Prologue: Hypocrite Hunter

Disclaimer: Illumi, Zaoldyeck Family & Jairo belong to Togashi

Neo Green Life Free State, soon after Illumi gets his Hunter's license

This is the land of hypocrites, Illumi thought as he stared down at the narcotic fields hidden in the cracks between the towering limestone cliffs. The white flowers, fluttering in the rising wind, snaked like a snowy river towards the coast. Stormclouds grey as gunmetal rolled towards them, making the simple neo-life farmers run in and out of the lower level caves, scrambling about like anxious ants and covering their plants with protective material. They seemed oblivious to the drug production facility stashed away in the caves right above their heads. If they had only questioned why the highest levels of the cliffs were off limits to them, they would have seen, as Illumi was viewing from their leader's balcony, the "D" distribution plant and military barracks exposed along the coastline. It's sickening how blind they are.

"Bip, bip" A new message glowed on the screen of the Zaoldyeck transmitter.

"You've got funds – accept/reject?" Illumi pressed "OK" to complete the transaction and nodded across the room. A tall lean man was standing beside the broken body of his former comrade. The target had a needle stuck in his forehead and a blood splattered suicide note on his desk.

His client was Jairo, the shadow don of NGL.

Jairo approached Illumi with a cruel smile. While his skin was corpse-white, his face was dark, shrouded by bristly black hair and a hoodie. His staring eyes were unnaturally bright and emitted one of the nastiest auras that Illumi had ever seen.

"I like the way you move, Illumi Zaoldyeck. You took care of him nice and tight."

"Yes, Mr Jairo." Illumi responded coldly. "If there is nothing else I can do for–"

"Yes, there is. I have a good feeling about you, Illumi. I would like you to take over the training of my army to replace the man you killed.

"I'm sorry, but I can't con-" Illumi replied tonelessly.

"No, I sense you're one of us." Jairo interrupted again. "You see, I wanted to meet someone who had been brought up as an assassin from birth, because I too, am training my soldiers from birth. It would be fitting if they could all turn out like you – especially with the same expression on your face."

"Training…from birth?" What was Jairo planning to do with such an army?

"Yes. Would you like to take a tour of our camp?"

"I'm not qualified to advise you on military affairs", Illumi lied. He was starting to feel very mistrustful of Jairo and just wanted to get home safely. If it was another client, Illumi might have agreed to the up-sell, but this time it just felt wrong.

"Not at all. I insist. After your tour, you will be escorted to the distribution center where your speedboat is waiting for you." Jairo stated in an authoritarian manner.

"I really prefer not to." Illumi protested again, and he could sense soldiers gathering behind the doors.

"Don't disappoint us, we're all waiting for you. The camp is just along the way. It will only take an hour."

Illumi sighed, a mildly sour look on his face reminiscent of his grandfather. People with no concept of nen really couldn't appreciate how deadly it was to threaten a Zaoldyeck. Fortunately for Jairo, Illumi only killed if it made sense, and in this case, since NGL was located on an isolated continent, his real enemy was the sea. Getting out safely was his priority. He squeezed the emergency button on the Zaoldyeck transmitter that would alert Father to pick him up ASAP. Now the path of least resistance was to accommodate the client, buy time and then blacklist him later.

"You leave me no choice, Mr Jairo. I normally charge for my time, but since I may not be able to provide any advice, I won't charge and I'll only stay one hour. Do you still want me to do this?"

"You might find it educational. Like I said, we're the same."

Illumi made a tour of Jairo's training camp. It was as dehumanizing as a concentration camp copied from the previous century. Only communal halls existed with no private rooms for anyone. Children were forced through brutal physical training and spent the rest of the time making bricks to build more factories. Every moment of their time, including eating and using the toilet, was regulated by older soldiers who violently punished anyone who disobeyed. The camp looked perfectly ordered and well-run, and all the inhabitants had developed soulless, cruel eyes with unnatural auras.

All this was inspired by his own childhood, Jairo revealed with glee. Illumi realized that Jairo was a damaged man obsessed with taking revenge on the world for whatever happened when he was young and helpless. He proudly showed off his "nursery". A factory space filled with babies crying in cots.

"Don't you have anyone to take care of them?" Illumi finally asked, breaking his stoic silence.

"Of course we have nurses. But they have been ordered not to respond to their cries. I believe that babies have to experience pain right from the start so that they will grow up strong. We need strong, heartless predators for our army."

Illumi didn't know why, but he almost murdered Jairo at that instant. The nursery had triggered some very dark memories within him. "Mr Jairo, I have to leave now", he said, almost unable to maintain his expressionless mask any longer. "I think you will be able to find other people to serve you in the future."

"Are you suggesting I'm not worthy to be your client?" Jairo roared in anger. "Don't forget who you are, assassin! You're just a whore in my territory! Kill him!!" Soldiers rushed at Illumi, leaving him with no choice but to clean out the place. He concealed himself and released a cloud of needles into a section of the army. The men turned and fired their automatic rifles into the adjacent section, forcing them to return fire. "ARRGHH!!" the comrades screamed in panic as they killed one another, "HELP!!"

Once you know how to kill one man, killing ten men, a hundred men, a thousand men, even a million men… is only a matter of multiplying the same process and watching "0"s add up. Soon, he stole one of the larger boats and escaped. But at that moment, the heavens opened and the sea rose up.

Somehow he didn't drown. He didn't die. But he could no longer carry on as the hypocrite hunter. When dawn broke, he was in a prison cell being tortured by Jairo for another fourteen hours before Silva rescued him.

XXX

Illumi's diary, a week later

I'm an assassin, not a revolutionary. I'm a craftsman, not an artist. I get paid for results, not creativity.

I was born for this. Work isn't supposed to change me.

But after my visit to Neo-life, I wonder if I have betrayed all that I say I am. Am I really the opposite: Just a blind, intolerant fanatic? I don't like questioning my place in life. I'm satisfied simply to hone my skills from dawn til dusk and living at one with nature. But like the misguided farmers of NGL, have I really been cultivating an army of evil?

Jairo made me think. The way I've trained my brothers is…very similar to the way he's trained his soldiers. And that's what they do in the dictatorship of East Goruto and the rest of the Mitene province, too. I'm no idealistic revolutionary, but I had grown up trying to be strong so that I could protect my family from power-obsessed assholes like that. That's why we had to be rich and powerful. We have to be strong to protect ourselves from the evil and chaos in the world. But maybe…I am the evil.

We couldn't find Jairo that day. The camp was in utter chaos, but I could already see the stronger of the children seize command to replace the sergeants. Soon the place would degenerate into a war zone. I had a strong urge to take control of them and discipline them like how I taught my brothers. But the Zaoldyeck assassins have a policy of non-interference…so I held back. But I couldn't resist doing one thing for myself. I tried to burn the "D" fields. For all of 2 seconds before the orange sparks fizzled out under the dark bullets of rain.

Anyways…so I got tortured last week, but why should it matter to me? If I can dish it out, I can take it in. I see the blazing eyes of Jairo leering at me as I kneel on the limestone floor, tied up. Lined up on a table were items like drills, scalpels, blowtorch, whips and wires that anyone could get from Hardware Depot.

"You're a mindless tool of darkness, Illumi".

"No, I'm not."

Yeah, I know. The script sounds familiar, doesn't it? But Jairo didn't get it right, obviously. Like a thousand times before, I zoned out into my mental stronghold once the torture started. I become as light as the air. I see myself become the six-sided Zaoldyeck star, made of two perfectly interlocking triangles of fire and ice. The first triangle made of Fire rises, like Kukuru Mountain emerging above the forested valley. The second, inverted triangle made of Ice sinks, and that's me, holding down the fort, working from the underground, immovable and unchangeable. Me, perfectly interlocked with my family forever, protecting and protected.

I see myself walking down the corridor with a silver-haired boy in tow, going to our training room…

"Are you ready, Killu?"

"Are you kidding me, Aniki?" comes the insolent childish reply.

Ah, Killua. I love that boy. I can feel my muscles respond to the depth of commitment in his deep, dark eyes. He has the gift of inspiring me. I'm like a musician who practices everyday, technically flawless, but who would want to listen to music from a machine…? Even I wouldn't. That's the difference between Killua and I. His music makes me feel warm and alive.

"It's a waste to be torturing you, Illumi. You should be training my men," I heard Jairo's voice scraping across my back like a rusty razor. I could his breathing close to me. How did he wake me up?

"Your child soldiers, you mean."

"Weren't you one too? Don't act superior. I know how you train your family. You're one of us, spreading evil."

Don't listen to him, he's just guessing, cold. But at that moment, I couldn't help recalling how I controlled my brothers with violence…

"Get up, Milluki" I remember clutching Milluki's collar with both hands and kneeing him in the guts when he was six and I was eleven, already an assassin. I wanted him to grow up faster so he could spar with me. Was that why he started to reject physical exertion…?

"Shut up and bear it, Kalluto" I whispered in my softest voice as I tortured the helpless child. Now, he's on the other side of the fence, torturing whatever he can get his hands on. Just yesterday, as I struggled to the bathroom, trying to bathe myself, I stumbled across the mutiliated body of a small animal. Is Kalluto so addicted to bloodlust or is he trying to show me something?

Not to mention Alluka, who had loved me the best, and who bore the brunt of my unintentional cruelty without complaint, valiantly keeping his faith in me …?

It doesn't show on my face, of course. Despite anything that I think or do, my mask remains perfect. I'm not trying to pretend that no problem exists…but I just don't know what else to do.

Like I said, I'm an assassin, not a revolutionary.

Maybe that's why I was wierded out by Father visiting my bedside and sending me nen. He's never done that before, not even when I was a kid and he was the one writing the history of violence on my body. That probably explains why I always feel tense around my elders…like I'm a kid about to be punished. I've learnt to keep my distance.

Father's "healing" touch tears me apart. At that feverish moment, I hate him so much I almost confront him. But out of fear and habit, I keep my mouth shut. I'm an adult, I don't need his solicitude and I don't want it. I wished he could just leave me alone, give me some privacy…Any more questions and he might wake the sleeping beast.

So I stayed silent, Father took the hint and left. Then I had to tolerate Mother's intrusive hysterics. I know she cares, but I find her annoying. "Oh, what happened to your skin?!" she screeched. "Silva's so cruel!" Don't drag me into your quarrels with Father, I've wised up to your manipulation. Kalluto was snooping around, too. I know he's so desperate for my approval but the more he asks the less I'll give. I'll keep pretending to be asleep to avoid entertaining them.

I was happier to see Milluki drop by -- I never see that otaku, though I've paired up with him for a couple of missions before. I was shocked to hear him wheezing …someone needs to bring that guy out for a jog or he'll die a premature death.

"Is Jairo powerful?" he asked me.

"No. He can't even use nen."

"So how come you look like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like…the snakeskin you find on the forest floor without the snake inside."

"Huh?" Do I look as soulless as I feel?

"Well, you're really thin and you look like a corpse with bloody, cracking skin.

Oh…that can be easily fixed. "You hungry, Milluki?

"Always."

"So do you wanna grab a bite to eat with me?"

"Like make something in the kitchen?"

"Yeah…"

"Hah. I'll pass. You're not a bad cook, but the last time you made something for me…"

I had put in some poison. "Sorry", I confessed.

"WHAT? EXCUSE ME?" Milluki looked incredulous, as if a snake had apologized for biting.

"I said I'm sorry, Milluki."

"Um…oookaay, Illumi. Don't let me interrupt your rest, I'll see you tomorrow." Milluki hurriedly made up an excuse and left, looking scared. He probably returned to eat the packets of junk food in his room…and what an overwhelming room that was, crammed with hentai dolls and anime porn dvds.

All perhaps… because of …the violence I've beat into his soul for many, many years? Perhaps just partly?

I am overcome by remorse. If I'm a snake shedding my skin, then please let me take it all off and fix everything and make it perfect again. Please let me heal the wrong I've done to my family. For without them, what am I?

I don't think it has to be taught. Killua wasn't taught by anyone, he just followed his heart and his path led to the light. I too, followed my heart but into darkness. But maybe it's not too late to change. I believe…no, I hope. I hope I can be a better man.

But what should I do? Give me a clue, please. I admit I was wrong. I want to change….but what?

To be continued in Chapter 1: Henka (Change)

XXX

A/N:

I wanted to write a fic where Illumi's pride is cracked. I'm not sure how convincing it's been so far…Anyways, I'm setting up Illumi's cold and distant relationship with his family in this chap so it'll reveal the change he goes thru latter.

Next 3 chapters, called Henka, Hentai and Hope will be from Hisoka's POV. They're still in draft stage.

I'd like to thank MonsterBrat for her comments on my last fic. I'm a fan of your work and appreciate your review!:)