Disclaimer: What do you expect? I in no way own Devil May Cry. If you can pick something else out in the fic that you can sue me for, it's a safe bet I don't own that either.

Joe: I'm not sure whether or not this'll be a one-shot, so bear with me, people.

Oh, and I'm not gonna explain the whole 'Joe' thing. Click on my profile if you wanna find out more.

Of course, (cough), I'm sure you've heard of me, right? No?

Thought not. Anyways, like I said in the summary, this chapter is going to be an alternate ending to Devil May Cry 3.

This is a humour fic, back to my favourite kind. There'll be a little fighting, since the fic begins at the ending of DMC 3, but not enough to make this an action fic. If you want action, go to my other fic, "Devil May Cry: Hell's Frontline". (I know what you're thinking; that was a cheap way to advertise another of my fics, and I took it with both hands. What're you gonna do?)

I also would like to remind you that everything here is in the name of humour - I do not want to offend anybody, and please don't take some of what I type seriously.

On a related note, this is rated T, because I just can't help myself with minor bad language. It's just a bad habit when I'm speaking, and for some reason it applies to my typing as well. According to FF, since it's T rated I have to lay off the F word, but apart from that it's free reign.

Enough shitting about (see?), time to begin. Hope you enjoy.

How the Mighty Have Fallen.

Chapter 1: Screaming Souls. (No, I couldn't be arsed to come with my own name for the chapter. Well, at least I'm giving you an idea where this begins.)

Force Edge spun as it fell downwards, much as a broken propeller would from a biplane, although minus the screaming pilot.

In swift succession to the falling blade came the twin sons of Sparda, Dante and Vergil.

Vergil landed on his feet, and Dante landed in an admittedly less graceful fashion, his face hitting ground before his feet with an agonizing crunch.

Because of this, Vergil had no trouble in picking up Force Edge, which lay protruding blade-down in the ground, which just so happened to be in an ankle-deep stream.

Groaning, Vergil's brother slowly got to his feet, and snapped his broken nose back into position, with another crunching sound.

"Give me that," Vergil demanded of Dante, gesturing towards the amulet in Dante's hands.

Dante looked at his precious amulet, then hid it behind his back, as if hoping this small trick would fool his brother into thinking it suddenly disappeared.

"No way," he replied haughtily "You've got your own."

"Well, I want yours too," Vergil replied, giving Force Edge a stylish, yet pointless, flourish.

"What're you gonna do with all that power?" Dante inquired as he began to circle his brother "No matter how hard you try, you're never gonna be like father."

"You're wasting time!" Vergil shouted in a sudden burst of anger, charging at his brother, brandishing Force Edge. Well, that's steroids for you…

Dante blocked the blow with Rebellion, rather badly in all honesty, as both his and Vergil's hands cut slashed by their swords.

"We are the sons of Sparda," Dante told his brother slowly.

Vergil suppressed a "well, duh."

"Within each of us flows his blood, but more importantly, his soul!"

Dante put emphasis on the last word as he pushed Vergil back, then pointed an accusatory finger at Vergil.

"And now, my soul is telling me to stop you!" he said in a rather cheesy manner.

Vergil laughed, much as anybody else would at this fairly ridiculous exclamation.

"Our souls are at odds, brother," Vergil told Dante, then rose his hand and closed it into a fist "I need more power" (well, that explains the steroids).

"And we're supposed to be twins," Dante said reasonably.

"Twins?" Vergil laughed, giving Force Edge another flourish, this time meaningfully "Riiiiiight."

And so the battle began, each brother charging at the other, swords in hand.

Blades clashed at breakneck speeds. So fast that they in fact broke the sound barrier, resulting in a sonic boom.

This unsatisfactorily explained phenomenon would result in a premature hearing problem in the both of them in later life, but enough of that for now.

The battle continued in Dante's favour, who was demonstrating a much better resistance to the loud noises, due to his affinity for heavy metal music.

Although Dante's blade repeatedly cut deep into Vergil's body, he was seemingly unscathed after each slash (and also, for some reason, was his coat…).

But then, Vergil did something Dante did not expect; while Dante slashed horizontally at Vergil's neck, Vergil ducked and sweep-kicked Dante off his feet.

With a gasp of surprise, Dante fell down again, this time landing on his back.

Vergil bent down to seize Dante's amulet, but Dante stuck his boot into Vergil's stomach. To prevent him from being sent flying several feet away, Vergil quickly grasped onto Dante's coat, the result being that they both awkwardly rose up a small bit, but their combined weight pulled them both down, this time landing on Vergil's back.

Dante tried getting up, but Vergil was still holding onto Dante's amulet, tugging insistently. Dante tried to punch Vergil in the face, but Vergil took one of his hands off from the amulet and blocked the blow.

He then mashed his hand into Dante's face, hoping to push him away while still grabbing the amulet.

Dante made a disgusting choking noise as Vergil's fingers went into his mouth. Thinking fast, Dante bit down.

Vergil howled in pain and hurriedly pulled his hand back, but Dante clamped on like a pit bull terrier, and even went so far as to shake his head from side to side and growl.

Vergil inserted his foot into Dante's face, forcing Dante to release Vergil's hand, and then Vergil inserted his boot into Dante's mouth instead.

Again, Dante clamped down - but this was a great mistake. Vergil's foot was loose enough in the boot for him to pull his foot out, and leave the boot in Dante's mouth, exposing a blue and purple polka-dotted sock.

While Dante was still registering what was happening, Vergil gave one last tug and seized Dante's amulet.

Vergil leaped to his feet and ran a few feet away, in a slightly ridiculous fashion as he was missing a boot.

All Dante did was watch (and chew experimentally on the boot a little) as Vergil took his own amulet and combined his with Dante's.

The two amulets revolved in midair around each other before smacking together, as if they were magnets.

The amulets remained in midair, then Vergil held Force Edge vertically, and the sword seemed to absorb the amulets.

Then, unlike what happened to Arkham, as Arkham did not have Sparda's blood in him, something remarkable occurred.

Force Edge morphed into an admittedly much cooler sword, a pointlessly large red curved sword, with what looked like skin and a jewel on it.

Red lightning shot out of the sword, and after admiring it for a few seconds, Vergil swung the sword around, and as he did so the sword changed shape - first it extended, then it retracted to it's normal size, then it transformed into a scythe-like weapon.

"Whoah," Vergil allowed himself a noise of awe.

Dante attempted to make a similar noise, but it was muffled. He grudgingly spat out Vergil's boot and reattempted, this time successfully.

Vergil placed it on his back, and there was silence for a while, until Vergil broke it, this time in a calm, almost tired voice.

"Ehm. Can I've my boot back?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Dante answered, approaching Vergil and returning his boot.

Again, there was silence for almost a minute.

"Aren't you - aren't you gonna try and kill me again?" Dante asked Vergil cautiously.

"What? Why would I do that?" Vergil responded with a frown.

"Because…because…I don't know!" Dante exclaimed in an exasperated tone "It's what we generally do! Plus, had no problem in trying to kill me a little while ago."

"Ah, but, see, I wanted you're amulet. You wouldn't give it to me."

"Aha…so you don't want to fight me anymore?"

"No! That's barbaric! I use my words to fight, little brother, that's what civilised people do. I only use weapons when words fail."

Dante was at a loss for words. This all seemed so strange to him. There was a gut feeling inside him that this was not how things were supposed to happen…

"So, what, you're done?" Dante finally asked.

"Yup. All I came for was Sparda's sword. Now I have it. The whole thing was actually going to be a simple task, but then Arkham decided to make a mess out of everything…he really did make the whole affair unnecessarily difficult." Vergil reflected.

"So…" Dante deduced slowly "…this means I can go home now? I mean, you're not gonna try and do anything evil with Dad's sword?"

"I repeat, brother, I am what people like to call civilised," Vergil said with a superior smirk.

"Savage. Just be sure to close the demon world after you. Don't want any drafts getting in." Dante joked with a wink.

"Will do." Vergil responded distractedly, apparently deep in thought.

Dante ignored this distracted response, gave his twin a mock salute, then strolled at a leisurely pace towards the human world, humming pleasantly. However, he stopped and turned around when he saw Vergil standing in the same spot. Dante's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Hey, bro?"

Vergil turned around in reply.

"Yes?"

"Aren't you going anywhere? Home?"

"Er…yes. I will. In a few minutes."

"In fact, that raises a good question. Where do you live?"

Dante asked a fair question, and found that, even for just a second, Vergil's eyes widened in - shame? Embarrassment? Dante's suspicions were intensified by the fact that Vergil took his time in answering.

"Oh, nowhere special…" Vergil humbly replied.

"Where?" Dante pressed him, his interest captured.

Vergil thought for a while, then sighed and decided to just be honest.

"Nowhere."

"Don't kid with me - where do you live?"

"I just answered your question."

"No you didn't! You just dodged it by giving a lame joke!"

"I wasn't joking," Vergil mumbled.

"What was that?" Dante asked, hardly able to believe his ears.

"I wasn't joking," Vergil repeated at an increased volume.

"What, so you mean you live nowhere?" Dante queried incredulously, then added with a grin "Never heard of it. How do you get there?"

"Very funny."

"Thought so myself…seriously, where do you live?"

"Nowhere."

Dante took in a deep breath, savouring the moment, wondering how he should handle this once-in-a-lifetime moment of victory over his brother.

"You're - you're a hobo?" Dante exclaimed delightedly.

"Active member of the homeless community," Vergil corrected him "Is the politically correct term."

Dante burst into triumphant laughter, and Vergil stared at the ground. Things only got worse for Vergil when Dante seemed to realise something.

"So, so, how do you get money for food? Do you - do you - beg?"

Dante's laughter reached a new volume as he pictured Vergil - Vergil - humbling himself to beg people for change.

"Of course not!" Vergil retorted indignantly "You know that I'm a man of honour!"

"So what do you do?" Dante pursued cheerily "Steal?"

"I am no criminal!" Vergil stated with a sniff "I…I…I jump people in alleys in demon form and threaten to eat their souls if they…if they don't give me their money. It's entirely their decision. I can't physically eat souls. They should have known that I was merely joking."

Dante's laughter redoubled, and Vergil's head throbbed, since it was already weakened by the sonic booms.

After a short while, Dante's cackling subsided, and after he calmed down, he looked Vergil up and down. He made a decision that he wouldn't have made if Lady hadn't made him "awaken" to his morals.

"You wanna come home with me?" he asked his brother sincerely.

"You're quite done?" Vergil asked him.

"Yup. I'll have to get the place re-done, thanks to Arkham's demons, but it shouldn't take too long…I mean, we're the sons of Sparda, right?"

"Yeah…" Vergil said with a smirk "And our souls should be more than up to it."

Dante took a sharp intake of breath, stung by the tease. He really should have thought before he said anything…

"I suppose I have no choice," Vergil announced with a sigh "Right, let's go…where do you live?"

And with that, the two casually strolled out of hell and to the ruins of Dante's home.

Joe: Again, no intention on offending anyone. I do not in any way look to demean the homeless community, I listen too much to my socialist friend to do so.

It's just a thought that passed through my head as I played the last level. Dante went home, and Vergil decided to stay in the demon world and I thought…well, did he have much of a choice?

Anyways, review and let me know if I should continue, or leave it as a one-shot.

Ciao.