Chapter 34

Caspian swallowed the lump that began to rise in his throat. Who knew peering into the face of a little girl would be enough to tug on his emotions? He wanted to cry while looking at the sweet, angelic sleeping figure bundled up in his arms. He lifted a finger and gently trailed it along her cheek. Her skin was softer than any of the finest Narnian textile he has ever felt. How was it possible that she was there? He knew the answer but it continued to feel as if he were dreaming; that the little girl in his arms was a part of the dream and he didn't want to be shaken out of it.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered to her sleeping figure. "Just like your mum." He looked up and peered over at the sleeping figure in the bed close by. Susan lay in the middle of the large bed sleeping off a long day of archery training. Caspian and Peter had tried to talk her out of it, for her to rest and get her energy back but she wouldn't have any of it. She trained with the centaurs all morning and afternoon, until a few of the members of the awaiting army forced her to sit down.

Susan didn't take kindly to being idle so she made extra preparations for the castle, doubling up on the patrol men and the guards on the inside and the outskirts of the large building. She ensured that all of the chain mail and suits of armor were tailored to size and fit well with enough range for motion. It had been enough to tire her out once she was finally off of her feet. Between her queenly duties and caring for Isabella, she was almost swaying on the spot when she finally stopped moving.

Caspian took the chance to have some one-on-one time with his daughter, holding her and rocking her whenever she got fussy. Mostly he spent time just looking at her, taking in every inch of her being that his eyes would allow. If it weren't for him first meeting Susan he wouldn't be sure that it was possible to fall in love at first sight but he loved the little girl with all his heart.

"I vow to protect you, little one," he whispered. Isabella's facial muscles twitched and then contracted, as if she were about to wake up. Caspian leaned forward and lightly pressed a kiss to her forehead. Isabella let out a small grunting sound and relaxed in his arms, her facial muscles relaxing in her sleep. Her tiny mouth opened and stretched, allowing her body to swell with the efforts of yawning. Caspian's lips pulled back into a smile.

This beautiful little girl was his. His and Susan's. The perfect combination of the two of them; created by their love for one another despite time keeping them apart. He settled down in a chair next to the bed and hummed as ideas for the future assaulted his mind. Would Isabella stay there with him or go back with Susan? Would Susan and the others return to their world? Would he go with them? Could he go with them? Could Jeremiah come back to his time? And if so, how could they go back? Portals didn't always open between their worlds and usually never in the same place twice. But then what about Susan's own family? Helen and the doctor?

They knew of his existence now, especially with Susan miraculously (by their standards) getting pregnant and giving birth in their time. He just had to go see them, make sure they were all okay. They knew of Narnia and knew about him. Would they want to go to Narnia as well? Could they? But even then, would it be the right thing? Having them uproot their lives just for him to see his own children, for them to all be together.

Caspian rubbed at his eyes. His heart was heavy. On one hand he wanted his family with him; he wanted to keep Susan and her siblings—who have come to feel like siblings to him—in Narnia with him. To rule by his side and bring the country into a new Golden Age. But on the other, he couldn't bear the idea of keeping Susan from her own family. From her own world and her own hopes and dreams that she had built before he and the world of Narnia had come into the picture.

What if he was only holding her back?

A lump formed in his throat. He swallowed it down as best as he could and adjusted his grip on the sleeping girl in his arms. He wrapped the blanket tighter around her to make sure she was as warm as possible. It was a bit drafty in the room.

Susan finally roused when Isabella became fussy, her tiny hands clenching and uncurling as she searched for her mother. Susan brushed the sleep from her eyes and pushed herself up until she was in a proper sitting position.

"Good morning," she muttered sleepily.

Caspian chuckled. "It is past morning, love, the sun will be setting in a few hours," he replied.

"Oh." She sighed. "I didn't realize. I must have been more tired than I thought." She brushed her hair to one side of her head, stretched her arms over her head, and then pulled back the covers on the bed. She swung her legs to the floor, a shiver rolling down her spine once the cold stone touched her bare feet, and then shuffled over to where Caspian was sitting. "Hello angel. Are you hungry? Is my little baby hungry?"

She carefully picked up the small baby and tucked her into the crook of her elbow. Picking up a nearby cloth, she draped it over her shoulder, covering herself and Isabella, and guided her mouth until she latched on and started feeding.

"Are you alright?" Susan asked, looking over at Caspian who she had just noticed was watching her.

"I am," Caspian replied, "I was just thinking. About Jeremiah. I miss him."

"I do as well but he's safe where he is." Susan got comfortable on the bed and rested her back against the pillows. "He's with my mother and Mrs. Macready and the professor. He is right where he needs to be."

"And Isabella?" Caspian asked.

"Well, she's right where she needs to be, of course."

"And you're fine with that? With having them split up?"

Susan regarded him. Her eyebrows crinkled together. "Where is this coming from?" she asked. "Before you were the one who got me to return. You told me that Narnia needed me. Now that I'm here…your mind has changed? Do you not want me here?"

"Susan, it's not that," Caspian replied. He stood and crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. "I have just been thinking it over. Perhaps you being here with Izzy, with Narnia in this state, was not a good idea after all. You all should be safe and out of the way."

"Out of the way?" Susan repeated, her tone fierce. "You want me out of the way? You want to hide me?"

"Not hide you," Caspian quickly backtracked. "Make sure you're in a safe place. Isabella needs someone to care for her and you cannot do that if you are hurt."

"Caspian, you're not making any sense. First you want me to leave Jeremiah behind, leave my child, and now you are telling me that it was all for naught?" Susan scoffed. "You tell me to be there for Narnia, to be the queen that I am supposed to be, but then you go and change your mind."

"Maybe I did," Caspian agreed, getting to his feet. He paced the room a few times, his hand grabbing at his hair, and then let it go. "Maybe I did change my mind. But Isabella did that to me. One looking into her face and…and everything changed. I don't want her to just be alive and healthy; I want her to be safe. I want to protect her, and you, and she needs someone to do that for her. And the only way that can happen is if you…is if you take Isabella and go back. Go back to your home. Go back to your time. It's what best for us all."

"It's what's best," Susan repeated, her words dull. "You have decided this for me? You have decided what's best for Isabella and Jeremiah without consulting me?"

"You didn't want to come back in the first place," Caspian pointed out, "You didn't want to leave Jeremiah."

"But you pointed out to me that I need to be here. I need to be here in Narnia with my family! What if I never saw them again? What if I never saw you again? What if I had to raise Jeremiah and Isabella on my own? What would I tell them about their father when they ask why he isn't around? That he chose to step out of their lives?"

"I'm not…that's not what I want, Susan," Caspian said, gritting his teeth.

"Then what do you want?"

"I don't want you to die!" Caspian exclaimed, his outburst echoing in the room and bouncing off the high ceiling. He rubbed his hand over his face and pressed his closed fist against his mouth, blocking his words until he trusted himself to speak away. The way Susan was looking at him stopped his brain from processing a coherent thought. Finally he was able to piece something together. "I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to you or Isabella. I can't…I can't even entertain the idea. I know I was the one who convinced you to come back but now…now I believe I made a mistake. You shouldn't be here. Isabella shouldn't either. This is not your affair."

"That is not something for you to decide for me," Susan said firmly. She let out a breath and glanced down at Isabella beneath the blanket. "I'm afraid as well," she admitted, her voice quieter than it had been before. "For Isabella. For Jeremiah. For myself. For my family. For Narnia. I already felt bad for leaving my child behind but I have made peace with that. Don't make me regret my decision, Caspian. And don't make decisions for me. I am perfectly capable of doing that for myself." She paused. "I understand the risks of being here. I understand the risks of being here with Isabella especially but the choice was made and I'm not going to turn my back on Narnia now. You can either support me or you can be against me but I'm staying either way. I don't need nor do I want your permission."

Caspian's shoulders sagged with the force of his sigh. That was a trait that he loved and hated about Susan at the same time: her stubborn nature. He saw it in Peter sometimes but she held fast in a way that was different than he did. She had a ferocity to her that couldn't be touched, like a provoked lioness. Fighting her would be one of the worst decisions he had ever made.

"Okay," he relented, "but can we make a compromise? You do not go towards the frontlines unless absolutely necessary. Stay back with Lucy and the others."

"Will that put your mind at ease?" Susan asked.

"it will. Very much so."

"Fine. But for as long as absolutely necessary. Narnia is my home as well as Isabella's. I would not feel right doing whatever I could to help protect this land."

Caspian nodded, feeling the weight dropping off his shoulders. His wife and daughter were safe. That was all that mattered at the moment.

A/N: Oh my gosh.

I'm saying that for two reasons. One because I've updated this story after forever and a day and two because I went back to re-read this story and I realized how redundant I was in the past few chapters especially with Peter explaining what he has to do. Gosh, it makes me want to kick myself. For now I'll leave it but later, once I'm finished with the story, I'll go back and fix it.

Thanks for being patient with me! Please read and review.