Sorry I haven't updated in so long, it was my birthday and the release of Breaking Dawn a couple weeks ago so I wasn't really working on this. Now I know that if someone like Lauren would ever pass Edward a note he would just throw it away, but whatever… Oh, by the way, Lauren is in bold and Edward is in italics.
Lauren's POV
I was sitting in my English class, thinking about Edward.
Edward. Mmm…
He is so hot. He could have any girl he wanted. Especially me. But he chose that Swan girl. I didn't even know he liked swans! Ugh. Why choose her when you could have me? That's when I made my decision. I was going to make him like me.
Wait, no, I wasn't going to rape him… not yet anyway. I was just going to lure him to me. I know, I know… what about Tyler?
Well screw Tyler. He hasn't slept with me in over a week. I have needs, and why have Tyler when you could have Edward?
Just as I finished this thought, Edward walked into the room and the bell rang. Damn, he was sexy without even trying! My heart started pounding. He was so smart. I bet he even knew how many states there are! Now was my chance…
I'd talk to him the old fashioned way. Note passing. (A/N gasp! I totally didn't see that one coming!)
I moved to sit in the empty seat next to him, before anyone else could steal my man. He didn't even look over. I jotted down a note and handed it to him, making sure he would notice my extra special fake super long five inch fingernails.
Hey Edward.
He looked a little irritated. What does irritated mean, anyway? Maybe I'll ask him.
Um, hi.
So you still seeing Swash?
I would mix up her last name so he would see how stupid she is. a brilliant and original plan!
I don't know anyone by the name 'Swash'.
Now he's clueless. Dammit.
I mean, swap, swag? Swan? I don't know. I think it's swap.
Better, Lauren, better. God, I'm so smart. Just how do I do it?
Do you mean Bella?
I think that's her name, yeah.
Yes, I am. I always will be.
Hmm. Need to make him less dependent of her…
But she won't even sleep with you! And she's just so clingy… it's, like, stalkerish. She's also ugly.
She is not ugly. She's beautiful.
Oops, I've made him angry. I'll seduce him! Yeah! I am so great with ideas.
You know, I bet you'd like me better. I would be much more willing with you…
I trailed my fingers up his arm. He swatted my hand away. He looked disgusted, whatever the hell that means.
No.
I'm sorry, what?
NO.
I wasn't sad yet. I had a couple more plans in my super smart head.
You are so smart. I bet you can even count to 100.
Who can't?
Well, I'm not too smart with math. Do you think you could, what's the word? You know, the one that means, like, help study?
Do you mean tutor?
OMG! Yeah! You have such a way with words!
Um… thank you?
It's, like, no problem! LOL! God, you are so funny! :)
This is note passing, not IM chat.
Oh yeah. I don't know how to type, so I talk like I am IMing on paper. Clever, huh?
What do you mean, you don't know how to type?
Oh, well, the buttons with the letters on the rectangle box thing are SO confusing! I just can't figure it out!
I sympathize your parents.
What does sympathize mean?
To feel sorry for.
Oh! Hehe! I get it! Wow, I just learned something new today!
That's…
nice.
Now I could impress him with my smartness!
Guess what! We live under Canada!
I know.
You are so smart like that! Wanna hear a joke?
O… kay?
Haha! Mmk, what's the difference between a bench and a Mexican! A bench can support a family! Wasn't that hilarious?
No, not at all. That was really racist.
Rapist? Who wants to rape me?
Not rapist. RACIST.
What does racist mean?
Discrimination against a certain race.
What does discrimination mean?
Against.
So racist means against competitive running? How is that bad?
I looked over at him. He slapped his forehead. Why? Does he like hurting himself? Is he emo?
Just… Nevermind.
Okay! Hey, do you like cats?
Not really. They aren't very fond of me, either. (A/N go on the lexicon and read the personal correspondence if you haven't yet. Pet's don't like vampires.)
Aw, why not?
They just… aren't.
Oh. Well, I love cats! I have one at home named sparkles!
That's great.
I know, right? What's your favorite color?
I don't have one.
Mine is blonde!
Blonde is a hair color, not an actual color.
God, Edward. You are so smart!
Um… thanks, I guess.
Two plus two is four!
I realize that.
What DON'T you know?! Oh, oh, I bet you didn't know this… there are sixty seconds in a minute!
Thank you for pointing that out.
OMG, no problem!
Mhmm.
I turned to stare at him. He looked like he was holding in laughter. He thinks I'm funny! Yay! Then he stood up and walked out of the room. Why? I looked around. Everyone else left too. I guess the bell rang. So far, mission Rape-Edward-Cullen is going perfectly! He'll be mind in no time.
I may have overdone it a little with Lauren's ditzyness. Or a lot. But I had to take advantage of this… this opportunity! Anyways. About that Mexican joke; I apologize for that. I have nothing against Mexicans, as I've mentioned in earlier chapters. So, please no flames for that! Had to use it to make the story work. Please review, tell me how you liked it, and who you want in the next one! I am attempting Edward and Jasper, but I use Edward too much and so far my attempt isn't going so well, so I need more ideas of who to use. Thanks for reading! And thank you, Cara, for the 'I didn't even know he liked swans' thing!