[Author's Notes:
1. Something similar to what Kaya is wearing can be found here.
2. By this time period, there were some female doctors. The first of which was Elizabeth Blackwell, earning her M.D. in 1949. So, Kaya is not out of place.
3. Morphine was first used as a painkiller in 1817. By 1914 it was considered a controlled substance and required a prescription to use. During the 1920s, there were very little analgesics that actually worked. Morphine was the most powerful. For more information see here.
4. During this time period- and for most of the 19th century- two main types of anesthesia were used: either ether (the less dangerous) or chloroform (the more dangerous). It doesn't really matter which one was used, they both had their risks.
5. Okay. The hand-fixing thing is a bit of a problem. Apparently my method of torture was incredibly risky. There is a possibly that with those types of injuries, he won't recover. That being said, there are ways around it. If the nerves were not damaged, then the fingers can heal. If any nerves were sliced, then he will have limited use or no use of that finger. The most common method of correction is to insert a small pin into the finger until it partially heals. I/Chopper explain the details in the story. For more information, see the following: 1, 2, and 3.
6. Tetanus, as a disease, has been recognized since 1889. The vaccine is much more recent. It has only existed since 1924. For the purposes of this story, that is very recent.
7. And, GOD, I apologize right now for any OOCness. I feel like this chapter is terrible, ridden with holes and not enough information or emotions. Fuck. I'm sorry. I feel a little insecure. I actually got this back from my beta more than a week ago. I've spent this time editing the shit out of it, and I'm still not satisfied. Sorry, again.
Enjoy!]
He came to consciousness slowly, muddled thoughts first running through his head before he finally opened his eyes. The strength of the light blinded him for a brief second. The dark shapes on the edges of his vision came into focus and the muted voices grew louder. He recognized his name being spoken, but nothing else registered. As the brightness faded to normality, Sanji made out Zoro and two other people in the room. The swordsman was standing at the far end of the room. He seemed deep into a discussion with the other two people.
In the haze of his post-sleep state, Sanji had trouble identifying the others. He knew he'd never seen them before, but their presence felt familiar all the same. One was a tall, broad shouldered male with sandy hair tucked under a red felt top hat. Around his thick neck was a stethoscope that appeared worn with time and use. The other was a short woman. Her face was framed by shoulder length hair that was almost as pale as she was. She wore a knee length blue dress with a long white apron. As she talked, she gestured emphatically at Zoro and the other man, who by this point Sanji was sure was the doctor.
Sanji, bit by bit, was able to understand the words passing between all three. However, the sounds were still vaguely unfamiliar. It felt like Sanji was listening to language he used to know and had since forgotten. The sounds Zoro made seemed thicker than they should be if he were speaking English.
"I told both of you already," he was telling the woman, "that I'm fine. I don't need to sleep."
She put her hands on her hip and shook her finger in his face. Zoro back up, straining to stay a safe distance away from her. His face twisted in consternation as he looked down at her.
"Zoro, you've been injured. Chopper and I cannot allow you to overtax yourself. You need time to sleep," she said. The other man in the room nodded at her words. Zoro shook his head.
"As soon as I know Sanji is fine, I'll rest."
"Stop worrying so much. He's going to be fine. We can get you as soon as he wakes up." Zoro frowned. He turned his head away from the woman and looked around the room, wiping his hand across his face as he did so. Sanji thought he looked tired, but, considering his head was still muddled, he wasn't sure if he was seeing things correctly. He turned his head so that he could see the other three people more clearly.
The movement caught their attention. Zoro began moving closer to the bed faster than the other two. The doctor and the woman were close behind.
"Sanji," Zoro said. He crouched down beside the bed. "How are you feeling?"
He tried to make his brain form the words, but even when he thought them, his tongue felt thick. His voice slurred. "Fine. I think."
"Good." The other man in the room stepped closer to the bed, brushing slowly past Zoro. Zoro moved back into the corner of the room to allow the woman to step closer and brought over a chair for the other man. He sat down near the bed. "Hello, Sanji. I'm Dr. Chopper, but everyone just calls me Chopper. Luffy called me in to treat you."
Sanji's first instinct was to stretch his hand out to shake Dr. Chopper's hand, however, as soon as he tried, Sanji realized that he was having some difficulty feeling his arms. Fearful of what that could mean, he glanced down at his hands. It did not bode well for his current mental capacities that it had not occurred to him to check on his hands as soon as he had. Turning his gaze down to his bandaged hands, he realized that whatever treatment Chopper had done was finished while he was still asleep. It struck him then that he must have slept for a lot longer than he had realized.
"Oh. Thanks," Sanji was unsure of what to say. He still wasn't thinking straight. Chopper nodded, turning his head to the side to gesture at the woman.
"This is Kaya. She's currently an intern at the university. She offered to help me with your surgery."
"It's good to meet you, Sanji. I'm relieved to see you're awake without too many side effects from the morphine and anesthetic. We were briefly worried that you might have some difficulty waking up, but considering the extent of your injuries, we decided it was necessary," Kaya said. Closer up, Sanji realized that she seemed young, but tired. There was too much tension in her gentle face and too many lines beneath warm eyes. Chopper, although smiling, also appeared exhausted.
Sanji's was still struggling to catch up with what both Kaya and Chopper had said. The drugs in his system explained much of why he was feeling so groggy, but Sanji still felt he deserved further explanation. "What?"
Chopper nodded. "There was a lot of damage, I'm afraid. Not only to your hands, of course. One or two of your ribs may be broken, and you'll find that over the next couple of days that there are a lot of bruises and aches."
"In addition," Kaya began, "it will take quite awhile before we will have any definite conclusions regarding your hands. The injuries were…extensive."
Sanji swallowed. This seemed so overwhelming. Things were becoming clearer slowly, but there still just seemed to be so much to absorb and so little time. He wasn't sure what to say. So he just asked, "Surgery?"
"Yes. That was the only effective way to treat you. Because they were caused by the lamé and other sharp instruments, there is little risk of infection, but the downside to that is the likelihood of nerve damage." Chopper cleared his throat before speaking again. "What I mean to say is that muscles, ligaments, and tendons are all capable of reuniting, but if any of the nerves were cut then it is likely that nothing can be done. Those fingers may be…unusable."
Kaya, during the entire discussion, was nodding her head as though she agreed with what Chopper had been saying. As though there was no way he could be wrong. Sanji hadn't really paid much attention to what Chopper had been saying. What had sunk in was the last bit. He hoped- prayed- that there was no permanent damage. He remembered the blood. There had been so much of it, and Sanji could not help but recall the mangled look of his hands. He wasn't sure what to say. Instead he just asked, "How long?"
"Well we won't know if everything worked for a week or so. You'll need plenty of rest during that time in order for your body to adjust to the surgery," Kaya said. Sanji had very little knowledge of the human body. He knew what kinds of food to make in order to maintain a healthy diet, but other than, his knowledge was severely limited. "I'm sure you will be able to stay here so that we can easily come back to check on you."
She glanced at Zoro who took a few steps toward the door. He had a discomfited look on his face, but Sanji wasn't sure what it meant. "It should be all right. Let me go ask Nami."
He left quietly, shutting the door behind him. "What did you do then?"
"The only effective way to treat this kind of injury is by putting in several pins in order to keep the fingers straight so that they can heal without any sort of disturbance. That was the hardest part. If it weren't for Kaya's nimble fingers, I'm not sure how we could have gotten past the damage without causing any more. I keep telling her she's going to be a great surgeon."
Sanji nodded dumbly in agreement. He looked back at his hands again, trying to imagine that there were tiny pins in his fingers. He couldn't feel anything, though. His arms still felt heavy.
"It may take several days to become accustomed to the pins. Until that point, we will keep you on analgesics to avoid further pain. I assume you're feeling the side effects of the morphine?" Chopper asked. Sanji just nodded. He had no idea what morphine was or how he was supposed to effectively get through a day without using his hands, much less several weeks. "Since the instruments used were metal, we decided it would be prudent to administer the tetanus vaccine to prevent lockjaw, even though it is still a somewhat experimental drug. Tell one of us immediately if you experience any unusual symptoms or side effects."
Sanji said he would, then paused. "How long until you know for certain my hands will be all right?'
"In a week or so we'll remove the pins. At that point we should know more. If all goes well, then within five or six weeks we can completely remove all bandages." Kaya smiled at that. It was so sincere that Sanji was able to manage a slight upturn of his lips as well. There was a knock on the door, and Zoro entered once more.
"Nami said it was fine," he said. Then, as if it were the most commonplace thing in the world, he added, "Luffy was surprised that you even had to ask."
Chopper laughed at that, but Kaya had a slightly disapproving look on her face. "He would, of course. That boy has no manners."
Zoro grinned at Kaya's comment. It didn't really touch his eyes, though. "You going to be okay, shit-cook?"
Sanji was shocked at the question. It didn't seem appropriate considering the circumstances. Chopper and Kaya had been immensely polite, but here Zoro was cursing (and in front of a lady, too!) without even an adequate reason. Then Sanji realized that out of all the people in the room, Zoro was the only one not pitying him. Although, Chopper and Kaya had been trying not to show it, he could see in their eyes that they would not wish his misery on anyone else. Even Sanji himself could not accept what had been as anything other than terribly cruel. While he didn't deserve or want pity, it seemed that it was only the instinctive reaction to have to his situation.
He nodded in Zoro's direction. Some of the tension vanished from the swordsman's body. "Did you explain everything to him, then?"
"Yes. Do you have any questions?" Chopper asked him cautiously.
Sanji was sure he did, but he didn't know what to ask at the moment. Everything was still overwhelming, and there didn't appear to be any specific solution Sanji was looking for. He shook his head.
"You sure? All you have to do is let us know if there's anything you need. You should get some rest." Chopper said.
"Yeah. I will." Sanji watched as Chopper slowly stood and Kaya reached over to gently pat Sanji's leg. Even though it was suddenly becoming harder to breathe, Sanji forced himself to smile at them both. Now that they were leaving, it occurred to Sanji that there was something he was forgetting. It was gnawing at him that he couldn't remember. Oh, he realized suddenly what it was. "Wait, please." Chopper and Kaya stopped midway to the door. "Is there anyway I could see Gin? I mean, I know he's," Sanji forced himself to say it, "dead, but-"
Across the room, Zoro raised an eyebrow. "I see no problem with it."
"Sanji should be resting. I'm not sure how much effect the morphine has had on him. He may not be able to walk due to his ribs and the morphine. There is the wheelchair we brought from the hospital, but-" The doctor shook his head, and Sanji worried that his words would overrule anything Zoro said. Sanji didn't want to have to pushed around in a wheelchair like some invalid.
"He doesn't need it. It's just a room over. I'll go with him," Zoro replied.
"You should be resting, too," Kaya said, shaking her finger at him. "How many times do I need to tell you that you have several broken ribs? Go lie down."
"And how many times, woman, do I have to tell you that I'm fine?" This seemed to be an old argument. Kaya blinked and gritted her teeth. "Look, I'll take him, and then when Sanji wants to come back, I'll go rest. I promise."
He wasn't sure what passed between Kaya and Zoro just then, but compromise seemed to be the best option. "Fine," Kaya said, looking between Zoro and Sanji. Her lips thinned into a tight line. She turned and headed out the door.
"Be careful with his hands and arms, Zoro," Chopper advised. Zoro nodded as Chopper turned to leave. Then, the green-haired man walked over to the bed stiffly. Sanji recognized the rigidity in his movements as pain.
"Okay, shit-cook," Zoro said. "Let's get you up without damaging those hands."
His tone was placating, and Sanji tensed at his words. "I don't need your pity, marimo."
"Who has time for pity? I was just commenting on your obvious weakness." He smiled, and Sanji knew Zoro wasn't serious.
"Weakness?" Sanji said, faking offense. Zoro brought an arm behind Sanji's back to help him sit up. He could feel the prick of pain in his ribs as he sat upright and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Zoro leaned over him to pull him up slowly, supporting him gently with an arm around his waist. "I'm not sure what you could be talking about. Yourself?"
Sanji felt uneasy on his feet even with Zoro's arm wrapped around him. He tried to focus on the warm, strong body next to him rather than the difficulty he was having moving his feet forward. The combination of pain killers and grief was wrapping itself around him once more, and it took all Sanji had in him to push his body out the door and into the hallway. Even though the effort seemed too much in his already exhausted state, Sanji still felt the same conviction. He needed to see Gin sooner rather than later.
Zoro guided him into a neighboring room. Sanji would have sworn that the door creaked open, hinges turning at a frustrating pace, but the noise he heard was only in his head. He imagined that the room was much darker than the hallway, that the air was thick from the covered, desolate figure lying on the narrow bed. It wasn't, though. He was just distracting himself.
Sanji was left to lean against the doorframe briefly as Zoro dragged a chair near the bed. He hurried back, reaching an arm around the cook to support him once more. Numb, Sanji gently settled himself on the chair. He stared at the sheet-covered body, knowing who it was, knowing who would be revealed as Zoro- ever so cautiously- drew the sheet away from the face, knowing that no matter what happened last night, Sanji was still going to despise everything that man had stood for.
But Zoro ripped the sheet away from Gin's face in a flash. There was no second for Sanji to prepare himself. He had expected to feel the same nauseating rage he'd always felt when confronted with Gin, yet as he sat within inches of the body, he could only remember Gin's final moments. Sanji could see a little dried blood at the corner of Gin's mouth. He tried to bring his hand up to wipe it away, but he saw the bandages and realized belatedly that his fingers were still useless. Even to do something so simple. He exhaled and closed his eyes. With them shut, he let his ruined hand rest clumsily against Gin's cheek. This dead man seemed to be a completely different person. Sanji didn't want to cry. Before, as Gin had lain dying in his arms, Sanji had been overwhelmed by shock and pain. Now with muffled hands and mind, Sanji only wanted to stare and let his thoughts gently pass through his head.
Except a keening sob broke past his lips in spite of his wishes.
--
In what seemed to be another corner of the world, Zoro shut the door. It clicked gently into place, blocking out the cries of the already distraught cook. Try as he might, Zoro couldn't forget the events of the previous night. It could be said that nothing especially traumatic happened to him, however, Zoro felt Sanji's pain acutely. While he had not experienced the loss of a friend- for that was only what Zoro could safely assume Gin to have been- Gin's death had reawakened old wounds.
Zoro could hear Luffy and the others laughing from down the hall. Listening to them, Zoro knew that no matter what had happened in his past or happened in the future, he would find a way to get past it. Luffy had pulled him out of his depression and would again if it were ever necessary. There was something else for him outside of his revenge. If you asked what him what it was, he would have no idea how to describe it. He'd never been one for words. But he knew with every fiber of his being that the people in the Thousand Sunny Inn were integral in maintaining himself.
Right now Sanji didn't have that. Everything he had known had been obliterated in one night. It certainly hadn't been Zoro or Luffy's intention to destroy it all, but they had. Zoro was finding it hard to forgive himself for that. He'd brought Luffy to Le Baratie, left Sanji exposed to Krieg's cruelty—God! If only he had walked back in Le Baratie with him last night he'd never have been taken—and he hadn't moved fast enough to save Gin. There was so much he could have done better.
He remembered the look on Caimie's face as they had brought Sanji inside Thousand Sunny. He'd passed out at some point during the car ride back, body slumped across Gin's. Duval had gathered the blonde in his arms and brought him in safely. Zoro, following behind, had Gin. Caimie had spent the hours waiting by the door. At the sight of them all the blood had drained from her face.
Zoro brought a hand to cover his eyes in an attempt to stop remembering. But-
Caimie was rushing forward. She stopped in front of Duval who was carrying Sanji on his back. Her hands clasped around her mouth. With wide eyes she looked over his bloody body. "Oh, Sanji. Is- is he all right?"
Duval, nodding, opened his mouth to speak. Zoro shouldered his way into the light of the front porch. "He's just unconscious. He needs to see a doctor. I think he's lost a lot of blood."
She nodded and stepped aside. Duval hurried in, disappearing behind Chopper and Kaya. It was then that Caimie, mouth opening to a slight 'O,' acknowledged the man in Zoro's arms. A shuffled step forward, she said, "No. No. Gin. He didn't. He didn't. He's not-" She cut herself off.
Zoro was only able to step forward and nod. Caimie reached out to touch Gin's face. His eyes were now permanently in shadow. Caimie's chest shook as she inhaled. A half-smile crossed her face.
"It was never fair what he did, but I suppose he, like the rest of us, made do with what he had. After all, what else are any of us supposed to do?"
Caimie had looked Zoro in the eyes when she has said it. He had agreed with her then and still did. As Sanji's sobs drifted through the door, Zoro realized that no matter what had happened in the past, Gin had managed to salvage something. He'd repaired at least one mistake. Sanji- and Caimie as well- would of course remember the years of torment, but Gin had managed to redress his actions. Sanji's animosity was no longer black and white.
Last night had been the turning point. Sanji was completely free now, and it was up to him to decide his future. Zoro was once again reminded of the mistakes he'd made. Although free, Sanji might never regain the use of his hands, thus rendering him incapable of continuing his livelihood. While Luffy would ensure that they wouldn't be destitute, Sanji was not the kind to take charity. He needed more than pity right now.
Something else Caimie had said was tugging at his memory.
"It's not much," she had said while Zoro covered Gin with a white sheet, "but since his father died, Gin has been the most constant presence in his life."
Zoro understood that it was unlikely that Sanji would find anyone to be present in the manner Gin had, but maybe Zoro could try to help out. It might make up for not getting to Sanji fast enough to stop Krieg. If only he'd—Zoro stopped himself. He knew that once he started questioning his actions, he would never be able to stop. Regret came too easily and left too slowly for Zoro. He hoped that wouldn't be the case for Sanji.
He wiped a hand across his face, dragging away the tension and exhaustion as he put a hand on the doorknob. Sanji had been alone long enough and dwelling certainly wasn't going to help. Sanji needed to know that he didn't have to suffer by himself. Zoro stepped quietly inside. Sanji was sitting in the chair like before. Salt-water stains lined his cheeks, but as Sanji turned to look at Zoro, the swordsman was prepared to pretend like they didn't exist. Zoro nodded a greeting instead.
"Hey," Sanji said, voice dejected. He looked back at Gin's body. In the dim room, Gin looked darker than he had in life. Although a hint of gray was beginning to show, the body hadn't begun to decompose enough to fully take on the look of corpse yet.
Zoro leaned casually against the doorframe. He was content to stay there until Sanji was ready to go. Zoro had only entered to reassure Sanji that there was a chance to get past this. They were going to be with him from now on. He watched the cook calmly, giving him time to think. Sanji brushed a bandaged hand across Gin's face. He exhaled, and after a second, spoke.
"Gin was never kind. I never saw him do anything nice for anyone." The words poured out of him. "He was called the man-demon because he never showed sympathy for any one of his enemies. Krieg chose him specifically for that. Gin told me once that he liked killing people for Krieg."
Zoro knew all of this and merely nodded. Sanji's shoulders slumped, and he turned back to Zoro. His one visible eye met with Zoro's gaze. In that sea-blue stare, Zoro saw confusion and hurt. Sanji opened his mouth, poised to say something, but the words were lost before they formed. He shook his head.
"He said he loved me." It was more a mumble than anything else, but the words had been said nonetheless. From the look on Sanji's face, Zoro realized that the relationship between Gin and Sanji had been more than just comrades. They had been lovers. In the back of his mind, Zoro had known as much but was unprepared to assume. "Why would he say that? Gin couldn't have loved me. He couldn't have loved anyone. Right?"
The cook was staring at Gin once again, head shaking slightly. There was little Zoro could say to mollify Sanji, knowing that this was one wound only time could heal. Quiet settled around the room once more. In the aftermath of Sanji's words, the silence seemed lighter. Sanji closed his eyes and laughed. Just once.
"I'm sorry you have to listen to this." Sanji smiled wryly at Zoro. "This probably isn't what you guys expected to have to do right after getting the Baratie."
Zoro shrugged. "We had to take Krieg down at some time or another."
"He's dead?"
"Luffy, it seems, accidentally pushed him off the roof." Zoro nodded towards Sanji's hands. "He won't be coming back to hurt you now."
Sanji looked relieved. He whispered, "I'm free." A look came over his face that Zoro couldn't read. If he hadn't known better, Zoro would have thought he was addressing the dead man next to him. But, considering what Zoro had guessed regarding their relationship, that seemed impossible. Sanji looked back at Gin's body.
"You probably think I'm disgusting," he said quietly.
"Hmmm?"
Sanji weakly gestured toward Gin. "What I am? What he and I did?"
That thought hadn't had much time to percolate in Zoro's mind. He'd been much more concerned with Sanji's well-being than however he'd spent his time with Gin. Even so, it didn't change what kind of person Sanji was. He'd seen that kind of thing before.
"Not really," Zoro said. Sanji shot him a look as though demanding further explanation. Zoro wasn't sure he was willing to explain why it wasn't a problem. "I…uh…I grew up in Japan. That kind of thing is actually pretty common there. It's…widely accepted, I guess you'd say."
"I didn't know that." Sanji looked surprised. He smiled. "Maybe I should move there, then."
"Nah. It's against the law, now," Zoro said. He didn't want Sanji to leave, but Zoro wasn't about to say that. He hadn't known the cook for very long, hadn't spent enough time with him, hadn't had the opportunities to form the kind of relationship that allowed you to say something as dramatic as I don't want you to leave. Those words, though, lingered in his mind nonetheless. He raced to find something to say other than that. "Look, Sanji. It'll take some time, but things will work out. I know you don't know us, and maybe after this shit with Krieg you don't want to, but we're good people. We'll help you get back on your feet with the restaurant, speakeasy, anything. Just don't think that-"
Sanji held up a bandaged hand. "I know you didn't mean for it to happen. I don't think I'll be much help now that Krieg is dead and I'm handicapped and a freak."
Zoro figured that Sanji, no matter how injured, was probably never going to be handicapped. The term freak was probably an exaggeration, or at least an appellation that applied to every other person in the Strawhat gang. From his few short interactions with the other man, Sanji seemed mild.
"Don't worry about that. Even if you don't know anything that'll help us, you still promised to cook for Luffy."
"If I can. If he still wants me to after…" Sanji trailed off and gestured again at Gin.
Zoro shook his head. "That's not going to matter to anyone. And you'll be able to cook again before you know it." He shook his head slightly. "You know what? I was pretty sure you were a fighter, but now I can't help but wonder how easily beaten you are by a minor injury like that."
Sanji was all stunned silence at that. Perhaps, he had been expecting something else, but Zoro had never been one to meet expectations. There was a brief moment where Sanji opened and closed his mouth several times before he replied, "I don't see how you have room to talk. Look at you, marimo. Only a few broken ribs and you can't even seem to walk around a room."
"They're proof that I fought tonight and came out stronger," Zoro said. Sanji yelled back about not having the opportunity to fight, thus preventing him from such injuries. In his defense, Sanji had survived severe torture under Krieg and come out without too much damage. Zoro made some reply, only half sincerely. His mind had drifted to other thing; most prominently among them was sleep. But Zoro knew that what else occupied his mind was less innocent and more disturbing. Looking between Sanji's wounds and Gin's body, Zoro was filled with a need for vengeance, or at least a desire to prevent this same pain from appearing all over again. While Sanji, when healed, would be fully capable of defending himself, Zoro realized that some means of protection were not self-fulfilling. Instead, Zoro was going to have to take that position if his friends were to continue to live fully.