To My Special Num-Nums

By Dinsoku

Warm, golden rays of sunlight filtered through the window and on to the marble floor of Chowder's bedroom. Sunlight danced across the floor like a river made of liquid gold. Chowder yawned and blinked sleep out of his black eyes. He turned to look at his cloudy brown pet.

"Good morning, Kimchi." He smiled. Chowder sat up and hopped off the bed; he scratched his tummy. The little apprentice slowly descended down the spiral staircase and into the kitchen of Chef Mung Daal. The strewn conversations of the residents outside told him that it was early morning; Truffles, Mung, and Schnitzel wouldn't wake up until much later. Good. Chowder thought happily. Now I have the whole kitchen to myself! The cook-in-training ran up to one of the long counters and grabbed a wooden broom.

"I'm Schnitzel! Radda radda radda!" Chowder impersonated. He set down the cleaning utensil and grinned. But the smile vanished as his stomach rumbled angrily. Chowder frowned and stumbled over to the refrigerator. A blast of white light and the smell of fresh food tingled his senses. Chowder licked his lips and grabbed a large blunana from one of the shelves. The apprentice leaned in to devour it when familiar voice made him stop dead.

"Num-Nums! Oh, Num-Nums, where are you?" Panini knocked on the door. Chowder panicked and found a piece of paper and a pencil. He wrote down on it furiously as Panini opened the door.

"Hi, Chowder." Panini's pink eyes bulged.

Chowder screamed. "I'm not your boyfriend!"

"Oh, Num-Nums. When we're together I can see the future of our relationship open up in front of me." Panini sighed dreamily.

"Re-relationship?" Chowder stuttered.

"Of course, Num-Nums! How else are our babies going to grow up?"

"Babies?!" Chowder stuck out his tongue.

"I think you'd be a wonderful daddy, Chowder." Panini leaned forward; lips puckered. Chowder screamed and shoved the piece of paper in her face. Panini swiped the paper from his hands and glared at it. Panini let out a small gasp.

"A restraining order?" She cried.

Chowder nodded, "It says you can't get near one hundred yards of me or the police will lock you in prison."

"Well, it certainly looks official," Panini murmured as she studied the scribbled pencil markings, "Very well, Num-Nums. I'll just express my love for you in other ways!"

"O-Other ways?" Chowder gulped.

"Chowder! Chowder! Get down here!"

The little apprentice woke the next morning to Mung Daal's furious yells. Chowder blinked and jumped out of bed. He panicky entered the kitchen; he wondered what was wrong. Mung glared at him and held a large sack in one hand. Chowder raised his eyebrows. Mung opened it and poured its contents on to the smooth, marble floor: letters and envelopes of every color and size.

"Letters?" Chowder asked incredulously.

"Not just any letters, Chowder," Mung growled, "Love letters."

"Love letters?" Chowder cried. "Gross!"

"Addressed to you," Mung told him, "And they broke the mailbox!"

"To me?" The apprentice felt like he would barf. Chowder picked up a large pink envelope. It had glitter splattered all over it and little candy hearts glued on its front. Chowder could hardly read the purple writing on the front side.

To my special Num-Nums

Love, Panini

XXOXOXX

"Ew! Panini!" Chowder screeched. Suddenly, he noticed that the uncountable number of kiss-marks on the paper. Chowder screamed and threw it on the floor. "Kisses! Yuck!"

Mung lay a hand on the grey feline's shoulder, "Chowder, I'm glad you have a girlfriend, and Schnitzel is too..."

"Radda radda radda!"

Mung shook his head. "Don't listen to him. But, anyway, Chowder, you have to tell her to stop mailing so much letters to you! It clogs up the mailbox and it's really annoying."

Chowder's eyes filled up with tears. "But I can't, Mung!" He sobbed. "She's icky and I have a restraining order against her!"

Mung took the order out of his apprentices hand and rubbed his chin. "It does look official. You're in quite a pickle, Chowder. Just try to get her to stop. Like mail something back to her. But be polite! You don't want to make a woman angry! After staying with Truffles so long I learned to..."

"Okay, Mung! Thanks! I have to go!" Chowder sprinted off as fast as his stubby paws could carry him.

"Wait! What are we going to do with all these letters?"

"Radda radda radda?"

"No, Schnitzel! We're not using them to heat the stove! These are from Chowder's girlfriend! Jeez, how many times do I have to tell you?!"

"Panini! Panini!" Chowder knocked frantically on her door.

The door quickly opened. "Chowder?" Panini gasped. "Is that you, Num-Nums?"

Chowder narrowed his eyes, "Stop sending me mail!"

"What? Oh, Chowder. Don't you remember? The restraining order never said anything about love letters. In fact, you shouldn't be talking to me! I can't come within one hundred yards of you! You should leave or else the police'll come!"

Chowder bit his lip, "Just...don't send anymore! Okay?" With that, Chowder left.

"Feeling down, Chowder?" Gazpacho wondered; he opened the pickle barrel. Chowder sighed as he bathed in the light-green, awful-smelling juice.

"Panini keeps sending me love letters," Chowder muttered sadly.

Gazpacho huffed, "I'd love to help you, Chowder, but customers are asking for the pickles and I can't leave them there standing."

Chowder slipped out of the wooden barrel and walked out of his friend's shop; drenched in pickle juice. He stared up at the blazing sun and something caught his eye. A large billboard with his smiling face on it. Chowder's mouth hung open as it read:

To my special Num-Nums! I love you, Chowder! I hope one day we'll be together

so we can start a family and die together! I've never had a more

handsome and thoughtful boyfriend! Love, Panini.

"I'm not your boyfriend!" Chowder screamed.

"Oh, Chowder. I've been wondering about you. Did you get that girl to stop stalking you?" Mung Daal asked as Chowder entered the kitchen.

"No." Chowder sighed.

"Hm. That's too bad. Nothing can knock sense into a woman when she's in love. Pretty soon she'll start calling during the middle of the night and send you flowers..."

"Radda radda!" Schnitzel thundered in and, in his hands, was another pile of love letters. "Radda radda radda!" He growled.

"More letters?" Mung asked. "Gee, Chowder, this chick really likes you."

"I don't want love letters! I don't want my face on a billboard! I don't want Panini to like me!" Chowder cried and started rolling around on the kitchen floor.

"Oh, come on, Chowder. It's going to be okay..."

"No, it won't! Panini won't stop bothering me! I...I..."

"What, Chowder? Do you want me to yell at Schnitzel to make you feel better?" Mung wondered.

"Radda!"

Chowder wiped his tears away on his sleeve. "I'm hungry."

The next day, Chowder slowly ate a ripe grabble for breakfast. Schnitzel devoured his own breakfast while he sat next to him. Chowder licked his lips and turned to his friend.

"Hey, Schnitzel, you know a lot about ladies, right?"

"Radda." He replied.

"Um," Chowder started, "There's this girl..."

"Radda radda radda?"

"No! Nothing's happened! And what do you mean by s – !"

"Radda!"

"Okay, okay. Well, anyway, she's the girl who keeps sending me love letters and I don't like her back and sometimes she tries to kiss me...uh, yeah, she's really annoying." Chowder explained.

"Radda radda." Schnitzel told him. "Radda radda radda ra-radda."

Chowder shook his head, "I don't want to be mean..."

"Radda radda?"

"No! I don't like her back! She's icky!" The apprentice cried.

"Radda." Schnitzel rolled his eyes.

"What do I do to make her stay away from me?"

"Radda radda!"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Chowder shouted. "You've dated before!"

"Radda radda radda!"

"That's true; I've never seen you around any girls before."

"Radda radda."

"What do you mean they want you for your – !"

"Radda!" Schnitzel roared.

Chowder gulped as he fearfully raised a fist to knock weakly on the door in front of him. The large oak door opened with such force Chowder almost flew forward into Panini's house. The little pink kitten stood in the doorway; her bright eyes sparkled with happiness.

"Oh, Num-Nums! I'm so glad you came by! I was just going to send you more letters when you knocked on the door and I – !"

"Panini!" Chowder interrupted. "I came here to tell you something!"

Panini gasped, "To admit your love for me so we can wed in holy matrimony?"

"Wha – ?" Chowder asked; he shook his head. "No. It's about...this."

The little apprentice held up the restraining order in front of his "girlfriend". Panini stared at it and asked: "The restraining order? What about it, Num-Nums?"

Chowder sucked in a breath and slowly tore the paper to shreds. The ripped bits of the restraining order fell to their feet. Panini smiled and leaned over to hug Chowder. He ducked, turned around, and told her: "Listen, Panini. No more letters or billboards. I want you back to your same less-icky self."

Panini's eyes brightened.

"Oh, and one more thing," Chowder said, "I'm not your boyfriend!"

With that, Mung Daal's apprentice sprinted off back to the safe haven of the kitchen. Panini laughed and started to pick up the remains of the restraining order. "Oh, Chowder!" She sighed lovingly. "I'm glad we're back to where we were. And wait for me, Num-Nums! I have to give you a nice sloppy kiss!"

The End.

Author's Notes: Wow, my first Chowder story! And my second oneshot that doesn't suck! But I loved this little fiction, I think it's cute. I don't particularly like Panini/Chowder, I kind of find Panini a little annoying, but this was too cute to pass up! I love the part with Schnitzel and Chowder (Schnitzel is my favorite character of course), he is too funny! Anyway, I hope you guys find it funny too! So reviews please! Maybe just one? For me? Pretty please?

Alright, I went through and edited the thing. Sorry, I fixed the Dispacho with Gazpacho. It's just I didn't know how to spell his name and Mung always says it like "Da-zpacho" so I wasn't sure. But it's fine now! :)