AN: Ooh hoo hoo! It's another chaptered Dramione! This is based loosely on 'it's a boy/girl thing' (which is a really funny movie, just so you know) and will steal pretty much the entire plot because I'm lazy. Yay. Not really. Well, basic ideas anyway. I also used some of 'Freaky Friday' for it, so yes. Any quotes that are from either of these I will just immediately say I don't own. K? I'm pretty sure I don't use that many, but if I use a few I can't be bothered saying 'this one is mine...and this one is theirs...and this one is mine...and this one is mine...and this one is mine...no, wait, that's theirs...oh, no. It is mine.' etc. But I will only take them from boy girl and FF. promise. :P Hmm. What else? Um. Review! Yay.

-

I pride myself on two things above all else. One is my intelligence. This isn't conceit, I'm just being honest. The second thing is my ability to control my emotions. Unfortunately this second one has been giving me some trouble lately and mostly it has all been caused by one small problem. Draco Malfoy.

-

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." I chant, my eyes closed and my hands over my ears. Immature, I know, but perversely enjoyable. He leans in close to me and I smell his nauseatingly expensive cologne.

"That's because you secretly want to have sex with me." he whispers conspiratorially. All the blood rushes to my face as if drawn by a giant blood-related-magnety-thing.

"Ha!" I exclaim, trying desperately to hide my nervousness at how very close he has come to hitting the mark. To hide my shame, I lean back over to him, pretending he isn't desirable in the least. Which he isn't. At all.

"You know, Malfoy, I had always imagined that when I lost the flower of my womanhood, it would be to someone of my own species!"

He smirks, and my cocky grin fades slowly.

"That won't be possible then, will it, muddy? Seeing as there isn't anyone in the same species as you…unless you count pig slime, perhaps."

How dare he say that to me! My eyebrows lower ominously as I lean closer to him.

"Draco Malfoy, you are an uncouth fool! If you weren't such an egomaniac I would suggest that you had no sense of self worth, judging by the effort you have taken to become such a total philistine!"

He glares at me, his hands fisting at his sides.

"I am not an uncouth fool! Nor am I an egomaniac! I'm perfect!"

I raise an eyebrow as he proves me correct. Idiot. This doesn't seem to register with him though, as he struggles for words.

"And, and, I don't know what a philistine is, but I'm bloody well not that, either!"

I roll my eyes and turn away.

"You know, Granger, it's not even my fault!"

Oh, the bloody nerve of him! I turn back to him, my hands fisting.

"Not your fault! Malfoy, of course it's your bloody fault! You told the new professor to pair us for the assignment!"

He looks outraged and opens and closes his mouth a few times in an attempt, apparently, at stunning me into defeat with his fantastic goldfish impersonations. He really is good at them.

"I- I did not!"

Oh, what a retort. Honestly, he could write them for a living. Help poor idiot boys at rejoinders. I mean, really.

"You did too, you idiot. You said to him, and I quote; 'professor, maybe Granger should go with someone who can actually tell the difference between a statue and a real person. I don't know…someone with brains? Someone who knows a bit about personal hygiene? Me.' And I end quote. You bloody idiot."

He looks suitably remorseful for a full quarter of a second.

"Well, it still isn't my fault. It…you…it's your fault."

I glared at him.

"How the hell is it my fault?"

He splutters ineffectually.

"It just is. Honestly, what is it with you? Always with the reasons!"

I roll my eyes and turn away again. Idiot.

Then his hand is on my shoulder, and he's dragging me around to face him.

"Stop bloody turning away! It's so rude!"

I snort in a very unladylike manner.

"Rude? Malfoy, you wrote the book on rude."

He glowers at me.

"Yeah? Well if I wrote it then you'd still read it. Just because it's a book."

Good call. Not that I would admit it.

"Ha! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! It would be physically impossible to read a book written by you because you can't spell! Because you're an idiot."

"Stop calling me an idiot!" he yells, looking rather deranged.

"I'll call you what I want!" I yell back, and we glare at each other for a long moment, before turning on our collective heels and storming out of the DADA classroom, trying not to touch each other as we squeeze out of the doorway at the same time.

Neither of us notices it, but the small statue at the front of the classroom has begun to glow.

-

I flop down on my bed, irritated and tired, my silky nightie (yes, I know. I like to feel attractive sometimes, and if I can only manage it while I'm in bed then so be it. Don't laugh or I will be forced to kill you.) riding up annoyingly.

I've only been at school for a week and already I wish it was the holidays again. Seventh year is incredibly tiring, and it doesn't help at all that Draco Malfoy has decided to up the ante with his horrible comments. I really hate that jerk. Really, I do. Just because he's completely gorgeous doesn't mean that I can't still hate every fibre of his idiotic being. Not that he's completely gorgeous or anything. It was a…I was just making a point. He isn't gorgeous. Nope, nope, nope. No.

Anyroad, now we were paired up for this stupid assignment (Malfoy's fault) we were going to be spending even more time together. Which was not a good thing. Because I hate him. Because he's a dickhead. And not gorgeous.

The new DADA teacher is quite nice, but he really doesn't understand the little rules of Hogwarts. I.e. don't pair a Slytherin and a Gryffindor. Especially if the Slytherin is Draco Malfoy and the Gryffindor is Harry, Ron or Hermione. Yuck.

It's all so horrible. I mean, you would think that it was just common sense, but no, Professor Eanes has to go and pair us because of a ridiculous comment that Malfoy made, even if (and I'll admit this, just not to Malfoy) it was painfully obvious that it could only have been a dig at me, rather than a misguided attempt to be paired with me. At least, I hope it wasn't a misguided attempt to be paired with me. I can only deal with so much weirdness in one day, and having to vomit over particular ideas which Malfoy has gotten stuck in my head is not really my idea of pleasantness.

Gods I hate him.

I sniff miserably and struggle under the covers. I've had a horrible cold for the last two weeks, so fighting with Malfoy has been particularly tiresome. I can tell you right now that it is extremely difficult to come up with fantastic insults when your head is filled with snot.

Anyway. The assignment. It's on Dark Wizards over the last few thousand years, which is interesting, of course, but not a subject I particularly want to research with Malfoy. Voldemort may be dead, but I don't want Malfoy getting any big ideas.

Whatever happens though, Malfoy is doing the smallest amount of this assignment as possible. There is no way he is going to ruin my scores. I will not allow it. With this promise to myself, I roll over onto my side and close my eyes.

-

The next morning dawns bright and cold. Much colder than it usually is, in fact. I open my eyes cautiously, and morning sunlight stabs into my eyes. After a few moments my eyes have adjusted and I sit up.

Strange. I don't recognise that cupboard across from me. I look over to my left and my eyes widen. I don't remember there ever having been boys in my dormitory. No, that definitely isn't something I remember. Or all the green. Or the stone walls. No, this isn't my room. I'm rather worried. Have I finally gone insane?

I push back the covers and cautiously get out of bed, hoping not to wake any of the strange sleeping boys up. This is all incredibly weird. I stand still in the middle of the dormitory, looking around me.

A flash of white catches me eye and I turn quickly to see what it was. There it is again! It's…it's…what the hell? It's my hair. It's blonde.

I reach up and grab a piece of it, staring at the offending hair with growing horror. Why is my hair blonde? I look around the room again, trying to see if there are any clues as to what is happening. I'm much too tired for a mystery.

It hits me with no small amount of force that the bed curtains are Slytherin colours. I think I know what has happened. I've been kidnapped. And they dyed my hair blonde. They have no shame. They will all be castrated with spoons. I swear this now, on my teddy bear's life. If he was animate.

One of the boys makes a snuffling noise and turns over. I jump at the sound, and crash into the bed with a loud crunching noise. I think I've broken a rib, but apparently no-one cares.

"Shut urp, Draco," mutters the snuffler.

Hm. That's weird.

I wait until he has started snoring again and sneak across the room, wondering if I can get back to the Gryffindor dormitories without anyone noticing. Probably not. I've never been very good at sneaking.

Crash!

Case in point. Ow. I have just managed to untangle myself from someone's trunk when a pillow comes hurtling towards me and knocks me out. Well, not technically out. But it does hurt. For a pillow. What do Slytherin boys sleep on? Bricks?

I glare at the bed I think it came from, but there isn't any reaction. Apparently boys like sleeping even more than girls. Who would have figured?

After picking myself up and re-attempting the sneaking thing (and nearly falling over again five times. Honestly, boys are so messy. Don't they know that the floor is not the appropriate place to keep your entire collection of wizard porn? Not that I would know where an appropriate place to keep that is. Dormitories are hardly places to keep secrets. Not that any of the boys probably care. In fact, it's probably communal porn. Urgh. I did not just think that.) I have managed to get a grand total of three metres. The door is still ages away. About four metres. Honestly. I'm considering just laying down on the floor and going back to sleep but the memory of some of the things I've fallen over is enough to keep me on tiptoes, let alone putting my face on any of that.

I brace myself for more fallings over and stride purposefully towards the door. Well, when I say 'stride purposefully' it's really more an anxious shuffle. But you know what I mean. I am about three steps from the door when something catches my eye. Something is moving beside me, a shadow or something. Probably my shadow. I turn to look and am struck dumb. Alright. Mirror.

You know how vampires don't have reflections? I wish that was the same with humans, because I really hate the sight of myself in the mirror this morning. And no, it's not because I look hideous. I actually look rather good. No, I didn't just say that. Kill me.

Draco Malfoy is staring out at me from the mirror. Well. I'm staring out at me from the mirror, but I'm in Draco Malfoy's body. Which is not an everyday occurrence, I would just like to point out. In fact, it is quite a neveryday occurrence, and I'm rather worried about the fact that it is happening at all.

I would just like to press home the fact that at this point I want to scream. A lot. But there are five Slytherin boys (seventh years. Muscly. Biiiig.) in the room with me, and they are sleeping. And if you don't know what a recently woken by screaming boy who used to be a girl teenage boy is like, then I will tell you right now that you do not want to know. They are hideous. So they will stay asleep and I will not scream. Or the other way around. Something. Anyway.

So I'm staring at myself (Malfoy) in the mirror, and trying not to scream, and wondering what in the hell is going on. I let out a little squeak, which I think is perfectly acceptable and brave considering the circumstances. Unfortunately my new room mates seem not to think so and I am smacked in the head by a barrage of pillows. One of the boys yells "stop staring at yourself in the mirror you great ponce,"

and I snigger appreciatively before I realise that he's talking about me and not Malfoy. Well, he's talking about Malfoy, but…this is confusing.

Then a very disturbing thought hits me, and without thinking of the consequences for my sanity, I pull out the elastic of my (Malfoy's) boxers and look down in apprehension.

Oh my fuck. I have a penis. I have Draco Malfoy's penis.