Author's Notes: This chapter delay is brought to you in part by Dell: "Making internal wiring so short your computer eventually kills itself." Fortunately, I have an in with a tech dude, and it only cost me sixty bucks and the wire to my touch-sensitive media shortcuts to get things back in order. Also, I can't close my laptop anymore. Ever. Oh well. My writing is more important. Other delays include getting nowhere on chapter twenty-four (for the past three months there have been five paragraphs, and that's still about how many there are right now), as well as a strangely powerful desire to write a particular Dissidia fanfic. But since it's been months and I'm going away for a week, I thought it was about time I get my ass in gear and post.

Anyway, I'm actually happy with this chapter! I haven't been recently, and it probably seemed like I was fishing for compliments the last few chapters, but I was just trying to encourage commentary on where I might have gone wrong. But like I said, I'm actually liking this chapter! Not that you shouldn't comment if you think something's off, but I thought I should mention my happiness anyway.

Word Count: 7479 (Total: 141590)

Date Submitted: 9/13/12

Chapter 23 – Team Misfit

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?!" two voices protested simultaneously.

"I thought you'd be a little more excited, Naruto," his father sighed. He then scowled over at Obito. "And you have no right whatsoever to make that noise. I demoted you the other month for acting like an idiot, remember? The paperwork went through weeks ago, but I generously allowed you to continue with your preferred duties as an ANBU captain. You're quite lucky I didn't send you straight off to the academy to pull double-rotation on the guest lectures for the history of shinobi law."

Naruto blinked at that, aware it was a pretty harsh punishment. Even Iruka had barely been able to stand that topic; he had interspersed it with lots of outdoor breaks that, from his reaction when he dismissed the students, obviously had not been just for their sakes. Or at least that was what Naruto remembered the few times he had been awake to see it.

Obito paled and bowed low. "I mean, thank you, Hokage-sama. You're most kind to this undeserving one."

"What about me?" Kakashi dared to ask, his tone stunningly brazen.

"You're no better," the Fourth replied. "I just haven't found an official reason to demote you yet."

". . . Hokage-sama?"

The elder blond turned, expression eerily pleasant. "Yes, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke glanced at Itachi, who was standing quietly beside him, then wondered, "Why . . . am I here?"

"You are here because your brother and I don't want your training to go to waste. And your father has given permission for this because it will open more than one advancement opportunity for you. All of this experience will be on file, therefore it will help any future attempts you make for a command position within the MP, even if your shinobi rank never changes."

"So . . . I'm being put on a team?"

"You and Naruto are the only academy graduates of your year who didn't become part of a genin team. As Itachi noted yesterday, this was useful at the time as it allowed teams to be constructed without leftovers, but these days it's left the two of you in ranking limbo; neither of you can hope to become chuunin until you work as a team and get some missions under your belts. Naruto's earlier lackluster efforts in his private training are currently not so lackluster, and you have recently completed special training. So you'll team with each other as well as Kakashi and Obito, who will offer you new training methods and topics—this will help your adaptability, of course—and be your commanders during assignments. At some point, should they prove their maturity, they may return to their previous duties, in which case you'll be added to any of the existing teams, regardless of age or year of graduation, who may have lost one of their number for some reason."

Sasuke nodded. "I understand. Thank you."

The Fourth nodded in turn. "Of course, for now you'll be stuck with D-rank missions—"

"Bleeeehhhhhh."

"Naruto . . . —but as long as you prove your capability, which I'm sure you will, I wouldn't mind giving you the occasional C-rank."

"YES!" Naruto yelled, pumping both fists into the air.

"OCCASIONAL," his father reminded him loudly.

Obito and Kakashi tilted their heads, baffled. "Really?" The former added, "You'd actually . . . let Naruto do a C-rank assignment?"

"Not for a while yet, and definitely not if you two don't first give the go-ahead," was the response. "But I don't see why not. Naruto has had the least structured training of the four of you, but Sandaime-sama assures me that he's made a great deal of progress and is fit for any D-rank mission. What he lacks compared to Sasuke will be minor, and you'll be able to fill in the holes while you teach him new things. When you feel he's ready for more I'll give him a little test and then you can have an easy, simple C-rank. We'll go from there."

Naruto at last had a thought beyond finally running missions again. He frowned. "Wait, why do we need two sensei?"

"Because genin teams consist of four-man cells," his father replied. "Technically, as a result of your total lack of practical experience, neither you nor Sasuke are suitable to be attached to any genin team. Seeing as we're in peacetime right now that probably isn't as much of an issue, but either of you would still be deadweight that your jounin-sensei would have a hard time making up for while not neglecting the other two; there's only so much one can get from sparring with the same opponent. And for the moment there are no single genin here who are in need of teammates, either, or that might have worked out. So you get two sensei—that's three potential opponents, two of which are inarguably superior to you rather than just one. It'll be more practice than many of your peers will get under the current political conditions."

Naruto squinted, suspicious. "You aren't just trying to protect us, are you?"

"It had crossed my mind, yes," the Fourth confirmed patiently. "Has it occurred to you how great a haul the two of you are?" Naruto blinked and glanced over at Sasuke. "Obviously, you're my son—your value is clear to anyone with even the most vague understanding of ninja. But Sasuke happens to be a son of the head of the Uchiha clan, and even if one were to ignore his own current skills, between the reputations of his parents and his brother he has both potential for strong abilities as well as a use for the purposes of ransom. No matter how interested they are, the other great hidden villages probably wouldn't be desperate enough to abduct either of you for fear of angering Konoha and disrupting the peace, but any of the smaller villages are frequently out to strengthen themselves by any means necessary, and they'd likely be willing to take the risk of being annihilated to get their hands on pedigrees like yours. They choose to sit quietly at our heels for now, but there's always the possibility they'll bite if they think we aren't looking. That," he added absently as he looked at his desktop and grabbed a brush, "is why the Mizukage is conferring with the Raikage on transferring the governorship of Amegakure. The distance is bad enough to govern Taki—it's too much trouble to supervise Ame too. I'd like to think that the threat of a supervisor physically nearer than Water Country will quiet all of those Rain assassins . . ."

"And the cloaked individuals?" Itachi asked. The brothers' father must have said something to him about them, because Naruto was pretty sure his father had not.

The Fourth frowned faintly, but if he had an issue with Itachi's knowledge he said nothing. "I have reason to believe they're not after Naruto except as a means of attaining their actual goal. If he stays on the move it will be slightly harder to predict his location and find him, although D-rank assignment won't take him too far for too long. It'll still be a good way to see without exposing him to danger too far from home exactly how interested they are and what they're willing to do to get him." He looked at Sasuke. "Naruto will have one of my Hiraishin tags on him in case he's targeted. Sasuke-kun, you are not to engage those clerics at any time."

Sasuke started, distressed. "But Naruto-sama is—"

"—my son," the Fourth interrupted gently, "and therefore my responsibility. You must remember your own position—your safety and health are no less important for being the second son of a clan head. Because we don't know enough about these people, your life could be seriously endangered for just being in close physical proximity to Naruto. We need more information on them, and in the event that we discover their only strength is in numbers, then I will speak with your father about allowing you to place yourself in harm's way for the sake of experience. But until then you will avoid battle with these individuals except to defend yourself, and allow Kakashi and Obito to act offensively. Is that understood?"

Sasuke lowered his head and looked away. Naruto nudged him, then grinned. "It's no secret I'm tasty bait. So don't worry—it's under control. I'll kick ass before Dad has to show up anyway."

"You will not pick fights with them, Naruto," the Fourth commanded firmly.

Naruto made a face. "Why would I want to?"

"You say that now, while you're calm," was the response. "But you have your mother's fuse, which may as well have not existed for all the length it had to it. You are not in a position to be curing the world's injustices. You and Sasuke-kun will provide cover for one another if you're attacked by these clerics—establish a position and let Kakashi and Obito move around you—but knowing that you're already a target is not permission to run around the battlefield looking for trouble."

Naruto sighed loudly. "Jeez—"

"Don't roll your eyes at me—this is serious. You should remember that I'm letting you do this against my better judgment, Naruto. If Sandaime-sama weren't vouching as confidently as he is for your current qualification and your efforts to continue improving yourself, you wouldn't be setting foot one outside those gates without a full complement of ANBU at the very least."

Naruto opened his mouth to make some scathing comment about overprotective tendencies, but his father turned his head sharply to the right, eyes locked with Naruto's, and the icy stare was accompanied by an oppressive sense of danger. It was definitely not killing intent, but it was nothing to be shrugged off, either. The warning was clear, and Naruto reevaluated what he had intended to say. Out of curiosity he traced it and the feelings behind it, and while much of both was basically the Uzumaki Naruto don't-boss-me-around-I-can-take-care-of-myself-damn-it self-confidence, he was able to link a portion of rebellious resentment to his counterpart—the idea that only at that point was his father showing concern for his general wellbeing. So he pushed all of it down, permitting an annoyed scowl to remain to ease the pressure of not getting the chance to mouth off, and muttered with as little anger as possible, "Fine. I'll try to remember. Sasuke can hit me or something if I get stupid."

The warning expression went away, as did the sense of danger. When his father spoke, his voice was calm and gave no indication of his previous irritation. "Thank you. Come here." Naruto approached obediently as his father stood up. "Turn around and unzip your jacket a little." That was somewhat more suspicious, but again Naruto obeyed. He felt his father pull the rear of the collar of his jacket away from his body, then the ball of a warm hand settled over his seventh cervical vertebra and the area around it was cupped lightly. Nothing else happened for a few seconds, and Naruto was about to ask what he was doing when something scuttled down his back. It felt like either a large spider or a centipede—something big and with a lot of legs.

Startled and grossed out, Naruto jumped away from the Fourth and whirled around, his hands going to his back as he searched for the source of the fading crawling sensation. If it had been something that would get into his pants, he was going to beat the shit out of the elder blond, Hokage or not. "F-F-F— . . ." He could not even get the word out because of the creepiness. "What the hell was that?!" Yeah, Naruto was definitely going to beat the shit out of him, since the sensation had caused the younger blond's voice to rise several humiliating notches.

"It was one of my Hiraishin seals," his father explained, entirely unapologetic. "It will monitor your chakra use, and in the event that you use large quantities rapidly—as you would in a fight—it will activate and alert me and I will provide backup."

"But I can feel it!"

"Only because it's moving across your skin. Once it stops you won't know it's there."

Fine. "What if I'm training?"

"Kakashi and Obito will each have one of my special kunai. They'll be a failsafe. Also, I'll know your team schedule, so I'll know when and how much you'll be training as a team and will note but not respond to summons during those times. If you're attacked during training, one or both will use their kunai to call me, and since they don't use those kunai as a rule I'll know the situation is serious. Don't spar spontaneously—not unless Kakashi sends word to me through one of his dogs first. Even simple taijutsu practice can escalate very quickly, so just don't. If it's not a training day then I'll assume you've been ambushed and Kakashi and Obito aren't around."

Jeez, I almost need permission to even take a piss, Naruto sighed to his tenant.

Considering your general misbehavior to this point, with your refusal to stay within the village walls and your efforts to evade your ANBU guardians, the kyuubi pointed out, this is not an unreasonable arrangement. In fact, it seems quite generous to me. Your counterpart's past appears to consist primarily of little to no training, and your sire is relying largely on his predecessor for assurance that your performance yesterday is the rule rather than the exception. You would do well to appreciate even this measure of freedom when you would otherwise be confined indefinitely within the village.

"Hokage-sama," Itachi said suddenly.

The Fourth looked over at him, and Naruto watched them engage in some kind of silent, experienced-ninja eye-contact discussion. "If you'd like," the elder blond finally decided.

"I think it would cover nearly all eventualities."

"Very well. Sasuke-kun, here. I'll place a seal on you also, under the same conditions."

"Why did it have to be on my back?" Naruto whined as Sasuke slowly approached and pulled his shirt over his head. "Why not my arm or my leg?"

"First of all, your arms and legs could be cut off at any time for any reason, and I'd rather not encourage that. Second, any paper seal intended to suppress or prevent the motion of chakra is always placed directly between the shoulder blades, where it's difficult to remove without assistance from another person," his father explained as he applied a seal to the younger Uchiha. Sasuke stiffened and shuddered as the seal moved into place, which assured Naruto that it was not merely him being overly sensitive. "In either case, rather than force the chakra back inside the body, which can cause problems for both sealer and sealed, paper seals work by simply cutting off the outward flow of chakra—they restrict it so no more is produced than what's needed to keep the body comfortable. Because of that, the flow is halted starting from the seal itself, which means your back will be the first place that will stop circulating any chakra to and from the surface of your body. It will weaken you, which is why people usually get weak-kneed or pass out entirely, as it's a somatic panic reflex, but only temporarily—your body will adjust to the difference once it realizes your chakra is being contained rather than drained. If you all end up caught off guard and the paper seals are applied, the lack of support from your chakra to my seal will also alert me, and on your back it'll become aware of such a deficiency that much sooner."

Naruto squinted. ". . . Uh . . . I get the arms-and-legs-cut-off part, but . . ."

"It just works, okay?" Obito put in. "Sensei has it covered. Jeez, when did you get to be such a moron?"

Naruto stuck his tongue out at the same time Kakashi snorted, "Oh, like you knew that at his age."

"All right," the Fourth interrupted loudly. "As much as I appreciate the brotherly nitpicking, there's a time and a place, and this is neither." He looked at Naruto and Sasuke, then Kakashi and Obito. "From now on you four are a team. I'm counting on you all to watch out for each other. Naruto, Kakashi and Obito outrank you now, and I mean that in the martial sense as opposed to the social sense. So if there's a disciplinary problem on a mission, it's highly likely I'll take their side."

Naruto folded his arms and turned away, irritated and stung, the lash of betrayal burning quite abruptly in his throat. He was being portrayed as guilty until proven innocent, just like he always had been as a child.

You can't get away from it, can you? Sarcasm giggled. You thought your family would understand, and you tried so hard to fit in, but they can't put up with you either! You'll never belong!

Shut up! he hissed.

The worst thing was that since Naruto had finally been made aware of his counterpart, he had automatically become more sensitive to the other's emotions. To a point that was expected, in the same way that one would look at a cloud and not see the rabbit in it until someone else pointed out the ears and cottontail, and thus he had to struggle more to control those emotions which had suddenly gained strength. So far, but nevertheless with a few slips, Naruto had managed to maintain a level of separation between himself and his counterpart, using logic and experience and a measure of implied superiority to correct or ignore his younger self's complaints. But right then he felt he had a far too intimate grasp of the vague, distant frustration his counterpart was generating.

His father always took someone else's side—always assumed the problem would lie with Naruto. No one else was ever at fault . . .

He said it was 'highly likely,' not 'for sure,' Naruto noted carefully, fighting to regain a sense of balance. This isn't . . . That doesn't mean I'm going to be in trouble every time something goes wrong.

Your persisting naïveté is delicious, Sarcasm purred. They might say it to make you go away, you know, but no one will ever really love you, idiot. You are the kyuubi jinchuuriki. You are the scapegoat. Even your own parents left you! And now you've stolen this family to make up for that, but you're still ruining things! You are unlovable.

Naruto tried to shuck off the pointless anger he remembered from so long ago. He had been so sure he had dismissed the doubts, but perhaps with his current situation he was just finding himself with more questions and no direction than answers and a path to explore. You're lying. You're lying, damn you! You don't know any more about my real parents than I do! You don't know jack about what they were like! You don't know that they left me! I'm not going to listen to your bullshit!

But this is how he is! Sarcasm laughed. Don't you see? If this is a parallel world, wouldn't your father here at least share some traits with your father there even if they weren't identical?

Some! Naruto acknowledged. Nothing says this is one of them!

Nothing says it isn't . . .

Naruto glared at the wall, peripherally relieved the kyuubi was keeping its mouth shut when it normally felt a need to add its two coins. He could sense it, though, its presence stronger than usual, and maybe that was why the old fox had nothing to say. Even so, belligerence reared its ugly head. Aren't you going to contribute like usual? he sneered. I'm almost missing your dulcet tones.

Get control of yourself, was the cool response. That is the one and only warning I will give you. To date, I have agreed to work with you for the sake of mutual safety and survival, but we are not friends. If you dare provide me with an opening, I will absolutely take advantage of it, and you won't be around to regret your stupidity.

That was enough to instantly get Naruto's attention, but he was unsure what the fox meant. Obviously, it was threatening to escape the seal and take over his body, but it could not do that without his permission or some external seal-destroying technique. There had been very few times he had ever been angry enough to give the kyuubi room to dig its claws into him, and none of those had ever occurred when he was a child. And since what he was feeling at the moment was similar to his childhood, he did not see where he had any reason to worry.

". . . Naruto . . . Naruto . . .?"

He frowned at his father and asked sharply, "What?"

"What are you doing?" was the cautious query.

"What do you mean?" he snapped. At that point he became aware of how much his right arm hurt. It felt as though it was on fire. Naruto looked down at it and discovered that his arm, from fingertips to shoulder, was clad in an unpleasantly familiar red chakra cloak. ". . . What the hell . . .?"

That was . . . not good. At all. Naruto was not exactly concerned about the cloak's presence, insofar as one arm was not nearly as bad as his whole body, but he recognized immediately that the kyuubi was right—he needed to get control of himself. Because for the cloak to have appeared specifically on his right arm . . . Well, he was right-handed, so that was the hand he normally attacked with. He had not consciously thought it, but he obviously wanted to hurt something. And that made an unfortunate amount of sense, between his frustration about being picked on and his counterpart's too-similar feelings of distress, but his own mind had never weakened to the point that the kyuubi's chakra had manifested in such a way. Not over that. Never.

What is this? he demanded of the fox.

I told you some time ago that there was a reason I was sealed in you rather than another, Kyuubi snorted. That hardly means that all versions of you are automatically suitable vessels.

Yeah, but what the hell does that mean, damn it?

The fox sighed heavily. Perhaps it means that this body is weak. Or perhaps it means your seal has become inadequate. Perhaps it means both.

How could my seal have become inadequate? Naruto wondered, mostly to himself. In any case, there was no denying that he had a problem, and that he probably was not going to get rid of it if he stuck around with the one responsible for the situation. He frowned anew and turned toward the door.

"Naruto—" the Fourth started.

"I'm outta here," Naruto interrupted. "I need some space." At first, since there was no protest, he thought he had gotten away and could do his own thing.

Of course not.

"What the hell have you been fucking around with?"

Obito.

Naruto scowled at him. "Leave me alone."

"Ha ha, you're funny," was the very not amused-sounding response. "Care to try again?"

You need an ally, you fool, Kyuubi reminded him impatiently. Did I not also say that before? If you intend to take offense at every little misstep your sire makes and see him as an enemy, you need to have someone else on your side who, unlike you, knows this world. The Uchiha boy you so admire is not an adequate option here—he has neither the rank nor the experience to reliably fill that position. This Uchiha, as much as I loathe the idea of relying on any Uchiha for any assistance at all, is an ANBU captain.

An ANBU captain was pretty much one step down from the council in terms of general village knowledge, and otherwise ANBU just plain heard things, too. Obito, Naruto had to admit, would be a great ally in the event that his father refused to share information, which had already happened at least once.

He sighed. "Look, does the restroom on this floor have a full-length mirror like it's supposed to?"

Obito tilted his head, but said, "Yeah . . ."

In the restroom, Naruto examined the cloak from all angles. It showed nothing he did not already know, of course, but looking seemed like the right thing to do. He sighed again. ". . . Crap . . ."

"What is that?"

"It's the kyuubi's chakra," Naruto replied. He then lifted his gaze to Obito's reflection. "You know about the kyuubi, right?" His father obviously knew something about it, seeing as the elder blond apparently kept some sort of miniaturized version as a pet—Naruto had definitely not missed that revelation the previous afternoon, even though he had not seen it since—but that did not necessarily extend to everyone else.

Obito rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know about the kyuubi, dumbass. I'm ANBU—I have to know. It's only Konoha's greatest threat and guardian."

Naruto blinked. "Guardian?"

Obito snorted. "Duh. All bijuu are mixed blessings."

Okay . . .

"But what are you doing with the kyuubi's chakra? It doesn't just pass that stuff around, even to its aigo."

"Aigo?" Naruto echoed, somewhat annoyed that he was already having to ask so many questions. On the other hand, it just went to show exactly how much he had been farting around for the past two months and change, snuggling into his little fantasy of having a family. Stupid. Although, admittedly, there was not much else he could have done, seeing as he had been in such piss-poor condition until recently. Well, he could have gone to the library. But . . . But . . . reading . . . Reading was ick. He would probably have to sit down with a big stack of heavy, dusty books eventually, but he had certainly not exhausted all his alternate options; surely there were better ways to get at least some of the information he needed.

Which merely brought him back to the fact that he really had been farting around, playing a game of house with people who were actually complete strangers.

Obito squinted a dark eye and reached into the pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a box of pocky—melon-flavored, that time—that had been opened at the wrong end and tapped on the box similar to the way Naruto had once seen Asuma tap on a cigarette pack. Sure enough, a stick of pocky popped out not unlike the cigarette had, and Obito took it in his teeth as he tucked the box away. Smooth. Naruto vaguely wondered if he had used any chakra to achieve that effect or if the flavoring had warmed and melted enough to stick to itself. "Aigo are the intermediaries between the bijuu and the humans. They protect the world from the bijuu and protect the bijuu from the world. To that end they're allowed to do pretty much anything to anyone—whatever is necessary to keep the peace."

Naruto wrinkled his nose at his own reflection. "Sounds kind of like a jinchuuriki."

Obito frowned and sucked on the pocky stick. "It was agreed a long time ago that creating a jinchuuriki is cruel—that's why aigo replaced them."

Naruto blinked again. "What's the difference, then?"

"When a new aigo is required, potential aigo are brought to a bijuu and the bijuu gives each one a sample of its chakra. That usually happens a couple of times to gather a suitable pool of potential aigo. The ones who don't weaken, pass out, or die become part of a handful of people from whom the bijuu chooses based on some quality only it knows. Whoever it picks becomes its aigo until his or her death."

Naruto withheld a snort of derision. He saw no reason for anyone to be proud that the aigo did not have the bijuu sealed in them—it seemed an aigo was merely a jinchuuriki with a cooperative bijuu, which led to there being no need to seal the bijuu into anyone or anything. That was it. Obviously nobody understood what was truly 'cruel' about having any connection at all to one of the bijuu—being stared at, feared, hated . . . all for merely having access to a sort of power virtually no one else understood, let alone were able to use. And that was not counting the people who thought the person was the bijuu.

"What are you doing with the kyuubi's chakra?" Obito pressed. "Even as the fox's aigo, you're not allowed possession of its chakra outside of training or battle situations."

So he was a jinchuuriki wherever he went, then. Naruto glared at his right arm and willed the chakra sleeve to go away. "I don't know. But it's no big deal."

"Seems like it is, if you didn't notice that you lost control over it," was the response.

Naruto snorted as the chakra dissipated. He flexed his hand and arm. The skin was red and tight, as though he had a sunburn. The body he was in definitely was not used to prolonged contact with the kyuubi's chakra; that was very bad, to have such a nasty response to just the first stage of the cloak. "Don't tell me I lost control. You don't know what a loss of control actually looks like."

"And you do?"

"Yeah," Naruto confirmed calmly, and looked again at Obito's reflection. "Yeah, I do."

One of Obito's black eyebrows went up, and he used his tongue and teeth to play with the pocky stick so that it bobbed. "Uh-huh. Well, come on—"

"I'm not going back there."

"I wasn't even going to suggest it, you little preemptive prick. Listen, don't pretend you know what I'm thinking, and I won't pretend I know what you're thinking. Deal?"

"Fine."

"Shit, you're acting like my uncle Jun. Quit it with that funereal countenance—it's fucking annoying."

"Am I supposed to be happy that you're nagging me?" Naruto snapped as he turned around.

Obito bent over sharply to invade his space and look him in the eye. "Yeah, you absolutely are. Because it means I fucking care, ingrate."

That did a lot to shake Naruto out of his bad mood for the moment. That was precisely how he had become so attached to Iruka—because his beloved academy teacher had nagged him over his bad behavior, and that was the sort of thing he had heard his peers complain about their parents always doing with them. The realization had been a comfort. A sign that someone cared. He blew out a long breath and recent stresses, and most of his bad childhood memories plus his counterpart's fussing went with them for the moment.

"Now let's go," Obito said as he turned toward the door. "I got the cure for what ails ya."

"You don't even know what's bothering me," Naruto pointed out, even though he was following.

Obito chuckled. "Doesn't matter. You can tell me on the way. In any case, I got the cure for what ails ya."

They never returned to the Fourth's office, just left the administration building entirely. Reluctantly, for he was not used to sharing such private thoughts but figured he was unlikely to get away with avoiding the topic for long, Naruto carefully explained how he had been feeling. Not all of it, obviously, but he figured it was safe enough to discuss his counterpart's emotions.

Obito nodded absently. "That was a common complaint of yours before you were injured," he said. "I'm not trying to defend Sensei, but I do want you to understand one thing: Sensei may not always be the most awesome dad ever, but you haven't always been the best son ever. That doesn't excuse either of you—it's the whole pot-and-kettle thing, you know? Sensei worries about you because you do stupid shit on an extremely frequent basis, so he cracks down on you sporadically, especially in new situations like this. What he said in his office . . . I don't think he necessarily meant it the way you interpreted it, but hell, maybe he did. Sensei can overreact at times. Sometimes it's a good overreaction, and those are always hilarious, but sometimes it's a bad overreaction and it's like, 'Damn, who pissed in your oatmeal?'"

"But everybody's like that," Naruto argued.

Obito shook his head. "Whichever it is, Sensei goes overboard. It's like . . ." He frowned thoughtfully. "It's like he's trying to live for more than one person or something. He's just . . . intense. And it exhausts him, but it's like he can't help it for some reason. I don't know how many times Rin's told him to cool off. He promises he will, and he does for a while, but then it's business as usual. You gotta watch out for him, Naruto. He doesn't think about himself enough—it's always everyone else. He's gonna kill himself one day."

Naruto frowned. That sounded a little too familiar. Sakura had been the first to tell him to take it easy—and then Tsunade, when Sakura had complained to her that he was not listening—but he was aware his switches were generally stuck in the 'on' position. It could be hard for him to wind down unless he was physically or mentally exhausted, at which times he collapsed and slept for ten or twelve hours at a stretch. It had never done him harm that he could see, and Kakashi had even once told him it was okay as long as he directed it properly, but his medical team appeared to consider it unhealthy. Still, nobody treaded on eggshells around him. ". . . So I'm supposed to suck up for the sake of his delicate psychology?"

"No," Obito replied. "That won't do any good. You could be the perfect son and he'd still be that way. I'm just telling you to remember that. This is probably going to sound completely nuts, but in a way you should be glad he acts like that with you—it means he thinks you're mature enough to handle it. If you watch, he doesn't act like that with Akiko or the girls because he can't. It'd scare 'em. When I was a punk—your age, actually—he didn't act like that with me or Kakashi or Rin. But I remember there were times when Jiraiya-sama would notice something about him and convince him to dismiss us for the day, then get some sake and take him someplace quiet to try to settle him down. This was before he was Hokage, too, so it's not like the extra responsibility has triggered it. I can't even say the extra responsibility has made it worse. As far as I can tell, he's always been exactly that way.

"Sensei doesn't like to talk about it, whatever it is, and he tries to hold it in. But with some of us he feels he can relax a little—he trusts us to not freak out or report him or anything—so if he's in a bad mood we get the brunt of it. I'm not saying it's fair of him to dump on you, but if you can . . . I dunno . . . recognize those moments and not make things worse by snapping at him—'cause that'll just make him all the more anxious, that you don't appreciate the potential danger you're in or whatever—that'll help. But you can't always just smile and nod, either, 'cause then he thinks you're patronizing him—"

"This is beginning to sound like paranoia," Naruto interjected.

Obito hesitated, thought about it, then said, "Yeah. To some degree, I'm sure. He's just . . . He gets fucking attached, Naruto. I don't know if you can understand that. I know I can't, and these days I don't try. He clutches at everyone like he's afraid we're going to disappear. He was like that long before the thing with your mom, so I can't imagine where it comes from . . ." He shook his head. "I dunno. It just bothers me. If he bitches at me, sometimes I cringe from him and sometimes I argue with him . . . You just have to do what feels right, okay? The important part is to keep your cool, like I said. Don't feed off his anxiety and reflect it at him—it only compounds the problem. Because then you get pissed and your whole day is ruined, while he thinks he's justified but doesn't feel good about getting his way because you're mad, which worries him, and everything starts over. In medicine they call it 'positive feedback' because the condition worsens the symptoms, which worsens the condition, which worsens the symptoms, and so on into eternity. Rin reminds me and Kakashi about it all the time."

Naruto did understand the attachment. That was exactly the reason why he threw himself into the line of fire so much—because he could take far more damage than those who were important to him, and he was desperate to not lose anyone. He tilted his head. ". . . Was Dad an orphan?"

"No. His dad did die when he was eleven or something, I think, but his mom was sick all his life and while she didn't go out a lot, she lived until he was almost twenty-three." Obito frowned slightly. "Maybe that was what did it, though . . . I mean, watching her die by inches . . .?"

They turned through a small gate, Obito leading the way without seeming to be aware of where he was, and Naruto took in the traditional residence with curiosity. There were three other apparent residences and a handful of storage buildings, but nothing else he could see from that angle. He had definitely never been there before. "Is this some clan's grounds?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah." Obito smiled and laced his fingers behind his head. "Never been a big clan, but always been a strong one. The numbers are really down and it may just die out if the heir doesn't get his ass in gear and get married and have brats, but sometimes the best way to close down a family line is to be the most badass example of the clan's power."

"What clan?" Naruto pressed.

"Come inside," Obito said with a grin, and slid open the front door. He sucked in a big breath, then sang at the top of his lungs a drinking song that Jiraiya had once, for some reason, forced Naruto to learn years ago. After a few seconds, a familiar platinum-haired man appeared at the far end of the vestibule, one oven-mitted hand holding a baking sheet that was clearly fresh out of the oven while the other held a spatula. Obito abruptly stopped singing and greeted at a normal volume, "Hey, Daddy."

Naruto blinked. ". . . Daddy . . .?"

"Kakashi's dad let me move in after I got fed up with the clan's whining and moaning about how much of an embarrassment I was and let them kick me out of the clan grounds," Obito explained easily. "He's my dad now. I told you before."

Right. Not long after he had awakened from being knocked unconscious. Why, of course Naruto would be able to instantaneously recall information from around that time period.

Hatake Sakumo looked at Obito, one pale eyebrow raised, then down at Naruto. He smiled warmly. "Hello, Naruto-kun."

"Hi," Naruto answered awkwardly, taking a long look at the father of his jounin-sensei since he had not seen the man for a while. They really were fascinatingly similar, barring the frilly pink apron Sakumo was wearing. Naruto was unsure he would ever catch Kakashi in one like that outside a joke or a mission.

"Please come in and make yourself at home. Obito, a message came while you were gone. I put it in your room. If you decide to burn it, take it outside so my rugs aren't in danger again."

Obito made a face as he toed his sandals off and stepped up onto the wood floor. "You're still wearing that raggedy old woman's apron? Why don't you ever wear the one Kakashi and I had specially made for you? That one's much more manly and doesn't have all those weird ruffles around the outside."

Sakumo looked at him flatly. "First of all, this one was my wife's and there's more than a little nostalgia in its threads. Second, the one you two geniuses got me to replace it says, 'Lick my beef stick.'" He pointed his spatula at his adopted son. "Don't think I didn't figure that one out as soon as I saw it." He turned away and headed along the hall. "This way, Naruto-kun."

Obito acted properly affronted and cried in dismay as he followed, "What do you mean, you figured it out? Surely your eyes haven't become so bad yet that you missed the beautifully hand-embroidered wiener-on-a-fork that was there too!"

Sakumo turned sharply, causing Obito to come to a sudden stop, and Naruto noticed he was just out of the elder man's spatula swipe range. The Hatake patriarch's expression, if it were possible, flattened even more. All he said was, "I was your age once."

Obito huffed melodramatically and, with Sakumo's eyes following him, wandered into a room to the left. Naruto trailed the latter into a kitchen on the right and settled at a little table against the near wall. Sakumo grabbed a big cookie from a nearby plate, which he offered to Naruto.

"Here you go, Naruto-kun."

"Ah!" Obito protested frantically from what sounded like a few rooms over. He must have had x-ray vision or something—not an entirely outrageous concept, since he was an Uchiha by blood—because his next words were a petulant, "No, you evil old fart! That's my cookie! I saw it first!"

"Bake your own, you shameless mooch," Sakumo called back.

"Noooooooooooooo!" was Obito's theatrical howl.

"Eat it," Sakumo advised Naruto. "He gets too many any other time."

Obito certainly was not rushing to grab it for himself, at least. Naruto accepted it. "Thanks." While Sakura and Hinata had each made batches of cookies at one time or another, Naruto had never quite had a fresh-from-the-oven cookie before. It was soft and warm, which was odd, but he got used to it. It tasted awesome, too.

"Not that I mind your visit," Sakumo said, "but you've never stopped by before. Did something happen?"

Naruto frowned.

Obito rushed into the kitchen at that moment, anguish written across his face. He gently but firmly grabbed Sakumo by the shoulders and moved him to the side, then retrieved a small bag from a drawer, grabbed the spatula, and hurriedly began to slide the cookies from the baking sheet into the bag.

Sakumo watched, then asked, "Bad news?"

"My sister fell out of the tree by Mom's house," Obito blurted. "Trying tree-climbing without supervision. Again. It seems like she'll be okay, but—"

"Do you need anything else?"

Obito began to close the bag. "Yeah. I don't know what Kakashi told Itachi and Sasuke, but tell him I can't do training tomorrow, if that's what he arranged. If he could get word to them that it's canceled, that would be great. I'm afraid I don't know when I'll be available—I'll keep him informed."

"I can do that. Tell your sister and mother that I said hello and wish them well."

"Thanks. Don't wait up for me. Sorry I gotta run, Naruto. Kakashi or I will let you know when training is." The Uchiha reject darted out without waiting for a response.

Naruto looked at the empty kitchen doorway for a while, slowly chewing a chunk of the big cookie, then at Sakumo. Kakashi's father sat across the table from him. "Is it possible I can help you with something? You do seem somewhat distressed."

Naruto shook his head, but then reconsidered. Sakumo was a father, after all, and Naruto had never heard it mentioned that he was a gossip. He might be able to offer insight Obito could not. "Well, here's the thing—Dad and I had this . . . confrontation. About my . . . discipline, I guess. He just assumed I was going to be trouble. Or," he acknowledged, "that was how it sounded to me. Did you and Kakashi-sensei ever have that problem?"

Sakumo chuckled. "Oh yes. More than once. It's a long story, though."

Naruto pointedly wiggled down into his seat and popped the last of the cookie into his mouth. "I don't have to be anywhere, Jiichan. Start whenever you're ready."

To be continued in . . . Chapter 24 – Eyes Ahead

Sasuke would never admit it aloud, lest various people take it entirely the wrong way, but he was starting to like Sakura. Not romantically, but by way of acknowledging her skill as a ninja. Sasuke did not know enough about medical techniques to speak knowledgeably of her abilities in that realm, although seeing as her teacher was one of the Sannin and hailed as possibly the best iryounin to have ever lived, and she herself had saved various lives in various ways, he could guess that she was very skilled. What he could speak of confidently were her taijutsu skills, which were terrifying, and Sasuke definitely intended to get Naruto back for not warning him about that. Kakashi, too, for that matter. Hell, he was going to have to find a way to pay back just about everyone he knew for that little omission. His old classmates were obviously all assholes like him, when it came down to it, something which he probably had to blame himself for even if he would never admit it to anyone else. He was just as bad an influence on them as they were on him with their friendship and caring and forgiveness.

Answers To Questions You Didn't Even Know You Wanted To Ask:

Lots of talking, I know, but it's actually very important. I meant for this chapter to have a D-rank mission in it, but I didn't want to chop up the discussion between Obito and Naruto. Then I realized I've wanted to include baker!Sakumo since forever ago but hadn't done it. Do you like him, or should I just end it here?

Chapter twenty-five will primarily involve everyone's favorite fox, but I promise there will be some D-rank mission action in chapter twenty-six!

—

… then the ball of a warm hand settled over his seventh cervical vertebra …

Drop your head forward and run your hand down the back of your neck. Right about where your neck meets your shoulders is this hard lump, right? That's the spinous tubercle of your seventh cervical vertebra, which is essentially just a bony lump at the end of that particular vertebra. The other cervical vertebrae either don't have this or it's small or it's split in two. If you can feel one a little lower, that's your first thoracic vertebra, and because it's immediately below your cervical vertebrae it shares some qualities with them.

—

Should Obito have a summon? I'm not making this a poll because I have no idea personally, so there aren't exactly options for you guys to pick from. I was never intending to for Obito to summon anything, but it just jumped into my head now and it's one of those things that wouldn't be that hard to insert from time to time. So do you think Obito should have a summon, or is summoning overrated? If you think he should have one, what do you think it should be and what would be its qualities (can it talk, what's its personality, is it defensive or offensive, etc.)? Obviously, if I use your idea I will credit you.

—

It's time to play a quick game of Draw Your Own Conclusion! Sakumo is baking cookies for reviewers. If you review, well, duh. Context clues, y'all. Draw your own conclusion.

~RN (LS)