Just Wanted Your Love Chapter 5, an one tree hill fanfic

i love all of you who review, you're the reason I'm posting this now ;
i couldn't bare the thought of you hating me(:
tell me what you think ? = inspire me to write(:

the song is 'Sirens' by Angels and Airwaves ,
i own nothing ; not even this computer(:

love you, addie j*

Just Wanted Your Love

Sooner or later we all choose a path. Sometimes you never look back and sometimes life forces you to.

But if you look back, what will you see? The same things you saw then or something completely different? A whole other story or factor or reason you never before saw?

Will what you see give you strength or only cause you pain?

And what will you decide to do with this new insight?

Fight for what you now know?

Or perish for what you didn't know then?

Nathan hated Mondays.

He was pretty sure someone, somewhere down the line made them up just to stick it to him. Like someone woke up one day and said "Hmm, I wonder what I can do to make Nathan Scott's life miserable today?"

And the little fu… person came up with Mondays.

But as an antidote to the horridness of Mondays, Nathan could always look forward to practice.

As usual, Nathan was shooting baskets before seven in the morning, an hour before practice officially started. His headphones were placed securely in his ears as his ipod ran through his songs on shuffle. The music blared in his ears and raced through his veins.

Nathan used to be able to shoot around and think about whatever, deal with whatever, but now he ran from his thoughts, he couldn't be left alone with them for too long.

In practices and games Nathan was able to focus all of his attention on basketball, the intensity of being in the play and actually playing for a purpose, to beat the other team, made concentration easy. But for those other moments and pauses in chaos, Nathan turned his music up to the highest volume and attempted to stifle his thoughts.

Nathan had had the same list of songs on his ipod since he was fifteen. Sure, occasionally he would add a song here or there, but he never deleted anything. Over the years he had changed ipods, upgraded devices, and even broke or lost a few players, but the songs from his very first mp3 players stayed with him.

In a way, the songs represented his growth. He had songs from nearly every moment of his life, the good and the painful. The genres and styles had changed somewhat, much like he had over the years. The music was a part of him.

Nathan shot a basketball into the hoop, nothing but net.

The music from the current song faded out and a new, familiar song rang through his headphones and penetrated his eardrums.

Nathan felt his heartbeat speed up and his mind go blank. This was the problem with never deleting any songs, the ones from the past usually came back to haunt you.

There's a weakness in the window
Place my footprints in the dark room
There's lonely voices, like a scarecrow
In the hallway, like a lost ghost
In the bedroom I see a shadow
From the moon with light from a candle
On a bed frame, lies a girl
Her reflection in the mirror

This was the song of his summer five years ago. The words fell from her lips in a melody that could have been produced by an angel. She had sung those words almost every day, at every opportunity.

She had once told him that this song would remind him of her, that she refused to be completely forgotten.

He had informed her that she was, no doubt, impossible to forget.

She had then replied by placing a kiss on his cheek and turning the song up, "Just in case then."

Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
I like your eyes wide
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
I've been knocking at your backdoor
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
Nervous like a knife fight
Be careful what you ask for

At first the song and the memories made Nathan smile. Remembering Haley and that summer five years ago, their summer. The overwhelming happiness that once radiated through the two lovers made Nathan's heart swell. Their beginning was that of a fairytale, as magical and perfect as any love story ever told. He would have given anything and everything to be with her for forever, but fate had a different plan.

I do this from time to time
Where I can never wake from a bad dream
I do this from time to time
When I can never say the things I mean
I do this from time to time
Where I like to watch you as you sleep
I do this from time to time
Where I like to think of you with me

He had given her his heart and soul, and she threw him away. All he ever wanted was for her to follow her dreams, and he was just dragging her down. Maybe the ultimatum he had given her when she came to him wasn't the best idea, but he wanted to be with her forever, and he was so sure she felt the same. So sure she wouldn't just walk away.

Lord knows he deserved it, deserved to be abandoned, but it still hurt. He could still feel it, still feel the pain she caused him, the pain he caused himself.

It's a dark night on the West Coast
Then a soft breeze as the sun rose
Then the phone rang like a gunshot
Like a siren in the beach rock
There's a message at the river
A certain package here to deliver
When the day breaks after nightfall
I will be there, you know I will

Stupid words in this stupid song triggered memories so painful, Nathan's head throbbed. He wanted so desperately to change the song, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The pain made him more determined to let go of Haley James and 'their summer.' More determined to fight for the only constant thing in his life.

Nathan picked up the orange ball and felt a sharp, overwhelming adrenaline rush. He drove the ball to the basket.

Shot after shot, perfection. He could never quite understand it, but he could never deny it either. Every shot was programmed for greatness, he couldn't resent that, as hard as he tried. Because when you got down to it, it was basketball that had torn them apart. It was their conflicting dreams and their horrid selflessness that made them split up.

Bust as much as he wanted to hate basketball, he couldn't. Basketball was a part of him and as much as he hated himself, he couldn't hate basketball.

And he hated that.

Nathan continued to play against himself, the double meaning in those words taking full effect. As he battled against his invisible opponent, attempting to stop his ball from reaching the basket, he fought once again with himself, over that summer five years ago.

If he had been better, maybe they could've been better. Maybe the could've made it all the way, like he had always hoped.

But he just had to go and mess it up.

Nathan turned for a fade away, but pulled out at the last second. He hit the ground running, dribbling to the net. He went up with both hands, slamming the ball into the net and hanging by the rim of the basketball for mere moments before releasing his grip and dropping to the ground.

I can hear you breathe
I'm feeling the shake
And the ground of my heartbeat
Can't let go
Do you know
I'm feeling the pain
Of my first love
I won't let it go
Can't let go

As soon as Nathan landed, he immediately felt the pain spread from his toes to his finger tips to the ends of the hairs on his scalp. He collapsed into a ball onto the floor, the music still permeating from his headphones. At first Nathan didn't know if he had physically hurt himself or if the pain his heart was inflicting all these years finally caught up to with emotionally.

It wasn't until he attempted to get up did he realize the eye of his hurricane of pain was his knee, he couldn't stand. The pain was so overwhelming he couldn't even call for help.

I do this from time to time
Where I can never wake from a bad dream
I do this from time to time
Where I can never say the things I mean
I do this from time to time
Where I like to watch you as you sleep
I do this from time to time
Where I want to taste you as I breathe

The pain from it all was too much. Not only had he lost her in the fight for his dream, but lying on this ground unable to move, or even speak, it was clear Nathan had lost his dream too. The orange ball rolled down the court, mocking him with its movement.

The last thing he saw and the last thing he heard, before he blacked out, only reminded him how much he truly lost.

"I understand sir, it'll only be six months after I have the surgery today. Yes sir, the whole season." Nathan spoke formally to into his phone, obviously careful as to what to say to the man on the other line.

"The doctor says I have to do physical therapy and I know I could get someone to help me out there in-" Nathan paused momentarily, listening intently.

"Of course they'll miss me sir, but I'll be back here by next season." Nathan nodded absentmindedly, "Yes sir, I do believe it could be a good experience and opportunity to have the team meet and work with an NBA player, even if he is physically handicapped at the moment." Nathan joked.

"Yes sir, he'll be there to help me. Yes sir, I do believe I could help." Nathan listened to the man on the other line and smiled, "Yes, Yes sir. I can be there Monday. It would be an honor to help out and coach the team to victory."

Nathan nodded once more, "Yes, Principal Turner. I just hope my new players won't resent me for beating the Hornets in playoffs last year." He laughed.

"Yes sir, I am really excited, thank you for this opportunity. Yes, working along side my cousin will be something. I'll see you then, thank you. Goodbye."

Nathan hobbled onto the plane. His sunglasses covered his eyes. His 'LA Lakers' cap covered his head and shadowed most of his exposed face. His black brace was secured over his faded blue jeans and his blue polo hugged his muscular build.

He silently cursed his crutches as he attempted to situate himself in his seat in first class.

When the doctors had told him he had torn his ACL, Nathan nearly tore theirs. This was the kind of injury players never fully recovered from. Nathan had his whole career in front of him; he couldn't just give it all away. He had to make something of basketball; it was the only thing he had left. But since Coach had told him to sit the rest of the season out, as to not stress himself, he had to find some other way to be around basketball, and coaching the Tree Hill Ravens along side his cousin seemed like the perfect solution. He needed to come to terms with his past in Tree Hill someday anyway, why not now?

Nathan sat back in his seat and made himself comfortable for the eight hour flight. He looked out the window as the plane began it's journey into the air.

"Tree Hill, here I come."

It took about an hour for the taxi to reach Lucas's house and an additional fifteen minutes for the driver to unload Nathan's bags and place them on Lucas's front porch. Six months meant a lot of clothes.

Of course, Nathan probably should've asked Lucas if he could stay, but it was too late now. It was a hasty decision, very rash and made very quickly. Nathan was sure his cousin would understand. And if he didn't, he could always go to a motel until he got around to renting an apartment or even buying a house. After all, he was going to be here for six months.

Nathan rang the doorbell several times to no avail. Was Lucas even home? Nathan had only talked to him last week and he hadn't mentioned moving ever, so that wasn't an option. I knew I should've called first.

Nathan began to bang on the door, determined to get some response, any response.

Finally, Nathan heard some stirring behind the wooden door, which opened to reveal Lucas's aggravated face, "What!?" Lucas shouted, before looking into the eyes of his cousin.

"Is that anyway to greet your favorite cousin?" Nathan joked, but Lucas's expression remained the same; unreadable.

Well, this ought to be fun.

Sooner or later we all choose a path. Sometimes you never look back and sometimes life forces you to.

Usually the things from our past come back to haunt us, in one form or another. But the sooner you deal with these ghosts, the sooner you can move on, the sooner you can find salvation.

The sooner you can get on with life.