Disclaimer: DGM is not mine

Warnings: Cursing, and blood

Oh hey, I'm going to do Yullen "week" December 18 – 31st :) I can tell you the themes if anyone else is interested.

And to SammBAMM: I chose to spell her name as "Linalee" as that is how I like it and I think it reflects the pronunciation better. Lenalee was adopted when the Anime came out and for a bit her name was actually spelled Linali in the manga, WAY back when it first started. There are translation issues with her name as she is also known as Rinari (the Japanese do not differentiate between L and R in their language). There were similar issues when translating Lavi's name, as it could be Ravi or Rabi for that matter. I find your comment on my spelling of her name rather rude and inconsiderate, please think before you type.

CircUs of NIghT

~That, Which Cannot be Erased~

Komui's sitting in his office writing out a document, he has his head propped up on his hand as he stares down at the paper, pen having stilled for the moment. The members of the science department have left temporarily, decided that now would be a good time for a lunch break, even if it's later in the day. Komui runs his fingers through his hair, frowns to himself at the texture, makes a mental note to take a bath later.

He sets his hat on his desk and leans back in his seat, a vain attempt at easing the tension in his back. There's a knock on the door and he calls for the person to enter, smiles a little nervously as Lavi steps in. The redhead gives a slight wave as the doors pushed shut behind him.

"H-Hey…"

"Hello Lavi." Komui leans back against his desk, picks his pen up again. He's unsure of what to say.

"So um…" The younger man looks down, doesn't move away from the door. "Look, about last time-"

"It's okay." Komui interrupts him, "I understand that you're seeking comfort."

Lavi stares at the Asian man, his statement falling on the silent room. His words, as jumbled as they were, die in his throat. "I'm sorry?" He manages after a second.

"You're upset about Allen, feel guilty about actually caring and-"

"AND?" Lavi snaps, suddenly angry. "You think I'm just trying to comfort myself?"

Komui manages to keep his face from changing expressions, ignores the uneasy sensation in his chest. "Lavi…"

"No." The redhead snaps in a low tone. He steps farther into the room, places his hands on the back of the couch. "If you didn't want me to, you should have stopped me." His fingers tighten on the fabric as he feels it, bubbling up inside his chest.

He wants to lash out at the other, to shout at him till he feels better.

Lavi swallows the words back down, closes his eye and composes himself. "Bookman and I are leaving now, we'll report back in when we arrive." His words are suddenly empty, all too calm and collected for the expressive person who'd just been standing there.

Komui frowns this time, can feel the ache inside of him. He watches the other turn and step back to the door, pull it open an inch.

"I'm not the one who needs protection." Lavi says before leaving.

Komui drops his head onto his desk, buries his face in his arms and whines softly to himself. He hears the door click shut after a moment and wonders how long he has till the others return from lunch.

"So…you going to finally talk to me about him now?"

The Asian man let's out another strangled sound. "Reever…not now." He almost whines.

The blond man frowns from the other side of the desk. He waits to see if his friend will give in, like he tends to. When nothings said he sighs and leans against the desk, back towards the other. Reever looks up at the glass above them.

"He's right though, he doesn't need protected."

Komui's silent behind him. "I know," He says softly. "But is it so wrong to at least try?"

xxxxxx

It's just before the sun's starting to go down when Allen knocks on the door. The sound goes unheard at first, the room inside too loud and too busy. He knocks again and waits patiently to be told to enter. Komui's voice can barely be heard over the useless chatter. The noise inside the room makes Allen nervous.

He opens the door just wide enough to enter, eyes darting around before dropping to the floor. Everything slowly becomes quiet as the science department takes notice of him. Komui is standing off to the side with Reever, both peering into a book he's holding. The Asian man looks up, feels his heart stop briefly.

Allen's dressed as he used to, looks almost like he did before he left.

"Where's Cross…?" Reever asks, noticing the absent man. Komui makes a sound next to him, something unintelligent sounding that causes him to get an elbow in the rib.

"Allen, you can come farther in…"

The boy nods, walks to the middle of the room, hands fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves. Komui hands the book to Reever and walks over to him, stops a few steps short.

"Allen, do you know where Cross is?"

He shakes his head in response, eyes still on the ground.

"Did he tell you to come here?"

He nods this time, glances up at the Asian man and opens his mouth, shuts it again. Reever frowns at this, at the boy's hesitation to look at the other. He clears his throat, watches as Allen looks up and directly at him before glancing back at the floor.

"Oh no…" He mutters to himself.

Komui ignores the blond man and walks over to his desk. He pulls out the needle filled with his own concoction for Allen. "If you come here a second I can give this to you in your arm, since it's a little earlier than usual."

Allen obediently walks closer, tugs his sleeve up and holds his arm out. "I…" He starts as the Asian man ties a band around his upper arm, taps at his vein.

"Go on." He pushes the needle in and injects some of the fluid.

"I am to tell you something." The boy watches as the needle is pulled out, as Komui places a cotton bud on his arm and tapes it down. Reever heaves a sigh and marks the page in his book. He walks over towards the desk, behind Komui and waits.

"Master left this morning," Allen continues. "He said that when I wake up and he's not here anymore, that I'm to treat you as Master – as my owner."

The room is mostly silent then.

Mostly because Komui has let out a small shriek and nearly jumped out of his chair.

Nearly as Reever is pushing him back into his seat.

xxxxxx

The town she arrives at is small and at the foot of a mountain. The air is clean and has a slightly aromatic scent to it, something that wafts down from the vegetation surrounding it. The streets are still made of dirt, and still have stones set into the ground for when it rains.

Linalee wants rent a room out for the rest of the year.

The train station is set almost a mile from town, is small and out of the way. It's the only place that looks remotely up to date – the only place that has a paved walk way. Linalee sets her bag down, tightens her jacket around herself before leaving the train station.

She's about half way to the town when she realizes she isn't alone.

The female comes to a stop but doesn't turn around, waits for something to be said.

"It's awfully rare to find you all by yourself."

It's a sickeningly sweet voice that causes Linalee's skin to prickle. She turns slowly, looks over her shoulder at the other. Rhode smiles at her, white teeth and small lipped.

"Do tell your dear brother that I don't want my plaything harmed." Her eyes give off a glint that makes the Asian girls stomach twist uncomfortably. "I want to be the one that scars him."

Linalee turns away, considers ignoring Rhode – except the girl's standing in front of her already.

"I don't care how many precautions you take, he's going to be ours." Her voice is low, deadly, and it reminds her of her first mission with Allen, of the created room and all the damage done. There's a blast of wind, strong and kicking up the sand and dirt from the road before them. Linalee is forced to take a step back to balance herself, shields her eyes for a second.

The wind stops and Rhode is gone, just as quickly as she came.

xxxxxx

Komui doesn't know what to do with Allen, not when he's sitting on the couch, back straight and staring at him - just staring at him. It's unnerving and more than just creepy, not to mention distracting. The Asian man looks back down, at the form he was filling out. He reads over what he's written, at the notes added in.

"You have to do it." Reever says from where his desk has been temporarily placed.

"I know," Komui huffs out. "I just dread giving it to him."

"It's not your choice this time. He can get as angry as he wants but its mandatory now."

Komui makes a sound in response and signs the bottom of the form. He glances up at Allen and looks away, uncomfortable with the attention. The boy hasn't moved since he asked him to sit down, hasn't said a word since. He clears his throat and sets the form on the corner of his desk.

It's taken him a good hour to complete it.

Allen blinks, fidgets just slightly where he's sitting. The Asian man looks at him. He doesn't know what to do with him, doesn't know what he should say or tell him to do.

"Allen, you can move you know."

"Yes, sir." The boy replies

"Just call me by my name." Komui props his head up on his hand, stares at Allen on the couch. He's fascinated by his appearance, at how he can look so much like himself during the day and then…

"Komui," Reever's voice cuts in. "You're staring."

"I know." The Asian man leans back in his seat, sags down into a slouching position. "I just wish I could fix this? Help more?" He stares up at the glass panel in the ceiling frowns at the tone of the sky. "Uh – what time is it?"

"Almost six." Reever stands, chair scrapping lightly against the ground. He walks over to the edge of couch, careful not to get too close to Allen. "Are you tired Allen?"

The boy looks at him but doesn't say anything. Komui lets out a soft frustrated sound before whining out, "You can talk to anyone that speaks to you Allen, you can talk to anyone okay?"

"Yes Komui." Allen's voice is oddly calm, lacks a certain quality that says he's normal, that everything is okay. It makes Komui's chest tight.

"And I'm fine, I'll sleep when Komui says I can." Allen smiles at Reever then, and it looks distorted and wrong to both of the older men. There's something hollow and fake about it, something that just feels tainted.

"Allen come here – It's time for your shot."

xxxxxx

The sun's already filtering in through the windows when Allen finally sobers up from the medicine. Komui's sitting at his desk still, reading a file that wasn't there earlier. Reever isn't in the room anymore, it's just Komui and Allen. The boy sits up and blinks a few times. His body still feels sluggish, his limbs still a bit numb.

Allen watches the Asian man read the file for a minute, takes in his slopped shoulders and the dark circles under his eyes.

"Komui should get some rest."

The man looks up, gives him a small smile. "I will in an hour, I'm expecting someone soon. You should head back to your room, the one you've been sleeping in."

Allen nods and stands, walks silently to the door.

"I'll come get you for lunch later." The man calls after him, before the door falls shut.

The hall outside of the office is brighter, lit with large open windows along the exterior wall. It gives the building a different feel from at night when there's nothing but lamps lighting the halls. Allen walks slowly down the hall, eyes on the outside world.

He doesn't remember what it feels like to stand in the sun.

The boy looks away from the window, reminds himself that Komui said he's to go sleep in his room, not to do anything else. He starts walking, feet silent on the stone floor when he hears it.

Heavy booted steps coming towards him.

He looks down, tries to ignore the approaching person, watches their feet as they walk past him. Allen turns, glances at the others retreating back, at the long black pony tail placed high on the man's head.

He's struck with a pain in his chest and –

"Kanda." Allen says loud enough for the other to hear.

The swordsman glances back at him, irritation written across his features. He doesn't stop walking, just turns back around and continues on his way. Kanda misses it, the deep red that wells up in the corner of Allen's eyes, the blood the drips down his cheeks.

There's a wind that rips through the hall, so strong and fast that it shatters the windows as it goes. It hits Kanda's back, forces him to turn around and -

Allen screams.

He screams louder than the wind that broke the windows, loud enough for his voice to echo through the halls. It hurts – it hurts inside of his head, the pressure building behind his eyes – everything hurts. Allen grabs at his hair and pulls, screaming still. It's the pain from before, the one the circus used to discipline him, the one made him feel like his brain was melting in side of his skull. He leans forward and pulls at his hair, red blood dripping from his eyes, leaking from his nose and out his ears.

It hurts and he doesn't know what to do, can't stop the images flashing before his eyes – glimpses of things he was forced to forget. "I…don't want this…" His voice echoes inside of his head. Allen can see it, can see the dark haired man above him in his mind, can hear his voice ringing in his ears. "I wouldn't be here if you really didn't."

Kanda's frozen in place, staring at the younger male. He can see blood seeping into Allen's white shirt on his back, from his shoulder blades.

"Please… Hold me…" The memories are echoing through the boy's head, images still flashing before his eyes – things he shouldn't be remembering.

Allen drops to his knees, shattered glass littering the ground. He pulls at his hair, rips some of the white strands out. His shirt starts to lift up in the back – leaf wings spreading and tearing his skin. He wants the pain to stop, wants to hit his head against the ground.

"I'm sorry!" Allen screams and pulls at his hair again, tries to cover his head. "Stop! STOP IT PLEASE!"

There are footsteps running down the hall, people coming from all directions and Kanda hasn't moved, doesn't know what is happening.

Allen tries to pull his legs up to his head, crumples into a ball, and tries to fold himself in. He's crying and there's blood still leaking from his eyes, from his ears and his nose. His back is streaked in it, the wings covered in little rivulets.

"Allen!" Komui is running towards them, Finders beginning to gather in the hall around them. The Asian man kneels down next to the boy, moves to touch his shoulder. Allen jerks away and covers his head.

"I'm sorry!" He gasps, voice cracking. "I'M SORRY!"

The woman is there in the blink of an eye – the Circus Master.

Kanda has his sword drawn just as fast, is slicing the air where she appeared. His cut goes straight through her – an illusion. "Stupid man." She snaps at him, waves her hand.

The swordsman goes flying back and hits the wall.

She turns and walks over to Allen, reaches down and drags her nails across the small of his back, over the brightly glowing lotus.

"You don't deserve these, Flower." She stands and looks at Komui, holds open her palm and shows him the five lotus petals. The woman smiles and blows them from her hand, watches them dissolve into the morning light.

She fades along with them.

Komui turns his attention back to Allen, does the only thing he knows he can do to stop the pain he's in. He gives him a shot, places the needle in his neck and injects all of the serum he has made.

Allen's trembling form goes limp.

"Komui!" Kanda screams at him, pulling himself up from the ground. "What the fuck just happened?"

The older man stares at him eyes hollow. He looks down at Allen and brushes some of his hair from his face, terrified at the woman's sudden appearance.

xxxxxx

Kanda's leaning against Komui's desk when the man comes back. He has his arms folded across his chest and is staring at the floor, glaring at the polished wood. He hasn't been back in a long time, hasn't been around for the office cleaning. The organized room and the dust free bookshelves unnerve him and put him on edge.

Komui stops the second he walks into his office, pulls the door shut behind him. Kanda doesn't move, continues to glare at the floor.

The older man clears his throat, wants to talk without his voice wavering.

"Kanda…"

"What the fuck happened?" Kanda looks up, glares at the other through his bangs.

Komui hesitates, lets out puff of air that seems to deflate him, shoulders sagging and posture drooping. "I don't actually know." He says walking farther into the room, towards his desk. Kanda turns to face him, eyes narrowed and expression pinched. He's heard a lot of things from the Finders, most of which he passed off as stupid gossip.

"What happened to the Moyashi?"

Komui doesn't answer, just picks the file up that he was filling out that night before and sets it in front of the younger man. "This is a mandated written leave of absence form on you. It came in the other day from Headquarters stating that you are to take no less than two weeks of leave from field work."

Kanda's shoulders tense as he stares down at the file. He knew that it was going to show up eventually, it's not much of a shock to him. What does surprise him is his superiors silence on the subject of Allen. He picks the file up and opens it, skims over the papers before taking a pen and signing the bottom, stating that he won't do any field work for two weeks.

Komui takes it and sets it off to the side. He leans back in his seat and looks up at the younger man. Kanda glares at him, waits to be dismissed.

"What…happened? Before – everything?"

For a second Kanda looks confused, his glare dropping only to be replaced with a frown. "I walked past him? He was staring off at the ground not moving until I passed him and then there was the wind that broke the glass and he screamed."

Komui nods and looks off at a distant bookshelf.

"Allen… got sent on a mission he shouldn't have gone on. The higher ups forced it on him and-"

"He's not right in the head, I get that."

"He doesn't remember anything either – except what he was taught there." Komui looks at Kanda and shakes his head. "I'm sorry that you're over worked because of this, please just take this time to relax."

"Are we done?"

Komui nods as the other turns and leaves the office.

xxxxxx

Allen's disoriented when he wakes up, dizzy inside of his head. His body aches in a muted form, like there's something blocking the actual pain he's in. He sits up, looks at the syringe going into his arm – an I.V. drip. He's in a brightly lit room, in an all too white bed with too white sheets.

There's a woman off to the side, humming softly to herself as she organizes a shelf. She turns when she realizes Allen's awake. "Ah – it's best if you just rest right now." The boy doesn't move, just stares at her almost like he doesn't understand what she said.

She frowns and starts to walk towards him.

Allen can feel his heart rate jump the closer she gets, can feel himself start to panic. The woman's not even at the foot of his bed when he jumps away from her, pulling the I.V. from his arm.

"D-Don't," he says in a shaky voice.

The nurse holds her hands up, shocked. "I'm not going to hurt you hun, promise!"

Allen shakes his head and retreats farther back against the wall, follows it until he finds the corner. He shrinks down and pulls his legs up to his chest, tries to make himself as small as possible. His eyes are large and he looks terrified to the woman, reminds her of an abused animal. She starts to slowly take a step back, heads towards the door to the infirmary.

The nurse sticks her head out into the hall, spots Miranda standing nearby uncertain and nervous looking. "Miss Lotto, can you please get the supervisor for me?"

Miranda jumps at her name, looks up rather wide eyed. "Y-yes?"

"Can you get Komui to come here? Tell him Allen's awake."

xxxxxx

Komui kneels down in front of Allen a good foot away from him. He waits for the boy to look at him, to acknowledge that he's there. When the other doesn't move, doesn't make eye contact with him, he frowns outwardly.

"Allen…"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" The boy looks at him this time, doesn't seem to know how to respond, or what is being asked of him. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again, turns his eyes back to the tiled floor.

Komui inches closer, watching carefully for any signs of discomfort from the other. "You can say what you think, I like when you do."

Allen nods but doesn't open his mouth, doesn't say anything.

"Are you thinking anything right now?"

"There is… There is empty." The boy looks at him again and Komui can see it, the confusion in his eyes. He feels a lump of anxiety start to settle in his stomach.

"Empty?" He repeats.

Allen nods and asks, "Why am I in here?" He lowers his knees and inches towards Komui. "Why do I – why does my back hurt?"

The Asian man forces his spiking anxiety back down, stares at the boy before him.

"Allen, what do you remember from this morning?" He asks in a shaky voice.

"I… don't…"

And he doesn't realize what has actually been lost

Next Chapter: Baa Baa Black Sheep

Chapter updates will be slow as I'm going on vacation to my friends! So for a week I won't be doing any typing

Also: I AM LOOKING FOR A BETA :D This is unedited so if you see any errors please let me know!