IWAALF commentary

This commentary was requested as part of a meme on LiveJournal. Unlike my one-shots, I couldn't go line by line in this story, given that it is ten chapters and over 32,000 words. Therefore, I decided to create this document to give some insights into what was going on in my head as I wrote this story. This commentary is a thank you for all of you who read and followed this out of control song fic. I appreciate all of your reviews and thoughts and I hope you enjoyed the journey.

The origin

Earlier I called this story a songfic. And it is. The idea of this story snuck up on me a bit. Thebucketwoman had asked me to write a songfic (featuring Derek) using the Jason Mraz song "If It Kills Me" as inspiration. "If It Kills Me" is on Jason's newest album We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, which I had bought the same time I bought Jesse McCartney's newest album. I had been listening to the album and enjoying it. I decided to re-listen to the album to get some ideas for the fic I owed thebucketwoman. As I listened to the album, I stumbled across and fell in love with the song "Love For a Child".

"Love For a Child" seemed to tell the story of a child coping with divorce and not opening well. It's a song that pulls on your heartstrings. The song had me asking the question, what is the Life with Derek future (Dasey or otherwise) is not as perfect as we like to think it is? What if before Derek and Sally were over, they had a child? And how would that play into everything else? So, I was introduced to James Michael Venturi and the story the young man had to tell.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I still owe thebucketwoman that "If It Kills Me" fic.

The prologue

I'm not sure what made me decide that James would be telling this story to his academic advisor in university. I've spent a lot of my life in higher education, so it is a known area for me. And I'm making a big assumption that college life doesn't change much in like fifty years, but I wanted to give James a safe place to tell the story with someone who would ask questions. I didn't want to do the research for that person to by a psychologist, so I made that person an academic instead. Academics have a curiosity that would prompt the questioning that was necessary at points in the story.

Dr. Lawrence is inspired by a lot of people. She's part me. She's part my mother. She's part some of the advisors and mentors I've had over the years. She's some of the people with whom I've worked. She's people with whom I've attended church. I never specified her academic discipline in this story, although I have ideas of what it will be. (It will show up later in the trilogy.)

Chapter 1

Okay, obviously I was writing this during season three, before we knew that there was going to be a Dally break-up. And way before Demily was a mistake the series made. That is why I decided that Sally would end up as James's mother. Given her issues with Patrick, I had a further window to get Derek and Sally together and further reason why Derek/Sally didn't work for the long hall.

Yes, I made Sally depressed and hooked on various substances. At the same time, I hope I didn't make her the "evil" in this situation. Nothing in real life is ever that easy, so I wanted to show the good and the problems in Sally (and later Derek).

The "she" in italics…Casey was going to be a part of the story, but I didn't want to name-drop her too early in James' story. James has some unresolved issues with the second Mrs. Venturi, so I don't think we would have named her as fast either. I went with the italics to try to minimize the confusion, as I wasn't clearly identifying the she in the beginning.

Oh, and Emm Gryner and In Flight Safety are real Canadian artists. Go check their stuff out! I made up Ono-Otto.

Chapter 2

When Mike meets Casey. Okay, a lot of other stuff happens in that chapter. I tried to capture the anger (fear, and concern) Derek would have felt coming up on that scene through the eyes of an eight year old who misunderstands his father's reactions. Oh, and to my knowledge, we don't know much about Sally's family, except that she has brothers that I never mention, so I just made up names for her parents.

Interestingly enough, I'm not sure when (if) James is ever told about Derek and Casey's connection before they married. Other people know about it and talk about it, but I'm not sure if/when James put it together.

And yes, Casey is on the phone with Emily in this chapter. They still managed to stay good friends.

I also decided that Abby wasn't always treated well by the fandom. I never thought Abby was a bad person or bad parent. I think she made the best decision for her and her children, who she clearly loves and is involved with. So, this was my chance to show the good side of Abby. Nana Abby quickly became one of my favorite people in this story. James was her first grandchild, after all. And, in some ways, I think she can relate to Sally. They are both members of the Venturi First Wives Club, after all.

Chapter 3

The custody hearing. I like to torture characters I like, and I like Derek and James. Nana Abby is around to help out. And George and Nora are still married. This is pre-season four, so in this world, Nora never got pregnant. George and Nora treated James like a grandchild as well…I just think James liked his Nana Abby better.

The other point I wanted to make was that Sally did/does love James and had moments when she was a good mother. She just had a lot of things going on in her life at the time that didn't make her the best parent.

Chapter 4

The birth of the "little terror". This was the point where I could explore what would happen to kids from a previous marriage when Derek and Casey had their own kids. I think James might have taken this news better if his mother hadn't (accidentally) planted the fear in his head that as soon as Casey had a kid, he wouldn't be needed anymore.

The people gathered in the living room to hear Casey and Derek's news should be obvious, but I'll list them anyway: George, Nora, Abby, Lizzie and her husband (who isn't Edwin, so no lizwin in this story), Edwin, and Marti. Dennis isn't there. My guess is that Casey called him earlier to tell him the news. Marti is the person who suggested Daphne as a name, after her imaginary friend from all those years ago. For whatever reason, James had never met Lizzie and didn't know Edwin or Marti well.

I love the idea that Emily adores James although he's conflicted about how he feels about her. Emily loved her big brother from the beginning, even before she completely figured out who the third person was in the house along with really big people who took care of her.

I based Emily's injury off of something I did to myself when I was about Emily's age. I ran into the wooden edge of our couch and landed on the floor. I then got up and went to find my mother. I felt fine…but I was actually bleeding from the head from where I hit the couch. My mother took one look at me (she was on the phone) and said into the phone, "And I gotta go, bye," and took me to the emergency room. The only time I wasn't fine was when they put in the stitches. I don't have a scar, but besides that, Emily and I share an injury.

Chapter 5 – 6

These were the chapters where I could explore the Harry and James (Mike) friendship. I like Harry a lot. He'd be a great guy without the whole drug thing. I don't know much more about Harry and his background than James does. And Harry wants the best for his friend. I think he did want James to graduate from high school.

For the French in chapter 6, I had to use a translator program. I have a translation below, for the curious:

Madam Davis: Venturi. Good morning. How nice of you to join us today. Do you have your homework?

Mike: No

Madam Davis: Have you read the Little Prince story?

Mike: I know nothing.

Madam Davis: Absolutely. That's evident. See me after class.

And yes, Madam Davis is Emily Davis. This doesn't mean that she didn't marry. It just means that she established her career under her maiden name and decided not to change that name later. Why confuse people?

Dr. Lawrence's sympathy for Derek and Casey was included so that James might begin to see some of the other side of the story.

Chapter 7

It was mean of me to kill off Harry. Yeah, I know. But I needed a reason for James to get clean and change his name.

And I couldn't help the references to ET and Paula Dean. I made up L however.

I figured that Abby isn't but so much older than I am, so she'd would have listened to 70s and 80s music growing up, hence James' grandmother playing Poker and listening to the GoGos. And yes, I decided that Jesse still has a career so far in the future…so, of course, I threw him into the story.

And Dr. Lawrence was crying a little at the end of this part of the story, even though she denies it.

Oh, and the ET coverage about the Venturi family, their activities, and Derek's film project(s) are important. It comes up later…and it makes an interesting point about how Derek feels about James.

Chapters 8 – 9

I was initially trying to do this in one chapter, but it became two, due to size. It could have almost have been three. These chapters together are over 9,000 words. Although "Writing Love" was a one-shot that was 11,000+ words, in general, anything over 3,000 words for me is its own chapter.

James' homecoming was an interesting mental journey to take. I had to think about how every one in the family would react. Emily was overjoyed and scared that James would disappear again. Casey was cautious, for a variety of reasons. She was also happy he was home…and yes, she was pushing with the questions because she was trying to figure out where James was living at the point. And poor Derek. Par of him was very happy his son was home, but given everything, that wasn't expressed in a functional way.

Windsor, Sarnia, London, and Toronto are all real places. I spent a lot of time on Google maps, looking at routes to these places and if it would make sense for James to stop in London on his way to Windsor or Sarnia. I've also been to Windsor. (It's beautiful…and there is a big casino there. It also right across the bridge from Detroit, MI.) Emm Gryner is from Sarnia, so I had to drop that into the story. All four of these places are in the Ontario province.

Oh, and ages. That really threw a lot of people off, so I'll explain. At the point of this chapter:

Emily Venturi = 17

James Venturi = 27

(remember they are ten years apart)

Yes, James has just started university, but keep this in mind:

At 18, James drops out of high school and moves in with Harry

At 24, Harry dies. James goes into rehab

At 26, James gets the equivalent of a GED and enrolls into a college in the United States. Since college = technical school in Canada and James is not in technical school, he refers to it as "university", even though university might not be in the name of the institution he is attending. (I haven't decided where he is attending, yet.)

I haven't given James a birthday, although Emily has one. James's birthday would be close to when Emily's is. I'll make more clear when James' birthday is in the next story.

(Another note. Obviously, in this world, Ford is still in existence, as James is driving a Ford Taurus around Canada.)

Yes, Derek is blocking something in the living room on purpose. He doesn't think James would steal it (or anything else); he just doesn't know how to talk to James about what he's blocking. And yes, Derek is wounded that James has talked with his mother and not him. Keep in mind, up until this point, Derek hadn't heard from his son since he was 18.

And the chocolate chip pancakes, the pork roast dinner, and the triple layer chocolate cake all have meaning. The cake is explained in the chapter, but the other two aren't. I will say that you should pay attention to when Casey makes chocolate chip pancakes. There is a method to her madness, in a sense. I also wrote parts of chapter nine while hungry, hence all the food on the Venturi table for Thursday night dinner.

The soundtrack

As I mentioned earlier, this is a song fic. A while ago, I also created a soundtrack for this story and the second story in the trilogy. (I'm currently working on the soundtrack for the third story in the trilogy.) Below is the track listing for the IWAALF soundtrack.

IWAALF soundtrack
1. Love for a child - Jason Mraz – For obvious reasons. This is the song that inspired the whole story. The chapter tiles are also song lyrics.

2. Acid (Pubic version) - Emm Gryner – I love this song, but I included it for two reasons. First, Emm is Canadian. Second, it has a great line, "It would take away the acid if I thought you'd understand, but I don't think you'd understand." I think it captures James' mood in a lot of ways.

3. Don't Bother – Shakira – I go back and forth to whether this better captures James' or Sally's feelings about the new Venturi family.

4. Flesh and Blood - Wilson Phillips – Much of this story is about James trying to figure out his family.

5. Your Sort of Human Being (Original Leap Year Version) - Emm Gryner - Besides the angry guitars skewing male for me, this song is great for the line, "Wasn't I your sort of human being? Wasn't I your kind of creature? Tell me how unworthy I seemed when you got thinking about it."

6. This Mad (Public version) - Emm Gryner – Another great Emm song, with the best ending line in a song, ever. "See how we've changed to each other."

7. Thank You – Dido

8. Catalyst - Anna Nalick

9. Daddy was a pilot - Hot One – I think this gets at James' view of his father at points in the fic.

10. Friends in Low Places - Garth Brooks – An ode to the Harry and James friendship

11. Nice to Know - Andrew Spice – Another song that I think gets at some of James' feelings.

12. Daisy, You're a Liar - Daniel Ledwell

13. Toy Soldiers - Martika

14. Grandma's Hands – I think the artist is Bill Withers. Regardless, this is the tribute to Nana Abby.

15. Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler

16. Hurt - Christina Aguilera