A/N: Okay so this is my first venture into House FanFic. Its pretty much just a random little plot bunny. It takes place between Mirror Mirror and Whatever it takes.
The room was hot. That was the first thing that bothered him. It was never hot, but then the air conditioner had never broken before. They had no case. That bothered him more. His potential Fellows sat scattered around the room looking bored. Manipulative Bitch was talking in a hushed voice on her cellphone in the corner of the room. Kutner and Cole flicked a paper triangle back and forth. Thirteen tapped away on a palm pilot. Taub was chewing the end of his pen, trying to figure out a crossword puzzle. And Grumpy was being…well Grumpy. They had long ago given up on a new case coming in and had turned to amusing themselves. No one dared to leave, they knew he could come up with something at the drop of a hat and missing it was not an option. So they waited in the uncomfortable plastic chairs desperate for something to happen.
Thoughts swarmed his head, he needed something to do. Something to amuse him until he had a new case to test them. Then suddenly her face popped into his head. She was interesting because she didn't want anything to do with him and because she most likely had the power to get the dammed air conditioner fixed. He rose from his seat and they all stopped what they were doing. Manipulative Bitch hung up her cellphone. Thirteen tucked her palm pilot away and sat forward in anticipation. Taub stuck his pen behind his ear and shut his crossword puzzle book. The paper triangle Kutner and Cole had been playing with fell to the ground as they turned and faced forward. Grumpy kept looking Grumpy.
"We have a new case," He announced, pausing for dramatic effect, "27 year old female." They watched him, expecting him to say more, but after a few moments it was obvious he had nothing else to say.
"Symptoms?" Taub asked finally.
"Being an annoying blonde ER doctor" He waited to see if it had clicked in any of their minds, smirking when he saw her eyes light up. She was about to say something when she was cut off.
"So why is it a case? You can't call something a case because the person's annoying and blonde" He rolled his eyes, of course Manipulative Bitch would have something to say, she was annoying and blonde too.
"Sorry to personally offend you. Thirteen enlighten your colleagues" Now she too smirked, turning and facing Manipulative Bitch,
"It's a case because it's Cameron" Now they all looked a mix between confused and concerned,
"What's wrong with her?" Kutner asked. House shrugged,
"Nothing"
" So you want us to diagnose her based on the fact that she annoys you and is otherwise perfectly healthy?" He shook his head,
"Of course not, Manipulative Bitch, that would be silly" Her eyebrows crinkled together like a fuzzy worm above her eyes.
"So what are we-" He cut her off.
"No more questions. Taub go find and distract Foreman" House waited for the other doctor to respond, but he simply sat looking confused, "Go on, go!" Taub nodded, getting up and walking from the room. House waited until Taub was gone to continue,
"Thirteen and Manipulative bitch, go distract Cuddy" The two women got up and silently walked from the room leaving him with Kutner, Cole, and Grumpy.
"Black Mormon, your on Chase duty" Cole glared at House before standing and walking out after the others. Kutner and Grumpy stared up at him nervously, they had gotten the dirty work and they knew it by the smirk on his face. He grabbed his cane and jerked his head towards the door,
"Let's go get our patient"
Cameron rolled the latex gloves off her hands and sighed, wiping her sweaty palms on her scrubs. It was a slow day in the ER and she was getting bored. She tried to amuse herself thinking of her and Chase's plans for the night. They were going to stay in and watch a movie, like they always did on Wednesday nights. It was their mid-week pick me up. She tried to think of what movie they should rent, nothing particularly good had come out recently. Maybe they would go back and watch one of the old horror movies Chase loved so much. As she was thinking about it she saw two of House's potential fellows leaning against a wall nearby, shooting her sidelong glances and looking grim. She sighed, normally she would think nothing of it, but House was involved so something was definetly up.
"Alright, what's going on" She asked, walking over to the two men. She tried to think of their names. One was Kutner, she didn't know the other's name, House just called him Grumpy.
"We need your help on a case." Cameron nodded slowly, there was more to it, there was always more to it.
"Okay, what do you need help with?" she watched as the two exchanged nervous looks, not sure what to say.
"We, uhh, we need help with a patient" Kutner said finally.
"What are the symptoms?" They became nervous again and Cameron desperately wanted to know why. She already knew she would go with them and help, she had nothing better to do, but at the same time she was kind of nervous.
"Well, there aren't any, but House has a hunch something will come up, so are you going to help?" Cameron nodded. Grumpy and Kutner began walking and she followed them, shoving her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. They walked upstairs; up to a remote overflow area of the hospital, not where one of his patients should have been.
"Why are we up here?" Cameron asked, getting an eerie feeling as they passed the mostly empty rooms.
"This is where the patient is" Kutner opened the door to a room with an empty bed. He and Grumpy stood aside, letting Cameron walk in first. Her immediate reaction was to turn and run, but the moment she was inside the room the door shut, Kutner on the inside, Grumpy keeping watch outside. House stood up when she walked in and smirked,
"Dr. Cameron, how nice of you to join us" Cameron rolled her eyes, taking a step towards him,
"House what do you want? And where's your patient?" He smirked,
"Right here. And let me be the first to thank you for agreeing to be our newest patient" Cameron sighed, she should have known. If she didn't have anything in the ER that meant House didn't have anything either and was trying to find something to amuse himself.
"I'm not going to be your patient, there's nothing wrong with me, so if you'll excuse me"
He cut her off,
"Kutner!" Cameron turned around to find the other doctor holding a syringe and smiling sheepishly,
"Sorry" Before she had time to move she felt the needle prick her skin then after a moment everything went black and she toppled forwards into Kutner's outstretched arms.
"Hey I caught her!" he said, looking down at her limp body leaning against him heavily, "Um what do I do with her?"
"Well what do you do with a patient who's unconscious?" Kutner was quiet for a moment,
"Put her on the bed?" House gestured to the bed and Kutner lay Cameron's limp body down. House walked over to the closest side and dropped his cane taking her wrist in one hand and the handcuff on the bedrail in the other. He snapped the cuff tightly around her wrist and Kutner quickly did the same on the other side of the bed.
"Isn't this illegal?"
"Not if we don't get caught."
"Dr. Cuddy!" Lisa Cuddy sighed hearing the annoying voice of Amber Volaskis, one of Dr. House's potential fellows. She didn't want to deal with any House drama, and wasn't sure why she would have to. Things had been boring lately, it seemed like no one was getting sick or hurt and Cuddy knew for a fact that House didn't have a case. Still it was House so something had to be up and it was likely Amber knew what. She turned around and found herself faced with not only Dr. Volaskis, but Dr… Thirteen, she would have to check her name later.
"What can I do for you two"?
"We were wondering if you needed extra help in the clinic," Amber said, smiling a phony smile. Thirteen nodded slightly, staring at her feet. Dr. Cuddy sighed, it was one thing for Amber to want extra clinic hours, she was a kiss up after all. Thirteen however meant that this was House's doing.
"Alright, what's he got you doing?" Amber looked nervous, Thirteen was unresponsive,
"What do you mean Dr. Cuddy? We just want to help, isn't that right Thirteen?" Thirteen looked up boredly,
"Right, we just want to help out" she said in a flat monotone. She obviously knew their cover was busted and didn't want to contribute to it.
"Where is he?" Thirteen smirked, watching Amber who was squirming under Cuddy's glare. When Cuddy found House, having sedated her head ER doctor and chained her to a bed, it would be all Amber's fault and she would be gone while Thirteen continued to fight for a spot on House's team.
"Dr. House is with a patient right now" Dr. Cuddy shook her head, since there was no patient, Amber was either lying or House had found himself a patient.
"I'm only going to ask one more time, Where is Dr. House?"
"He's in the doctor's lounge on the fifth floor, right wing" Thirteen piped in. Cuddy was silent for a moment, then turned and walked off to go find House. Amber stood frozen, watching her go. When Cuddy found out the truth they were both dead.
"Come on lets go, we have to warn House," Thirteen said, grabbing Amber by the sleeve of her lab coat and dragging her off.
"You sent her in the exact opposite direction of where he is, she's going to realize what happened eventually" Thirteen shook her head as they hurried through the lobby and pushed the elevator button,
"As far as she knows, House was there when we left and we had no idea he moved," she hissed as they got on the elevator and pressed the 3 button. Neither of them noticed the other doctor leaning up against the back wall of the elevator.
"What does he plan on doing anyway, we can't run tests on a perfectly healthy person for no reason." Thirteen shrugged,
"As long as they're non-invasive House can do whatever he wants."
"Okay, which nurse did House trick into thinking she's sick this time" Thirteen and Amber whirled around to find Wilson leaning against the back wall. Just as Amber was about to say something the door opened and they both got out,
"Sorry, this is our floor" Amber tried as they raced out of the elevator, but Wilson was fast on their heels.
"Stop right there" the two paused before turning and facing Wilson who stood with his arms folded across his chest,
"Who is it this time?" Thirteen was silent, waiting for Wilson to make his next move, but Amber spoke up.
"It's Cameron, he sedated her" Wilson's eyes got big and he dropped his arms,
"Really?" Amber nodded and Thirteen stared at her in disbelief, just a second ago she had been afraid Cuddy would figure out what they were doing; now she was spilling the beans to Wilson?
"Take me to them" Thirteen sighed as she and Amber walked down the hallway to the room House had texted them, Wilson following close behind. When they reached the room Thirteen opened the door and walked in, nearly laughing at the scene. Grumpy was leaning against a wall looking grumpy, Kutner was sitting in a chair next to the only bed in the room, Cole was sitting on a heater next to the window, and Cameron was laying unconscious in the bed, her wrists handcuffed to the rails. House had gotten someone to drag the whiteboard from his office in and was standing at the foot of her bed where it stood, writing the newest symptom under Blonde and Annoying.
"Where'd you send her?" he asked, without even looking up from the board where he had just written, "Irritable"
"Fifth floor doctors lounge, right wing" Thirteen said, walking over and pushing herself up onto the heater next to Cole.
"Why'd you tell Wilson?" Amber was shocked silent for a moment; he hadn't even seen Wilson walk in behind her,
"He would have told Cuddy otherwise, how did you-"
"No questions! We need a diagnosis before Chase or Cuddy finds us. Now what fits being annoying blonde and irritable"
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but being blonde isn't really a symptom of anything except wanting a new hair color" Wilson said, shutting the door behind himself and leaning up against it. The room was getting crowded, but at least it was air-conditioned.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but your not on this case" House said, turning and glaring at his best friend.
"What case!? She's extra annoying and irritable, all that means is that she's PMSing, you can't just sedate doctors because you're bored" He had stopped listening though and turned to his fellows,
"Quick what else other than PMS would cause excess hormone production that would make her irritable and annoying" They were all silent for a moment, then Kutner spoke up,
"Pregnancy?" House nodded,
"Good! Black Mormon and Manipulative Bitch go get me an ultrasound, make sure to ask the nurse for my special one, she'll know what you mean" Wilson stepped aside as Amber and Cole rushed out the door,
"Wouldn't it be easier to do the blood test?" Grumpy asked. House nodded,
"But that wouldn't be nearly as fun, see this way-" but he was cut off by Kutner,
"She's waking up" Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched as Cameron's eyes fluttered open. She blinked a few times then glared,
"House!" she tried to sit up, but just managed to jerk her arms, which were held fast to the railing. After a moment she managed to prop herself up on her elbows,
" Excuse me, your disrupting my diagnosis" He said matching her glare with his own. She balled her hands into fists in annoyance,
"What diagnosis? I'm healthy! There's nothing to diagnose and will someone please uncuff me? I don't have time for this; I've got a lunch date with Chase. If he finds out you sedated me and chained me to a bed he'll kill you all." Thirteen, Kutner, and Grumpy all looked away or at their feet. They felt bad for holding her hostage, but one wrong move around House and they could lose their job.
"This is insane, I'm getting Cuddy" Wilson said finally, turning to open the door,
"No, your not. We're doing one test then she can leave" Wilson hesitated then turned his back to the door again. Cameron looked around the room in disbelief,
"What test could you possibly need to do?" she cried
"We're doing an ultrasound, your pregnant"
"I am not!" House ignored the anger in her voice,
"When was the last time you menstruated?" Cameron's cheeks burned red,
"I'm not pregnant!" Just then there was a knock on the door and Wilson stepped aside, opening it as Cole and Amber pushed the ultrasound in.
"Perfect timing!" House said, stepping aside to let them push the machine to the side of the bed.
"Not really…" Cole said, gesturing towards the door. Cameron sighed in relief when she saw Chase and Cuddy standing at the door both looking equally angry.
"What were you thinking?" Cuddy screamed, stomping over so she was screaming in his face, "You can't kidnap a doctor, chain them to a bed and subject them to completely unnecessary tests! Give me the keys" she held out her hand for the keys to the handcuffs, but he shook his head,
"Not until I get my ultrasound" Now Chase stormed over, standing next to Cuddy,
"The keys, now! Your lucky I don't beat your head in with that cane" House blinked at his colleague innocently,
"Why ever would you do that? It's not you I kidnapped" Chase stepped forward, about to say something else, but Cameron interrupted him.
"Just let him have the damn ultrasound, if not to make this faster, then to prove that I am not pregnant!" Chase's face went pale as he turned to look at her,
"If your not, then why does he think that?" House clapped Chase on the back and smirked,
"Believe me, she is." Cameron rolled her eyes and lay back slightly as House walked over to the ultrasound machine. Kutner stood up, letting Chase walk over and stand next to Cameron.
"Someone be ready to catch him when he faints" House said, pushing up the bottom of Cameron's shirt and squeezing the cool blue gel onto her stomach. Chase rolled his eyes,
"I'm not going to faint" Cameron nodded as House used the ultrasound to spread the gel out on her stomach
"Right because I'm not-" she stopped as He flicked on the monitor. Everyone in the room was shocked silent at the image of the tiny baby that was undoubtedly in Cameron's stomach projected on the monitor. As if on cue Chase fell to the ground, unconscious and Cameron burst into tears. House smirked,
"Told you" Cuddy rushed to Chase's side and checked Chase's pulse,
"Someone get a nurse and a gurney up here. House unlock her now!" He pulled the keys out of his pocket and tossed them at Amber. Then he stepped back and watched chaos ensue. Thirteen discreetly walked over and stood next to him.
"So when are you going to tell them that the ultrasound wasn't really hooked up and that it was just a video of someone else's?"
A/N: Tee-hee. House should learn not to kidnap people :P please R&R