Broken Doll

Spoilers: none

Takes place: Early in the show is where I picture it, but it doesn't really matter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, I own stuff, but... just not Firefly.

Author's Note: Hello Everyone! Here is my first Firefly story. After many people recommended the show and movie, I finally watched. Now, I'm totally addicted. I read some fanfic today and thought I'd try one of my own. Thanks so much for reading!

Best wishes and lots of love,

Christine

"River, please, I'm sorry for whatever it is I- Just let me in so we can talk. I don't understand what-" Simon spoke to his sister through her closed bedroom door.

"I can't talk to you," she yelled back at him. "Just like everyone else. Dress me up, tell me to smile. Sparkle and shine. Tell me where to walk and when to talk," River paced in a circle, hands through her hair. "Gorram doll is all I am to you."

"No... River, that's not it at all, I-"

"Got everything under control there, Doc?"

Simon turned around to see Mal and Inara approaching. He sighed deeply.

"Just a bad day."

Mal smirked, "What'd you do? You didn't take away her pineapple, did you? She loves that thing."

"What? No. I just tried to give her a new dress I picked up for her on Persephone. I thought she'd like it."

"Guess you thought wrong," Mal continued to smile.

"Honestly, Mal," Inara shook her head. "She's obviously upset."

"Hey, in my defence, it doesn't take much."

Inara moved closer to the door to listen to what River was saying.

"Stuff me in a dress. Tell me not to breathe. Put me on display. Make me good enough for you. Meet your expectations. Try to define me. Quantify me. Comprehend my being and my soul." River paused for a moment at that last thought. "Trying to take my soul..."

"River? River, it's Inara. Will you let me in please?"

Simon shook his head at her. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but there's no point. She's make up her mind..." Simon's voice trailed off as River's door opened. Inara nodded at River and entered the room. Simon made a move to follow her inside when the door slammed shut in his face. He turned back around to face Mal.

"Well, Doc, looks like it's just you and me. Come on. Let's chat."

Inara moved to stand by River's bed where a box did indeed hold a dress. Tissue paper was strewn around it. Inara sat on the bed and picked it up. "River, this dress is so beautiful." The off-white material was covered in embroidery, an oriental pattern of lush trees and birds outstretching their wings.

"Dress me up like a gorram doll. Doesn't like it that I'm broken. Thinks he can put me back together. He cannot fix me," she yelled.

"River, no, of course not. Here, come sit with me," she motioned beside her.

River sat down carefully.

"None of us is perfect or whole, not even Simon, though he does a good job of hiding it. He's not trying to change who you are by giving you a dress; he's showing you he loves you." She lifted the dress closer to River. "See how fine this dress is? How delicate the stitching? He's giving you the finest gift he can as a symbol of affection. He got you something beautiful because you deserve good things. He's not trying to make you worthy. You already are."

River reached out her hand slowly and traced her fingers over the blue bird's wing that covered half the bodice. "Majestic. That's how I feel when I dance. Free like the wind. Like nothing in the 'verse can stop me."

Inara smiled. "Will you show me?"

Mal excused Wash from the bridge for a break and took his chair. They were days away from their next job, so Mal just kept Serenity following the coordinates set by the autopilot. He fiddled with buttons anyway, trying to look busy. Simon stood behind him, waiting.

Finally, Mal spoke. "You know, when I bought Serenity six years ago, she was stuck on land for a few months. Too broken to fly. Needed lots of fixin'. Took a genius mechanic, a pilot who 

talks to dinosaurs, a warrior woman, a mutinous gun-hand, and a washed-up soldier to put her back together again."

"Yes, I know," Simon said. Mal stopped fidgeting and turned his seat to face Simon.

"Even now she has her good days and her bad days, but she's in the sky and that's what matters. That's where she's home. But it takes all of us to keep her that way."

"That's great, um-" Simon looked back at the door. "I should probably get back."

"What I'm trying to say here is that you aren't alone. Nobody expects you to help her by yourself. Well, maybe Jayne, but... we may be busy and not always able to step in, but there's plenty of times when we can. There's no need of you getting burned out so young. Now have I got my point across or do I need to keep pretending I know how to fly this thing?"

Simon smiled. "Point taken. Thank you, Captain."

"Well, you're welcome. Now let's go see if the girls have sorted things out."

Simon and Mal followed the sounds of giggling and squeals, making their way to the kitchen area. They stopped in the doorway to watch Kaylee, Inara, and River, wearing her new dress, holding hands and dancing in a circle. River's steps were perfectly executed, unlike the others who were stumbling on in fun. More surprising though was the fact that the fourth member of the dancing circle was Jayne.

River looked up sharply then as though reading their thoughts. She smiled. "Jayne is a girl's name," she explained, then she turned her focus back to her dancing. When she twirled, she looked down at her skirt, mesmerized by the stitched birds that looked like they were flying. She looked like she was going to start flying herself.

Mal clapped Simon on the shoulder. "See, Doc? Looks like today's going to be a good day after all."

Simon smiled. "Yes. Yes, I guess it is."

Somewhere over the rainbow

Blue birds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh why can't I?

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare

To dream

Really do come true

--Over the Rainbow