Chapter Two –The Pain of Realization
For the first time since I started riding to school with Edward, I was late to class. He seemed reluctant to push his Volvo over 70. He kept glancing over at me, as if checking to make sure I was still in one piece. Each time I reassured him with a small smile while I mulled over the past few months and my impending nuptials.
Edward was still holding his ground, making marriage his key to our eternity. In order for him to change me himself he wanted my hand. It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say out loud, I wanted his venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way. Could I really go through with this to make him happy? Funnily enough I realized that I would go to the ends of the world, even die for him without a moment's hesitation. How was it possible that I was hesitating this long on something so insubstantial next to spending the rest of my life, no, all eternity with him? Perhaps if I had not been raised by Renee` to believe that marriage was the next best thing to murder, it wouldn't be so hard to just tell him yes.
I watched out the window as the trees passed and we made our way into the school parking lot. As Edward pulled into a spot he said, "Please tell me what you're thinking before I go insane." He looked at me with those gorgeous liquid gold eyes and I tried to find the words to tell him what I had been thinking.
"It's nothing really," he stared at me doubtfully. "I was just thinking about the bird." I lowered my head to stare at my hands in my lap.
"It never thought that "today is the day I'm going to die". It never really had a chance." I looked up into his eyes. "Aren't I the bird?"
His eyes tightened with some emotion I couldn't quite place. He leaned over and brushed his lips very gently against mine as if to reassure me. "You are no trivial little bird; you are my sun and my sky. I would never let anything happen to you." He said it with such sincerity that it was near impossible not to believe him.
"But I will be." I stated. "You and I both know it's too dangerous for me to be human. Victoria won't stop until she gets to me and you know that we're no closer to finding her. Not to mention the Volturi. They could decide any moment now to come and check on me."
"There is no reason for you to be afraid of any of those things, you know this." He cupped his hand on my cheek. "Alice is watching the Volturi. We'll know if they even consider coming to look for you. As for Victoria . . . . look, if a pack of mongrel dogs could keep her at bay, how do you think she's going to come close to you with the entire Cullen clan here." He looked away nervously, out the windshield. It was so curious it was almost funny the way he seemed to be searching for words. "Besides, I . . . um. . . I asked an old family friend to take care of her."
"What do you mean by friend?" I asked. He looked back up at me.
"You remember what I told you about the years that I didn't stick to my diet?" I nodded. "Well, after a couple of months Carlisle sent someone after me. Usually he deals with taking out possible threats to other groups. I guess you could call him a vampire assassin." I looked at him in horror. How could Carlisle do that to Edward? When Edward saw my expression he hurried to correct himself. "No, no, no. He was doing Carlisle a favor. He wasn't sent to kill me. He was sent to try and bring me back. Anyway, I gave him a call and he's doing me a favor."
"Why him?" I asked stunned.
"Because you worry too much." He smiled and tapped the tip of my nose with his finger. "I know how much you worry about everyone out there hunting her, especially the pack. It will all be easier when she's gone. I know I couldn't leave you to go off hunting her around the world, especially considering how bad at it I am. This guy is a professional and he can handle himself. He's going to contact me when the problem is taken care of." I snorted at his use of "problem."
"Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me." I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed back just enough to make me properly dizzy and breathless. "Come on. We're already late to history." I said.
Lunchtime was the basically the same as last year, except now I usually sat with Edward, Jasper, and Alice at their table. We passed our usually full table to go get in line, and I started briefly at the empty seats. I briefly wondered how Jasper was doing.
My stomach wasn't feeling all that great so I just got an apple juice. Edward looked at me skeptically and I shrugged. After we had paid we made our way back to the table.
"Are you alright?" Edward asked in my ear. His usual tray of untouched food sat in front of him. I leaned my head against his shoulder and the cold that seeped through his clothes off his skin gave me some slight relief from my rebelling stomach. He wrapped his arm around my waist, waiting for an answer.
"I'm okay. That was just a really gross movie in history. No more Saving Private Ryan for me. Way too much blood for my taste." Edward chuckled at my side. "At least for now anyway." I gave him a smile. When it was time to leave, Edward and I headed to Advanced Placement Chem. When we got to our seats I leaned into Edward as he started twirling a piece of my hair around his fingers. When I looked at him his brow was furrowed and his nose was scrunched.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Hmm. I'm not sure. I smell something. I don't know what it is; I've never smelled it before." His forehead scrunched some more.
"Is it bad?"
"I'm not sure yet." He wrapped his arm tightly around my waist before he let go as the teacher walked in. Public displays of affection were not
allowed in Mr. Marshall's classroom. Edward settled for holding my hand under the table.
The class seemed to drag on forever. Maybe it was just me, but the classroom seemed to have been getting colder and colder. I couldn't seem to concentrate on Mr. Marshall's lecture, even though it should have been at least mildly interesting. He was up front demonstrating the different colors of fire you could make when combining different chemicals. He would add different compounds together in a skillet, light it on fire and then toss the fire onto fireproof surfaces like his desk or the floor and let it burn to see which colors we could identify. The cold seemed to be getting to me more and more. I thought if I could get up and move around for a little bit I would be okay. I raised my hand.
"Yes, Miss Swan." Mr. Marshall looked at me.
"Could I go to the bathroom, sir?" I almost shuddered at the cold prickling along my skin, but I didn't want Edward to worry.
"Sure, sure." It took me a second to get my feet under me. This did get Edward's attention. His brow was creased again as he watched me leave the room. I hoped he would contribute my stumbling to my hourly clumsiness.
Out in the hallway I felt a little bit better, but not much. The cold wasn't going away, and now my stomach was rolling. It was a good thing I had left when I did or I might not have been able to make it to the bathroom in time. I was just around the corner when the floor started to shift underneath me in dizziness. I lurched into the bathroom just in time to get to the toilet and spill the contents of my meager breakfast from my stomach. Even when my stomach was empty it refused to give up, making me dry heave into the bowl several times. The dizziness had not gone away so I closed my eyes and rested my head against the stall wall. What light made it through my eyelids was soon dulled by the overwhelming darkness. I felt myself slide to the floor.
Edward's Point of View
I had been counting the seconds since she had left. After nearly 10 minutes I started to become uneasy. Each tick of the clock brought with it a new wave of panic. I tried to calm myself. She had probably been stopped by a teacher and they were talking. Maybe the bathroom was closed and she had to go the one on the other side of the school. I looked at the clock. Two minutes until I went looking for her. The seconds seemed to stretch and take on a life of their own. Still, she did not come in. The end of the two minutes came abruptly and my hand shot into the air fast enough to make the students around me jump and stare. When the teacher finally saw my raised hand and released me from class, I know longer cared who saw me. I rushed out of the classroom. As soon as I was outside the door, I was sprinting to the nearest bathroom. I made it there in less than a second. In my haste, I did rip one of the hinges off the bathroom door and bent the other so the door would no longer close completely. Luckily there was no one inside the girl's bathroom. Except . . . .
There she was, lying on the bathroom floor, unconscious. I stopped breathing, not out of necessity but because the rather sharp pain in my chest. I picked her up easily and got her out of the stall. I leaned her against the white counter top with the sinks. "Bella, Bella can you hear me?" she didn't respond. Her head lolled to the side and I palmed her cheek. Her skin felt as if it were burning my hand. She was running a high fever and a layer of sweat had broken out on her skin making her flushed cheeks look bright red. I flipped my cellphone open. Damn it, no service. Shoving it back into my pocket, I swung Bella up into my arms and raced out of the bathroom, snapping the other hinge and sending the door flying. As soon as we reached the car I laid her in the passenger seat and buckled her in. After she was secured I got in and raced out of the parking lot. I tried to remain calm as I reached for my cellphone again. Carlisle picked up on the second ring.
"Yes, Edward."
"Meet me at home, Bella's sick." I said through clenched teeth.
"Sick, how?"
"I don't know, just please hurry."
"I'll be there in ten minutes." Before he disconnected I could hear him telling one of the nurses that he had a family emergency. I went to shut the phone but it exploded in my shaking grasp.
I was flying down the road at 135 mph. Damn it! There was a state trooper running radar up ahead. I had to slam on my brakes to reach the speed limit in time. The trooper was on the side of the road around the corner and watched us pass without a second thought. When we were out of sight I sped back up again. We were only a couple of minutes from home. I turned the ac on high to try and cool her down.
I looked over at Bella. My Bella. She looked so helpless. I knew she hated feeling like this, the weakest link.
She straightened a little and looked up at me through sleepy eyes.
"How are you feeling?" I asked as I felt her forehead again. She seemed to be even warmer than before, her skin seeming to burn mine.
"Like hell." She answered and noticed we were in my car.
"We're heading to my house. Carlisle's going to meet us in a few minutes." We turned onto the wooded road that led to my driveway. The white house seemed like a beacon of hope for me. I calmed slightly. Carlisle would be able to help her. She would get better. This was nothing, probably just some virus or bug that was going around. Still, I couldn't quite smother the horrible sense of unease.
I parked and jumped out to carry her into the house. Esme was there, looking apprehensive. Carlisle must have called her on his way home.
"How is she?"
"She's awake. I'm going to go get her into a bed." I whispered and ran up the stairs and into my room before Bella could even twitch an eyelash. The room was cool as I laid her down onto the gold bedspread. I lifter her to the pillows, letting her hair splay out across them. Her eyes watched me move to the bathroom and get a cool towel. When I came back to her, she lifted her hand to grab my own. Her skin seemed to burn against mine. I intertwined her fingers within mine.
"What can I do?" I whispered as I let the cool, wet towel lay over her forehead. She closed her eyes for a second and then looked at me again. She used the hand holding mine to bring it to her cheek which seared my skin. "Oh." I took both of my cold hands and held them first to her cheeks and then moved the towel out of the way to place one on her forehead. "How are you really? Do you know what happened after you left the classroom?"
" I just got really cold all of a sudden and I thought if I got up and moved around I would be okay." She paused as if trying to remember. "I just remember feeling really dizzy and then sick all at once. I made it to the bathroom just in time." She paused again. "I don't remember anything after that."
"Come in." I whispered, hearing Carlisle before he could knock. Carlisle entered carrying his "bag" for emergencies. He only kept the thing on hand now that Bella and I spent so much time together. I couldn't count the number of times he had to patch her up without Charlie's notice. He took in my appearance and Bella on the bed. How bad?
"I don't know." I whispered as I tried to gauge her temperature. He seemed to understand what I was doing so he came over and pulled a thermometer out of his bag. He held to Bella's mouth and she opened her mouth helpfully. It rang in ten seconds; one of the longest ten seconds of my existence. He looked at it. 103.5. My mouth dropped open. I had known she was running a fever. Not just one that high. He looked at me quickly trying to calm me. It's probably just a virus or the flu. Nothing to worry about. She'll be as good as new soon.
"We have to cool her down." I said quickly. Bella was staring at me, curiously.
"How bad?" she asked as the sweat started to dew on her forehead. I ran my hand back over her face to cool her slightly.
"It's not that bad. You're just running a little hot." I leaned down and placed my lips to hers lightly. "Esme." I said loud enough for her to hear me downstairs. She was there in an instant.
"Yes."
"I need your help. Can you give Bella a cold bath? We need to break this fever." She nodded and ran to the bathroom and turned on the taps within half a second. I lifted Bella, her arms wrapped around my neck. She leaned close.
"You don't have to be worried." She said as she took in my expression. "I'm going to be fine." I nodded and I carried her into the bathroom and sat her on the counter. The scene reminded me so much of before when I couldn't wake her. I tried not to panic, for her sake.
"I'll be right back after you're done." I whispered and she nodded. Esme was by her side as soon as I turned away. I struggled not to turn back, my heart was screaming at me not to leave her and I thought how irrational it was that I was getting so worked up over Bella being a little sick. I realized, as I shut the door behind me, why I was so scared.
My mother had presented that way first. She had become dizzy and then sick as the Spanish influenza worked through her system. I barely remembered the day she was rushed to the hospital, and my father and I not being able to see her. The epidemic had worked it's way through my family, taking my father after her and then me. I couldn't remember much of my last days. Just a few fuzzy memories of bright lights and a few seconds of Carlisle standing over me.
"It's the flu." I said gravely. Carlisle nodded to me. He seemed too calm to me.
"It's just the flu." He corrected me. I could hear in his mind that he wasn't that worried. People got the flu all the time. It wasn't like when I had died. Science had progressed so far and created so many medicines in response to the flu that it was highly improbable that anyone would die. I'm going to go and pick up some antibiotics at the hospital. I'll be right back. He thought. I nodded.
I pulled the shades around the window, effectively blocking out any outside light while I waited for Esme to be done with Bella. When she came out she had her dressed in a t-shirt and cotton shorts, something that would allow Bella's body to stay cool. Bella was on her feet now, of her own power though she was still flushed with fever. I took her in my arms and let Esme leave. Bella leaned eagerly into my cold body.
"Are you still warm?" I asked as she wrapped her arms around me.
"More like sweltering." She whispered into my chest. "I'll be fine though. This isn't the worst I've had. I'm just a little tired." I laid her down on my bed above the covers.
"Then sleep." I whispered. She looked at me hesitantly. "What?"
"I was just wondering. . .could you. . .um. . .could you just hold me, you know to kinda. . .cool me down." Her face became redder with her blushing cheeks. I chuckled lightly.
"Sure." I went around the side of the bed and got in next to her. Her eyes followed me the whole way. She turned on her side towards me and I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. I started humming her lullabye and she was out before I could finish the first phrase, snoring softly. I sighed and closed my eyes, listening to the most significant sound in my world. Her heartbeat.
A.N. There will be more within the week I promise. There will probably only be one more full chapter and one short epilogue left. TTFN.