This story should have never seen daylight, but thanks to the team that designed the characters for Final Fantasy: Dissidia, we now have liftoff. Since Cloud's role is not properly public yet (even though many are hoping he'll get a part in the game), I'm writing this for Kingdom Hearts, and in the typical setting of Radiant Garden/Hollow Bastion. It's a probability that I hope will never come true.

The timing could not have possibly been any worse.

When word came around swiftly that Sephiroth was in the vicinity, it had taken every second he could get for Squall to keep up with Cloud as the blond charged ferociously toward his target's location. This was it – the final battle, the moment of redemption, and the duel to end all duels. It was the time to bring all this to a decisive end. Sephiroth had not spotted them yet – or perhaps he chose to ignore them – and they watched him from a distance, just standing there and admiring the devastation he had wrought upon the canyon. Squall had steeled himself, ready for the final confrontation, and waited for the right moment.

And everything promptly hit rock bottom as he felt a hand on the back of his pants.

He had turned, and his jaw hit the floor as he found Cloud just squatting right behind him, his eyes misted over wistfully, with a very faint ghost of a smile on his lips. And he had his hand buried deep in the white fur ruff that was situated snugly – and directly – over Squall's rear end.

"… Cloud," Squall started carefully, trying to keep his composure. "Cloud, what are you doing?"

"…it's fluffy…" Cloud murmured – he sounded almost happy as his fingers fondled individual white strands of the material. Squall counted to ten in his head, then tried a different tactic.

"Cloud, look. Over there," he ordered sharply, pointing, "it's Sephiroth. Your arch nemesis. Your darkness. The top guy on your 'must-kill-and-decimate-permanently' list. The embodiment of silver doom. Go get him."

"…so fluffy…"

Squall had to suppress a very urgent need to squeak as Cloud's other hand came up to also bury itself within the fur of his pants, and he could feel all ten digits exploring material over places that they really shouldn't. It had been quite a shock to him, that morning, to find that every last pair of his pants had been adorned with a ruff that matched that of his jacket. He had liked the ruff on his jacket, but having one on his pants…looked utterly ridiculous, and his pride ached to know that he'd have no choice but to actually put them on if he wanted to leave the house. He had borrowed one of Cloud's waist capes to cover up the very recent change to his attire, and it had worked for so long. Yet now, he realized, the speedy trek to the canyon cliffs was probably what had caused the cape to shift away from their designated area, to dangle over his right leg. The once-faithful waist cape had betrayed him, and the timing could not have possibly been any worse.

"Cloud," Squall growled.

"Yes, Fluffy?" Cloud asked the fur ruff on Squall's pants.

"We are going to die here. Could you leave the ruff alone for a second-?"

And then the words died halfway up his throat as Cloud suddenly hugged him around his middle, and placed his forehead over his tailbone.

To Hades and his Underworld with composure.

"Cloud, for Hyne's sake! It's Sephiroth, and he's standing right over there! What does an inanimate piece of material have that he doesn't, huh?!"

Cloud, blissfully unaware, chose that moment to nuzzle the ruff, and consequently Squall's rear end.

"I love you, Fluffy," he crooned. "You're my best friend."

This was hopeless, Squall decided. With Cloud like this, any real chance of fighting Sephiroth was basically out the window and over the hills far, far away. As much as honor said otherwise, a tactical retreat was in order. Prying Cloud off him, Squall turned and ran back towards the town, momentarily wondering if Cloud was going to follow. He then realized he had no cause to worry, as Cloud dutifully followed the fur ruff on his pants like Dorothy followed the Yellow Brick Road. When they got back, he decided, he'd have to hurt the tailor – couldn't afford to kill the one who did the deed, or it would be difficult to have it undone.

As they ran, Cloud's hand shot out again and rubbed at the fur in a very bad place, sending heat cascading in waves through Squall's head.

…perhaps he could afford to hurt the tailor very badly.

I'm beating you people to the punch about fur ruffs by saying this - a furry jacket collar is standard. A furry line on your pants is so special, it'd make your ribs HURT.

When Damion informed me that Squall and Sephiroth were set for a one-on-one fight in Final Fantasy: Dissidia, I decided to see it for myself. The fight looked potentially magnificent, and although Sephiroth's new shoulder protectors looked a little…special, it was still quite a sight to behold.

And then I saw that Squall had furry pants, and a thousand neurons fried themselves in a collective act of suicide.

The waist cape, I was perfectly fine with, but a rump ruff was the utter limit. I don't know at which exact point the wise man in the Himalayan mountain told Square Enix that fur ruffs were good anywhere, but I know this – if that second ruff somehow makes it into KH3, I'll be weeping manly tears of pain and humiliation.

Still, this was surprisingly fun to write, and I was grinning all the way.

(( EDITED 22/7: thanks to briedee for pointing out the error for me. ))