Title: Rules rule
Author: Jammeke
Summary: To prevent chaos, Elizabeth created a special forum where she can post rules to keep everyone in check. Unfortunately for her, the expedition members can also react to the topics. Chaos ensues.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the characters don't belong to me. I certainly wouldn't mind owning a John Sheppard. Or two.
Rules Rule
1) Do not invite uninvited guests over to Atlantis.
Rumor has it that when the Lucius incident was over, Dr. Weir made Dr. Beckett do the dishes for six days straight. According to witnesses, Sheppard came to taunt him every night.
(Six days? Why six days, doc? - Lorne)
(I vaguely remember Elizabeth saying something about 'one day of scrubbing dirty plates for every poor woman Lucius married'... - Sheppard)
2) Do not use your skateboard near stairs/balconies/transporters.
(Aw, come on, not even the balconies? – Sheppard)
(That'd be a no – Weir)
3) Do not fight outside the gym.
SGA-14 are still recovering from Ronon's assault. Apparently, the men were overheard discussing Teyla's 'tools'. Teyla wasn't available for comments. Ronon doesn't comment anyway.
4) Do not touch yet unidentified Ancient Technology.
(We should not have to say this, people! – McKay)
5) Do not take your food outside the Mess Hall.
a. This rule applies to everyone but McKay, because he hardly ever comes out of his lab.
(Thank you, Elizabeth - McKay)
6) Do not temper with the lights.
a. Or the temperature of the water
b. No matter how much you'd like to sabotage someone's quarters.
Everyone is still trying to forget about the Kavanagh incident. Dr. McKay's been awfully quiet about the whole thing.
(Should I take offence to this? – McKay)
(Of course not, we're all secretly proud of you - Sheppard)
7) The Internet is not to be used for fun. Checking your mail and doing is research is something you can do.
(Why? The Internet doesn't cost us anything here in Pegasus. I'm sure the natives aren't even capable of spelling the word 'energy bill' – McKay)
(You have a point there. – Sheppard)
8) Do not wander through the hallways and corridors after midnight.
a. Unless you are a guard on night duty.
b. Or in serious need of a toilet.
9) Do not grab seconds in the Mess Hall.
(Shame – Dex)
(I'll just pretend I didn't read this one – McKay)
a. This rule applies to everyone.
b. Including Doctor Rodney McKay.
c. If you are caught grabbing more, you'll be on laundry duty for three months.
(I get the point – McKay)
10) You are not allowed to use Dr. Weir's office as a hallway.
a. We don't care if it has multiple entries and
b. - just because the walls are made of glass doesn't mean you're allowed to stare 24/7.
(I'm getting sick of it. – Weir)
(Want to swap offices? – Sheppard)
(Just use curtains. – McKay)
11) Follow the orders of your superiors.
a. 'But Colonel Sheppard didn't' is not to be used as an excuse.
b. Nor is "Technically, I am not a member of this expedition".
(# - Dex)
(This is most unfortunate – Teyla)
12) You are not to overload anything.
a. Anything stands for every piece of technology that can be overloaded.
b. No exceptions.
c. Except when Dr. McKay orders you to.
13) Do not wander off to yet unexplored parts of the city.
(Then how do you plan on exploring them? – Dex)
14) Stereos are forbidden.
Everyone is still trying to recover from the Marilyn Manson incident. It also helps to avoid tympanum damage.
(Oh please, everyone's got an iPod. – Sheppard)
a. As are iPods.
(Oh please, everyone's got… coffee – Sheppard)
(I'll kill you! – McKay)
15) Pets are not allowed on Atlantis.
a. Neither are tamakotschi's.
b. Or other alien creatures.
16) Do not feed the whales.
SGA-3 decided it would be nice to give our leftovers to the whales. What followed was the arrival of dozens of whales on Atlantis. When Colonel Sheppard heard he was no longer allowed to swim off the West Pier, he got really cranky. Everyone is still trying to forget about what happened next.
17) Things not to do in the hallways:
a. Running
b. Singing
c. Horse riding
d. Shooting
e. Fighting
f. Meditating
(Does this mean I still get to tap-dance? – Cadman)
g. Tap-dancing
17) Do not die.
a. No excuses will be accepted.
b. Except comments along the lines of: 'I was trying to save the rest of the expedition'.
(Oh please, like it happens on purpose – Anonymous)
(How did Daniel Jackson get access to the Pegasus wide web? – Sheppard)
18) Do not defy rule 17.
19) Do not dive off the Piers.
a. One word: whales.
20) You are to stay in the infirmary until the Chief Medical Doctor clears you to leave.
(Hey! – Sheppard)
(You do realize this rule was added because of you – Beckett)
(I take no credit for it – Sheppard)
(Hmpf – McKay)
TBC...