The earsplitting howls of a baby woke Peyton early Monday morning. She groaned and pulled the covers up over her head in a futile attempt to block out the baby's demanding screams. For a moment she found herself able to tune out the screeching and doze off, then she jerked up as an especially loud scream erupted from the baby in the cradle beside her.

"Please, please, please baby, stop crying. Let me sleep..." Peyton moaned into the pillow. The baby fell silent, and

Peyton froze, not wanting the baby to start crying again. She couldn't wait for Brooke to get back from her four-day

trip to a fashion show that her clothing line was being shown in. She'd left Friday morning, leaving Peyton all alone with

the baby, and was supposed to be coming back Monday afternoon.

Peyton glanced at the clock, wondering how many long, painful hours she had left with the baby before Brooke came home. The red, glowing letters on the alarm clock read 1:27 AM. Peyton blinked, and looked back at the clock, hoping the numbers would change... but they still glowed 1:27 AM. She let out a defeated groan.

It had only been 17 hours since Brooke had left Peyton alone at the two bedroom apartment with the one and a half month old baby. Peyton rolled over, trying to get a bit more comfortable on the bed without making too much noise. Unfortunately, when she rolled over, her back didn't land on the bed. Instead she landed with a dull thud on the hardwood floor. Emphasis on the /hard/. Peyton let fly a string of curses; she was tired and grumpy after only half a night.

She sat up slowly, curses still streaming from her mouth, and rubbed her back. It was about then that she remembered the baby. Peyton froze, hoping against hope that baby was in a forgiving mood... or a really, really deep sleep.

Unfortunately, the baby was in neither. Peyton watched from her low vantage point as the baby scrunched up her tiny little face and opened her mouth as wide as it would go, then started to scream again.

"Hush Sweetie, hush. I'm here OK? Just... Just please don't cry again baby. Please don't cry," Peyton pleaded, as she got up off the ground and leaned down to pick up baby. Her voice soft and shaky; she was too tired to feel anything

besides defeat.

The baby quieted down a moment after Peyton had lifted her out of the cradle, and lay quiet and peaceful in Peyton's arms. Peyton sank down on the bed, thankful that the screaming had finally stopped. She stroked the baby's cheek, watching as her eyes closed slowly and her breathing calmed. /Thank god/ thought Peyton as she lay back against the

pillows, the baby curled up peacefully on her stomach. She let her eyes close slowly, the gentle warmth of the baby reassuring in the darkness.

Peyton was awoken by the sound of the telephone ringing beside her ear. She opened her eyes slowly, and reach out with one hand to pick the phone up off of the bedside table.

"Hello?" Peyton said groggily into the speaker.

"Peyton Sawyer! What have you been doing for the last five hours? It's 1:10 and I've phoned you about eighteen times!" the voice on the other end sounded frantic and irritated.

"Brooke?" Peyton opened her eyes wider and looked around. Sure enough, the clock read 1:10.

"No, Peyton, it's the cookie monster. Of course it's Brooke! Who else calls eighteen times in five hours?" Brooke's tone was now somewhere in between pure annoyance and extremely frantic. "So where have you been?"

Peyton glanced down at her belly. The baby was still there, staring up at her with large blue-green eyes. "I guess I've been sleeping..." she trailed off, not quite believing what she was saying. The baby gurgled and blinked up at Peyton who reached down and brushed her hand over the baby's cheek.

"Well you should have been up hours ago. Baby needs you to look after her Peyt, and I needed you to find the phone number of an old friend of mine I was going to visit today. But it's too late now!" Brooke paused to catch her breath.

Peyton sat up, gently shifting the baby onto her lap. "Well I'm sorry for sleeping Brooke. Maybe you should have taken baby with you, then I wouldn't have had to sleep all morning instead of all night!" snapped Peyton. She was still tiered, even after sleeping on and off for 12 hours.

"Ok little miss cranky. I'm terribly sorry for leaving baby with you. Will you ever forgive me?" Brooke's tone was heavily laced with sarcasm.

Peyton opened her mouth, ready to spout out a snappy retort, but the baby was one step ahead of her: a loud cry made it out of baby's mouth before Peyton had even thought of something to say.

"I've got to go now Brooke, the baby started crying again," grumbled Peyton before pushing the off button and slamming the phone back down on the bedside table.

"Hush sweetie. Brooke's off the phone, I'm all yours now," soothed Peyton, rocking her back and forth slowly. The baby quieted slightly, but she was still rather loud. Peyton shifted the baby in her arms and got up slowly from the bed, trying her best to keep her movements smooth, thus keeping the baby happy. The baby didn't stop though, so Peyton carried her over to the changing table and lay her down. She bent down, checking the rack below the baby for the diapers, wipes and other diaper changing necessities while the baby howled away above her. When she'd gotten together everything she was going to need, Peyton began the not-so-pleasant task of changing the baby's diaper.

Shortly after she'd finished, the baby quieted down considerably. Peyton smiled, lifted the baby into her arms and carried her into the living room where she sat down and lay the baby on the couch beside her. Peyton then leaned forward and shuffled around for the TV remote, wondering briefly how the coffee table always managed to get soo messy in such a short period of time. When the remote finally resurfaced, Peyton relaxed back into the couch and flicked to Much Music, her hand resting beside the baby.

It's amazing how very quickly your confidence can vanish. Since two o'clock this afternoon, Peyton had actually started to feel like she'd figured out how to look after a baby. Now though...

Peyton rocked the baby back and forth, trying to think of something that she hadn't yet done that would make the baby so happy that she would stop crying. Nothing was coming to mind, and she couldn't bare to put the baby down long enough to call Brooke. She was afraid of letting go of the baby with one arm incase it wiggled free and fell onto the floor. She was just so... afraid.

"To make a mountain of your life

Is just a choice

But I never learned enough

To listen to the voice

That said

Always love, hate will get you every time

Always love, don't wait til the finish line," Peyton was interrupted by the sharp ringing of the phone. She paused for a moment, then made her ways quickly into the bedroom. once inside she lay that baby down on the bed, picked up the phone hid in the closet where the baby's cries where slightly muffled.

Once seated, she quickly pressed the talk button and lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Peyton?"

"Haley?" Peyton tried her best to keep the disappointment out of her voice, but wasn't 100 successful.

"Yeah," confirmed Haley, "Why? Where you expecting somebody else?"

"Yeah, I was hoping it was Brooke."

"Ahh. So then, I'm guessing Brooke's not home," Haley confirmed. "And what's with all the screaming in the background?"

"I'm babysitting," it was a lie, but not a noticeable one. It was a lie Peyton was starting to believe herself, which made it so much easier to say. "Brooke's gone to a fashion show. She gets back Monday afternoon," finished Peyton matter-of-factly.

"Ok, well I'll call when she gets back. I'll let you get back to babysitting now," Haley finished. "Bye Peyton."

"Bye." Peyton clicked the phone off and leaned against the closet wall. She closed her eyes and rested for a moment, trying to block out the desperate howls of the baby.

Just as she was about to get up, the phone started ringing again. "Hello," Peyton answered for the second time in minutes.

"Hey Peyt, it's Brooke. Just, checkin in!" Brooke's voice was perky and light, the complete opposite of the last time she'd called.

"Thank god," sighed Peyton.

"Huh? What's happening Peyton? What's wrong?" Brooke now sounded worried.

"Nothing. Nothing wrong. Everything's OK," Peyton lied, trying to stop herself from bursting into tears.

"It doesn't sound like everything's ok over there. What's the matter?"

"She won't stop crying. I tried everything, but she just screams louder and louder," replied Peyton quietly. It felt like if she spoke louder she'd burst.

"It's Ok Petyon. Did you check her diaper?"

"Uh-huh."

"She tired?"

"She won't sleep. She just screams when I put her down."

"Did you feed her?" Brooke asked slowly, as if suspecting the answer.

"No... The bottles are all empty," Peyton's voice was thick with sorrow.

"Then refill them Peyton," Brooke replied softly.

"I can't find the damn pump," whispered Peyton, her vision wavering from all the water building up in her eyes.

"Peyton-," Brooke paused, then started again. "Peyton, you're her mom. You can feed her without a bottle." Brooke took a breath, "but that's not it, is it? That's not your real problem."

Peyton sat still for a moment, not wanting to admit to herself that Brooke was right. Then she shook her head, slowly, once to the right and once to the left.

"Peyt?"

"No," replied Peyton, her voice hoarse and shaky. "It's not my real problem."

"Then what is?" asked Brooke, her tone light and soothing.

"I'm not... I-" Peyton stopped, then restarted, "I don't... know."

"You do know," pushed Brooke, "You do know. You just don't want to face it."

"No, I don't."

"You don't what?"

"I don't want to face it. I don't want to remember it. I don't want to think about Lucas and I don't want to-" she stopped and took a deep breath, hoping that she could wait out the tears long enough to finish the sentence. "I can't remember it because it hurts too much," with the final word, her defenses collapsed and she began sobbing.

"Hush sweetie. Hush, it's Ok. Don't cry Peyton."

"And if... If I nurse her... She'll really be mine. I wont be able to hide it from myself anymore. I'll be stuck..." she trailed off, tears running down her face in drunken lines.

"Peyton Sawyer, I've been looking after your daughter every day since she was born. You have to step in soon or it'll be too late, for both of you." She stopped, aware that the next sentence wasn't one that would be greeted with happiness. "What happened Peyt? What happened wit you and Lucas?"

Peyton took a deep breath. "He proposed to me... and... I told him I to wait but he took it as no... He was so hurt, but we ended up sleeping together and... he was gone in the morning. Then, when I found out I was pregnant I couldn't not go through with it. I wanted... I wanted a part of Lucas that would never leave me. Then when she was born it just brought everything back... and I couldn't handle it. I started blaming her for everything... and then denied that she was even mine..." Peyton's eyes were drier now, but now they were red and puffy.

"Well Peyt you can't keep doing that. You can't blame her for the choices that you and Lucas made, it isn't fair to her," Brooke stopped for a moment and Peyton could hear her talking to someone ion the other end of the line. "Listen Peyt, I've got to go now, we'll carry on the discussion when I get back Ok?"

"Yeah, thanks for helping me Brooke," Peyton got up and pushed open the closet door.

"No problem. Just, could you do us all one favour?"

"Sure, what is it?" asked Peyton as she walked over to the screaming baby and stroked her cheek.

"Give your daughter a name. 'Baby' is getting old," Brooke finished.

"OK, I'll try. See you soon Brooke."

"Yep! Bye P. Sawyer! Say hi to the screaming baby you've got over there!" and with that, Brooke hung up.

Peyton picked up the howling baby, cradling her close and tugged at her shirt.

The moment the baby started nursing she fell silent. Peyton just sat there, recalling her conversation with Brooke. It was kind of refreshing, not having to carry the burden on her own anymore. Now, with Brooke knowing, it was easier not to blame the baby. She looked down at the now peaceful baby. Instead of seeing her mistakes as she had for the last month and a half, Peyton now saw something beautiful; a great accomplishment, not a failure on her part. The baby stopped nursing for a moment and looked up at her, a smile spreading across her tiny face. And it was then, after months of depression, that Peyton's heart finally stopped hurting, and she smiled back.

The bright glow of the computer screen illuminated Peyton's face and threw the rest of the room into shadow's. She scanned the screen, directing the mouse over the occasional word, then clicked next. She repeated this procedure, sometimes scribbling down words, other times crossing things out until the baby started to cry. When this happened Peyton would get up to feed or change her, whichever was called for, then go back and start reading again.

She'd found out over the last two nights since her conversation with Brooke that the baby loved it when Peyton turned her music up loud. Her favorite song seemed to be 'Crash and Burn' by Savage Garden, and would usually fall asleep or lay quietly while it was playing. That is, unless she was hungry or needed her diaper changed... or just seeking attention.

Peyton paused in her routine for a moment, then glanced over at her baby. She looked back at the screen and hovered the cursor over the word.

"Ella," she said softly, testing the name on her tongue.

The baby opened her eyes and made a soft cooing sound. Peyton smiled.

"Ella it is," Peyton stated, going over to pick her daughter up. "How's it feel to have a name sweetie? A very nice name too. Auntie Brooke'll be really happy to know that I've finally found you a name."

Ella smiled up at her.