Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.
Author's Note: This popped into my head this morning, and I've been working on it on and off all day. I'm happy with it- hope you guys are, too. Enjoy! -Jess
This isn't happening. She's too young, has too much to live for. You can't have her yet! Lorelai's mind screamed, but the woman herself sat silently beside her daughter's hospital bed, clinging to Rory's hand in hopes of feeling Rory's fingers tighten around her own. The machines beeped steadily, serving as the background music to the worst moment in Lorelai Gilmore's life. Lying in the bed, her daughter looked younger than her twenty-three years, looked small and helpless. What had started as what should have been one of the happiest days in Rory's young life, the birth of her own baby girl, had ended up with her fighting for the right to live, the chance to see her daughter grow.
Slowly, Lorelai unfolded herself from the uncomfortable hospital chair she'd been sitting in for the past four hours, since the doctors and nurses had wheeled Rory into ICU. Luke, Chris, her parents, and Paris were all in the waiting room- the doctors would only allow one person in at a time to see Rory. She pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead, whispered "I love you," and left the room to call her granddaughter's father.
She passed the waiting room, but paid no attention to the others as she made her way to the elevators. When she reached the first floor, she stepped out and walked outside, onto the sidewalk. Dark clouds hovered above the Earth's surface, and Lorelai thought to herself how fitting they seemed to be. She pulled her cell phone from her purse pocket and dialed scrolled through her address book until she found his name.
Normally, she would have noted the music she heard on the other line with amusement, but now she hardly paid it any attention, regarding it only as a sign that his phone was indeed on and waiting for him to answer- praying that he wouldn't simply ignore the incoming call upon seeing her number scrawled across the screen.
"Lorelai?" It was a voice she hadn't heard in eight months, and Lorelai felt herself heaving a sigh as she heard it now- he'd answered.
She couldn't help the tears that spilled down her face, or the way her voice cracked as she began to speak. "You need to get down to Hartford Memorial now, Logan," she told him, thanking God that he'd chosen this week to visit his sister and her husband, that he was in Connecticut rather than California.
"Why? What's wrong? What happened to Rory, Lorelai?" Logan had kept his distance in the months since Rory had rejected his proposal, telling himself that he could put her out of his heart if only he had nothing to do with her. Now, he began to panic, thinking of all the possible reasons Lorelai of all people would be calling him. After all these months, no matter what he'd told himself, Rory was still in his heart. He still loved her more than he'd ever loved anyone and the idea that something had happened to her now was tearing him apart inside.
He heard Lorelai sob and prayed that Rory was okay; it had been hard enough to lose her as his girlfriend, to lose the future he'd hoped they'd have, but to lose her, to really and truly lose Rory for good, was a thought he couldn't bare. "Just come quick," Lorelai pleaded and Logan found himself nodding, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't see him.
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he said, already grabbing his keys and walking out the door. "What floor?" His heart rose up in his throat when she croaked out the word "sixth" because he knew all too well what was on that floor, having been there not even a year ago himself- ICU.
He broke the speed limit the entire way to the hospital, but he didn't care. His only thought was of getting to Rory as quickly as possible. He took the first spot he saw in the parking lot and bolted from his car almost at the same time as he slammed it into Park and pulled the key from the ignition. He ran through the parking lot and straight to the elevator, ignoring the nurse that asked so kindly if she could help him. Nobody could help him, not unless they could make whatever was wrong with his Ace better.
The moment he stepped out of the elevator, he was pulled away by Lorelai. She'd been pacing the length of the floor, counting down the minutes to his arrival. She'd managed to compose herself some, sobs no longer racked her body as they had only moments ago, but tears still streamed down her too-pale face. Logan stopped her when she started to lead him down a hallway, turning her around to face him as he put both hands on her arms.
"Lorelai, please, tell me what's going on," he begged, needing to know before he drove himself insane thinking of all the possibilities.
"She- she had a b-b-baby, Logan," Lorelai cried, and Logan felt his heart stop. Rory had given birth- and the time frame said that it had to be his. Anger washed over him in waves; he should have been told sooner! Why hadn't she called him? Why hadn't she- "Sh- she flat- flat-lined almost as- as soon as the b-baby was out," Lorelai stammered, and Logan's eyes widened as all traces of his anger disappeared, replaced with an icy cold fear that sent tingles down his spine. Please, God, no, he thought as tears formed in his eyes.
Lorelai turned on her heel and began to lead him down the hallway, to Rory's room. She saw Chris there, holding their daughter's hand as tears fell from his eyes. He'd never been much of a father to Rory, but he'd been fixing that, doing so much better, in these last few months. "Chris," she murmured and her ex-husband stood. Like Lorelai had some twenty minutes before, he kissed Rory's forehead and told her that he loved her, before gently steering Lorelai out of the room and leaving Logan alone with their daughter.
He slowly walked over to the chair Chris had vacated and slumped down, covering his head with his hands and hoping that he'd wake up any minute and find that this was all just some terrible nightmare. He didn't care if Rory never spoke to him again, so long as she was alive and well. Instead, as he pulled his hands away from his face, he felt the wetness of the tears that had fallen and his gaze fell to the woman who looked so fragile laying in the bed next to him. He gently took her hand in both of his own and pressed a tender kiss to its palm. "C'mon, Ace," he whispered, fighting to find his voice around the lump of emotion clogging his throat. "You've got to wake up now."
What was he supposed to say? They hadn't spoken in months and all of the sudden, here they were- with her fighting for her life and him begging her not to let go just yet. "Your mom said- she said that you had a baby, Ace," he went on as more tears fell from his eyes and landed on Rory's limp hand. "I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, but we're parents, you and me. And that little baby, he or she's going to need you, Ace, it'll need its mom." He pulled in a breath of air; his lungs felt like they were on fire as he struggled to keep his breathing steady, to not give into the pain he was feeling just looking at Rory laying in that bed and thinking about their child growing up without her- thinking about living the rest of his life completely without Rory Gilmore. "I wish you'd told me about the baby, Ace, I do, and I'm so mad that it took… this… for me to find out, but I swear, Ace, if you wake up now, I won't be angry. I won't yell or scream or fight with you. I just want you to wake up."
"BEEEEEEEEP." Fear had Logan spinning in his seat to look at the monitor, and he felt as though his own heart had stopped when he saw the flat line across the screen. "No!" he yelled, reaching for Rory as nurses pulled him away. He could hear the murmur of their voices, the nurses and the doctors, and it was as though he was standing several feet away from them, rather than right next to them. They pushed him out of the room, guided him to the waiting area. He watched as Lorelai's eyes widened in shock, as she fell back against Luke, sobbing once more. He wanted to fall back against the wall, to collapse onto the cold tile of the floor, but thought of the baby he'd yet to see- thought of the small piece of Rory that was somewhere in that hospital.
"The baby," he breathed on a whoosh of air, fighting to calm his racing heart. It was Paris who stood and took him by the arm, slowly propelling him to the nursery. His mind clouded over with image after image of Rory, memories of their time together. She has to be okay, he thought. He hadn't even realized that they'd been on the elevator, not until he was stepping out of the car. Paris led him to the nursery and he heard her tell one of the nurses that he was the father of the Gilmore baby. Paris helped him into a hospital gown and donned one herself before taking him to stand beside a clear bassinet.
"GILMORE" the sign above the tiny infant's head read, and Logan turned his gaze downward to look at the little baby. Paris carefully lifted the baby while the nurse positioned his arms correctly. A second later, Logan was holding the baby and staring down at it with wide eyes. "It's a girl," Paris told him, and Logan felt a small smile tug at his lips. "She's got a head of dark hair under that cap, too," she informed him, having seen that for herself since she and Lorelai had both been in the delivery room with Rory.
"Did- did she pick a name?" he asked, wonder filling him as he silently counted each of the baby's ten fingers and toes. Her eyes were closed, her lips rhythmically sucking a green pacifier in her sleep.
"Lorelai Honor- Ellie for short," Paris said, and whatever joy he'd felt upon hearing that Rory had named their daughter after the one member in his family that he actually cared about, his sister, was wiped away as he turned his head to see tears pooling in her eyes. Paris had never been the type to easily show emotion, and it shocked him to see her crying now- to know that she was so broken by what had taken place, by what was still taking place, that she was actually allowing him to see her in such a vulnerable state.
"She has to be alright, Paris," he whispered and watched as Paris nodded. But neither was convinced that Rory would survive, would live to see the beautiful baby girl he was holding grow up. Slowly, Logan began to rock the baby back and forth as he started to speak, this time to her. "Hi, there, little one. I'm... Well, I'm your dad." He shook his head at that, amazed that the words had actually come out of his mouth.
"I've got to tell you, kiddo, I never planned on being a dad. I never wanted to screw my kids up like my old man messed me up, you know? But I love your mom, more than anything in the world, and a few months ago, I was kind of figuring that we'd get married and have kids. She'd changed me, made me want to be better for her, but then she said no when I asked her to marry me. I figured she didn't want a family with me, a life with me. I knew even then that I'd never love anyone as much as I love her, that there would never be anyone else I'd want to have a family with, so I buried that dream, however brief it had been, and walked away. Man, I wish I hadn't now. I mean, did it really have to be all or nothing? I knew she was scared, that I was pushing her because I was scared. I screwed up, that's what I did- ask your mom someday, I'm good at that. But I promise you this, Lorelai Honor Gilmore-Huntzberger, I will try my hardest to not screw up with you like I've done everything else in my life, okay? I just hope your mom pulls through, because I don't know if I can do this without her."
Paris had stepped out of the way a little, to allow Logan some privacy as he talked to his daughter, but she'd remained close enough that she could still hear everything he'd just told Ellie. She silently sent up a prayer that Rory would make it- and that, when she woke up, she'd tell Logan how much she loved him and what the past eight months without him had been like. And, if Rory didn't tell him, Paris thought she just might. It hadn't taken long for her best friend to realize that she'd made a mistake by rejecting Logan's marriage proposal, and she'd been beating herself up for the past eight months, but she'd been too stubborn to call him- and, Paris knew, too afraid that he'd prove to be too much like her dad and walk away from her and their child.
Logan looked up when he heard a tap against the window and found Chris standing in the hallway with a small smile. He motioned for them to come out and Logan placed a kiss on his daughter's tiny cap-covered head before laying her back down and following Paris out of the nursery. "Is she okay?" they both asked as soon as they were in the hallway.
Chris nodded. "They've got her stabilized again, but she's still not awake," he informed them, and it was clear that he was still worried about his daughter's health.
It was seven hours later when Rory finally stirred, her hand clenching and un-clenching around her sleeping mother's as she fought to lift her eyelids. Lorelai jerked awake at the movement, her gaze going first to the hand that was still moving in hers and then to Rory's face. "Ror?" she asked as her daughter's eyelids slowly opened.
"Mom? What happened? Is Ellie alright?" Rory asked, panicking as she wondered what had taken place. She tried to sit up, to get out of the bed, but found that it wasn't possible- and entirely too painful. "Ugh," she moaned as her mother gently pushed her back down and handed her a paper cup with water and a straw in it. After taking a sip, she looked back to her mother. "Mom? Please tell me."
"Sh, Rory, it's okay. Ellie's fine, baby, but you... God, Ror, you scared the hell out of all of us. You went into cardiac arrest and, about five hours later, you flat-lined again. That was seven hours ago, hon."
Rory's eyes widened in disbelief. "I flat-lined? I've been out for twelve hours? You're sure Ellie's okay, though, right? I mean-"
Lorelai held up her hand to quiet her daughter. "Ror, sweetie, take it easy, okay? Yes, to all of the above. I've been into see her, Ror. She's perfect, beautiful. She looks just like you did when you were a baby. And I've got pictures- of me holding her, of Paris holding her, of Luke and Mom and Dad all holding her... and, uh, of Logan holding her," she added, hesitating a little at the end to see Rory's reaction.
"He's here? But- but how?" Rory gasped, surprised to say the least by her mother's admission.
"I called him, after they got you stabilized the first time. He was here in Hartford anyway, visiting Honor and Josh, and I was so worried, Rory. He was here in less than fifteen minutes, from the time we hung up. He's been here ever since, too. He was in here, to see you, but he's mostly been with Ellie, since I've pretty much been hogging this chair- they won't let more than one person in at a time to see you," she explained and smiled as she hugged her daughter gently. "I'm so glad you're awake, Ror. I'm going to go tell the doctors and everyone, okay?"
Rory nodded and bit her lip before asking as her mother reached the door, "Mom? Could you, uh, could you send Logan back in? Please?" Lorelai nodded her agreement before stepping outside the room and shutting the door quietly behind her.
She waited until the doctor had checked on Rory and made sure that she was really okay before making her way to the waiting room and giving her report to the family. "She's awake," she said with a beaming smile. "And the doctor said she's doing fine. They're going to move her to recovery, but she wants to see you first, Logan."
Logan, who'd just returned from the nursery in the hopes that there might be some news about Rory- or that he'd get to see her again for a couple of minutes- was shocked. "She wants to see me?" he croaked out, sounding an awful lot like he was trying out a new Kermit the Frog imitation.
Lorelai nodded and he started down the hallway, counting in his mind as he tried to steady his racing heartbeat. Rory was okay, he couldn't believe it. He felt like he could breathe again as he made his way to her room. He knocked softly on the door and stepped inside, rushing to her side once again and forgetting all about the anger he'd felt twelve hours earlier when he'd first sat down in that chair.
"I'm so happy that you're finally awake. I've been so worried- we all have," he told her before noticing the tears welling up in her eyes. "Hey, what's the matter, Ace?" he asked as he reached out to wipe the salty drops away with the backs of his thumbs.
His use of the nickname only caused her to cry harder, though, as she began to speak. "I- I'm sorry, Logan. I'm sorry that I said no, sorry I didn't tell you about Ellie as soon as I found out I was pregnant, sorry-"
"Sh, sh, Ace. It's okay," he said, brushing a hand through her hair as he tried to calm her. "I know all of that- I've been here seven hours; your Mom and Paris have filled me in on a lot of things, okay? And I'm sorry, Ace, so sorry that I pushed. I shouldn't have. I knew you were nervous, I mean, you'd just graduated from Harvard and turned down a job, why wouldn't you be a little scared? And I went and pushed you because I was scared, and that didn't help either of us."
Rory stared at him in disbelief, wondering what all had transpired in the time that she'd been out of it, and Logan smiled at the confused look in her eyes. "I love you, Ace," he told her for perhaps the hundredth time that night; he'd been in to see her a few times since he'd arrived, though never for very long, since Lorelai had understandably wanted to be there in case Rory woke up.
She opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find her voice, so she clamped it shut and repeated the process a couple of times before saying, "I love you, too, Logan."
Logan didn't bother holding back his smile at her admission. He'd been told, in the last seven hours, by everyone who'd stuck around and been waiting for her to wake up that she did, in fact, still love him, but it was completely different to actually hear her say it. There was no more doubt, not in his head or his heart, as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and told her, "Then everything else will work out in time, okay?"
A knock sounded on the door and Lorelai rushed in, slapping away the doctor that told her only one person could see Rory at a time right now, and pushed open the shades on the window. "Look!" she squealed happily, like a little child, "It's snowing!"
Logan, well-versed on the Gilmore theory that good things happened when it snowed, bobbed his head up and down and grinned. "Good things certainly do happen when it snows," he said.
"Great things," Lorelai corrected, looking from Rory to Logan and back to Rory again.
"Great things," Logan agreed as he leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to the crown of Rory's head as the doctor and several nurses came in to transfer Rory to another room.