixed up is all. Could happen to anyone. It's a bit like the problem some people have where they have super-effective, smashing alcohol dehydrogenase but acetylaldehyde dehydrogenase that's just rubbish. Except, instead of ethanol-"

"Doctor, what did you ido?/i" Jack demanded more firmly, though not unkindly.

"Oh, look, now she's gone! See what comes of you holding me up?" the Doctor whined. Jack spoke as he glanced around.

"She'll wander back when she's cooled... down. Did she kidnap my female staff again?" The chairs of Tosh and Gwen were suddenly empty. Also, with some dismay, he noted that Ianto was missing.

Honestly, Rose would have liked to do some of her girl talk with Jack, but she felt it was better to leave the Doctor with someone to talk to. He didn't get on with Gwen and Tosh as well as she did, and Owen... in any case, she thought it'd be fairest to borrow just the women, and Ianto had cheerfully tagged along.

"Hey, what time is it here?" she asked, walking at the head of the group as they exited Torchwood.

"Nearing lunchtime," Gwen answered after a glance at her watch.

Cracking a wry smile dampened by the hurt in her eyes, Rose commented, "Do you ever wonder what happened to the three martini lunch?" She chuckled awkwardly.

"That bad?" asked Ianto with some amusement. Rose sighed.

"Not good, but not sloshed at lunchtime bad either. Could use a pint, though; want to find a pub for lunch?" She'd turned to face everyone for the question, and she could tell by their momentary hesitation that they saw the look in her eyes. Stepping closer, Tosh put a hand on her arm.

"Let's, and you can tell us all about it, right?" she suggested with a gentle brightness.

"Yeah... I'd like that, Tosh. Thank you."

"Looks like she did, plus one. Ugh, maybe you're right; I'll let your womenfolk talk her down for me. I can't even get a word in edgewise to try, after all. Or they could possibly encourage her to be even angrier. Oh my. Jack, do you think we can track them down?" Jack put his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Easy, Doctor. For heaven's sake, what did you do?"

"This is special forces, not a bloody talk show. Are you really using company time for this?" Owen asked incredulously. Jack gave him a glare but answered with a joking tone.

"We help lost aliens all the time, Owen! And I'd say he's pretty lost."

"I let her be exposed to something that led to her kissing another woman," blurted the Doctor suddenly. There were several seconds of silence, in which two Torchwood personnel stared at the Doctor, and he stared into space.

"What."

"We were relaxing at a resort – just a weekend holiday. Best banana daiquiris on that side of the galaxy, and she said she could use a skin treatment because an excursion on Brentadiqual left her covered in ooze – You know the geysers? The natives use those as punishments – and it left her itchy. Not so good for the human epidermis. So we went, and we had a meal with a drink, and then we separated so she could go to the spa area and get her treatment..." Finally, the Doctor's rant trailed off. He glanced at the ground, and Jack's heart twinged for him. He was clearly very broken up about things.

"So it happened when you left her alone?" he prompted.

"Yes," the Doctor answered glumly. "Someone made an off-hand comment about the chemical in the drinks while I was out and about in the resort, and it hit me that I wasn't sure if Rose could process it. So I ran into the spa to see her..." he swallowed, "kissing another woman. Rather a lot. Might've been tongue. Well, definitely was. Had to take her back to the TARDIS and give her something to counteract it." One part of Jack was struck with the implications of the scenario. For him, it would be another funny story to tell over lunch. But for Rose, to not only lose control of herself but to be taken advantage of by an alien that wasn't the Doctor, AND for that alien to be a woman, she must be feeling very violated. But another part of his mind...

"What species?"

"Vlanten," answered the Doctor distractedly.

"Ooooh..." His eyes glazed over for a second, earning him a sharp glare from the Time Lord.

"Jack!"

"Sorry. In any case, she's not going to want to see you for a bit, and I really can't blame her. She does trust you to watch out for things like that. Best leave her be and prepare a nice apology for when she gets back. And something that doesn't involve sex, please; I doubt she'll be in the mood after that."

"Thanks, Jack. But I'm not sure that's going to do it; she's been edgy for weeks! This was just the proverbial straw." Jack stared at him. He sighed and corrected, "Well, alright, the crate of Post-It notes that broke the camel's back and got her so mad she can't even look at me. Something else is wrong."

"Have you asked her?" asked Owen, now paying attention despite earlier disparaging remarks.

"'Have I asked' – Of course I've asked her! I get nothing, every time." He furiously mussed his hair in frustration.

"You know, it's lucky Donna wasn't there. She might've killed you," Jack mentioned off-handedly. The Doctor visibly shuddered in response.

"Between them, I'd be regenerated for sure, at least once. Something gruesome, like... hair pins in my eyes and choking on the mountain of receipts Donna collects in her purse. Rose at least might have slipped me aspirin to end it quicker, since choking takes a long time with respiratory bypass. But Donna wouldn't approve of the mercy."

"Though," Owen interjected, "maybe it would've been better. Donna and Rose probably would have gone for each other, and it would have at least been them making out with women they know. Better than a random, loose alien."

Jack looked at the Doctor and bit back a laugh. One eyebrow was quirked while the opposite eye winced, and his lip was slightly curled. Meanwhile, he stared into space, clearly lost in the depths of his (unfortunately) vibrant Time Lord imagination. Envisioning his lover and his best friend, to whom he would be sure to say he was not physically attracted at all, thankyouverymuch. No accounting for the alien's taste; Jack found Donna's assets to be more than intriguing.

Owen intoned delightedly, "I think I broke him!"

Clearing his throat to shake off the last of the amusement, Jack asked, "Where's Donna?"

"She's having a visit home," the Doctor explained distractedly.

"When are you supposed to pick her up?" The Doctor blinked, pulled from his reverie. His eyes widened. Suddenly propelled into motion, he ran to the nearest computer terminal, shook the mouse to remove the screen saver, and looked at something.

"Four days ago!" Looked at the date, apparently.

"You're going to get it now," Jack teased, but the Doctor was hurrying back to the TARDIS and cursing in an untranslated tongue.

"These women will be the death of me!" he shouted out before slamming the Police Box door. It began to fade away.

"Henpecked," Owen remarked. He and Jack snickered.