Clandestine Infatuation

Chapter One

Mad World

"So, when did you first start to feel this way about your brother?"

Sharpay leaned back in the chair, and looked up at the ceiling, carefully thinking about her answer. She had to answer the question honestly, "Hmm," she mumbled, lowering her gaze to look Doctor Mad in the eye, "I dunno." She said, brushing a strand of her golden hair out of her eyes, "It sorta just happened. Time after time. One day I just knew. I loved him."

"But there has got to be a reason." Doctor Mad said, looking at Sharpay over her half-moon glasses. The old woman was rather attractive, but there was something about her appearance that Sharpay just didn't like, "You don't just fall in love overnight. Especially not with your twin brother."

"I did." Sharpay replied, awkwardly crossing her legs.

"No, you didn't." Doctor Mad argued, pushing her glasses back on her nose, while giving Sharpay a hard glare, "You know you can't just fall for your brother, Sharpay. It's wrong. It's incest. How did it happen?"

"How did what happen?" Sharpay questioned, leaning forward in her chair, to be closer to her shrink, "How did Ryan and I fall in love?"

"Yeah, if you care to elaborate on that?"

"I do." Sharpay slowly said, leaning back again, to be more comfortable, "I can do that. Our parents have never been much home. They were always working. They still are."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Alone." Sharpay said, fidgeting with her hands, her index finger playing with her thumbnail, "And unloved. But then there's Ryan. He makes me feel better. He loves me. When we were younger, and the maids and the housekeepers left for the night, so we were all alone, we'd snuggle beneath a blanket and watch TV."

"When did that stop?" Doctor Mad asked, scribbling notes down on her pad. Sharpay knew she had to use them all later, when she was supposed to figure out what's wrong with her. But she didn't get it. Nothing was wrong with her. She was completely normal.

"It didn't." Sharpay told her, "It didn't stop. When we got older, and were just getting into puberty, we would still watch movies, and be together under the same blanket. And then we would experiment together."

"Experiment…?"

"Yeah." Sharpay said, nodding her head up and down, slowly, as she was thinking things over, getting her memories correct, "When we saw something in a movie. When someone kissed, we would kiss, just to see what it was like. No one was there. We only had each other. And we fell in love."

"So… You didn't realize that what you were doing was wrong?" Doctor Mad asked, raising her eyebrow, as she scanned the screwed-up girl in front of her. The blonde gal, who she could tell used to be stunning and beautiful, was sitting there, a shadow of herself, "That you're not supposed to have these kind of feelings for someone in your family? It's illegal."

Sharpay nodded her head again, her brown eyes moving around the room, because she didn't seem to be able to focus on the same thing for very long, "But how can love be illegal?" she questioned.

Doctor Mad let out a deep sigh and reached out to pull her patient in for a deep hug. When she was done, Sharpay looked startled for a second, but Doctor Mad sat back in her chair, grabbing her pen and pad again, "It's not love, Sharpay." She told her, "It's insecurity. It's the need for someone to love you. It's not love. It's wrong."

"Oh, it's love." Sharpay assured her, and closed her eyes, as she relaxed completely, "I love Ryan, and he loves me."

Doctor Mad swallowed hard and bit her lip, "So how old were you the first time you and Ryan had sex?"

"I was fourteen." Sharpay replied, still with her eyes closed. A smile came onto her lips, as if she was reliving the memory, "And we didn't have sex. We made love." She added, because for her, that fact was important.

"Tell me about it?"

The front door smacked close, announcing that they were finally alone. Sharpay smiled happily to herself, as the piece and quiet overtook their big mansion. It was another night. Their parents had left for business three days ago, and now the maids had gone home, after cooking them a lovely dinner.

They were still only fourteen, so of course their mother and father made sure there was food on the table everyday. But they didn't hire a nanny to spend the night, like when they were younger. They stopped doing that by the time Ryan and Sharpay turned twelve, and the twins didn't have any objections to that.

If they were alone, they could do what they wanted. And what they needed. They could feel loved, and be loved. Just the way it was meant to be.

Ryan made his way down the stairs to the basement, where their secret place was. They made it when they were nine years old – together. They were the only ones who knew about it. Their parents didn't even know that their kids had spent a lot of time making it just perfect. Just for the two of them, to spend time together, away from everyone else.

"Hey Ry…" Sharpay whispered, her smile getting huge by the sight of him. She padded the seat next to her on the sofa, and he sat down there, placing the bowl of popcorn between them.

"There's butter on them." Ryan told her, arching his eyebrow slightly, "Just the way you like it."

"Thanks," Sharpay replied, immediately grabbing a handful, to pop them into her mouth, "I love you Ry. You're the greatest brother in the world."

"I love you too, Shar." Ryan said, as he grabbed the DVD remote, and pressed play, "What movie did you put in?"

"It doesn't really matter." Sharpay said, smiling sweetly, "As long as it's romantic, and you're here with me."

Ryan turned to her again, and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. He then moved the bowl from in between them, and placed it on the coffee table, so he could have better access to his little sister. She wrapped her small hands around his neck, and lay down on the couch, Ryan and top of her. Their lips explored one another's, as his hands roamed her body.

"Mmmhh," Sharpay groaned, as his hand brushed across her left breast, "that feels good, Ryan…"

"It does?" he questioned, as he lifted his head slightly. He had a glint in his eye, and a sweet smile on his lips, as he went down to kiss her again. His hands moved around her body, as hers moved to unbutton his dress shirt. He paused again, as he wanted to move up her skirt, "Can I…" he trailed off, and swallowed hard, "Can I touch you there?"

"It's okay," Sharpay assured him, nodding her head a bit, "it's okay, go on. I don't mind."

He wanted to, but he still hesitated. He looked into her eyes again, to search for answers, but he couldn't find anything, "…it's not right, is it?"

"What do you mean, Ry?" Sharpay questioned, feeling confused.

"It's not right for us to do this?" Ryan asked, moving away from her, to sit up against the armrest, "It's not right for me to love you the way I do. To need you. It's wrong, because we're twins. It's illegal."

"How can love be illegal?" Sharpay asked, sitting up as well, to look deeply into his blue eyes, "I don't care, Ryan, I really don't. Maybe we're screw-ups, but we're Ryan and Sharpay Evans. I need you, I really do. I don't care if it's illegal."

"We'll be taken away from each other if anyone finds out." Ryan told her, as he grabbed her hand, squeezing it hard. Just to reassure her for a bit. There was no possible way anyone could find out about this. But if they did… Everything would go wrong.

"No one is going to find out." Sharpay told him, lifting his hand up to kiss it, "We're here Ryan. We need each other. You're everything I have. It's our little secret…"

Ryan nodded slowly as he made his way towards her again, moving on top of her. Their bodies pressed together, as the heat kept rising. Soon, their clothes were flying off too.

"So you 'made love'?" Doctor Mad questioned, not forgetting to use the air quotes, to show how much she thought it was wrong, "And you continued to do that from then on?"

"Yeah," Sharpay agreed, nodding her head up and down, "yeah, we did."

"When was the last time you were together?" Doctor Mad asked, leaning back in her chair, while checking the watch above the door. There was still thirty five minutes left of her session with Sharpay. There was enough time.

Sharpay started to giggle, as if she was having a girl-talk with one of her friends, "Today." She revealed, blushing a bit, "During lunch at school. In the girl's bathroom. He took me up against the wall."

"Please," Doctor Mad said, placing her hands on top of each other, which was their sign for 'too much', "slow down. I don't want the details. Your icky details." she paused, and thought things over, as she glanced down at her paper, "Why did you do it at school? With so much risk of getting caught?"

"We can't do it at home anymore." Sharpay said, shrugging slightly, "Not after Mother and Father found out. You know, they are the reason we're even having these… unnecessary conversations."

"So how about not doing it at all?" Doctor Mad asked her, cocking her eyebrow, in a very teasing manner, "How about moving on, and forgetting it ever happened? It's not like you can ever marry him, it's not like you can be together forever."

"Oh, we can." Sharpay assured her as she bit her lip slightly, "I need Ryan. He's the only person who cares about me. He's the only one I have."

"No, you can't Sharpay." Doctor Mad said, looking deeply into the brown of her eyes, "It's wrong."

"No… no more me and Ryan?" Sharpay asked, suddenly feeling very afraid, as she looked up at her psychologist like a four-year-old would look at her mother, "No more love in the bathroom?"

"No…" Doctor Mad said, shaking her head slightly, replying the young woman, as if she was in fact a four-year-old, "No, Sharpay, no more you and Ryan…"

Sharpay started breathing harder and more uneven as her eyes went wide. She looked at her shrink, confused and scared. Suddenly she started shaking and clutched the sides of her chair tight. Her face went pale and the shakes got worse and worse. Doctor Mad didn't know what to do to make it stop, and before she even got that far, Sharpay fell from her chair to the cold linoleum floor, where she hugged her legs tight and started crying.

"Sharpay…" Doctor Mad said, kneeling down next to the shaking eighteen-year-old. She was having some sort of attack, and even if Doctor Mad was used to see it, it still freaked her out a lot. Also because Sharpay was so different from anyone else she had ever had sessions with. Even if she didn't want to admit it… She cared about her, "Sharpay… Sharpay!?"

"Oh God, Ryan…" Sharpay moaned as she rested her chin on his shoulder, while he was pulling in and out of her, very roughly. Her blonde hair stuck to her forehead because of sweat, and her moans were quiet and low, just in case anybody should walk by, "There, Ry…" she whispered, holding onto his neck even tighter, "Right there…"

He groaned and pushed her back into the door for a second, as someone entered the bathroom. They held their breaths, even though they were both about to burst. Sharpay's ragged breath was right next to his ear, and it sent a chill down his spine. His pants were around his ankles, and her skirt was hitched around her stomach, just so he could get access. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, which was their favourite position of all time.

When the bathroom seemed to be empty again, he pulled her head in for a kiss, as he started to move…

"Sharpay!? Are you alright?!"

Sharpay slowly opened her eyes, adjusting to the light that came down from the ceiling. She couldn't quite focus, the only thing she could make out, was someone leaning above her. She groaned and rested on her elbows now, as everything became clearer.

"Sharpay, what happened?"

"Uhm…" she said, as she could clearly make out Doctor Mad's features, "I just… I fainted. I think."

"Are you okay now?" Doctor Mad asked, as she helped the young woman up, and pushed her into her chair, before sitting down too. She quickly scribbled a few lines on her paper, before looking at her patient, "Did you see anything?"

Sharpay shook her head, quietly, and closed her eyes, to make her heart beat slower. She opened her eyes again, to stare right into Doctor Mad's grey ones. "I saw nothing."

"Fine…" Doctor Mad replied, as she leaned back in her chair too, "Do you want some water?"

"No thank you." Sharpay replied, shaking her head.

"When was… When was the last time you talked with your mother?" Doctor Mad asked, annoyingly clicking her pen up and down, in and out, "When did you have a talk with her about anything? Something that bothered you? Something at school?"

"Never," Sharpay replied, as she started playing with her fingers again, "we never talked about anything. Definitely not now. She doesn't want anything to do with me. Not when I'm a screw-up. A crazy person." She laughed, but her laugh was full of nothing, "But the thing is…" she whispered, "I'm not crazy. I am what I am. I became what I am because of her. And because of that. So I'm not a screw-up. I'm Sharpay."

"Don't you ever feel the need to open up to her?"

"No." Sharpay blankly answered.

There was a silence between them for a minute or two. Doctor Mad waited for the teen to elaborate, but when nothing happened, she looked down at her paper again, furrowing her brow.

"Then what about your father?"

"What about him?"

"Did you ever talk to him about anything? Did you ever… open up to him?"

"I did." Sharpay quickly said, thinking things over, "One time."

"What happened?" Doctor Mad asked, putting her pen onto the almost empty paper, ready to write everything down.

"I had a problem with a girl at school, when I was six or seven… six, I think." Sharpay told her, as she drew her legs up beneath herself, sitting Indian style, "And he'd always told me that I could talk to him about everything. So I did. And the only thing he told me was that he didn't have time for my silly problems. And then I started crying, and when I wouldn't shut up, he hit me." She paused, and got a glazed expression in her eyes. She reached her hand out and hit the air like she would hit someone across the cheek, as if to show her what she meant, "Right across the head. I never talked to him about anything. Ever since."

Doctor Mad looked at the poor girl, and couldn't help but feel sorry for her. It wasn't completely her fault that she ended up the way she did. It wasn't her fault that her mind was screwed up. The parents were at fault here. Their mind games, and their lack of attention and love. But it didn't matter, because it was probably too late to fix the broken girl. The only thing she could do was speak to her, and tell her, what she was doing was wrong. But in the end… she couldn't really stop her from doing it.

Sharpay stared at her for a second, and then back at the clock above the door, "The time is up." She said, getting up from her seat, "Ryan is taking me out for ice cream before we head home. I think we're stopping by a motel or something." She paused, and held out her hand, "Now it's time for you to tell me that it's wrong, and that we're not supposed to."

"Nope," Doctor Mad replied, as she shook her hand, "the time's up, I'm not your shrink any longer. I've got nothing."

Sharpay offered her a weak smile, and nodded her head slightly, before turning away from the woman she spent practically every afternoon with. She didn't look back at her again, because she didn't want to be reminded of everything she left behind her in there, when she finally got out.

When she came out of the building and saw Ryan waiting in the car, she greeted him with a light kiss.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places - worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere - going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression - no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow - no tomorrow

So yeah. How about that? What do you think? Should I continue it? I have the whole thing written (nine chapters), so if you want the rest of it, you need to tell me. The chapters will play out over a few years, and this story is really different from anything I have ever done. I'm quite excited about getting it posted.

Let me just state this; I think it's wrong for family to sleep together, and it's not normal. However, this is fiction, and the relationship Ryan and Sharpay had in the first movie (not so much the second), did lead up to something more. But only with a bunch of psychological issues, I believe. And lack of love from their parents.

There'll probably be a few M rated things here. But I dunno how you feel about it, because I don't think that what I wrote in this chapter was M rated. But again, that's different from person to person. I hope this floats your boats.

Disclaimer; I don't own High School Musical, I'm just borrowing the characters to write fiction. The chapter title is from REM's song 'Mad World' (I love that song), and the lyrics are from the one as well.

Please leave me a review, if you want more, eh?