Okay, so I have mostly recovered after ending Return to Amestris... will still miss the Trip-and-Fall thing, but that's just fond memories for all of us, isn't it. So now I present to you the next fic I will be uploading a chapter each day for. I hope to see a lot of familiar faces back!

This fic is more of the humorous sort, obviously. Or, at least I hope I am funny, that's always a debatable point. Especially when I laugh through an entire scene of Aragon chopping Orc heads in FotR. The rest of the theater thought I was well... you know. I felt we needed some funny though. Everyone needs more laughter, it adds years onto your life. If this is a cliche idea, which it sort of is, suck it up. I wrote it because it's cute.

Also I'd like to point out that these chapters will be a bit longer than what you've read from me before. This is the only fic I will probably keep this length on... I'm not sure yet. I still have time to work on Believe In Me. I'll talk more about that fic when I upload the first chapter of it this morning.

So, for a little bit of laughter, hopefully, in your days, please go for it...

Chapter One

Roy Mustang was currently hard at work, files and reports passing under his inspection with a fluidity that might have had the power to make the infamous Riza Hawkeye faint from happiness. Goodness knew the woman had a daily headache trying to get him to this point. But it was not the threat of a gun appearing that herded him along at such an efficient pace. Oh no, it was something else entirely. He was trying his darned hardest to be out of the building and long long gone before the hour hand struck two.

In fact, if he was able to hop a random train to anywhere but Central, he'd be delighted down to his very toes.

"Sir, I-"

"Not today, Falman!" Mustang practically screeched.

"Oh, right, sorry sir." Falman amended and quickly exited the office. He now walked over to lounge against the wall behind where Breda was sitting playing a game of chess against Havoc. "The General's a bit stressed today."

"You would be too in his position." Hawkeye said from where she sat observing the chess game from her desk. "F5, Jean, F5."

"Thanks." Havoc said with a grin, moving his piece.

"It can't be that bad." Breda thought aloud, scratching at his chin as he contemplated the board.

"It's the idea." Riza explained helpfully as she linked her fingers together, propping her chin up onto the weave they created.

"Hey."

Everyone looked up at that voice with a smile. "Hey Ed." "Edward." The greetings rang out as the newly nineteen year old blonde alchemist made his presence known.

Ed smiled at them as he walked over, flesh and automail hands shoved into the pockets of his nicely fit black leather pants. He'd forgone his jackets today, it was too stifling hot outside. He'd not had to walk far, so his automail had not heated up considerably. He'd pulled his hair back into a tight ponytail to try and keep the heavy blonde locks off of his back. It was like wearing his own personal heater at times, even when it was braided. "What's going on today? O-oh chess!"

"You can have a go after me if you want." Breda offered. "Havoc's ganging up on me with Hawkeye, I haven't a chance."

"Now Breda," Ed grinned as he sat himself down on the table on one hip to peer down at the board, "of course they're beating you. Move that one there to E4." He said, poking at it with one long index finger.

"You sure that's a good idea, boss?" Fuery asked from where he sat tipped back in a plastic chair.

Edward nodded firmly, "just watch and learn, Kain. Watch and learn."

Their game was cut short in a bout of mid laughing as Breda knocked one of Havoc's bishops off the board.

"Excuse me, is Roy in?"

They all turned to the black haired and creamy complexioned woman in her late fifties that now stood in the doorway. For her age, she looked to be holding in there quite well, and didn't have too many wrinkles or pockets of flab. Her petite frame was draped in a pale green summer dress and she wore a pair of reed thong sandals that matched her knit purse. Her eyes were a clear green that sparkled with strength and even a bit of arrogance.

"Yes, he's through the door on your right, ma'am." Riza said, suddenly having gotten to her feet.

"Thank you." The woman smiled, and let herself in through said door immediately with the shrill delighted cry of, "Roooy…!" echoing behind her as the door snapped shut again.

Edward knew he was not the only one who had gotten a bewildered look on his face. Yet he was the first to turn to Hawkeye with a quirk in one eyebrow and a question in his molten gold eyes.

"That would be Mrs. Daphne Mustang." Riza said with a bit of an amused smile and sat down once more.

"Mustang got hitched while I was away?" Ed asked incredulously. "That was bloody fast, and to a woman that age?"

"No, no." Riza hissed, motioning for him to lower his voice. "She's Mustang's mother."

"Damn, guess even bastards like him have to have had a mother. Though I did love the rumor of him falling out of a cow's ass." Edward reminisced with a smirk.

"You started that rumor, sir." Breda pointed out.

"So I did." Ed agreed as even Hawkeye gave a short chortle.

Meanwhile in recently promoted Brigadier General Mustang's office…

"Now Roy, dear," the black haired woman still refused to relinquish her grip on her sons arms after she'd given him a crushing hug through which he'd wheezed most of the way, "who is it? When can I meet her?"

"Her?" Roy repeated weakly.

"Yes her! Her, Roy, her!" His mother repeated sternly, "honestly, they promoted you to Brigadier General without giving you a hearing screening test? How's your eyesight?" She asked and held up two polished fingers and began waving them back and forth in front of him. "How many?"

If Mustang had ever had the urge to snap his fingers at his mother, it was now. Only the knowledge that his life would be made a living hell by such an act prevented him from acting on his urge. She was like Ed, but in a body he could not deal damage to. The thought made him want to collapse into his chair and seethe at the cruelty of the world. "Two, mother. And my hearing's just fine."

She put her fingers down, clearly satisfied. "Then where is your charming fiancé? When do I get to meet her?"

The thought of oh fuck, oh fuck, oh FUCK shot across Roy's mind. Only his military training had kept him from gaining an instant deer in the headlights of a semi truck look. But he must have let some nervousness slip through, for his mother smiled.

"Oh that's so cute, you're shy. Don't worry, I'm sure all three of us will get along splendidly. After all, it takes a person with rare patience to put up with your arrogance. Not to mention they already have my admiration for accepting a man with as women riddled a past as yours." His mother smiled cheekily, knowing full well she was making Roy sweat.

Roy groaned inwardly. He had so been hoping he'd be able to make an escape before she got here. Telling her the lie that he'd found someone to settle down with so she'd get off his back about his womanizing ways had seemed a good idea at the time. But when she'd suddenly written to tell him she was on her way to meet said fiancé before the wedding, god forbid, he'd about had a heart attack and a stroke all at once. It had been quite magnificent to behold. "Right… yeah…"

His mother waited, smiling expectantly.

Oh fuck! Roy couldn't help but think again. Think Roy, think! You've fought in a war! You can improvise! That was it… Roy suddenly smiled. He just had to improvise until his mother left. "One moment and I'll call my lovely blonde…" he said, praying to whatever gods existed that Hawkeye wouldn't shoot him dead.

"Oh, a blonde?" His mother repeated with interested, stepping closer as he picked up the phone.

"Yeah." Roy said, more confidently and he rang Hawkeye's desk. The instant she picked up the words, "come in here please," were out of his mouth before he hung up.

Riza stared at the phone in confusion as she sat it back down. "Odd."

"Hm? What's odd?" Edward asked, pausing in mid-step.

"He wants to see me." She sighed.

"Oh good, you can give me cover while I run for it." Edward grinned, holding up a file that contained the report he'd written on his latest mission.

"Gee, that's real sportsmanlike of you." Riza said, getting up from her desk.

"Survival of the fittest and quickest, my dear Lieutenant." Ed smiled benignly as he entered Mustang's office ready to drop the report and head out of there as soon as he could. He might have expected snide remarks, height comments, even a swear word or two. He did not expect to suddenly be latched onto by a shrieking and decidedly delighted Mrs. Mustang.

"Oh Roy," the woman crooned as she gazed up at Ed, "you didn't tell me it was a man. And a very handsome man at that! If only I were thirty years younger and not your mother I'd steal him away from you."

Ed gaped at her, and tried to will away the startled blush that came over his tanned features. "Excuse me… ma'am…"

Roy was equally gaping, and felt like swearing and snapping at Edward all at once. "Mom, Ed's not-"

"Of course he is! How dare you imply your fiancé is not a handsome man?" She turned her vibrant green eyes on Edward, "so, your name is Ed? You can call me Daphne."

"Fi..fia…-" Ed stumbled with pure alarm. What the hell had he just walked into here?

Daphne beamed between both shocked men, clearly misreading their expressions. "No need to act so surprised, I am very supportive of my son and his sexual orientations. I'm glad he could find a charming young man like you."

"Mom, Ed's-" Roy was cut off as Hawkeye chose that moment to enter the room.

"Sir?" She asked, casting a brief inquisitive glance at the sight of a shell-shocked Edward, a ghastly pale Mustang, and a thrilled Mrs. Mustang.

"Oh, I'll have a latte dear." Daphne said abruptly to Hawkeye who looked rather taken a back. "A latte dear, a latte."

"Of course ma'am…" Riza said and gathered herself together before looking back at Mustang.

Roy looked at the scene, and felt like crying and asking every god ever named why this was happening to him, but he couldn't. They could work through this, right? Improvise… perhaps just a little bit more and… differently, than he'd planned. "You heard the woman, chop, chop, Lieutenant!" Roy suddenly barked, silently feeling like asking her, no, begging her, just to shoot him now.

"Of course, sir." Riza frowned and left again.

Roy nearly whimpered. So much for the idea of getting Riza to play along. He could have still made his mother detach herself from gushing over Ed, but he couldn't. Not now. His mother was a very picky person, and she obviously liked and approved of Edward. She'd treated Hawkeye like a waitress.

"So you must tell me how you two met!" Daphne grinned, still attached to Ed's flesh arm with one hand.

Edward looked from her to Mustang, the brief few seconds Hawkeye had been in here had given him time to gather his wits back about him. Now he gave Mustang a look that clearly asked the "what the hell?!" question he could not verbally express.

"Mom, could you excuse us for a minute…" Roy said, striding around his desk to seize Ed by his automail arm and wrench him from his mother's grasp.

"Don't be too long!" She called after them.

Edward allowed Roy to haul him from the room, and as soon as they had gotten out of his office and shut the door, Ed whacked his file report into the black haired alchemist's face. "Mind explaining?!"

"What's wrong?" Havoc asked from where he sat still at the chess board.

"Apparently I'm engaged to Mustang." Ed nearly yelled, but managed to contain it.

Roy wrenched the file report away from his face and tossed it onto the chess board, scattering the pieces effectively.

"Wow, congratulations." Breda grinned, but nearly fled from the area as two identical murderous glares were sent his way.

"I didn't mean for this to happen!" Roy hissed at the fuming Edward. "I was going to get Hawkeye to play along, but she likes you! Do you know how hard that woman is to please?!"

"As flattered as I am," Edward growled, "tell her the truth! I'm not your fiancé and you know it. We can't even stay civil to each other for an entire day!"

"Ed, I'm asking you this favor, and I'd be on bended knee but-"

"Don't you dare, I'll kick you in the head." He bristled.

"Point in case." Mustang said wryly, "please, just for the week she's here can't you play along?"

Edward glared at him, shoved his hands in his pockets and thought about it. Wait… he was thinking about it? He shouldn't have to! The answer should obviously be n-"no more missions longer than three months." Wait… that wasn't what he'd wanted to say, was it?

"Fine." Mustang agreed readily and held out his hand. "Do we have a deal?"

"You must really be desperate." Ed sighed and finally reached out to shake the other man's hand. "I don't see why a week will be much of a problem." He really didn't know why he'd ended up agreeing, but he at least could use this as good blackmail material if he ever needed it.

"Sure you can handle this?" Roy asked.

"Now's a brilliant time to ask me that." Edward rolled his eyes, "I can deal with more weird crap from you, don't worry."

Mustang ignored the sniggers throughout the main office. "Just play the part, Edward, and you'll still be alive at the end of this." He said, striding back to the door.

"But sweetcakes," Ed called after him with a wolfish grin as Havoc nearly choked in laughter, "we haven't decided on when and where we met."

"Four months ago, here." Mustang decided.

"Oh, so you gradually came to lust after my sexy self, did you?" Ed continued, not to be cut off from his fun so quickly.

"Ed…" Roy growled warningly, his black eyes glinting dangerously.

Ed held up his hands in a pacifying motion, "now, now. But are you sure you can handle this?"

"I've dealt with your crap for years. A week of something like this is nothing impossible." Mustang said, and wrenched open the office door.

Ed smirked and waved back at the others before following Roy back inside the office with an, "I'm sorry, Daphne, Roy just couldn't wait to tell me how striking he thought I looked today…"

The office door banged shut, perhaps a bit harder than Mustang had intended it to.

"Do you think Mustang knows what he's getting into?" Havoc asked as he picked up Ed's discarded report.

"Does Ed?" Falman had to wonder as they got the chess board set back up.

Edward had allowed Daphne to sit him down on his favorite black leather couch, and was actually behaving quite acceptably. Roy had to admit, he was surprised. He hadn't thought the man possessed manners, but then again most of their interactions were not ever really ones that required proper manners.

"Well come, come now, Roy." Daphne urged before turning back to Ed glowingly, "so Ed, tell me about how the two of you met."

"It's actually rather embarrassing." Edward told her, somehow managing to make a tinge of a blush appear on his cheeks much to Roy's amusement. "It was four months ago."

"Four months? And already engaged?" Daphne questioned looking rather surprised at this development.

Ed shot Roy a look that plainly reiterated his earlier question of whether or not Roy himself could handle this. "We've known each other for years, through work." Ed explained, "and then one day Roy realized how I made him feel. We wined and dined, and even pined for each other. But truly, your son is the most romantic, sensitive, intelligent man I've ever met."

Roy might have swelled a bit with pride from those comments as he sat there on the couch listening. However he knew Ed had been mocking him the entire time, but with his mother quite literally in the line of fire, he had to settle for glaring daggers at the blonde.

"I'm sure he's not all that." Daphne commented.

"Thanks, mom." Roy growled.

"Well it's true." She said, looking over at him. "If you were intelligent, you'd have snatched this one up long ago instead of bedding all the women in Central."

"I believe he's forgiven me for that… oversight."

"Still…" Daphne sighed, considering her dark haired son, "you better not screw this one up. I like him." She said in reference to Ed before turning back to him. "So, are you a soldier?"

Ed shook his head with a smile. "I'm a State Alchemist."

Roy meanwhile was nearly frothing at the mouth. Only his mom could act like Ed and get away with it. Only his mom could put fear into him about what would happen when he "broke up" with Ed once the week was out. And where in the blazes did Ed get that cocky attitude?! The guy was milking this for all the amusement it was worth. Mentally he made a note to send Edward on a series of one month missions that would keep the blonde away for an entire year.

Ed had to admit, he rather found Mustang's mother quite the amusing woman. She was a bit excitable, and evidently easily tricked, but she had no qualms about speaking to the notorious Flame Alchemist like she still could take away his favorite toy. He had a feeling that Mrs. Daphne Mustang and he would be getting along quite charmingly.

"Are you really?" Daphne queried, "good. I had always hoped Roy would have the sense to fall for another alchemist. Certainly not some no good gold digger woman at the bar."

"I gave them up long ago." Roy pitched in cordially. About twelve hours long ago, he couldn't help thinking bitterly to himself. So much for the dates he had lined up this week, he'd have to cancel every single one of them.

"Good, you've finally seen the light." Daphne said and smiled at Ed, mainly his hair, "probably because it reflects so nicely." She said, studying it. That hair… it was like spun sunshine, and Ed's eyes were just pools of molten gold just waiting to suck you in. She had to admit, her son had finally done something right in his relationships.

Roy looked over at Ed, and that blonde hair with matching golden eyes he'd gotten so used to seeing. Yes… the light did rather reflect off of Edward's hair. Strange, he hadn't really noticed that before. Edward met his gaze, and a questioning look filled his eyes as he caught Roy staring at him. What on earth was that man finding so interesting?

Daphne however, looked from Roy, to Ed, then back to Roy before smiling knowingly.

"Your latte is here."

All three on the couch suddenly looked up as Riza reentered the room to hand Mrs. Mustang her latte. Without wasting a second, the blonde Lieutenant left immediately.

As Daphne sipped on her latte she suddenly turned his gaze to the automail arm attached to Edward. She'd noticed it immediately, but hadn't really paid it much attention until now. "Ed, how'd you lose your arm?"

Edward gave her a startled look, before glancing down at said arm in question. "It was an accident. There was lots of smoke… and blood." Which wasn't entirely a lie, "I lost my mother, and I nearly lost my brother too. I was... lucky. Though I couldn't realize that until only a year or so ago."

"I'm sorry, dear." Daphne said, laying her hand on Ed's shoulder comfortingly.

Ed gave her a small smile and suddenly stood. "I must be going now, State business, you know?"

Roy looked at him suspiciously. He knew the blonde was making it up, but he was uncertain of whether or not to call him on it.

"You don't even have time to have lunch?" Daphne asked, looking disappointed at the prospect of not having lunch with her son and his fiancé.

Edward glanced between her, then at Roy, before nodding slowly. "I suppose a quick lunch never hurt anything." He then began to slowly smile, "you're paying, aren't you, Roy?"

Roy suddenly had a very bad feeling about this. He knew how much Ed could eat when he wanted to, and he could just see the younger man ordering all the food he could possibly fit onto the table and eating it all. He had a sudden mental picture of a negative bank balance and almost throttled Ed. "Of course I am," he said in a strained voice as his mother raised her eyebrows at him expectantly, "I wouldn't let my mother or my fiancé pay for themselves."

"Which is why I think you're such a-"

"Now, Ed, not in front of my mom." Roy interrupted quickly, shooting a masked glare at the blonde who was doing a magnificent job of not laughing.

"Oh please," Daphne said airily, "it's nice to hear someone complimenting you for things that should actually be complimented. Who knows why the ladies think you're hot."

"I am!" Roy protested.

Daphne snorted.

"You're my mom, you don't get a say." Roy growled.

"Ed, what do you think?" Daphne asked, suddenly rounding on Edward.

Edward blinked and suddenly had to cough to make the laugh that tried to escape from him. When he finally managed to get a grip on himself he held up an apologetic hand. "Sorry, dust in my throat or something."

Roy didn't know who he wanted to strangle first, Ed, or himself.

"I think Roy is a beast." Edward decided with a purr and shot Roy a flirtatious look.

Daphne seemed to find this an acceptable answer, and thus said, "let's get to lunch then, shall we?"

Meanwhile Roy was thinking Ed needed to be strangled first.

Restaurant of "Loving" Luncheons

Edward had been seated in the chair on Roy's right, while Daphne had taken the one on the left. Currently Daphne was nitpicking Roy about how he seemed to slump in his chair. "Seriously, Roy, you'll hurt your back!"

Roy glowered over at her, and wished the chair would swallow him up already. "Edward always slumps down though. He's rubbed off on me." He ventured, hoping for salvation.

"I do?" Edward asked innocently.

Roy glanced over, and suddenly did a double take. That sneak had suddenly started sitting straight as a board! Oh he was going to kill him… "Fine." Roy bristled and sat up straighter. He realized now that Edward was not planning on making this easy for him, he should have known.

"Excuse me," their waiter said as he approached the table again, having already given them their drinks five minutes earlier. "Are you ready to place your orders?"

"Ed, dear, why don't you go first?" Daphne offered up.

"Thank you." He replied with a cordial smile and looked up at the waiter. "I'll have the prime rib, medium, please."

"Very good choice sir." The waiter said as he collected Edward's menu from him. "And you, ma'am?"

Daphne smiled, "the same, please. He has very good taste, does he not?"

The waiter nodded appreciatively, "he does indeed. And for you, sir?" He asked, turning to Roy who was currently clenching his cloth napkin into a wrinkled mess.

"The lobster fettuccini." He managed to grit out with a halfway pleasant smile.

As the waiter walked off with a slight bow to the group, Ed turned to Roy with a questioning look in his eyes. "No prime rib for you? Don't worry, I'll share."

"I wouldn't dream of eating any of your food. If anything, you'll be eating most of mine. I know how you are." Roy replied as he stiffly took a sip of his iced tea.

"That's so kind of you to offer!" Ed beamed at him, fighting down the bouts of laughter once more. He knew Roy was probably mentally listing the ways he'd get back at Ed for this. But he was having fun! It wasn't every day he got to torment Mustang and not be immediately under fire for it. Besides, he was doing this as a favor, putting on an act all for Roy's benefit. The man should be grateful, not glaring. Just wait until he told Al about this later at home tonight. They could both use a good laugh.

"Ed, tell me about Roy." Daphne suddenly commanded.

"About… Roy?" He repeated, looking stunned. Tell her what exactly? She was his mother, she should know all about him. He couldn't precisely tell her he thought her son was a right ass and a bastard who needed an ego adjustment. Most of the time anyway, sure sometimes they got along, but still.

Mustang sat back in his chair watching the wheels in Ed's mind suddenly go on overdrive. This should be good, make the little actor sweat.

"Yes, Roy. The man you're marrying." Daphne supplied unhelpfully. "Tell me about him."

"Well, he's your son…" Edward floundered, and knew he couldn't rely on Mustang to help him out here. The bastard was probably enjoying this moment.

"Tell me what you like about him, why did you agree to marry him?"

Edward thought quickly. Why the hell would he agree to marry the bastard if this scenario were actually real? The qualities of narcissistic, arrogant, loud mouthed, bipolar, and power hungry didn't ring as very romantic in his ears. "At first he comes off as self-centered, even a bit demanding…" Ed began slowly, racking his brain, "but when you understand it's just because he's insecure, and needs someone to love him, I just couldn't help but see past his faults for what they really were. He's really a wonderful man. And so when he asked me to marry him, I just couldn't say no."

"That's so insightful of you… I'm so happy!" Daphne grinned, "you really know my son very well."

"I do?" Ed asked in amazement, catching the signs and managing to move his foot out of danger before Roy smashed it with his own.

Roy grimaced as his foot smashed into the unyielding floor, instead of Ed's softer foot.

"What was that? An explosion?" Daphne asked, forgetting Ed's shocked question that had slipped from his mouth.

"Roy and I were playing footsies," Ed explained with a perfectly straight face and just a hint of pink on his cheeks for good measure, "he missed my foot."

"How cute." Daphne crooned in delight. She was so thrilled Roy had finally found someone, and someone who knew him so well and intimately to boot.

Roy suddenly wished he'd ordered something stronger than iced tea to drink. "I think you cheated, Ed."

"I did not cheat," Edward retorted, "I read your movements. Be more subtle next time, pookiebear."

If looks could kill, Roy's would have, but all he managed to do was look properly annoyed and almost seemed constipated to a degree. "Now, Ed, I thought we'd agreed on no pet names?"

"I don't recall that." Edward smirked at him, "I do recall though that you begged me for something else."

Roy nearly flamed red at the hidden meaning that could have. "Edward!"

"What? Embarrassed? You should have thought of that sooner before you begged me." Ed grinned cunningly.

"You're a sneaky ass, you know that? And too damn short too!"

"I'm not short, bastard." Ed growled warningly.

"Back to using big words again, are we, cupcake?" Roy taunted mercilessly.

"Take that back! Who're you calling a cupcake?!"

"You." Roy provided pointedly.

Edward's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Careful, I wouldn't want to slice off anything you need…" he said, patting his automail arm.

Roy actually blanched. He knew how accurate Ed was with that blade of his that he could summon at will. How precise he was. Heck, he could have lost his hand the time Ed sliced his glove in half with that thing. Yet not even a drop of blood had been spilt, not even a scratch.

Daphne considered their exchange as it continued from there. She'd wondered if they'd actually quarrel, seems that they did. Good. All young couples should still quarrel. And actually, it seemed as if they enjoyed taunting one another.

At last their meals arrived, and Roy and Ed stopped their bickering immediately to eat.

Daphne found this interesting as well. It was like they'd silently agreed that the argument was over, and were back to their usual selves. She'd never seen such silent communication between anyone before, it was rather intriguing. She decided that she was going to enjoy the coming week. Very much.

Edward however was less impressed at the sudden truce between he and Mustang. When he was seventeen the two of them had reached an understanding, and actually got along well enough. It was why he hadn't stormed out on Roy the second he'd asked for help. He wasn't sure that he considered he and Mustang to be friends per say… but they understood one another. Hence the reason they could stop fighting at the same time, and without the need for hard feelings. In the end they always were able to sort things out, so why bother wasting time being offended?

"How is it, Ed?" Daphne asked.

Ed swallowed his bite and smiled at her, "delicious. And yours?"

"Very good indeed."

Edward suddenly shot a sidelong glance at Mustang, and cut another piece with a bit of a smile. "Here, try." He said, holding the fork in the air with the piece of meat stuck to it securely.

"Put it on my plate." Roy told him. Like he was about to take it off of Ed's fork.

"No, try it." Ed insisted, shoving the fork towards him to hover it in front of Roy's mouth. "Open wide!"

"E-"

Edward had taken the moment of Roy trying to speak to pop it into his mouth, before pulling the fork out, leaving the piece of meat in Roy's mouth. "Well?"

"I'm going to kill you." Roy hissed under his breath.

"What was that, Roy? How was it?" His mother asked, straining forward to hear the hushed words Roy had spoken.

Ed smiled back at Roy. "Now it can't have been that bad."

"It was fine, mom." Roy said, turning to her after shooting Ed a frosty look.

They finished their meal, and forewent dessert. According to Mustang, he had urgent matters that still needed tending to back at the office, and Mrs. Mustang was wanting to go rest after her long trip back at Roy's house. Edward made the excuse he had to go to the library.

However before any of the two men were allowed to leave, they had to accompany Daphne back to Roy's house and see her inside safely.

The Humble Abode of the "Engaged"

"Now Roy, which guest bedroom?"

Edward could understand why she asked that. He'd never seen Mustang's house before. Rather it was more of a small mansion than a house. He wouldn't doubt if there were three guest bedrooms the size of Mustang's office.

"Whichever one you like, mother." Roy answered, wanting to flee that instant.

"Don't be silly, which is Ed's room?" Daphne queried, giving him a stern green eyed gaze.

"Ed's… what?!" Roy nearly squeaked.

Edward shot Roy a look that plainly told him to pull himself together. Yet he too was panicking.

"You live here, do you not? As Roy's fiancé you live here." Daphne told them in a tone that was wondering why they were both acting so stupid.

"I, uh…"

"He doesn-"

"Oh I see, you've no need to be shy." Daphne cut both men off, "don't worry though. I'm fine with it."

"With what?" Mustang couldn't help but ask.

"Ed sleeps with you in your room."

Edward made a strangled choking noise, and Roy wondered why he hadn't asked Ed to run him through with the automail blade yet. "Edward doesn't-"

"Oh nonsense, Roy. I am not so old as to be offended by such an arrangement." Daphne chided him. "Now you two run along back to your work, don't distract each other! And I expect you both to be home for dinner by six."

Edward somehow managed to say, "well, bye then," before he was suddenly out the front door in a flash of automail.

"Really eager to get to that library, isn't he…" Daphne mused after him.

"Yes, well, lot's of work to get done!" Roy announced in a rather high pitched voice and fled as well without so much as a parting wave.

Roy was out the door and tearing at a run down the sidewalk after Ed. "Fullmetal! Get back here!"

Edward looked back, and suddenly veered off the sidewalk into a park where it was more secluded, before stopping. "You seriously need to at least tell her that I do not even sleep in the same house as you!" He panted as Roy joined him.

"Oh come on Ed, we can work around this. It's part of our deal!" Roy panted as well, "pretending to be my fiancé evidently involves us staying in the same house according to her."

"Screw that!" Edward shook his head. "With her able to watch us like a hawk all night? I mean, I can pretend to be all mushy and stuff with you over lunch or whatever, but a late night movie and popcorn? Come on!"

"You can just stay in one of the other rooms. She'll never know if you go to bed after her and wake up before her." Roy reasoned. "Please Ed, you can't ditch me on this now. I need your help. You don't know what that woman's like when she's mad… or maybe you do."

"Explain?" Ed prompted with narrowed golden eyes.

"She reminds me of you in a lot of ways." Roy admitted.

"Ah." Ed said shortly and ran his hand back through his left side bangs. "Well, I suppose I can manage that for a week. At least I can eat all the food I want."

"Edward…" Mustang growled.

"What, come on Mustang. This is a favor. If you're still pissed at me for some of the things I said or did you can throw a fit once she leaves." Ed bargained. "But I still won't stop arguing with you."

"Punch, kick, or alchemically attack me?"

"Only as a last resort."

"Same." Roy sighed and suddenly sank to the grass weakly. "And here I was hoping to get away before she arrived."

Edward watched him as Roy put his head in his hands. "You could still make a run for it you know." He said at last, sitting down beside him.

"No, it'd only make things worse." Mustang told him and took his hands away from his face to look over at Ed. "Thanks for doing this, even though you have done some things worthy of me snapping my fingers."

"Strange how you're able to go from wanting to kill me one minute, to wanting to thank me the next, isn't it." Edward observed, flopping back onto the cool grass.

"I think that could go for both of us." He replied and looked up at the sky blocked partway by the leafy trees shading them. "And no more feeding me, else I really will kill you."

Edward couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up out of him. "I'll try my best to remember that."

"See that you do."

"You need to loosen up a bit though, dear. Else she'll get suspicious." Ed pointed out.

"Can you handle me flirting with you?" Roy grinned down at him.

Ed rolled his eyes, "jerk. Just try me, don't worry, I won't fall for you." He said sarcastically.

"Right." Roy said, and frowned a bit.

"What's wrong?" Ed asked up at him. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, sorry." Roy said quickly, wondering why he'd felt that way. Maybe the lobster didn't agree with him anymore after that sprint. "We should get back." He said suddenly and stood up.

Edward gazed up at him for a short while before getting to his feet as well. "Right, we should. You have my report to read, and I have a situation to laugh about over the phone with Al."