Title: Try
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Note: The title has nothing to do with anything. You can probably tell already that I'm not a very practiced writer. It's rushed and unorganized but I just wanted to try it out once.. hence the title. ohh. I guess the title does have some meaning :] Sasuke-Kakashi pairing is my favorite of alllll!
Summary: An innocent conversation with Naruto helps Sasuke uncover his own hidden feelings for the only other Sharingan-user in the world.
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When Sasuke thought back on the events of the past three years, he could tie in multiple events that all contributed to the present.
After the death of Itachi and his discovery of a very alive and very vengeful Uchiha Madara, Sasuke, even more, could not escape from the gift and curse that was flowing in his veins. The Sharingan, the technique that defined his clan, brought with it nothing but death and revenge that poisoned his soul and blinded his heart.
Fueled by Itachi's death, Sasuke set upon Konoha. In the final confrontation, Sasuke, seeing how he had been manipulated, turned on Madara and was able to destroy him once and for all. In the aftermath, Sasuke was, once again, standing side by side with the former Rookie 9 and Team Gai.
For his defection and attempt to destroy the Hidden Village of the Leaf, Sasuke fully intended to face the punishment he would undoubtedly receive. However, whether by Naruto's loud, obnoxious threats or simply on a whim, the Leaf nin present at that fateful battle chose to keep it to themselves.
Sasuke returned to Konoha a hero although he refused to accept it. He also returned to the Uchiha compound in the village and burned it to the ground.
That was two years ago. Sasuke, now 19, a jounin, and a Konoha ANBU, was alone. Every Uchiha was now dead. The Sharingan would disappear from the ninja world; the Uchiha line would end with Sasuke.
A part of Sasuke was glad. This curse would never again bring anyone the type of pain it had brought him. Another part of him, a sizeable part, longed for his Nii-san back. If only he knew back then what he knows now…
Sasuke knew that daydreaming about Itachi coming back was useless, but simply sensing the chakra of an activated Sharingan seemed to be the only thing that soothed his crushing, self-denied loneliness.
That was probably why when Hatake Kakashi arrived, in his usual puff of smoke and whirlwind of dust, Sasuke's eyes softened and his heartbeat gentled.
In ANBU training, Kakashi was assigned, once again, to be Sasuke's sensei. The Uchiha had initially refused, knowing how much his old sensei reminded him of everything he had lost, but after much deliberation and a "deal with it" from the Godaime Hokage, Sasuke all too quickly fell back into a steady training routine with the older ninja.
During sparring sessions, Sasuke would go hard. In an instant, the younger ninja's Mangekyo Sharingan would flare to life and he would make the first attack. So powerful was Sasuke's opening move that Kakashi became accustomed to raising his forehead protector the moment Sasuke went into his fighting stance.
Sasuke knew that the strain on Kakash's body when using the Sharingan was almost doubled his, but somehow the jounin always matched his Sharingan blow for blow. By the end, even when both were running on their last bit of chakra, Sasuke still pulled out his best moves, drawing out the fight a little bit longer.
When Kakashi would finally say "Enough" and collapse against a tree to rest, Sasuke was content to sink to his knees and enjoy the soft grass while he regained his chakra.
It was something Sasuke would never admit. The idea itself was hard for him to swallow, but Sasuke couldn't deny that being with or near Kakashi brought a peace and gentle warmth to his heart that no one else in the entire universe could bring. The Sharingan, the catalyst in his life of suffering, was now the only thing that could tie him to this world, and Kakashi was his anchor.
Whether Sasuke realized it or not, soon he was finding excuses to be with Kakashi longer and more often. These extra meetings started as mission debriefings or assignment run-downs: business. Slowly, however, the meetings became less formal as a comfortable atmosphere between student and teacher was established.
Kakashi, for his part, began to notice the change immediately. The normally cold and stoic boy that he trained from a genin was finally taking to heart the lessons he had been trying to teach since the Wave Country. Sasuke had finally formed relationships with his fellow Leaf ninja, even going so far as to extend a hand to Lee who, eyes glistening, grasped it and flung himself on Sasuke. The older ninja had seen arguments that used to end in a "humph" and a "you're an idiot" develop into honest admonitions and compromise.
However, Kakashi knew that he was special. The relationship that he and Sasuke shared was, and always would be, different from all the others. Sasuke found comfort in knowing that while he was the last Uchiha, he was not the last Sharingan user.
The importance of his life to Sasuke was not something Kakashi took lightly. When he began to notice Sasuke making the effort to see him, he willingly obliged. Extra training sessions and more-frequent-than-necessary trips to the armory were for Sasuke's benefit and not really because "my kunai handle needs new grip tape." Mission meetings started at ANBU headquarters but eventually migrated to other places like Kakashi's apartment or secluded corners of the training grounds.
While the meetings were still all about business, Kakashi found himself enjoying them more and more. His half-masked face would never betray the feeling, but his own self analysis soon revealed that he was beginning to need Sasuke just as much as Sasuke needed him.
Unfortunately, it was for a different reason than Sasuke's. Kakashi began to see Sasuke in a different light. Once a sullen and moody twelve year old bent on nothing but revenge, Sasuke had grown and matured into a stunning, levelheaded ninja any jounin could be proud of. While the Uchiha was still as emotionally unreadable as ever, Kakashi knew that Sasuke had genuinely changed.
In any case, it still came as a shock when Kakashi himself finally recognized that he had fallen for his student. The way Sasuke depended on him and enjoyed his company made Kakashi cherish the Uchiha even more.
Even so, to say the attraction didn't also have a physical component would be a lie. Sasuke at age 19, breathing hard and lying in the middle of the training ground was a breath-taking sight. Eyes closed and brow furrowed slightly, sweat from his forehead slowly trickled down his jaw line to trace the contours of his neck. Now only three inches shorter than a 5 ft 9 inch Kakashi, Sasuke had filled out with muscle over the past years without losing his lean, svelte physique.
Despite all his daydreaming and fantasizing about Sasuke, Kakashi continued to train him just like the old days. No matter what Kakashi's desires added up to, Sasuke needed him for companionship, platonic companionship. Kakashi loved Sasuke enough to respect that.
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It was summertime; the time when clothing clung to skin and the deafening sound of the cicadas never left. The day was bad enough, but night did little to relieve the suffocating heat and humidity either. In Kakashi's apartment, the windows were flung open in hopes that a night breeze would alleviate the still, thick heat.
Sasuke was sitting at Kakashi's kitchen table listening. On the wall was a map of the Fire-Grass Country border with some colorful pushpins already in place. The older ninja had his back to him as he was explaining the next assassination assignment, gesturing to the north and where flanking squadrons were stationed.
Sasuke had long since discarded his ANBU-issued armor and gloves and now sat in his mesh shirt and black pants barefoot. Sasuke marveled at how Kakashi could still wear his mask in such conditions. His teacher was wearing his usual black mask-tank top one piece and black pants. Kakashi's slippers shifted every so often as he glanced back at Sasuke to make sure he was still paying attention.
While Sasuke appeared to be listening intently, nodding and making noises of acknowledgement at appropriate times, the younger ninja's mind was off in a completely different place. Sasuke's thoughts drifted to a conversation he had with Naruto that afternoon.
"Oi! Sasuke!"
Sasuke really didn't need to see who it was to know exactly who had called his name, but he tilted his head over his shoulder to acknowledge the blonde as he jogged up behind him.
"You got a minute?"
Nodding once, Sasuke immediately noticed a marked change in Naruto's normal behavior whenever he stuck up conversation with him. Instead of the boisterous, loud surprise attack for a greeting, Naruto actually used Sasuke's name instead of "Teme!" or another of their terms of endearment for each other.
Naruto looked… uncertain? Maybe even… worried?
"Something happened."
The entire atmosphere of the conversation caused Sasuke to get anxious. What could have gotten Naruto so on edge? Sasuke's eyes signaled for him to continue.
"I… never saw it coming. I… oh man."
From the seriousness in Naruto's voice, Sasuke couldn't bring himself to get irritated that the blonde didn't just spit it out.
"Sasuke…"
Naruto cleared his throat. Sasuke's stance shifted slightly.
"Ummmm…"
Naruto let out a breath. Sasuke's concern tripled.
"What is it?"
Sasuke saw Naruto hesitate for a moment, but then…
"Hinata said she likes me."
The Uchiha didn't know whether to fall over, turn around and walk away, or slap Naruto upside the head. However, Naruto's demeanor hadn't changed, which meant that it really had come as a complete and utter shock. Sasuke resisted the overwhelming urge to roll his eyes.
"Congratulations."
"SASUKE, WHAT DO I DO?!"
Sasuke was taken aback. However, after considering it for a moment, Sasuke could understand Naruto's distress. Naruto was hardly receiving love letters on a regular basis and all his previous attempts at obtaining a girlfriend usually resulted in him getting a black eye. Now that the tables were turned, Naruto was nervous, a far cry from his usual confident and noisy personality. Naruto wanted this to work out; didn't want to screw it up.
"Do you like her back?"
"I don't know. Do I? How do you tell?"
Fighting the ever growing desire to sigh deeply, Sasuke thought for a moment and tried to be objective.
"Do you like being around her?"
"Sure, she's really nice. A bit quiet though."
"Do you notice when she isn't around?"
"Definitely, she was the only one who listened to my grand ideas during the mission last week. Shino just wanders off and Tenten keeps ignoring me. She's the only one of my side. She's the only one who doesn't write me off. She's… the only one who hears me out."
Sasuke could sense the pieces falling together in Naruto's brain, but continued to let him figure it out on his own.
"Would you like to be around her more?"
Grinning, Naruto's face had begun to regain its former spark and energy.
"Yeah."
"Then go tell her that you like her."
Naruto gave a shout and a whoop and a "Thanks Sasuke" over his shoulder before running back the way he came. The Uchiha could only suppress a small smile and shake his head.
Talking Naruto through his first relationship problem had Sasuke thinking about his own, specifically one involving a certain silver haired jounin. As much as Sasuke sounded like he knew what he was talking about, the Uchiha was just as confused as Naruto when it came to things like feelings.
Feeling more than a little silly, Sasuke tried to sort it out.
"Do I like being around Kakashi?"
"Yes… very much."
That wasn't a surprise. Kakashi was his teacher, a strong and capable ninja everyone looked to with respect. He had learned a lot from him. Also, Kakashi carried the Sharingan. The chakra signal, and the chakra signal alone, was what Sasuke liked…
"Do I notice when Kakashi isn't around."
"… All the time."
Okay, that was because Sasuke had been spending so much time with Kakashi… his weapons were being worn out quicker than usual! Sasuke had become accustomed to Kakashi's presence so it was natural that his absence would be noticed.
"Would you like to be around Kakashi more?"
"No question… yes."
Why? Why did Sasuke long to be with Kakashi? Why did Kakashi make him feel this way? Wasn't it just because of the Sharingan? Wasn't it?
"Sasuke… Sasuke."
The Uchiha snapped back to reality, his entire body jumped a little in the process.
In one of Kakashi's periodic backward glances at Sasuke, the Uchiha had stopped nodding and paying attention. In fact, Sasuke had stopped moving altogether and was just staring into space.
Sasuke's eyes met Kakashi's one visible eye. Then it dawned on him.
Sasuke's heart was going a little faster than normal. He swallowed, with a little difficulty, and stood slowly, his eyes locked onto Kakashi's.
"Kakashi… I… think I… I love you."
Kakashi's body tensed. Was Sasuke playing a joke on him? Could Sasuke be misinterpreting his feelings? He wouldn't play into it. Kakashi quickly tried reading Sasuke's face for any trace of humor, mischievousness, or… honesty. Sasuke's liquid ebony eyes only betrayed trepidation. Despite his inner turmoil, Kakashi's masked face remained as calm as ever.
Unaware of Kakashi's inward struggle, Sasuke quickly averted his eyes, unable to hold his former-sensei's piercing gaze any longer. The younger ninja shifted his focus to the space on the ground between them, embarrassment coloring his features. How could he have just blurted that out!? With his mind a jumble of thoughts, mindless words poured from the younger ninja's lips in hopes that Kakashi's face would belay some emotion other than the indecipherable gaze he was giving him now.
"We've been spending a lot of time together and… feeling… I've known you longer than almost anyone so… I thought I loved you because of the Sharingan… but, I realized that… you're not an Uchiha."
Confused, Kakashi could do nothing but let Sasuke continue. Sasuke's steady gaze at the floorboards was steadily drifting; the younger ninja's eyes shifted from side to side as a web of connections began to form in his head. Sasuke's voice was a murmur.
"Without the Uchiha blood, you can't turn the Sharingan on and off like I can. It's always on."
Sasuke could feel his heartbeat pounding forcefully in his chest.
"That's why you cover it up, to save chakra."
Sasuke let out a breath.
"When it's covered, I can't sense it."
As the confusion of thoughts slowly untangled in his mind, Sasuke's voice became softer and softer until even Kakashi's ninja-trained hearing strained to catch the last words.
"Even though I can't sense it, I still want to be with you. Even when we're not sparring, I still want to be with you. Even if you lost the Sharingan… I'd still want to be with you."
As Sasuke finished saying those last words, he could not suppress the small smile that graced his features. His verbal confession, mostly to himself, solidified everything that the younger ninja had been worrying and losing sleep over for the past months. Finally acknowledging the emotion broke some barrier in his heart that allowed him to embrace the feeling and it overwhelmed him.
So this is what love feels like.
The Uchiha could only dwell on this feeling for a moment before he was rocked back to reality for a second time that night. Sasuke's heart was pounding in his chest at the realization that Kakashi was still standing three feet from him, silent and digesting every word he just said.
Sasuke's eyes came up to meet Kakashi's unreadable stare. Despite the thick, damp heat of the summer night, Sasuke shivered.
Pulse pounding in his ears, Sasuke closed the distance between them until he was centimeters from Kakashi but not touching him. From the older ninja's reaction, or lack thereof, Sasuke's mind was spinning out of control. Did Kakashi not feel anything towards him?
Sasuke's close proximity, so close that he could feel the younger ninja's hot breath wash over his masked face, was only enhanced by the stifling heat in the kitchen. Sasuke was looking up at his face, searching for some reaction.
After a moment, Sasuke's hands started to slide up until they were cradling Kakashi's face. Sasuke's trembling fingers betrayed his nervousness as they tucked over the mask and gently pulled it down, slowly, until it was below Kakashi's chin. Sasuke swallowed, hard, as he finally saw the true face of Hatake Kakashi. "Normal" would have been a gross understatement as Kakashi was the most handsome man he had ever seen.
Ignoring everything, Sasuke leaned up and brought his soft lips to meet Kakashi's in a gentle, chaste kiss. Sliding his eyes closed, he tenderly worked his lips against Kakashi's and his hands traveled to the back of Kakashi's neck.
Sasuke would never admit that he had ever been desperate, but kissing Kakashi was an act of pure desperation. His raw emotions had been bared open to the only person whose opinion he cared about. If this didn't work, the younger ninja wasn't sure he would ever be able to do it again. When there was still no reaction, Sasuke pulled away but his lips remained millimeters from Kakashi's.
His eyebrows furrowed and Sasuke let out a small, defeated sigh against Kakashi's lips. Sasuke was about to turn away and tear out of the apartment when Kakashi rushed forward and captured Sasuke's lips in a scorching kiss. Sasuke's heart dropped down into his stomach as he felt Kakshi's right hand caress his face and left hand curve around his waist bringing their bodies together. Kakashi broke the kiss for a millisecond.
"I love you, too, Sasuke."
Sasuke pressed himself up against Kakashi's body. No cohesive thoughts were forming; his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. All Sasuke could feel was his heart pounding under his ribs and Kakashi's warm breath on his lips.
The thin material of their clothes made the sexual tension increase exponentially. While it wasn't skin on skin, Sasuke could still feel the swells and dips of Kakashi's toned body against his. The younger ninja allowed his arms to slide around Kakashi's neck bringing them closer as he went in for another kiss.
When Kakashi guided them both to the wall and finally allowed his aching cock to grind against Sasuke's, the Uchiha gasped into his mouth and let out a strangled moan that Kakashi cut off with another passionate kiss. With his back against the wall, Sasuke could only grab onto Kakashi's shoulders when a rush of pleasure racked his body.
Sasuke was panting now. One of his hands was entangled in Kakashi's hair while the other was roaming every inch of Kakashi's chest and abs. Kakashi had removed Sasuke's mesh shirt and was kissing, licking, and sucking his way down Sasuke's chest. Although Sasuke still had his pants on, Kakashi could tell that he was already hard.
When Kakashi would find one of Sasuke's erogenous zones, he would experiment with his mouth and hands the sort of reactions he could draw from the younger ninja. Watching Sasuke's muscles tense and flex was one gauge of how pleasurable the treatment was. When Kakashi would lick and suck right under his navel, his abs would roll and his body would writhe in pleasure.
Sasuke would always hold back his moans and bite his lip from releasing his gasps. At first, Kakashi wrote it off as a result of training or simply his unexpressive personality. But… could it be? Had Sasuke never been intimate with anyone? Sasuke's sensitivity to his touches and hesitation to touch him back confirmed Kakashi's thoughts. With Sasuke so out of his element, it was all the older ninja could do to try and ease his young lover's mind. Sliding back up Sasuke's body, Kakashi circled his hips forwards and leaned into Sasuke's ear.
"It's okay… Tell me what you like…"
Kakashi's hand started to massage Sasuke's side and travelled lower to caress his upper thigh. The older ninja's fingers drifted inwards and upwards in a possessive massage. A full, erotic moan left Sasuke's throat. The newness of it all… the way Kakashi was making him feel…
"Mmmm… everything…"
Kakashi was already hard, but his cock gave a painful throb at Sasuke's voice. Breaking contact for a moment, Kakashi slide off his own top and undid the drawstring of Sasuke's pants and they fell around his ankles.
Taking Sasuke's manhood into his hand, Kakashi gave it a long draw before sliding his hand back down. Sasuke, still next to Kakashi's ear, let out a groan and hiss of pleasure, turning Kakashi on in a way he didn't know was possible.
Using his thumb, the older ninja teased the sensitive tip, running his fingers along the underside. With a mischievous smirk, Kakashi swooped in for a searing kiss that left Sasuke's mind a little hazy. Dropping to his knees, Kakashi braced one hand against Sasuke's left hip and let the head of his cock enter his hot mouth.
Sasuke's breathing turned harsh as Kakashi started alternating stimulating the head with the flat of his tongue and a strong steady suction. Kakashi let in more of Sasuke's cock, grazing lightly with his teeth. Sasuke's moans became louder and he shut his eyes trying not to finish too soon and end the mind-boggling pleasure his body was experiencing right now.
When Kakashi took his whole shaft and suddenly swallowed him, Sasuke had difficulty staying on his feet. His knees buckled and if it weren't for Kakashi's arm supporting his hips, he would be on the ground. Sasuke entangled his fingers into Kakashi's hair as moans and gasps burst from his mouth. Kakashi swallowed again and again until Sasuke came into his waiting mouth.
Sasuke, trembling after the most intense orgasm of his life, pulled Kakashi to his feet and pressed into his chest. Leaning into the older ninja for support, Sasuke tried to stabilize his breathing. Kakashi, in turn, wrapped his arms around Sasuke and kissed his forehead before resting his chin on Sasuke's head.
Sasuke nuzzled his head into Kakashi's chest.
"What about you?"
Kakashi smiled into the younger ninjas jet black hair. He was hard, almost painfully so, but had the feeling Sasuke didn't need the pressure at the moment. The demand to perform was something Sasuke had been taught since he was a child. Kakashi never wanted Sasuke to feel that way with him.
"Mehh… I'm fine."
Sasuke tightened his hold around Kakashi's waist. The older ninja inhaled and exhaled deeply letting his fingers trace the nape of Sasuke's neck. At the motion, Sasuke lifted his head from the older ninja's chest.
"You'll have to explain the Grass Country mission again."
The older ninja chuckled silently to himself and ran his fingers through Sasuke's hair.