The sun was setting as Voldemort, Wormtail, and Bellatrix walked through a forest nearby a busy Muggle city. They had Apparated far away from the jail, so they had no fear of being caught.

"That was quite an invigorating escape," said Voldemort, "I thought we'd never…Wormtail, if you hum one more bar of that James Bond music, I will kill you!"

"Sorry, Master…"

"So annoying…Anyways, Bella, I have to tell you about all the crazy things that happened to Wormtail and me while we were in jail! One gentleman offered me 'Coke', and so I accepted. But alas, what I received was something much different from a refreshing beverage. I swear, if they hadn't confiscated my wand, I would have opened up a can of Avada Kedavra on his….Do you find something funny?"

Bellatrix was trying not to laugh. "Nothing…"

"You think you're so smart, don't you?" said Voldemort, "I suppose you're some expert on prison…." He paused, and a look of embarrassing realization spread across his face. "Oh, right. The Azkaban thing."

"Um, right…," said Bellatrix, "By the way, just out of curiosity, why couldn't you just Apparate out of jail?"

"Well, you see…," said Voldemort, "There's a good reason for that. It's, um...You see…It's quite simple, really…The thing is…BLAST!!"

"That's all right, you're still a hottie. So now where do we go?"

"I have a suggestion," said Wormtail.

"I've told you a million times, Wormtail," said Voldemort, "We're not going to Hooters, so just drop it!"

"Actually, I was going to suggest going to another store to get the things on the list. Perhaps a less evil store…Like maybe Target?"

"Well," said Voldemort, "They are less sinister than Wal-Mart, and their gift cards are simply adorable!"

"Excellent! And after Target-,"

"Drop it, Wormtail!"

So they set off, and it didn't take them long to find the local Target.

"Dang, it sure didn't take us long to find the local Target," commented Voldemort.

They walked in the door and looked around. The place felt friendlier than Wal-Mart, and none of the employees looked miserable. This was slightly to Voldy's distaste, but hey, it was better than being tackled down and tazed.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Voldemort, "They have a Starbucks in here!"

The three hurried over to the Starbucks counter, knocking over two carts and an old lady on the way.

"I'll have a grande white chocolate mocha cappuccino," said Wormtail.

"I'll have a tall double chocolate chip frappuccino with whipped cream on top," said Voldemort.

"I'll have what the sexy guy's having!" said Bellatrix.

Voldemort whispered to the cashier, "Make hers a decaf."

Soon their coffee was ready, and Voldemort threatened a couple of guys so they would leave their table. There was a free table next to that one, but he wanted to sit by the window, and why miss a chance to give random people death threats? Anyway, they sat down and drank their coffee, and soon Bellatrix was all hyped up, bouncing in her seat and talking a mile a minute.

"I love coffee! Coffee's great!" she said, "I've never felt so hyper! Except for whenever I'm stalking you, Voldypoo! Did I say that out loud? Oops, I did! Oh well! Isn't coffee great? Coffee's great!"

"Master," whispered Wormtail, "has she taken one breath since we sat down?"

"No…," replied Voldemort.

"Should we tell her it's decaf?"

"Not yet. This is rather amusing."

"Yes…rather."

"COFFEE RULES!!" yelled Bellatrix. People began to stare.

"Shall we tell her now, Master?"

"Yes… Now would be a good time. Bella, that's decaf."

No sooner had the word "decaf" been uttered, than she fell unconscious to the floor.

"I suppose we should have said something sooner," said Voldemort, "Oh well. She'll wake up eventually."

Just as the Dark Lord said, it wasn't long until Bellatrix woke up.

"Dang, it sure didn't take me long to wake up," commented Bellatrix.

"Yes, rather…," said Voldemort, "Now let's shop!"

The three had a more relaxing time shopping than at Wal-Mart. They got everything on the list with no interruptions- no pestering greeter, no annoying teenagers, and no DVD sales lady (may she rest in peace). Before long, they were at the front of the checkout line.

"Um…Master," said Wormtail, "I'm not saying you have to, or anything, but maybe if you actually pay for the stuff this time, we won't have to go to jail again."

"You mean I can't just kill people and run?" asked Voldemort, "'Cause that would be great!"

"Well, that would probably cause a lot of problems, what with this being a Muggle store and all…," said Wormtail, "Besides; somebody has already performed an unforgivable curse in front of Muggles today!"

"I told you, Wormtail, it's all good!" said Bellatrix, "I bribed them!"

"Why didn't you just use a memory charm?"

"Well, you see…The thing is…It's quite simple, really...CURSES!!"

"Shut up, you imbeciles!" said Voldemort, "I won't like it, but I'll pay the man… This is so degrading, paying for goods…"

The cashier bagged the last item (a Malibu Barbie) and added up the total cost. Voldemort reached in his pocket and pulled out ten Galleons. "This should cover it."

The cashier examined one of the Galleons. "Sir, I don't know what kind of currency this is, but I can't accept it."

"What are you rambling about? That's a Galleon! The most valuable of all the wizarding…Oh crap. Listen, I'm afraid I don't have any Muggle, I mean, non magical, I mean… I don't have the right kind of money. But you're cool, right? You'll take foreign money, right? …Right?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I just can't- OH MY GOSH, IT BURNS!!" the cashier screamed. Wormtail had taken a can of pepper spray from his pocket and sprayed him right in the eyes!

"Holy crap, Wormtail!" said Voldemort, "Where did you get that Crucio-in-a-Can?"

"I stole it from a prison guard, but I think it's called 'mace'," said Wormtail.

"Really? Mace? I suppose they thought 'Crucio-in-a-Can' was just too long a name. Now grab the stuff and let's run!"

They ran as fast as they could to the outside of the building and, when no one was looking, Apparated to the Riddle mansion.

"That was freakin' awesome, Wormtail!" said Voldemort, when they arrived, "That's like the coolest thing anyone's ever done for the Dark Lord!"

Wormtail looked extremely proud, and Bellatrix looked extremely jealous.

"Oh, don't look so extremely jealous," said Voldemort, "I mean, what have you done for me lately?"

"I got you out of jail!"

"I said lately."

"It was two hours ago!"

"Exactly! Two whole hours! Wormtail maced the crap out of that dude two minutes ago! He's, like, awesome!"

"I suppose…"

"Hey, Master?" said Wormtail, "I just had a bad thought. What if this is the end of our crazy adventures?"

"You know, Wormtail," said Voldemort, "I have a feeling we're going to have a lot more crazy adventures very soon."

"What makes you say that, Master?"

"I don't know. What do I look like, a flippin' psychic? Ask the author."

"But she's mean to me…"

Wormtail dropped one of Draco's stiletto knives and it fell on his foot.

"Ow! You see what I mean?" said Wormtail.

"Shut up, Wormtail." Voldemort unlocked the door and the three went inside. Wormtail tripped on his way in and dropped all his stuff.

"Cut that out!"

Ha, ha, Wormtail. Ha, ha. The end.