Random One-shot. This is dedicated to DemonSloth who insisted I write this when I came up with the idea when talking with her on msn. She is a brilliant writer and an awesome friend.

Disclaimer: I do not not own anything square enix :(

Warning: This is yaoi, that is Slash, Boy x boy, homo erotic, etc..etc...Just to be even more clear that means there is gay sex! Don't like it, don't read. Also references to threesomes.

Anything in bold is Zack in Cloud's head anything in Italics is Cloud's thoughts.

Hope you enjoy.

Leon stood leaning against the wall of his room in Hallow Bastion, his arms crossed against his chest and a frown firmly placed on his face. They weren't seriously going to do this were they? Merlin had put forward the casual suggestion that both Cloud and Leon would be easier to live with if they got laid. They would also get on better together if it was with each other. A sort of get rid of all your sexual frustrations while releasing all your other annoyances at the same time. Apparently, it was better than them killing each other. Though Leon didn't really see what was wrong with that option. Yuffie who had been listening to the private discussion at the door had bounded in and jumped up and down repeatedly while clapping her hands and squealing at the wonderful idea. Both Cloud and Leon had dramatically sighed at the horrifying realisation that she was indeed a yaoi fangirl. It seemed Tifa had also been listening and agreed to the proposal while looking rather dejected. Leon felt bad for her, but it was time she moved on, if a guy doesn't want you, he doesn't want you.

Cloud was not Rinoa or Seifer. The two people he had loved more than anything. And he was no Sephiroth. They both loved and wanted to be with other people so how the hell was this possibly going to work. He had brought this up with Merlin and Cloud had nonchalantly nodded. But Merlin had just laughed in their faces. Love did not have to go hand in hand with sex in his mind. They were both attractive young men and it would make life easier for everyone involved, especially since they were not going to be with the people they actually wanted to be with any time soon. Leon couldn't deny the adorable nature of the spikey blonde, and the images the suggestion had conjured up, were starting to re awake a certain part of him that he had been so far neglecting since the destruction of his world. He looked up at Cloud mirroring him on the other side of the room. He was wearing his usual attire, which he believed was something similar to what the man had had to wear when he was in SOLDIER. Cloud's indifference to many things kept him quiet and so Leon had little to no idea of Cloud's take on the whole matter.

Woohoo we're going to get Laid!

Zack was squealing inside Cloud's head. out of all the voices in his head he appreciated Zack's the most.

He isn't Sephiroth Zack. Could we be with someone who wasn't him?

What, so you plan to hang your penis up on a mantle now? I am sure Sephy will not mind us getting some. However he is much too crazy to notice you are banging someone new.

Cloud cringed inwardly at Zack's manner though his outward appearance showed no change. It was true that Sephiroth now repeatedly attempted to either kill him or torment him which was a big contrast to the sex and love he had been used to before Sephiroth had lost it. But he still had hope, albeit very teeny tiny hope, but hope none the less that Sephiroth would recover from this somehow and come back to him, for both of their sakes. Though it would take a lot for him to forgive Sephiroth. Even though those mako infused eyes were scary and crazy as shit, he still saw some love in them for him.

Aw maybe you're right Spikey, I loved him too remember, but dammit, our Sephy is god knows where and still ape shit crazy, and I'm going to explode if you don't get screwed soon.

Why am I always the one to get screwed instead of screwing? You got to do both.

Spikey, it is universally known that you are the eternal uke. Deal with it.

He looked up at Leon. He is hot.

Not as much as Sephy.

Or you.

Yeah but I'm dead, so you can't have sex with me, well you could, but you'd have to find my body first, and that would be necrophilia, which is just wrong.

You had to go there didn't you.

Did you like the trip?

No.

He probably is just as hot as us and we only look hotter cause you love us. Maybe. Just get on with it.

'Are we doing this?' Leon asked unsure of what to think of Cloud's silence. He understood what Cloud had been through, but the stupid silences where he talked to himself ignoring everything else were just damn annoying. He would screw his brains out for that. Did he really just think that?

'It seems it will please the others if we did. If we didn't they would only hassle us,' Cloud replied diplomatically. Though he had to admit he didn't really care very much if the others started hassling him, he didn't really care much about anything anymore; except the voice in his head and the loopy general.

'Since when do you care about anything?' Cloud ignored the question and proceeded to think more about whether it was worth it.

Don't you dare back out, or I will take over and make you roleplay with him...dressed as a nun. Cloud shuddered.

'They were correct about the benefits,' Leon articulated and Cloud nodded.

'That's if you're up to it,' Cloud remarked, in the habit of winding up Leon when he could.

'Oh I'm up to it, not sure about you though,' Leon tried to turn the remark on its head but he couldn't deny the insult had gotten under his skin.

Why do you like to aggravate him?

Cause he's a whiney pouty boy who is just asking to be kicked.

You are not really in a position to judge character Spikey.

You cannot deny that you enjoy it even more then I do. True.

'No point in this if you can't make me come, Squall.' Cloud enjoyed watching Leon's face turn red with anger.

Dude, nice one.

I thought you wanted me to sleep with him.

I do and you're going the right way about it. Look at him, sheer determination now.

Zack was right, Leon's anger on Cloud's statement had reached such a point that he had forgotten all about Rinoa and was just determined to prove Cloud wrong. He closed the cap of the room between them in a couple of easy strides cupping the blonde's face in his hands and capturing his mouth. He wasted no time with pointless and meaningless loving kisses. His tongue forcing into Cloud's mouth exploring the hot space within, battling with the other tongue. Cloud was left breathless and he hated to admit the kiss certainly caused his nether regions to stand to a very firm attention.

Thank Gaia! Now we're talking!

'Is that the best you can do?' he questioned Leon. That was it; Leon threw Cloud on to the bed and climbed on top of him reclaiming his mouth. His hand ran through the blonde spikes expecting to feel gel yet was pleasantly surprised to feel them so soft and natural. He parted.

'The fact your hair is naturally like that is rather freakish, like a chocobo's butt.' he said continuing to play with said chocobo butt hair. Cloud scowled in response while Zack rolled about in hysterics in his head. Leon didn't wait for Cloud to insult him back but continued with the kissing; lowering himself on top of the smaller body rubbing his erection against Cloud's using the fabric between them to create more friction. Cloud couldn't help but moan in response.

'Seems like I am up to it,' Leon replied smugly.

'Using arrogance to compensate are we?' Cloud tried and failed to say without moaning. Leon didn't know exactly why it was the ex-SOLDIER could get under his skin so easily but that remark wasn't going to remain unpunished.

'Aren't you supposed to be being submissive?'

'Not my fault if you can't handle the challenge,'

Will you two stop fucking arguing and get to work. I'm hard and I don't even have a body so will you do something about yours so mine can have some sort of release.

Eww, don't come in my mind Zack.

You never had a problem with me coming when I was alive.

Yes but this is my mind...

I'm not corporally in your head. I can't do that sort of thing. I will feel it when you do. You see this is how long you have been without sex or you would have realised this ages ago. Why has your penis not dropped off?

Shut up will you.

Anyone would think you didn't love me. You know this would be so much easier if everyone was drunk.

'Too many voices talking at once Cloud?' Leon questioned with a smirk. 'Just how many people am I sleeping with?

'Shut it Squall,' he replied pulling off the other's jacket throwing it to the floor and continuing with the shirt. Leon both annoyed by the command and shocked by the action was stunned enough to allow it to happen. He continued with the action removing his own pants as Cloud began the removal of his own.

'My penis is longer than yours,' Leon smirked at Cloud once the clothes had been removed. He had the two hard appendages side by side comparing.

'Yes well mine is wider,'

Meh, doesn't matter what your penis is like when you are the eternal uke. Just what your butt is.

Zack I can't do this with your running commentary, it's difficult enough it's not you or Sephiroth, without being reminded of it every time you speak.

Spikey, that's the point, I'm here with you, keeping all the others in here mute for now.

Oh.

Leon called it before, he is sleeping with us, duo style.

'Just turn over on to your knees schezo-boy,' this was the most unromantic sex ever. Leon's hand found Cloud's wider yet shorter penis and ran it up and down the shaft, gently twisting at the end. Receiving the right gasps and groans, he began preparing Cloud, retrieving the lube which had been given to him, frighteningly enough by Merlin. Cherry.

'You're annoyingly tight Cloud,' Leon groaned stretching the space with two fingers coated in the cherry lube.

Hmmm, Zack remembered happily, yes, yes you are.

'You...realise...that's a compliment,' Cloud managed to breathe out. The comment was responded by another finger entering the space. Removing his fingers and coating himself in the lube Leon then pushed into Cloud, 'Oh god' he cried as the tight area gripped him. He pulled out and pushed again, Cloud crying out. Leon's rhythm got faster and harder as Cloud pushed backward controlling the angle making sure Leon would hit exactly where he wanted him to. It was rough, fast and hard. It was exactly the way they both wanted it. It didn't really matter that the foreplay had been pathetically minimal; they had both been without sex so long that the idea of it in itself acted as sufficient foreplay.

Cloud felt the pressure starting to build, he was close.

Damn... Spikey... Zack groaned out through panted breaths, you... are go...ing to... end up... co...ming... first. Unfortunately for Zack Cloud was beyond the point of actually hearing words and just heard the soft playful voice of someone he loved extremely close to coming. Hearing Zack's voice so excited had him picturing the raven haired man and it sent him over edge. All his nerves were standing on end electrified and it built to the point he felt his head and all its inhabitants were going to explode. It all went black. He yelled out as Zack also did, shuddering and releasing on to the bed. He kept his position so Leon could finish, though he wanted to collapse his arms shaking uncontrollably. A rather sadistic darker side to him thought it might be an interesting idea to stop now, building Leon up to just let him down.

'YES, OH GOD YES!' Leon cried out as he too reached his climax expelling himself into Cloud. He collapsed on top of Cloud panting. The blond ruthlessly rolled over on to his back so the other fell off. Relieved and euphoric the two lay there ignoring their lack of clothes as well as the mess that seemed to be on the bed also.

'You come like a girl,' Cloud finally managed to get out after an hour of lying in silent elation. Before Leon could think of a suitable retort other than just killing the blonde, Yuffie flew in to the room. She held a camera out taking a picture of the two of them lying naked together.

'See ya,' she winked running out just as fast as she entered.

'I'm going to kill her,' Leon yelled attempting to get his body to move, 'Just as soon as I can function again.' He lay back down surrounding to his body.

For such cynical sex that wasn't too bad.

Go to sleep Zack.

Aye, aye captain.

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