A/N: After getting pretty upset at how stupid fanfiction writers are starting to become, I thought maybe a nice, friendly lesson provided by Roger Davis could teach some writers the basics of English. I'm going on vacation tomorrow but I felt that this was in dire need of some attention. Sarcastic as always. And erm, the 'F-Bomb' is dropped like you have no idea. You've been warned. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: i pwn nothing all. (Translation: I own nothing at all)
It's Roger fucking Davis here. There. What an entrance I made. I used the word 'fuck' and I'm two words in. You know that this is gonna be a fucking serious fic as I am using fuck so many fucking times you are probably losing your fucking mind in disfuckingbelief. I thought that I, Roger fucking Davis, should teach some writers some easy fucking fanfiction rules that should apply to everyfuckingbody. We are going back, back to school. And if you didn't get that fucking reference then you obviously know your Rent from the fucking movie. Not that there is anything wrong with that, of fucking course. So here, I present my fucking lesson of fucking fanfiction in easy fucking point form. Follow them and you shall become a great fucking writer just like ILikeScarvesandGuitars (she made me fucking write that).
Spelling- For FUCK SAKES spell things CORRECTLY. It takes two FUCKING seconds to press the Spell Check button. You know. The one with the fucking check mark and the 'ABC' above it? It takes even FIVE fucking seconds to read over your fucking work! Do it! This helps a lot! Saying "I think yer wok waz grt! I dont no wut else 2 say/…" does not fucking make sense! You thought her wok was great? Was she making you fucking DINNER? No! She was writing a fucking STORY.
Grammar- Grammar fucking counts. Guess what. Microsoft Word has a fucking Grammar checker too! So if you don't understand what the fuck grammar is, they have a button that will fucking help you!
Text talk- Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. Dude. When you are writing a piece of fan fucking fiction, it helps a LOT when you use the CORRECT form of the word. Saying "Wuz up omg tht fic was gr8, i rly luved it sooo000OO MUCH! lyke tht sme thng hppned 2 me or w/e lst nite lol!" does not fucking count as a review! I don't even know what the fuck you just said! There is such a thing as fucking vowels! Watch the Wheel of fucking Fortune! They have a whole fucking thing with that!
Making myself, Roger, say the F-bomb too many fucking times- Fuck…
Posting 5 word fics- What the fuck? "So then the dog fell off the window and it was Benny's. It was mean. Hahahahahahaha!" Yes. That makes complete fucking sense.
Your OC- Not Orange fucking County. Naming your fucking characters after CSI characters and your mother's best friend's adopted sister is a bit fucking stupid. If you are gonna create a fucking original character, make it fucking believable or don't fucking make it at all!
Crossovers- Can be done fucking correctly. If not, they look like the stupidest fucking thing in the world. That's like crossing a fucking snake with a fucking dog! Not gonna fucking work! And yes that was a bad example. I'm kinda fucking stuck for examples.
So out of fucking character- "Roger Davis always wanted a puppy. So he went to the store and bought one and then they became best friends and he named it Mark. The end." A puppy? Me. Roger Davis. Roger Plaid-wearing, leather-loving, I-date-a-stripper-who-works-at-an-S&M-bar Davis loves puppies. Yeah. I could totally fucking see that. Not.
Making me sound like I'm Dane fucking Cook- Enough fucking said. Fuck I'm getting tired of this fucking word.
Mixing up 'your' and 'you're'- "Your the best writer ever!" "You're clothes are really nice!" What the fuck? Hey. Pssst…I'll tell you a secret. Your means your. YOUR OWN. You're means YOU ARE. YOU ARE SEXY. Jesus…
Copying other writer's work- So, ya finally learned how this copy and paste thing works. So you think, hey, what a lovely piece of writing. You know... and then you stick your fucking tongue to the side cause that's what I do when I'm fucking thinking, if I just change this word here…change this word there... add my word here…hmmm…this is almost like the other fic that got a billion reviews, so I should too! So. Fucking. Wrong. Think of YOUR own (remember our last lesson about 'your' and 'you're'? That will help in this fucking point!) ideas! It's not that fucking hard!
Capitalization- As I read somefuckingwhere once…Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."
Not spelling our names correctly- Who is MiMi Markez? Rodger David? Marc Cohan? Reen Jonson? Angle Dumut Shoenard? I don't think I fucking know those people…
Reading a fic and then not leaving a review- So fucking rude. That's like breaking into somebody's house and then just walking through and not fucking taking anything. Well once again, maybe that's a bad example. But you know what the fuck I mean. And this is my last fucking point, so you kinda get the whole idea as to what you should do after you read this.
So. There was my fucking lesson. Hopefully all you new people to the world of fucking fanfiction will take some fucking pointers when you write your new fic. Just some simple and easy to read fucking steps like the back of a brownie mix. Enjoy. Man…I'm fucking hungry.
Ahah what a joy to write. Review replies won't be returned at the exact minute because I am going on vacation as stated earlier (if there ARE any reviews, of course). It's all fun, loves. Although, I suppose, there is nothing wrong with a little English lesson and common sense put together. R&R pritty plz. Ha ;)