Long time no updates! I know, but here is a little something to ease myself back into it!

The song, in case you haven't heard it is, John Mayer – Say, it's beautiful…

Say What You Need To Say

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

His team looked tired and over worked, but still he kept them working, kept them behind their desks, working furiously to find the bastard that had killed the Marine's daughter. Jenny admonished from her usual catwalk spot, looking down at him reproachfully, her eyes begging him to take a break and get some sleep. He ignored her and barked orders at his team, taking another large gulp of the coffee on his desk, which had now gone cold.

He could still feel her watching, and he briefly glanced up at her. She narrowed her eyes slightly and turned away. He sighed and stood up, ignoring the questioning looks from Tony and McGee and the tensing from Ziva, as if she was ready to leap from behind her desk and follow him to which ever war he was currently fighting. He took the stairs two at a time and barged into her office.

"Say it Jen." He ordered, she looked calmly at him and took her glasses off.

"Say what Jethro?" She asked, and he resisted the urge to pull her from her chair and shake her for being right yet again. But he didn't, he just looked at her, once again not understanding why every time they talk, there seemed to be two conversations going on. But even though he can't quite catch the low murmur of words in the conversation they aren't having, he knows it's there, nonetheless.

"I'm working them too hard." He said. She seemed to consider it for a moment and looked up at him.

"I know…stop fighting personal battles and send them home Jethro." He wonders how long they can keep ignoring it. He wonders how long she will let them. He wonders how she can stand it, because its driving him crazy.

"I'll send them home when we close it, Jen…they're my team." He knows he is to blame for this unsaid conversation, he never says what he wants to, or what needs to be said. But he also knows her is too stubborn to do anything about it, Jen is always the one to talk things through.

Say what you need to say

She wants to slap him, wants to hit him till he comes to his senses, not just about his team, the people who would follow him to the ends of the earth, but about her. She can feel the static between them, like a far off radio being played too low. And she would swear she could hear all the things they aren't saying if she just stood still and listened hard enough. There's an itch under her skin, making her want to reach out towards him, with words, with her hands, with everything that she has. She doesn't know when this started, this…silence in the middle of noise. But it was threatening to take over everything and cause a rift that she wasn't sure either of them would be able to close. The air was always thick with unsaid words around them, like the beginning of a storm.

"I think you'll find that, technically, they are my team…but fine, work them to the ground, take advantage of their unwavering loyalty, one day they'll resent you." She warned and there was something she wasn't saying, at least, she's wasn't saying it with words. He frowned, trying to hear the unspoken words. He gave up and glared at her.

"I'll send them home when the case is closed, Director." With that he swept out of her office, leaving static ad unsaid words in his wake.

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

The steps creaked as she walked down them to his basement. He didn't need to look up to know who it was, she bought the unspoken conversation with her, and he felt it pick up where they had left it. She placed her hands on her hips.

"Have you slept yet?" She asked, her voice was uncharacteristically quiet and he turned, glass of bourbon in his hand.

"Have you?" He countered and she took a step towards him.

"You take everything on and don't let anybody help you…its not healthy Jethro." She tried to stroke his face but he took a step away, not wanting her to touch him, knowing that if she touched him he wouldn't be able to hold back anymore.

"Thank you for your concern Jen, but I'm fine." He said coolly, turning away from her. He heard her sigh and walk towards the stairs. She paused at the bottom.

"One day you're gonna have to stop being such a god damn martyr Jethro." He heard the 'why won't you talk to me' brand of frustration behind her words and he didn't understand why she didn't understand. Their relationship had never been about words.

Her parting comment hung in the air. He knew she was right, he had to let some of the shadows out, but every time he tried, something stopped him. He had never been good with words, even when Shannon was alive, but her death, and Kelly's, had locked away any future of sharing anything with anybody. He felt that if you never let anybody get too close, then you never got hurt, and Jenny was dangerously close to worming her way through his walls.

Say what you need to say

The babble of the unspoken conversation tugged at his consciousness again. And again there was something she wasn't say. It was so unlike her that he really didn't know how to deal with it. So he did what he usually did; ignored it and let her leave. Wanting with everything to call her back and say everything that has been bubbling under the surface since she returned to his life, but the slamming of his front door and the screech of her car tires as she sped out his drive told him it might be too late.

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Than to never say what you need to say.

Turning up at her door two days later was not something he had anticipated. Knocking on the door with a slightly shaky hand instead of barging in was completely out of character and she frowned as she opened the door.

Her hair was curling damply around her face, and the scent of her clean skin found its way to his nostrils. Everything he was going to say stuck in his throat, he stood at her doorway, doing a very good impression of a goldfish and amusement flickered across her face before it was quickly replaced with irritation.

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

"I'm not in the mood Jethro…say what you came here for or go home." Jen sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. He stepped over the threshold into her hallway and his fingers closed over her hand, gently pulling it away from her face. He didn't have to say anything out loud; the look in his eyes said it all. She battled with a smile, still irritated, as he leant forward and covered her lips with his, pulling her body to his. It was like the babble of their unspoken conversation had suddenly become audible, like turning the volume up on the radio and it was suddenly perfectly clear.

Say what you need to say…

No…I haven't forgotten about The Virtues, Comfort OR Philosophers Series.

V!

xox