A/N: As soon as I've finished this, I will get back to Sheepsuit. Promise!

Romancing the Rat Spleen

The next evening, James trudged down to the dungeon of the school rather unhappily. This detention was going to be two wasted hours that he could have spent planning the most perfect moment for Lily to fall in love with him. He sighed as he came to the door of the dungeon, where he met Professor McGonagall. Upon his arrival, her lips pressed themselves into a thinner line than James had ever seen.

"You and Miss Evans will be scrubbing all of the school cauldrons this evening. No magic. The second years just finished stewing rat spleens in them, so it should be a real treat for you."

James nodded dully before looking up so quickly that his neck cricked. "Miss Evans is, too? I mean… Lily?"

"Yes, Potter, if Miss Evans had not been out after hours as well, then how was it possible for her to turn you in?"

James had not thought about that before, having assumed that Peter must have found Lily in her dorm to tell her what was going on. He suddenly felt very terrible for dragging her into this mess, and apprehensive about spending two hours alone with an angry Lily.

"Professor, don't you think you should take our wands? I mean, just to make sure we don't use magic?"

The Professor shook her head. "We're on the honors system here, Potter. I will be forced to trust you not to use your wand."

"Gee… that's great," he said, attempting a smile. Two hours alone with an armed and angry Lily.

He trudged into the dungeon and found that Lily hadn't arrived yet. There was a table with two chairs pressed against the dark stone wall, surrounded by a large stack of cauldrons. The dank smell of mildew in the walls was heavily overpowered by the rotting smell coming from the rusted cauldrons, and James had to breathe through his mouth to keep from gagging.

Lily arrived a few moments later. For a second, she looked at James as though she were about to breath fire at him, but when she took a deep breath to start hollering, she gagged on the fumes in the air.

"Potter," she gasped. "You are a dead IDIOT!"

James cringed. "Sorry, I really had no idea that you would get in trouble, too."

"You fed me some cock-and-bull story about you being up on the astronomy tower just to lure me out of the dorms after hours! I can't believe I fell for it!"

"It's not like that…"

"Oh, and I bet that's what all of this stuff has been about! Dragging me out in the middle of the night because you think the snow is pretty… having your friend lure me into the forbidden forest and leaving me there… you've been trying to make me look dumb and get me in trouble!" She huffily sat down in one of the chairs and a puff of dust rose up around her. "Yeeaurgh!" she groaned as she peeked into one of the cauldrons. "What is this stuff?"

"Stewed rat spleens," James said miserably.

She gave him an incredulous look. "Rat spleens! Rat spleens?! James Potter, I hate you!"

And with that, she set to scrubbing the nastiness from inside the first cauldron.

James nervously took a seat beside her and picked up a rag and another cauldron, glancing inside and shuddering. After a few moments of tense silence (besides the occasional "yuk!" and moaning) James decided to speak.

"I'm really sorry Lily."

She didn't respond besides scrubbing more forcefully.

"I didn't mean for you to get in trouble."

"Hmph!"

He sighed, deciding just to tell the truth, as she couldn't get any madder at him. "You were right about part of it though, this was all a set up."

She didn't look up from her task, but he saw a bitter look of triumph sweep her features.

"I set this all up thinking that if we had the perfect romantic moment, then you would fall in love with me like some princess in some story. I wanted to sweep you off your feet."

Lily made an angry noise. "You wanted me to fall on love with you so you could make fun of me?!"

James almost dropped his cauldron. "No! Not to make fun of you! Never that! Because I… I fancy you!"

Lily actually did drop her cauldron, which broke in half. "Are you mocking me, James Potter?"

"What?"

"You found out I like you so you and your friends decided to set this up and have a good laugh about it?"

"You like me?" James said, unable to believe his ears.

"No."

They stood there silently for a moment, Lily glaring defensively and James looking unabashedly hopeful. He made a move towards her, but all he managed to do was snag his jeans on the edge of the broken cauldron and cut his leg.

"Perfect," he muttered, unhooking his pants from the shard and glancing at the cut, which was slowly seeping into his sock.

"You okay?" Lily said, her tone suggesting that she was concerned against her will.

James shrugged. "Just a scratch. I've had worse. Are you okay?"

Lily did look kind of pale. "Blood makes me queasy," she squeaked.

James dropped his pant leg to cover up the redness. "All better," he smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

Lily looked at him questioningly. "That was… sweet of you."

"If you weren't so determined to hate me, you might see that I try to be sweet most of the time. At least to you."

She gave him a sidelong glance. "Do you promise you weren't making fun of me with all this stuff?"

He nodded. "I meant what I said. I wanted to set up a perfect moment so you would finally see me as a prince charming instead of a frog. You know… fountains, twinkle lights, fireworks, music… I guess I did pretty miserably."

Lily shrugged. "I don't think it would have been so bad… I just didn't know what was supposed to be happening." She looked at him and sighed as though she were letting go of something she had been holding on to for a very long time. James hoped it was her dislike for him.

He glanced around the room, having quite forgotten about his injured leg. "We should probably make some progress on these cauldrons, huh?"

Lily nodded and lowered herself back onto her seat. James picked up the cauldron he had been working on, and together they scrubbed in silence, deep in their thoughts.

James just sat there wondering when his next chance would be. Perhaps after their discussion, Lily would be more open to his efforts. Perhaps she would recognize them as more than a game, but as an honest attempt at her heart.

Lily's mind was turning furiously. At the time, She had barely noticed the atmospheres that James had set up for her. Now that she thought back, they were all very sweet, and if she had been looking properly, she would have recognized each scenario as perfectly romantic. Shooting stars on a snowy night? Being rescued in the forest by a handsome quidditch player? Dinner under the stars with fireworks? How could she have missed it? She sighed, disappointed with herself.

"You okay?" James asked quietly.

"Just thinking."

He didn't pry, and Lily hid a small smile behind her cauldron.

It was harder to recognize without the twinkley-lights, but what neither of them realized was that their perfect romantic moment had already come and gone, and Lily had fallen for James. Neither one of them expected a moldy, black dungeon surrounded by rusty pots of rat spleen to be more effective than any plot of James's, but Lily Evans was officially swept off her feet.

The End

A/N: Cute? Let me know what you think. Perhaps when I finish my other story I'll come through and revamp this one slightly, but it's done for now and I hope you liked it! Review!