Disclaimer: With the character model Sheik has in Brawl, I am forced to admit that (in that game at least) she is, in fact, a she.

AN: Oh boy... This idea came to me as I was in the middle of a fierce battle against the good Sir Blackmoon. I threw down the crate, then freaked out and ran off to get paper to write down the idea so I wouldn't forget it. It took a while to get the paper, and I didn't exactly pause before I left, so... Needless to say, I lost that match. Don't let me have lost in vain, enjoy the fic!

Boxes, wooden crates, barrels, and party balls. Every fighter, even Pichu, knew of containers, and every fighter adored them for the helpful wonderful items they held in their spacious guts. While they all knew containers could be fickle, liable to explode in a hapless fighter's face if empty, and deadly weapons, each combatant had nonetheless developed a deep trust for the wooden objects that so often provided them with edge-giving items in the heat of battle.

That's why it was such a surprise when Link found it lurking inside the box he threw. The sound of shattering lumber, a siren call to the attention of item-seeking fighters, echoed through Hyrule Temple, but was quickly replaced by the stifled screams and horrified gasps as the one thing both Link and Zelda never wanted to see again popped out of the wooden crate. A full-sized, shambling Redead.

What was it doing in there? What kind of sick soul packed that crate?!

As soon as the monster appeared, battle stopped. The clash of sword, chain, and fiery fist ground to a halt as Link and Sheik froze, both doing their very best to hold stock still, to not even twitch lest the Redead notice and start screaming.

Marth had no clue what the moaning, shuffling, seemingly reanimated brown corpse could do, but decided to hold quite still as well. He had been fighting Sheik across the temple when the thing was released, but even from that distance he could see the look of sheer horror and revulsion on Link's face and noticed a similar fear lurking in Sheik's red eyes. As far as he was concerned, this monster terrified Sheik and Link; a fellow warrior who never even blinked when the bombs he carried went off in his face and a fighter who would face down any foe unarmed and regularly exploded herself. If this zombie thing scared them, it was bad news indeed.

The only things left moving on the battlefield were the slowly ambling Redead, a blissfully unaware Mr. Saturn, and the fourth fighter, Captain Falcon.

The Captain had never been impressed by the alleged lethality of zombies. Where (and when) he came from, the only zombies were the barely-mobile stars in gory movies and books, media that came at you as part grisly entertainment and part zombie-killing textbook. Besides, he knew, as any movie-goer would know, that zombies are actually quite ineffectual. Slow, dumb, easily dispatched by a shovel to the head, and only really dangerous in mobs. And here, here there was only one, while there were four fighters standing poised to kill it!

That zombie was done for, and Captain Falcon decided he should be the one to do the honors. He strode up behind the monster, ignoring the other cowardly fighters as they clapped hands over their ears, and fell into stance as he pulled back his fist for his signature super-powerful punch.

"FALCON PUN- AAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The Redead had heard the Captain approach, it waited until Falcon was close enough to bear the full brunt of its scream, then shattered every belief Captain Falcon ever held about zombies. Dumb? It was obvious it planned and choreographed its attack. Slow? It dodged around his punch like a warm fly avoiding the swatter. Easily dispatched? Apparently not. Weak alone? It was taking him apart!

The others watched helplessly, paralyzed from the Redead's shriek despite covering their ears, as Captain Falcon's damage percentage soared. Had he been able to move, Link would have run to help the Captain. "Do unto others" and all. He knew that if it was him down there, if a Redead was trying to have its way with him, he would want someone to try and stop it. Sheik, however, has a very different view on the subject. One she stuck firmly to, despite knowing the abominable things Redeads could do, and one she gladly explained to Marth once the both of them regained the ability to speak.

"Hm... Should we do something? Maybe go help him?" Marth didn't want to get anywhere near the Redead, but figured that if the others came at the thing with him, they would stand a fairly good chance of winning.

"No."

"What?" The harshness of Sheik's answer took Marth by surprise. She was usually so noble and charitable, a flat-out no just seemed wrong when coming from her. "Why not?!"

Sheik sighed and, able to use her arms once more, gestured down to where the Redead was still doing unspeakable things to Captain Falcon.

"That is karma, his comeuppance for using his exploding B-up move on us so often. The man practically spams it... We shouldn't interfere." Marth paused, carefully considering her argument before giving his rebuttal.

"You know Sheik, you have a rather devastating exploding B-up attack as well. One that you use quite frequently. Do you have any comeuppance on the way?" Sheik glared at the swordsman, her indignant aura belying the haughty Princess Zelda under her disguise.

"My B-up attack is strictly for recovery purposes. It's your own fault if you're close enough to get caught up in the blast. Besides, I don't grab you and scream 'Yes!' when I do it."

That, Marth couldn't argue with. He shook his head sadly and looked back to captain Falcon, still struggling in vain against the Redead.

"You're right. And I'm sure Captain Falcon will be fine, he's only at a little over five hundred percent damage."

AN: I know, I know, I made the Redead a lot more badass than the things really are in Smash Bros. I did it because 1) the Redead is a classic and worthy enemy that should make any player who sees it soil themselves in terror, and 2) if it just lolled around like the Smash Bros. Redeads do, I wouldn't have a story. (Those Smash Bros. Redeads are a real disappointment, they don't even scream well...)

Anyway! Yeah, Redeads in boxes in mid-melee. It's happened to me a few times before and I always have to wonder what poor bastard got stuck with the job of sticking the Redead in the crate in the first place. (Same thing for crates with Goombas in them.) How would they do that?!