Disclaimer: I obviously do not own CSI: NY. I just own my car, my laptop and my crazy muse who seems to want to write 4 different stories at a time. I also do own any characters that you do not recognize. You can borrow them if you ask permission first!

A/N: Okay. So this is NOT a happy story, so if you are looking for DL fluff, you might want to go check out my other stories, Inflaming the Senses or Sadeness. I don't own the song title, that belongs to Metallica. Happy reading!

Chapter 6.

The Memory Remains

In a grim silence, Flack and Mac sped towards Danny's apartment, each lost in their own thoughts. Flack was trying his hardest not to think back to how harshly he had spoken to Danny. He did believe that he told him the truth, but his conscious told him that he probably could have handled the encounter better.

On the other hand, Mac was preparing himself for the worst. He knew how emotional Danny could be and was aware that this might be the last thing needed to throw the young man over the edge of sanity.

Finally, they screeched to a halt in front of the building and quickly made their way up to his floor. When they stepped into the hallway, they noticed Rikki standing in front of Danny's doorway, a look of sheer terror on her face. "Detective Flack!" she called out, her fear evident in her voice. "I heard a shot and Danny's not answering."

Flack nodded his understanding, not trusting himself to speak to the woman that was part of the downfall of two good friends. He exchanged a look with Mac, who motioned for Rikki to stay back, and then Flack kicked the door inward. Mac entered first, his gun drawn in case there was an intruder in the apartment. Flack entered afterwards and gasped in shock at the state of the apartment.

Mac looked at him with his brow furrowed. "What?" he asked, not seeing anything that was out of place.

"When Danny and I left, this place looked like a tornado had blown through," he said grimly. "I just can't believe that he came home and cleaned."

Mac got a stern look on his face as several possibilities came to mind, none of them pleasant, but just motioned for Flack to proceed to the bedroom. He consciously made the decision to go in first and was glad he had. Lying in the center of the room, in a pool of blood, was Danny. Even as his heart seemed to break in half, part of his mind instantly recognized from the position of the body, the blood spatter and Danny's service pistol lying next to him that this was more than likely as suicide.

Flack peered over Mac's shoulder and felt his face blanch in horror. "Oh, god," he said, his voice hoarse with shock.

Mac turned around, tears in his eyes. "We need to secure the scene Flack, and call for a different team to process since we are too emotionally involved," he managed to say through the knot lodged in his throat.

Flack nodded meekly, feeling numb. As they exited the apartment, the look on their faces was enough to tell Rikki what they had discovered. She broke down into tears and fled to the safety of her apartment. They saw a couple of uniforms walking towards the door, followed by Stella and Hawkes, who had looks of disbelief on their faces.

Stella took one look at Mac's face and knew that Danny was dead. She blinked her eyes rapidly and covered her mouth with her hand. Mac looked at his team before turning to the uniforms. "No one is to go in this apartment until the other crime scene team gets here. Is that understood?" he said forcefully. The two men nodded, their faces serious.

Mac motioned to the rest of the team to follow him. Once they were far enough away as to not be overheard, Stella asked, "Was it the cabbie killer?"

Mac shook his head, eyes glistening with tears. "No, from what I saw he committed suicide."

The team gasped and Flack's face grew even paler. "Jesus. This is all my fault! I confronted him about cheating on Lindsay. Told him that it was all his fault that she was dead and I never wanted to talk to him again," he revealed, his voice filled with regret.

Mac looked at him as he shook his head. "It's not your fault, Don. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I knew that he wasn't dealing with Ruben's death and I should have made sure that he saw a grief counselor. Damn it! Because I didn't, we lost two good members of this team."

Stella put her hand on his arm softly. "It's no one's fault, Mac. We all knew that he wasn't dealing with it well, but it was his decision to cheat. Unless you made that particular choice for him, you can't be blamed," she said trying to hold back her tears of anguish.

They all looked at each other before nodding reluctantly, knowing that each one of them would bear the guilt of Danny and Lindsay's deaths on their souls for eternity.

--

The morning of the joint memorial service dawned cloudy and gray, as if the heavens themselves were mourning the loss of the two tragic lovers. Flack thought about it with irony as he put on his dress uniform. It's like they were Romeo and Juliet, destined to forever live in tragedy. He solemnly withdrew a bit of black tape, to perform the duty that he hated the most. Placing a strip of it on top of his badge, to signal the loss of a colleague, for the other CSI team had ruled Danny's death an accident that happened while he cleaned his gun. He knew in his heart that it wasn't true, but that was not for him to judge. Danny would have to face his actions to a higher power; one in which both Danny and Flack's chosen religion said was a mortal sin and condemned his soul to hell.

Flack didn't pray often, but he did then, praying with every fiber of his being that the powers that controlled the universe understood that one mere mortal man could not deal with the tragedy which was infused in his life. He swallowed a lump in his throat as he finished placing the tape over the cold metal.

Grimly, he picked up his cap and reluctantly made his way to the memorial.

Several hours later, he was standing beside the gravesite of his best friend, tears of regret and guilt filling his eyes, but he did not allow them to fall. He had to be strong. Mac was standing next to him, his jaw locked in position and he kept swallowing hard. Stella was openly weeping as Hawkes wrapped his arm around her in comfort, his own throat closed with tears. Flack couldn't believe that they were burying Danny today.

Lindsay's family had requested that she be buried in Montana, in the family cemetery and no one denied them that right, so he would only have to watch as one shiny black coffin was lowered into the ground, instead of two. As the priest read the passages of the bible, Flack's ears closed. Oh, God. Please forgive me for failing him in his time of need. When he needed me most, I allowed my anger to overcome by judgment. While this may have partially been his fault, we all failed him, he thought with the ever present guilt in his chest.

His lieutenant had mandated that he take at least a week off after the case was closed, as had Mac with his team. They all needed time to grieve. He knew that policies were going into place now that if someone lost someone close to them, they were required to go to the department psychologist to get cleared for work before going back. In his heart, he knew that it wasn't near enough to make up for the failure of those closest to the pair.

He stoically stood through the twenty-one gun salute, each shot ricocheting down his soul and he prayed for the service to end before he dissolved into tears. Finally, it was over and as a group Flack, Mac, Stella, Hawkes and Adam turned to head to a bar to get drunk and pay their respects to Danny and Lindsay.

Once they had arrived, they took the table that they had reserved and ordered a couple of pitchers of beer. When the waitress brought them over, she was also carrying a white envelope. "We received this in the mail yesterday and Ray knew that it was for you," she said with tears in her eyes.

Mac took the envelope that had all of their names scrawled across it in Danny's untidy handwriting. With hands shaking, he opened it and began to read.

"Dear Mac, Stella, Don, Hawkes and Adam,

I sit here in my clean apartment, the guilt of what I caused finally penetrating my disbelief and horror. I know what I'm about to do is a mortal sin and I am condemning my soul to hell, but it's the only thing that I can do to make amends. Let me say now, I am so sorry for what I put you guys through. I wanted to tell you some things, things that I always left unsaid, but needed to say.

Mac, you were more of a father to me than my own Pop. You took me under your wing, when everyone said that you shouldn't give me a chance, and allowed me to grow. Thank you.

Stella, you were the big sister that I never had and always wanted. I can't tell you how many times that I wanted to say that, but face it, you can be very formidable when you choose!

Hawkes, you are such an amazing investigator, always wanting to get down to the truth, no matter what the price. Keep to that and you will be fine.

Adam, you have overcome so many obstacles that I can only guess at, but you've never lost your faith. I wish I could have that kind of strength in me. Don't underestimate yourself.

Finally, Flack, you were my best friend. My confidant, the one person who never sugar coated the truth for me. Don't blame yourself for this. You did what you always did; you told me the hard truth that I needed to hear.

I'm so sorry for what I've done, but I hope that you each remember the good times.

Love always,

Danny."

There wasn't a dry eye at the table as Mac finished reading, each knowing that a little part of them had been lost with the deaths of the star-crossed lovers, but all they could do was move on and rely on each other's strength. Flack filled his mug first. "To Lindsay and Danny. May they be at peace now."

The others raised their mugs and repeated the toast and prayer, vowing not to forget the hard lessons that they had learned.

Fini.

AN: Are y'all ready to kill me? Yes, I really killed Danny...but to be fair, I did warn y'all that this was not going to be a happy story!! And to be honest, this has been planned since I finished chapter one! Bring on the reviews!! As always, if you are signed in when you review, I'll reply back. If not, thank you in advance for reviewing!

soccer - Thanks! I hope you are feeling better!

prplerayne - I tend to write a lot of cliffies, but you're right, it was appropriate there. Especially with the emotional gun wrenching of this chapter! Thanks!!

ladyerudite - Thank you so much! When I decided to go canon (well as much as possible with this) with this one, I tried to stay true to the show, which is always hard. Particularly since it's been 3 months since I've seen this episode!! I hope your poor heart survived this chapter!

BEG - Thanks! I'll admit that chapter 5 wasn't as emotional as chapter 6 for me. I cried when I wrote 6!! I think I've seen better cliffies, but I'm glad that you appreciated that one!

GRACE5 - I originally didn't have Flack decking Danny, but my bff insisted, so I wrote it in for her and I think it turned out better! Thanks!

princessg - I'm flabbergasted that I've managed to make you hate Danny! I never thought that would happened. Stunned is the operative word here. You got your hope and I just had to use your Romeo and Juliet analogy because it was so appropriate! Here you go...hopefully, I got all the errors from the first draft you got!

Maddy - Please tell my you're still alive! I don't want you dead (cuz then I'd never get my Gus fix!)!! I've enjoyed be all dark and angsty. It was a nice break from the fluff that I had been writing (oh, and by the way, I am working on the next chapter of The War at Home!). Thanks!

ladland- Here's your answer to what happened with him (please don't kill me). I'm glad that you've enjoyed it! Thanks!

Also, I am working on the next chapter of The War at Home and I hope to have that up within the next week to week and a half. That's where all my concentration is going these days!!