"Raph, I don't know how you do it sometimes."

Donny sobbed weakly, lightly tapping his forehead into his brother's chest over and over, his eyes screwed tightly shut. It ain't easy, Donnyboy, he thought to himself. Don wrapped his arms around Raph's midsection and held tightly, his whole body trembling.

Raph wasn't used to seeing his younger so distraught. Aside from Leo, Don was probably the most calm and collective of the bunch. Then again, it wasn't like Raphael to display any extreme type of emotion towards his family, and in his own mind, he wasn't. He was still safe, his walls were still up. He just... had a window open, for a few minutes. If his brother needed him this way, if his brother made the first move... If he made contact first, if he initiated it, it was okay, and Raph could be there for him, in his own way, a silent way that he was thankful his brother understood. He didn't say anything yet, wanting to carefully sift through all the possible words he'd ever wanted to say to Don.

Donny, you're my hero. You're so kind and gentle and you fight to defend, not for the thrill. You stand up for what you believe in and voice your opinions because you know what's right and wrong and you aren't afraid of what anyone has to say. When I'm in a bad mood, seeing how excited you get over things you invented with your own hands makes me smile inside, even if I don't show it. You've grown up so much, but you're still growing, learning, always learning. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and that's what I like most about you. I've never once thought you were weak for it. You're the first to tell someone his or her good points, but you never recognize your own…

"Raph, sometimes, I wish I could be like you." D

on muttered weakly, probably tired from all the crying he'd been doing. Baby steps. Raph stepped out of his comfort zone again, pulling Don closer to him. Hearing Don say that, it actually kind of alarmed him, and he leaned back, making Donnie look straight into his face. No, you don't, Donnie. Trust me, you don't. You couldn't handle having to be this disconnected all the time.

"I'm no good, Raph. I'll never be like you."

Something in the way his brother said that angered him, and he grabbed Donnies shoulders and gave him a stiff shake.

"Don, don't ever say that. You're... way stronger than I could ever be." His face contorted for a moment, his mind sifting over the words he'd said, hoping they were correct. Sometimes Don got like this, and all he needed was to spill his guts, and be hugged like he was the greatest brother in the world. And why the hell not? He was. After that, Raph would improvise and deliver a swift kick to his ass, labeled 'What the hell are you even talking about, don't ever talk like that again because you know it isn't true'. Then things'd be okay again for another few months. Raph noticed the cycle in Don, he didn't know if anyone else had, though. He never really thought of his brother as depressed, so much as overly emotional. Don was a good guy; he was kind, levelheaded, and a total genius. He deserved more credit than they gave him.

"But Raph," He sighed doubted, "I've seen you get beaten almost to death, and you've never once broke down, I don't think I've ever even seen you cry."

Raph shook his head slowly, concentrating on his next words. He spoke them slowly, emphasizing on each word.

"Doesn't matter. Don, you've got something I can't have. You have the ability to tell people how you feel about'm."
"So do you."

"Not like you, Donnyboy. You can actually tell your family ya love'm without havin' t'be 3 seconds from dyin'."

Don thought back to the countless times Raph had come close to death, and he couldn't remember a single time when his brother had said he loved them. Raph would always clamp his jaw shut and suffer through it in silence.

But that's when Don realized what Raph was trying to tell him.

There was an awkward silence. Raph regretted what he had said, but he knew Don wouldn't look at him differently, wouldn't judge him, and most importantly, he knew Don would never repeat what he had said to anyone. He was trying to explain how it was so complicated for him to voice his feelings. But it wasn't like he didn't have them, Raph let them all know, in his own way. You just had to dig through 18 layers of bullshit to get to it.

Raph didn't know if Donny got what he meant, and frankly, he didn't even know what he was trying to say. But it was okay, somewhere in those disjointed thoughts, the pained facial expressions, somewhere in his words and eyes, Don found what he needed to hear.

"Thanks, Raph."

"Yeah, yeah."

Donnie hugged his brother once more and then backed off as Raph straightened out, the emotion draining from his face. He smiled as Raph walked away, knowing Raph would probably never speak of this again, but he was glad to know his brother would always be there for him. What made it more special to Donnie was he knew how uncomfortable emotional situations were for Raph, and for him to tough it out, well, that meant the world to him.