Title- Tossed Out On Their Asses

Disclaimer- Seriously, people- Do I look like a blonde brit? No? I didn't think so. Also, I am not Mercedes Lackey, however much I wish that was the case. (sigh) Oh well.

Summary- "It was a dark and dreary night, or so the bards do say-" WHOOPS!! Wrong song, wrong fandom. Seriously, though- The seventh years are kicked out on their asses(hence, the title) and they must survive muggle hell. Cool, huh?

Rating- Um, well I'd have to say it's most definitely rated M, given the cursing and the slash, along with all the bits I've allowed you to use your own mind to fill in. Hehe, aren't I nice.

Warnings- And the slash continues!! Don't worry, people- I'm not in the mood to be too graphic. I'll save that for another fic. Random pairings including but not limited to-HPDM, BZSF, HGTN, etc. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so… yeah.

Author's Note- Sooo, this little crack bunny jumped out of the pits of hell and grabbed onto my ankle with a vengeance. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is. Yes, this is a chaptered fic, but I finished it before I posted it, so I promise I will post the whole thing, and not stop in the middle. If you want the rest of the lyrics to the spoof-off in the summary, please PM me. I'd be more than happy to send them to you. The only caveat- you must sing praises to Mercedes Lackey for her magnificent ingenuity.

These chapters will all be dedicated to different people

Dedication- This chapter is going to get dedicated to an author who I don't even think knows I exist- dracofangirl. She wrote the most awesomest story ever, and it's called Tomorrow Will Come. At twenty one chapters, with no chapter under forty-five pages in length, and some fantastic ideas, she deserves the shout out. Go check out her story!! That's an order!!

And now, on with the show…

Chapter Seven

… … …

BEINNING OF DAY SEVEN

… … …

Harry woke with a knot in his stomach- today was the last day of the course. Which meant that they had to go back to school at the end of the day. Which meant he had no idea how anyone would take the idea of him and Draco being together, let alone if Draco wanted to stay together.

Harry hoped he did, because the Gryffindor couldn't imagine life without the caustic blond.

He tightened his hold on the body next to him, burying his head into the nape of Draco's neck.

That motion must have woken the blond, because he stretched and arched his back. Turning to stare at Harry, Draco smiled, and Harry smiled back.

"Mornin'." the blond whispered.

"Good morning." Harry replied. "What do you wanna do today?"

The Slytherin stretched, and Harry had to struggle to keep his mind on the conversation. "Well, I was thinking about staying in, actually."

Harry gulped, and a evil smile appeared on the blond's lips. "Or to be more precise, I was thinking about having you stay in."

"Uh, that sounds like a good idea to me." The brunet hastily assured Draco.

"Lovely."

… … …

The whole day passed that way, with both boys determinately not thinking about the end of the day. So they laughed, and played, and talked, and did other things to keep their minds off their immanent departure.

However, no matter what they did, they didn't have the power to stop time, so when four o'clock rolled around, and an owl tapped at their window, a helpless look was passed between them.

Draco went over to the window and opened the pane, taking the bundle from the bird with ill grace. As the bird flew away, he walked back over to Harry and dropped the package on the bed, glaring at it as if it could understand his hate.

With a sigh, Harry reached over and unwrapped the parcel, revealing their wands and a letter. He cracked the seal and read out loud.

"'Dear Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter,

You have both successfully completed the course, as I had no doubt you would. Thank you for adhering to the rules of the class, and enclosed please find your wands and your grades.

I look forward to seeing you tonight at dinner in the Great Hall, and I hope this class has taught you something about yourselves.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore.

Grades-

Mr. Malfoy- O

Mr. Potter- O'"

Harry looked up from the letter to see an interesting expression on the blond's face- a little smugness, probably about his grade, and a little indignation, most likely about the last line. He smiled.

"Well, looks like this class was as easy a pass as I though it would be." he said, trying to lighten the mood. It worked, because Draco snapped out of his funk and smiled back.

"Yes, I see it was." he said, then huffed. "Lets pack, shall we?"

… … …

It was six o'clock when the two students finished packing. They were searching the room for anything they might have missed when Harry realized there was something else he wanted to get. With a muttered "I'll be right back." to Draco, Harry disapparated.

He returned a few minutes later, a silly grin on his face. Draco cornered him, a sly and curious expression on his own.

"Where did you go just now?" he asked.

Harry grinned. "That's for me to know and you to not find out."

The blond narrowed his eyes, but huffed when he saw it had no affect on his grinning buffoon of a Gryffindor.

"Lets go." he said, and the two of them got a porter to haul their luggage down to the lobby to check out.

When that was completed, they surreptitiously cast lightening charms and walked into an alleyway, where Draco held his hand out with an aristocratic gesture.

Harry grinned as he took the proffered hand, then apparated them to the gates of Hogwarts, where they started the long trek to the castle.

… … …

The sight that greeted them when they entered the Entrance Hall was one of barely controlled pandemonium. There were students everywhere, their luggage was crowding up the halls, and curious groups of fifth and sixth years were watching.

Harry was turning to comment on it to Draco when someone screeched his name. He turned just in time to be attacked by a redheaded female.

"Uh, Ginny," he managed to get out, acutely aware of Draco's icy glare. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just so happy to see you, Harry!" she squealed, much to his ears discontent. "You've been gone for a whole week, and no one knew where you were, and all the other seventh years were gone too, but now you're back!"

"That's great and all, but I really don't see how it concerns you, Gin." he got out after finally being released from her death grip on his neck.

She smacked his arm in what she probably thought was a sexy way. "Or course it does, silly. You're going to ask me out soon, I know it."

Harry had no idea how to respond to that one, so he was immensely relieved to hear a frigid drawl come from behind him. "Weaslette, I highly doubt that Potter would ever make the mistake of asking out such an obviously inferior being."

Her head whipped around and she sneered at Draco. "This is none for your business, Malfoy. So why don't you just crawl back into the hole you came out of?"

They'd gotten an audience by this time, and all were awaiting Draco's reply.

The blond came around in front of Harry, leaving his belongings on the floor, thenput his hand on his heart and swooned, saying, "Oh, that hurt me, it really did." His hand fell, and Draco pinned the redhead with a glare. "Besides, why should he want you when he has someone who is simply perfect in every way?"

Harry grinned as Ginny's face grew confused. "What are you talking about, Malfoy? Harry wants me."

Draco backed up until his spine bumped into Harry's chest, and the Gryffindor wrapped an arm around the blond's waist. "I highly doubt that. You see, if he did, I wouldn't want him."

The entire hallway gasped at that revelation, but Harry barely heard them. Draco just admitted we were a couple! was the exultant refrain running through his head. He almost didn't hear the rest of the fight.

Ginny gasped, tears welling up in her eyes. "Oh, tell me it isn't true, Harry!"

Harry frowned at her. "But that would be lying, wouldn't it? You don't want me to lie, do you?"

Her face grew angry at his words, and she shouted, "You jerk! You could have had me, but you went for him instead! Besides," she added, her voice and face growing nasty, "he just wants you for your money."

Draco gave a startled laugh, sliding out of Harry's arms. "Oh, yes, Weaslette," he said tauntingly as he slid behind Harry, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on the Gryffindor's shoulder, "of course I only want Potter for his enormous…" his hands drifted lower, and as Harry started to blush, the blond finished, "fortune."

The crowd cracked up, and Draco let go of Harry. Still facing the girl, he leaned against Harry's side, with the brunets arm wrapped comfortingly around his shoulders.

"Besides, if anyone wanted him for his money, it would be you. I'll have you know, my fortune is half again as large as Potter's. It would be idiotic of me to want him for his money when I have more than enough of my own."

Her face as red as her hair, Ginny broke into tears as the crowd catcalled and booed her. She turned and fled as Hermione came up beside the two boys. "You couldn't have let her down any easier, could you?"

Draco frowned. "She wouldn't have left him alone until it was made completely clear that Potter was off the menu. I did so."

Harry laughed. "Come on, you two. I'm hungry, and the meal is about to start." After summoning Dobby, who was more than willing to take their bags and unpack for them, they walked into the Great Hall. Ignoring the looks they were getting, Draco followed Hermione over to the Gryffindor table and sat.

"What?" he said when everyone looked at him. "The Slytherin's would eat Potter alive."

At that, the table cracked up. Harry grinned as his hand was caught under the table. Usually, Dumbledore's ideas were scary and didn't work, but this time, the old codger seemed to know what he was doing. Harry sent a grin up to the Staff Table, and it grew wider as the Headmaster returned it.

Yeah, life is good.

Yeah, there's probably going to be an epilogue, just so you know.

So, what did you think of my work of crack, verbose and varying in the writing styles thought it many have been?

Tell me, you know you wanna…

Just kidding (anyone ever notice that the initials of 'just kidding' are the same as those of our illustrious goddess? I hadn't, not until just now).

MannyWitch