"And in this special investigative report, Narnia Network News entertainment reporter Trixie the Dryad delves into the murky end of the music biz. Over to you, Trixie."

"I'm at a secret location interviewing Tash the Irrestible, frontman of mega-huge death thrash act Tash & The Temple Virgins. Tash, what do you have to say about the latest revelations about Aslan?"

"I would have to say that his squeaky-clean image is looking grimy around the edges, Trixie. This latest lawsuit of his against fan-produced mashups is purely driven by his need to bump up sales. His numbers have been flagging, and this is the whole driver behind these vexatious legal actions against some of his most loyal fans."

"So you view this development as negative."

"Look, Trixie, the guy is a dinosaur. He might look like a lion, and sound like a lion, but he is not a real lion – or even a tame lion. What we are seeing is the real Aslan, the one that his label has kept hidden all these years, driven to defend his territory at all costs rather than adapt and change to new market conditions. His business model hasn't adapted to the pervasiveness of the Net and the impact it has had on album sales, so now he is in full slash and burn mode. I can't see that many of his fans will stick with him, especially after he disembowelled a few of them."

"So you regard his failure to adopt the Net as a sales channel as a fatal flaw."

"Yeah. He has been sticking with the old formula of one or two hit singles with a load of crap on the rest of the album, and the fans aren't buying it anymore. Me and the girls have been working on quality rather than quantity, and it's been reflected in our sales – this year over 85% of our net was generated through iTunes rather than CD or vinyl. Our total numbers are down a little, but we are making huge savings through reduced production and distribution costs, so our profit is actually up. Aslan's refusal to shift to the new media is really hurting him."

"I suppose your recent release of Your Heart Is Beating In My Hands confirms your views, especially since Aslan's last album release disappeared without a trace."

(Tash looks embarrassed)

"Well, yes, it was gratifying that it was our first number one hit single driven entirely by online sales, ahead of its release on CD. Me and the girls wanted to keep the integrity in our artistic vision, rather than be driven by what the label wanted, so that we could keep our loyal fans happy. Part of that was to get out in front of the fans on live tours. I think the results speak for themselves. The sacrifice a few of the record company execs made was well worth the price."

"I hear that one of them donated the heart for the video clip."

(Tash laughs)

"Actually, we had to use three before the director was happy with the results. He said the first two had no sense of rhythm and clashed with the soundtrack, which was pretty funny for people from the music biz."

(Trixie laughs briefly at his little joke)

"Tash, what advice would you give Aslan in his current situation?"

"The guy needs to rethink both his artistic direction and his business model. Until he stops making compromises driven by his label, and starts being true to his fan base and adapting to the new media, his career is going to go down the gurgler. If he's not careful he'll end up just like the boy bands of the nineties – lip synced into oblivion."

"So what are Tash and the Temple Virgins doing next?"

"We are doing ten back-to-back live shows in Tashbaan, and then going on a tour through Galma, Terebinthia and the Lone Islands, before we get back in the recording studios for a couple of months."

"Thank you, Tash. Next we have noted vocal duet Ramandu and his daughter, long time opening act for Aslan, for their views on his plummeting career."