Ok, once again so sorry it took me so long to update. Hope you enjoy it, it's a bit different.

It was still strange to hear Lucy and Edmund laughing together, although it did happen more often these days. That trip to the country had changed my children so much more than I first thought. Not only had they changed as individuals, they were different as a group. Before they were like strangers, but now they didn't even have to speak aloud to communicate with each other. At dinner especially, they would meet eyes and they would all start laughing. I was beginning to feel like they were the family and I was just a guest. Then Edmund would hug me and tell me how good it was to be home. Still nearly a month later I knew they weren't at home here, I knew this would never be there home again.

The laughing of my two youngest children was replaced with soft, gentle talking. I stood next to Lucy's bedroom door listening to them.

"You think if we get back they'll still be there?" Lucy asked. Sadness and longing echoed in her voice.

"I don't think they'll have moved away if that's what you mean." Edmund replied. I could tell he was trying to joke with her to make her feel better, to no avail.

"That's not what I meant," she stated. Her voice quivered with tears.

"I know, Lu," Ed answered. His voice carried a warmness and comfort that I would not have thought possible for the once selfish, angry, child that had come back a man. There was silence for about five minutes until Lucy began to snore. Edmund chuckled softly. "Sleep well, Queen Lucy," I could barely hear the whisper. Then he said something else, something that was spoken so gently that I could not hear it. We both jumped when he came out. "Mum!" He started. I heard worry in his voice, it told me I wasn't supposed to hear what he'd said to Lucy.

"Are you all right?" I saw the loneliness in his eyes, but he smiled a little.

"Yes, she just couldn't sleep." He avoided my question.

"I know Luch's ok, I was asking about you." He stared at me with a small smile on his lips. I couldn't quite place that look on the thirteen-year-old, but it was pleasant, one that said his thoughts were happy.

"Don't worry about me so much," he stated. I couldn't help but smile, did he really think I had a choice.

"Too late." He let out a chuckle and kissed my cheek, another thing that had changed.

"I'm fine," then his eyes turned sadly to his and Peter's room but immediately came back my face. "Good night, mum." he said and headed to his room.

Edmund still shocked me. Not only did Lucy go to Ed when she needed to talk but so did Susan and Peter. That was what worried me. Edmund was the one everyone told their troubles to, but who did Edmund tell? Before they left, Ed liked to get into trouble at school, but now he was completely reformed. Peter was the one that took his place, he had gotten into a fight two days ago.

"I'm not asking for help, Ed!" Peter's yell brought me back. I went and stood outside their room desperate to find out just what had happened to my children.

"Shh, you'll wake Lucy," Susan whispered.

"You kicked the kid in the stomach, Pete. I'd say your yelling for help," Edmund stated.

"I'm tired of being here, I want to go home," Peter said. I had to flinch, I was right, they weren't home.

"Quiet, Mum will hear you," Ed whispered.

"This has nothing to do with her, I'd take her with us if I could, it's just..." He hesitated.

"Being Magnificent?" Susan asked.

"It's hard pretending like nothing happened, like we haven't grown up, like we weren't once..."

"We know Peter, it's hard for us too. Our friends are there, our home is there, but we will go back, if and when he decides it's time." Edmund spoke with a wisdom and kindness so far beyond his years.

"So you do think we will go back." Susan asked almost desperately. There was a slight pause as the older two hung onto the younger one's response as thought his answer would change the course of the world.

"Yes, one day, " he said. " But I don't think it'll be tomorrow." I could almost feel my children's sadness and disappointment.

"How can you have so much faith in Him?" Peter asked.

"How can you have so little?" Edmund replied. "You had more faith than the rest of us."

"Not more than Lucy," Peter corrected.

"Yeah well, Lucy's weird." Susan and Peter chuckled, but it wasn't a true laugh. They still had hints of longing and resentment. I found myself having no self control and I looked into the room and had to blink twice. At that moment Edmund looked like he was carrying the pain of the world on his shoulders. I wasn't the only one that noticed.

"When was the last time you slept, Ed?" Peter asked. Edmund smiled softly at his still protective brother.

" I actually can't remember." he admitted as though amused, I wasn't. As I studied my transformed child, I could see the lack of sleep presenting itself in nothing more then dark circles and maybe slightly swollen eyes.

"Why?" Susan asked worried. Edmund shrugged.

"You know me, nights are my coping time." He looked so old in that moment and in such pain, I wanted to turn back time and get my selfish, angry, son back. No thirteen year old should carry that much agony in his eyes.

"Oh Ed," Peter murmured and I knew he felt guilty for the pain his brother was suffering.

"Don't you dare," Edmund stated. "Why do you feel guilty for everything? If Lucy cuts her hand, you feel bad you didn't protect her. If Su gets frustrated with school, you feel bad you can't help her. And if I can't sleep because I've got a lot on my mind, you feel guilty because you can sleep." Edmund scolded exasperated. "You're not going to be able to look after us forever. One day you'll have to let it go." Peter looked at him hopelessly.

"The 'it' you're referring to is my family," Edmund smirked in resignation.

"But you taught us well to take care of ourselves." It was when they said things like that, that I realized they'd been through more than was comprehendible to me.

"Doesn't mean I don't want to watch after you." Peter reminded them.

"You mean need to look after us," Susan stated, a kind smile on her face. Ed nodded and instantly knew what Peter needed to hear.

"And we'll always need you to." Peter grinned and I watched them exchanged a look that told the stories of a lifetime; a lifetime that only they shared. One that brought them joy and sadness, pride and gratitude, fullness and longing, love and strength, bravery and fear. And nothing was clearer than the face they were desperate to go back. Back to wherever they lived this life; a life I would never be allowed into.

"Think you'll sleep tonight?" Susan asked.

"Probably not," Edmund smirked. "Don't worry so much, Mum." For a second I thought he'd seen me but then I realized he was teasing Susan.

"Too late." Edmund started to laugh at Susan's echo.

"What?" Peter asked.

"Sleep tight, Pete," he said still chuckling quietly. Susan and Peter met eyes and then rolled them.

"Good night, Edmund," Susan sighed. I quickly and guiltily went down the hall so they wouldn't know I'd heard. I drifted to sleep with the image of pain reflecting in my youngest son's eyes, welded into my brain.

I awoke with a start, I knew the familiar sound of the back door shutting softly. A sign that Edmund indeed hadn't found sleep. Normally I just let him sit out there alone, but tonight I could tell he needed someone. Probably not me, but seeing as his siblings slept on, he'd have to settle. I made no noise as I approached the back door. Instead of his usual perch on the back stairs, he laid fully stretched out in the soft, dewey grass. For a time I thought he might have fallen asleep, but then he opened his eyes, sighing heavily.

"Edmund," I said as I opened the door. The hope that had ignited in his eyes went out the second he saw me. "Not the person you wanted, eh?" I asked smiling softly, hiding the sting his disappointment had produced.

"Just not who I expected," he admitted then quickly added, "That's not a bad thing." I smirked, Edmund, the protector of my feelings as well as his brother's and sisters'. These days if Ed even thought any of us were a little sad or upset, he was there with hugs and words to numb and heal us. His feelings were probably open, bleeding and infected.

"You don't have to keep doing that," I said. He looked up at me confused. "Making sure my feelings don't get hurt. That's my job, and I can take care of myself." Edmund smirked in response.

"Guess it's just habit. Those three tend to need it." He motioned to the house. I smiled and sat down next to him on the wet grass.

"What about you? Do you need to talk?"

"I talk to Lucy," he claimed. My eyebrows rose in skepticism.

"You tell her everything? She's ten." I pointed out.

"You'd be surprised," he said. He stared at the house seeing something that, as usual, I could not see.

"Ed," I stated softly, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. The fear that he wouldn't answer, and the fear that he would. "Please tell me what happened to you all in the country." I had heard stories of children being treating as servants and some even abused by those who had taken them in. It made my stomach churn to think mine had, had to endure something like that. He, however, didn't seem surprised by the question. He looked just like he'd been asked his favorite flavor of ice cream, though his dark, thoughtful eyes told a completely different story. They betrayed his worry, sadness, fear, longing and slight panic. I gently touched his hand; he did not pull away as I expected. Instead he continued to stare at the black sky as though it was staring back.

"Do you believe in magic, Mum?" He spoke softly. I pulled my hand back to me and crossed my arms.

"You mean sawing a girl in half?" He chuckled.

"No, I mean real magic. The magic of a world that can bring four completely different people together making them inseparable, in spirt anyway. Or the magic that a traitor who betrayed his family so completely that he almost destroyed a kingdom, can be forgiven not only by the kingdom but by the family he hurt." His face was so kind, so peaceful, so incredibly majestic at that moment I did not dare interrupt him. "The magic of a great king that loves so much that he sacrificed himself to save someone who certainly didn't deserve it." He paused, a small smile hung on his lips. " The magic of a magnificent boy becoming a magnificent ruler. A gentle girl becoming a gentle queen. A valiant child, becoming the most valiant queen, the world will ever see. And the magic that allowed an unjust boy to become a just king that could forgive, because he had been forgiven." My youngest son turned to me, he looked the happiest and most peaceful I'd seen him since their return. His eyes twinkled with a lightness that should always be in his deep eyes. " That is what happened to us in the country, magic." I matched each of my children to the title of the kind or queen. That was what had changed Edmund so, he'd been forgiven for whatever he'd done. I could have brushed off what Ed had just said as a child's wonderful imagination but as I looked at his face I knew was telling the truth. And for the first time, I didn't wonder why they wanted to go back, in fact, I wanted to join them.

"What is it called.?" I asked in a whisper, afraid the image in my head would vanish. He smiled, a true smile,

"Narnia." I didn't know how they got there and honestly didn't care.

"Do you think you all will be going back?" I asked.

"One day, yes." I wanted to know more but also knew I shouldn't over step boundaries.

"It sounds wonderful," I breathed.

"It is, it's the most wonderful place," he paused. "One day, I'll take you and dad, if I can. Although I have the feeling that one day we'll all be there together." I smiled, I wanted so badly to join my children in the place they called home. I sat out there for nearly ten minutes before realizing that Edmund had fallen asleep. I knew was much too big now for me to carry and I didn't want to wake Peter, so I went inside, got a blanket and left him sleeping soundly for the first time in a while.

The next morning I found Ed sleeping comfortably in his bed. I don't know whether he work and came in or Peter brought him in but the fact that he was still asleep made me smile. But he was the first child awake.

"Good morning, Mum," his bright eyes grinned along with his lips.

"Good morning," I returned. "Dream well?"

"Best dream I've had in months," he replied beaming. "Thank you," this he said quietly and I knew he meant for last night.

"Want to go wake the others?" I grinned. This nearly made him burst.

"Absolutely," he cried and rushed to his sisters' room. A loud, high pitched squeal told me he'd gone after Lucy first.

"Edmund!" She yelled but there was laughter in her voice as Edmund laughed too.

"Don't you... AH!" came Susan's cry. "If you don't put me down this instant!" followed by a thud and "oof." Then another laughing cry from Lucy was released. Edmund entered the kitchen with Lucy thrown over his shoulder and Susan not far behind. Al l three were smiling, even though Lucy was struggling against her brother.

"Hey Lu," he said as she tried with all her might to get free but then finally gave up and hung limply.

"What?" She replied.

"Let's go wake up Peter." Lucy grinned mischievously from ear to ear.

"Let's." He sat her down and she swatted him playfully before running towards the boys' room. I smiled, they were still children, deep down. Edmund followed her, I turned to Susan who was shaking her head but smiling.

"Need help with breakfast?" she asked, always the dependable Susan.

"No thank you, darling," she sat at the table tucked her hair behind her ears and held up three fingers...two...one.

"AHHH!!" Peter yelled. Both Susan and I laughed. A second later a chuckling Edmund came blazing through the kitchen.

"Ed!" Peter yelled and came running after him. I then realized the reason for his scream; he was covered with water, cold water, probably. "Morning, Mum, Su," he called continuing on his search for Edmund. "Get back here you little wart!" He called "face me like a man."

"Not a chance." Edmund yelled back. I could hear my sons fighting and laughing in the yard and at that moment I knew, home wasn't here, or in Narnia, home was with each other. And as long as they had each other, they could always find their way back.

Not sure I like the ending but there it is. As always reviews are loved and appreciated.