AN: FIRST, I want to say SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY for the uber-long delay. I have no excuse. I'm so mean! I know!

SECOND: This is the last chapter. WAIT! Don't get mad and close this window. Let me explain!The story is called BETWEEN the Scenes. If I included a Paintball war, a Leah-Rosalie fanfic, and all the other stuff, it would have seemed even more like another Twilight parody. Now, I WILL eventually write a paintball war as a SEPARATE fanfic. The one I had planned out for this story, was in sync with Eclipse and not Breaking Dawn.

It wouldn't have made any sense (Originally, I planned that Jacob would go looking for his soulmate amongst the Harry Potter crowd...and that Sam and Embry would argue with Lupin about werewolf origins...yeah). Same with the Leah-Rosalie fanfic. Rosalie doesn't need to be mean to Bella anymore! The 'Bella turns into a watermelon...' thing may also pop up as a separate story someday. And of course, Jasper's emo video diary. That is coming up more shortly than the others...I'll post it soon, hopefully. You'll understand why I say "hopefully" if you read onwards.

By the way, this fic might make it look otherwise, but I did LOVE Breaking Dawn. It just didn't gel with where this story was headed.

So, please enjoy the fifth and final chapter of Between the Scenes. It's all I ask of you.

All the Twilight characters sat in their corner of the ten-minute break room, gawking at the Eragon characters in jealousy. It was quite a feat, considering how many new ones had joined up since Breaking Dawn. The Harry Potters were throwing them a party to celebrate the release of the third book in the Inheritance series. (Of course, the Twilight people didn't get a party.)

"So that's it. We've ended."

"Yeah…we've really ended."

"Wow…we've ended."

"Wait…so now what do we do?" Bella asked, her eyes glazed. Alice shook her head slowly.

"They'll keep writing fanfictions! They won't forget us... Oh my god, they're going to keep writing, oh my god, oh my god…" Emmett gasped, beginning to hyperventilate. Bella rose out of her reverie enough to smack him on the back of his head and shut him up.

"No, Emmett…they will not stop. In fact, I think that they will begin to write more. So…many…more," Alice breathed. For a moment, the Twilight group considered this.

"More slash…"

"More fluff…"

"More Mary Sues…"

"More crossovers…"

A sudden knock on the door made them all jump. Twitching a little, Esme went to open the door. They found Wanderer, Melanie, Eragon, Harry Potter, and Dobby all standing behind it, looking a little nervous. Wanda was holding a large greeting card, and Eragon was clutching a plastic baggie with cupcakes in it.

"Um…we wanted to…uh, say sorry to—you—guys," stuttered Dobby, his puppet hands wringing worriedly. Mel brushed back her hair and cocked her head sympathetically.

"Like, yeah. We all heard about the, you know…the Breaking Dawn thing," she said squeakily. Harry elbowed her and then poked Wanda in the arm. Wanda jumped and, remembering what she was supposed to do, held out the card.

This is from all of us…to give you some support," she mumbled. Jacob silently took the card. Eragon hurriedly offered the cupcakes, as though eager to be rid of them.

"We made these for you. Actually, it was mostly from the Gossip Girl people, but they had to be in fics, so this is from them too. And…well, we're really sorry, guys. This 'sucks'," he said assertively, glancing in at Carlilse, who gave him a small nod of acceptance.

"And we wanted to make sure you know that even though we've just released our THIRD SEQUEL BRISINGR, WHICH KNOCKED BREAKING DAWN DOWN TO NUMBER 2, 1.3 million copies is really cool for the old ones like you, and—OW!" Eragon screeched, Dobby having just stomped on his foot.

"What he means is, um…you guys are like our inspiration and…stuff. So, sorry," Wanda said hurriedly, backing out of the doorway. The others followed her, but Melanie lingered for a second. She gazed sympathetically at the Twilight folks, and shrugged slightly.

"I really am sorry, guys. I get that it—well, it's just a tough thing to deal with. So if you guys need any help or anything…I'm here for you. So're the rest of us…'cept Kyle O'Shea, because he's a douchebag and passed out after doing wine shots with Neville Longbottom, but you get my point," she said, rolling her eyes. Bella nodded again, and the others mumbled their thanks. Melanie nodded and withdrew.

"And, as you probably need time to get over everything..." Harry began, "We've cancelled the paintball war. Maybe some other fanfic will pick it up. Sorry." He left the room, closing the door behind him.

Edward turned around slowly, looking a little nauseous. No one could bring themselves to speak for a moment or two. Then Rosalie spoke in a wavering voice.

"They…they made us…cupcakes?"

"Dude, we're getting cupcakes from aliens and witches. We have officially become the most pathetic group of losers on the planet," said Emmett in disgust. Esme laid a hand on his arm.

"In other words, rock-bottom?"

"I think we hit that at the first MikeBella slash fic," Jacob said dryly, taking the greeting card from Edward. He sighed and threw the cupcakes at the rest of the wolves, who shrugged and started to devour them. Rosalie rolled her eyes and opened the card.

"'You didn't have it coming, signed the cast of Blood Ties…it's the circle of life, signed Rafiki…you roll the dice and you lose sometimes, sorry, signed Nathan Detroit…life's not all milk and cream, the Tom and Jerry team…at least you're not pastry, signed Septimus Heap…let the music in your soul show you the way, the Dreamgirls ensemble'…oh god, that's pathetic."

"Who wrote that last one?" Alice asked, frowning. Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Can't we look at the bright side to this?" Seth Clearwater asked, "There's gotta be something good!"

The Twilight characters considered this.

"... so who else is REALLY glad that they decided to chuck the paintball war idea?" Edward asked, grinning.

Carlisle, Alice, Bella and Esme all raised their hands eagerly. Emmett grimaced.

"You know, just because they sympathize with us now doesn't mean that they had to cancel the game."

"They gave us cupcakes!" Carlisle reminded, "That counts as something."

"And who else is really glad that you have us back?" Leah interrupted, as she and Rosalie threw up their hands.

"I always knew you two couldn't write..." Jacob said, wrinkling his nose.

"We're happy!" Leah cried. "There are NINE whole pages of Leah centric fanfictions now! That's more than Renesmee ones! I LOVED Breaking Dawn!"

"That makes one of us..." the fangirls muttered...

"Even I have to agree with them. The ending was just so unfair," Jane jumped in. "As a matter of fact, I think I might head back to Eragon again..."

"Please, Jane. That joke is so old," Rosalie snorted.

"Most of these jokes have been used at least seven times already, Rosalie," Bella pointed out.

"I'm actually surprised we even managed to squeeze this fifth chapter out. I thought the author was done with us, since Twilight was pretty much just her sophomore-year-obsession," Edward remarked.

"Well who could resist writing about us?" Jacob asked.

"Lots of people. Remember chapter two?" Alice recalled.

"Whatever. The point is, we got our last chapter—now what the fuck do we do with it?" Emmett asked.

"We could always go hunting for the hidden room of OC's!" Bella cried excitedly.

"Which doesn't exist!" Jane retorted.

"I'll prove it!" Bella challenged.

"Fine! Do it!" Jane replied.

"... fine! I will!" Bella screamed back.

And she stormed out of the room.

"Is that seriously our central conflict?" Edward groaned.

"Well, yeah! Ever since the author decided she was too lazy to write a paintball war scene!" Carlisle complained.

"...Or finish Leah and my Watermelons and Frogs fanfiction!" Rosalie chimed in.

"Hey! You guys got your time in Breaking Dawn!" Alice defended. "I was the one who was barely in it..."

"Well you'd be more interesting if you were chemistry, French, or physics," Emmett snorted. Jacob stared at him for a moment.

"I've never heard that one before. Is it like 'salted'?" he asked.

"No. I mean the author is ditching us to go and study for her finals!" Emmett grumbled.

"Jeez, talk about a switch," Alice remarked.

"I know, right? Besides, we are WAY more entertaining than some stuffy old British textbooks about quantum physics!" Jacob said.

"...they're not about quantum physics," Alice replied.

"See? No one even knows what they're ABOUT!" Rosalie practically screamed.

"Hey Twilight-characters!" Ron Weasley called, running over from the Harry Potter corner. "There's a crazy dance party going on in our corner! You guys should totally check it out."

"Why are you inviting us? You never invite us to your wicked-cool-ancient-wizard-dance-parties," Carlisle remarked.

"Oh, well, you guys looked kind of bored. Since your author decided to scrap your entire plot," Ron said.

"We don't need your pity invites! We are having the best time in the world over here!" Emmett cried angrily. "Right Carlisle? ...Carlisle?"

"SOULJA BOY! SOULJA BOY!" the Hogwarts students were chanting, as Carlisle supermaned-that-hoe in the middle of the crazy dance party.

"Carlisle!" Esme shouted.

Carlisle came running back over to the Twilight corner, out of breath, and laughing hysterically.

"Aw man! That party is ill!" he said, patting Ron's shoulder. "Dumbledore was really tearing it up. Not to mention Eragon and Arya –they've got madd skillz! And who knew Septimus Heap could pop lock and drop like that? Huh?"

"Carlilse, stop speaking ghetto and stay in our corner!" Alice whined.

"Hey Carlisle! Hermione's playing Low! Get ova here!" Eragon called.

"Aw yeah! Apple bottom jeans, here I come!" Carlisle cried, running away.

"Carlilse! CARLISLE!" Esme screamed. Ron just grinned.

"I'll be seeing you in a few," he said, strolling off.

"You SO will not!" Rosalie called after him. "Come on Emmett, we have to do something to make this story more interesting!"

"Shh," Emmett hushed. Rosalie frowned.

"What? Why are you shushing–"

Emmett raised up a small, rectangular device.

"Oh my God! Is that the new iPod video?" Rosalie asked, jaw dropping.

"Yes, and I am smack dab in the middle of a bootleg version of The Dark Knight. So hush!" Emmett snapped, returning his attention to his tiny screen.

"... do you have Mamma Mia on there?" Alice asked suddenly, leaning over.

"Yup. And I just finished Righteous Kill last night," Emmett replied.

"Oh my God! Was it better than Tropic Thunder?" Alice gushed.

"Better than Bangkok Dangerous, not as good as WALL-E," Emmett explained.

"Of course not, that robot is so talented!" Alice said.

"Oh my god, I know, right!" Emmett replied, as the two giggled.

"...oh my God, I think I'm gay," Aro said suddenly.

Emmett and Alice both whirled around, staring at Aro in horror.

"...what?" Edward asked.

"Dammit, I am SO gay! I can't believe I didn't realize that!" Aro cried. "DUMBLEDORE! COME BAAAACCCCCKKKK!"

"Don't get your hopes up! He and Voldemort are gettin' it on to Low over there!" Alice called after him.

"I can't believe that! What a bastard!" Edward cried.

"... why am I even still here?" Esme asked suddenly, having not spoken a word since having yelled out Carlisle's name.

"That's a good question. Why ARE you here? You never do anything useful," Edward pointed out. Esme shrugged.

"Someone's gotta say the filler lines," she said.

"Is that all you think you're good for?" Rosalie asked suddenly. Esme frowned.

"... I believe that's the point we're trying to make, yes," she said, confused.

"Are you gonna settle for that?" Rosalie asked.

"What am I supposed to do?" Esme asked.

"Change things yourself!" Jacob proclaimed. "I mean, just look at Jane! She wasn't getting any attention, so she switched stories!"

"I could never do that..." Esme insisted.

"Why not? They're always talking about you over there in the Harry Potter corner!" Rosalie pointed out.

"That's 'Lily". It sounds nothing like Esme!" Esme corrected.

"You're both mothers!" Jaocb dismissed. "Look, you've gotta get out there and change things up a bit!"

Esme pondered this for a second... and grinned.

"You're right," she declared. And with that, she ran into the middle of the room, leaping up onto a chair. "HEY Hermione!"

"Yeah?" Hermione, who was acting as DJ over at the crazy-Wizard-dance-party, called back.

"Hit me up with some Kanye, cuz I am ready to bust a move!" Esme cried.

"Chyea girrrrl! Holla!" Hermione shouted.

And Esme whipped off her suit jacket, running over to the Potter party.

"Well way to go, you guys. Now we've lost Carlisle and Esme to a bunch of gangsta' witches, Bella and Jane to a room that doesn't exist, and Aro to a man," Edward pointed out. Jacob shrugged.

"Who cares about them anyway?" he asked. "Everyone knows we're the favorites."

"Can't deny that," Edward agreed.

"AHA!"

Bella came bursting through the door triumphantly.

"Did you actually find the mysterious, secret OC room?" Alice asked.

"Huh? Oh, no. Turns out they just kind of disintegrate right after they're done being used in stories," Bella replied.

"... then why did you scream 'aha'?" Rosalie asked.

"I didn't," Bella replied.

"Yes you did. Just as you came through the door, you yelled 'aha'," Rosalie said.

"Um, no. Wasn't me," Bella insisted.

"Yes it was! We just saw you!" Jaocb cried.

"Whoa buddy! Pretty sure you can't see someone say something!" Bella said.

"Oh dear Lord, sometimes I feel like I'm in the nuthouse..." Edward muttered.

"Whoo hoo! That was awesome!" Dumbledore (who we never established as having actually been present) suddenly came stumbling drunkenly into the Twilight corner, laughing hysterically.

"Jeez, what have you been doing?" Jacob asked curiously.

"... sitting alone in the abandoned Shopaholic corner crying over the lack of attractive, straight males in this place," he confessed.

"Dumbledore!" Suddenly Aro came flying into the Twilight corner, landing face first before Dumbledore. He frowned down at him.

"What do you want?" he demanded. "To laugh at me? Mock my horribly loneliness? You have done nothing but make my life a living hell for the past four chapters, Aro Volturi person vampire! You made me believe you loved me, and then you went and tore my heart to shreds! You have left a permanent scar on my heart, and thanks to you and your cold-hearted, bitter soul, I will NEVER, and I mean NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS, love anyone EVER again!"

"... Albus, I'm gay!" Aro announced.

"Well why didn't you just say so?!" he cried, leaping into Aro's arms.

"Aw, how sweet!" Leah said, grinning. Then she caught sight of the Cullens' angry glares. "Er, I mean, gross! What jerks!"

"Damn! For humans, those guys can throw one hell of a party!" Carlisle cried, as he and Esme too joined the Twilight crowd.

"... they're wizards, Carlisle," Emmett pointed out.

"Well damn, THAT'S why they kicked us out... " Carlisle said.

"So... here we are," Bella said. "All back in the Twilight corner."

"Aro and Dumbledore are together... Carlisle and Esme are happily and G-Ratedly together... Edward and Bella are both undead now..."

"Hey, where's Jane?" Bella asked suddenly.

"She didn't come back with you?" Jacob asked.

"No. She left after like two minutes. Said she was coming back here," Bella replied.

"Quick, check the Eragon corner!" Emmett said.

"SHE'S NOT HERE!" the entire cast of Eragon called back.

"Huh... where could she have gone?" Alice asked, looking around.

"... who really cares?" Rosalie pointed out.

The others all shrugged.

"You're right, she's not that important," Emmett confirmed. "Now that the Volturi's leader came out of the closet...and oh yeah, the whole Breaking Dawn thing."

"And all I care about is you guys. And Renesmee, in a totally overprotective, motherly way," Bella replied. Jaocb grinned.

"Thanks Bella. I'm sure I can come to appreciate our friendship even though we're no longer fucking in stories," he said.

"Well there's something to slap on a Hallmark card," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

"You know, I feel like we've bonded more in the past five Ten-Minute Breaks than we have in any of the four books," Rosalie declared.

"Amen to that," Carlilse agreed.

"I love you guys!" Emmett cried. "... in a totally non-homosexual manner!"

"We're a pretty awesome group," Alice said.

Suddenly, the annoying, bored sounding voice rang over the intercom, signaling the impending end of the series:

"ATTENTION ALL FANFIC CHARACTERS! TEN-MINUTE BREAK IS UP! PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY TO THE FOLLOWING LISTING OF STORIES AND CHARACTERS NEEDED. Twilight. THE ENTIRE CAST OF Twilight HAS A HUGE FIGHT OVER RENESMEE AND EVERYBODY DIES. CHARACTERS NEEDED: ALL YOU LOUSY BUMS. SUMMARY:IT'S PRETTY FUCKING SELF-EXPLANATORY."

"I always knew she'd be the death of us."

"... well, see you ass holes later!" Rosalie said, marching through the door.

"Thank God, I was getting so sick of you douche-bags," Emmett sighed, following her.

And the others had to agree.

The end. Review if you want.