Author's Note: Thanks for all for reviewing this story... I really appreciate your effort.. Thanks and hugs for you... =D

Wished I'd Seen the Truth Sooner

By: faRHaNa eMEraLdz

Chapter 8: Conflicting Feelings

"Where the hell is that woman? She's not anywhere in the Li mansion which is a good thing but it ruins my plan. I'm so going to find you, Kinomoto," Valerie gritted her teeth as she walked furiously into her office. She did not even consider Sakura as a Li. She was the one supposed to bear that name. Not the ugly little bitch.

She slammed the door which made her coworkers flinched at the sound. They knew better than to provoke her when she went into angry mode. She was always angry since she came back from Brazil. She stomped and sat on her chair angrily. She was embarrassed, furious, frustrated and just needed to kill something and apparently her target was not in sight. She banged her fist on her table and had a wild look in her eyes. She was getting impatient. Syaoran had to be hers as soon as possible. But first, she had to get rid of that perfect little wife of his. She kept getting on her plan and now Syaoran didn't even give her the time of day since he was too occupied with his problems with the little ugly girl. She never understand what the ugly girl had used that made the Li loved her so much. The ugly girl was too skinny with those unusual green eyes of hers. She was much better than her. She had the curve that men wouldn't mind having their arms around and she was sexy as hell. What's wrong with these people? She banged her fist again on the table and growled in frustration.

Rika just made thing worse. Rika kept getting on her nerves with her remarks that made her mad. She would pay too. She knew too much secrets of the Li and Rika never let out a single breath about them which frustrated her even more. She tried everything to get Rika slipped a few things but her lips were tightly shut. She just knew what to say to make her silent or leave the 'battleground' with angry stomps.

"Miss Yin, Hiragizawa-sama wants to see you at his office," a timid girl said as Valerie looked at her, still red with rage.

"I'm in no mood to meet him. Tell him I'm busy or meeting some clients," Valerie said angrily as the girl gulped before continuing, "But Hiragizawa-sama said that it's urgent and…" she was cut off by Valerie yelling at her, "I said I don't want too! Don't you ever listen, stupid girl! Make up some excuses! Or whatever! Get out!"

The girl closed the door and ran quickly before Valerie came and yelled at her again. She was new and her seniors had all passed the dreaded job onto her. They knew how Valerie would react if she was angry. They escaped the furious yelling by passing the job onto the new girl who was already crying as she ran out Valerie's office and sat back on her seat, "Senpai, you're as evil as the witch in that room." The seniors all came to her table and patted her head for the courage she had by going into the cave of the furious dragon, "Good job." They pitied her but they didn't want to get yelled by Valerie. She might have the looks but her personality was the worst out there. The girl was sniffling when a senior gave her a tissue, "I'm not going in there again."

Rika walked past the new girl's table when she stopped and looked at the girl curiously, "What's wrong?" The girl just shook her head. Rika was the head of secretarial department. It was her job if there was anything concerning the other secretaries. The other secretaries just went back to their seats when Rika sat in front of the girl. She looked at the girl without saying anything but the girl knew she had to talk.

"It's Miss Yin," the girl started as Rika rolled her eyes. She should have known better.

"What's the message?" Rika asked as the girl gave a piece of paper to her. She walked towards Valerie's room while the others waited with bated breath. The bomb would be released.

"Vale, Eriol wants to meet you now. If you still want to show tantrums, I might slip a few words to him. You wouldn't want that, do you?" Rika said after opening the door without knocking. Valerie was about to yell at the person opening her door without permission but only gritted her teeth as she heard the dreaded voice.

"You think you're superior than me, don't you? You think you can order me around?" Valerie said as she walked past Rika, glaring her nonetheless but Rika just looked at her calmly.

"I'm relaying a message from Eriol. If you think like that, I could relay it back to him, word by word," Rika said and left Valerie who was so mad that she clutched her hands until her knuckles went white. Nobody said anything and the new girl had already fled from her seat when she heard Valerie coming out from her office.

"You're so dead," Valerie mumbled to herself as she stomped to Eriol's office.

Sakura was sitting in the living room with the TV on. She had the remote in her hand but her eyes kept glancing again and again at the still card on the table. The card wasn't going to gain feet and run away. She knew that but she couldn't help herself. Her eyes kept on coming back at the card. Maybe she was still not convinced. Maybe he had Rika or anyone else wrote the card for him. Tomoyo wasn't home and that made her mind went into hyper mode. She had an anniversary to celebrate with Eriol. Tomoyo was usually the one who went into hyper mode and kept blabbering all night. Not having her around made Sakura a little anxious and did not know what to do.

She wanted to deny his sincerity so badly but the handwriting plastered on the card was not something she did not recognize. She knew Syaoran wrote the card. His unusual way of writing his s and g was not something she did not know. No one could imitate his s and g that easily. The s and g were smoothly written and his slightly slanted handwriting was certainly his. She was used to his handwriting as she helped him for a few times editing his drafts for contracts and presentations.

She took the card again for the nth times as she lost count after the 65 times and examined for anything that could make her doubted him but none could be found except fondness for the writer which was not good for her heart. She was trying to distance herself from him but he was doing the exact opposite thing.

To my dearest Sakura,

I don't mean that I have anyone more dearly loved than you are that I have to use the word dearest. It just meant that I love you the most compared to anyone else in the world. No one could compare to you. Neither my mother, my sisters nor any other women… or men. I know I did you wrong. Possibly for the nth times since I lost count after the fifth times. That just showed what a jerk I was. Well, possibly still a jerk in your eyes but I'm trying to be a better person for you. I never thought I would be saying this since it was such corny line but I need to write it since it surely shows what was in my mind since you left me; Don't hate someone too much, soon you'll find yourself loving her.

I hated you. That I really did. Please, please notice the past tense that I'd used. I hated you for making me lose my youth. I hated you for taking my freedom. I hated you for making me miserable. But youth doesn't stay forever; they aged, just like me. You have shown me what the real freedom is. You had freed me from my own selfishness from all the nagging you did. You had freed me from loneliness by giving me what I need the most; your undying love, hopefully still going strong. I thought you were making me miserable when the things that you did were only to make me a better man. I knew I'd lost my way but you had shown me the way to the light. I'm sorry that I realized it just when you left me.

I didn't write this under the pressure of my family. I'm doing this on my own accord. I know you love cards… so I thought why not does something that you like? I'm not trying to manipulate you… I'm trying my best the way that I know of...

I know it's hard for you to take me back. I did everything that could make a person hate me. But you stayed until you couldn't hold them anymore. Even a cup could overflow if kept being filled with water and I kept filling your cup with suppressed anger and constrained irritation. You're so patient with me and I did everything to test that patience. But please, just grant me, just one more… just one more chance to make it right… for us… I LOVE YOU SO MUCH… Please come back… I miss you so much that I see you everywhere.

Forever loving you,

Syaoran

Sakura read the card again and again but reading seemed like an understatement as she had already memorized it word by word. Should she believe him? This wasn't some kind of a joke, right? He really did change, right? She leaned her head against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. She sighed deeply as her mind went into hectic overdrive. She looked down at her belly and frowned, "Baby, what should mama do?"

There was no answer. Well, a kick would be nice but unfortunately, she was only in her first month, that wasn't going to happen very soon. She rubbed her belly and took the remote again and switched off the TV. She was too occupied to even comprehend what was on the TV. Why not switch off the TV and save some energy, right?

She went to her room and plopped on the bed. It wasn't long when she got up from her bed and went to the verandah and did some moon gazing. It wasn't a full moon. That was what she thought. She wanted to see a full moon. Was that considered a craving? She wanted a damn full moon. That was so ridiculous to want to see a full moon. Even to herself.

She took out her phone and typed a message in it. She wanted to send it to Syaoran but changed her mind at the very last minute and put it in her phone's drafts.

I was gazing at the moon when I thought, "I want a full moon". I have a weird taste for a craving, don't I? Is that even considered as a craving at all? You know, I really wanted to see you and hold you tight but I'm scared. What if your feelings are just a onetime thing? What if you change to your mind and hurt me again? What if this is all a lie? There are too many what ifs to be considered when it comes to you.

She put back the phone into her pocket and looked at the moon again. She wanted to tell him about their baby but she was hesitating. He only wanted an heir from her. What if he got what he wanted and then tossed her away? Her mind kept on jumping into the negative and it made her even more scared.

She didn't want to take the risk. She didn't want to believe in him. She had lost her trust on him. More like, she was scared to trust him. These past months with him weren't helping too. He was a good actor and she didn't want to drown in misery again.

"God, this was so hard. I know I used to just take up everything even it meant risking my life but with him, I just can't. I can't anymore," she said to the wind and sighed. She kept on sighing and she hated that. It meant that she felt so hopeless that she didn't know what to do except sighing. She closed the door and went inside. She tried to get a wink of sleep and eventually got it after tossing around on the bed for a half an hour.

He looked on the same moon but he didn't know what Sakura had wished for. If only he knew what went into her mind when they were apart. He wished they had some telepathy power that could make him tell what Sakura had been feeling. That was only his wishful thinking though. No hope in getting it to work anytime soon. If it was that easy, Sakura would have been here with him, right beside him, right in his arms, right here.

She didn't call which made him doubted what Rika had told him earlier that day. It was already night time and still no response from his beloved wife. She could be stubborn when she wanted to be. He had known how stubborn she could be and the only one who could melt that stubbornness was his mother. Unfortunately, she had decided to be more stubborn than she usually was. Maybe she was too tired to keep trying to digest his unpredictable attitude and slightly, well slightly was just too little to describe what he did to Sakura. His mother and sisters had already stopped with their sarcastic remarks since they discovered that he had realized how much he loved Sakura. It was a little late to realize that but at least he was not in denial anymore.

While Sakura was glancing again and again at the card, Syaoran was doing the same with his phone which didn't come as fruitful as he wanted. He thought she would be a little touched that she might call him and said a few words but it was only his wishful thinking. He waited and waited but still his phone stayed silent as if taunting him back. He glared at his phone and turned his eyes to the clock to see how many hours had passed since he was sitting at his bed, arms folded and legs crossed with his phone peacefully sleeping on the comfy bed.

He ruffled his already messy hair in frustration and startled the sleeping device when he took it into his hand and threw it back onto the bed. He growled in irritation and left his room to take a fresh air. He was suffocating with his own anger for taking Sakura for granted.

"I'm so stupid!" he yelled as he walked down the stairs. A pair of eyes peeked from the living room and their eyes met but Syaoran said nothing as the owner of the eyes smirked at him in not very nice way, "Glad you realize that."

"Shut up, Mei Ling. You're not helping," Syaoran sighed as he descended down and took a seat in the living room.

"What are you doing here anyway? It's 11. We don't take in guests at this late hour," Syaoran hated when Mei Ling smirked at him. She was mocking him in her own way.

"I'm not a guest. I'm your cousin, stupid Syaoran," Mei Ling stuck her tongue out as Syaoran glared at her for calling him stupid. It's okay for him to call himself stupid but when it came out from anyone else, you were waiting on death toll. Fortunately, Mei Ling was his cousin or else.

"Answer the question and you called me stupid," Syaoran raised his brow as Mei Ling chuckled at his irritation.

"My shower broke down," Mei Ling said casually. Syaoran looked at her disapprovingly and quickly said, "And you don't have any shower to spare?" Mei Ling gave him puppy eyes and nodded while sniffling a bit.

"Stop lying. Your house is as big as mine. There's no way you don't have any shower in those 36 rooms," Syaoran knew she was lying and she would never come if there was no business.

"Okay, okay. I just want to see your cute wife but she's not home apparently. Well, a little birdie told me that she ran away from home. You must have been the cause. I never met anyone as nice as her in my whole life and you have to ruin it when I just approved of her," Mei Ling glared at him as Syaoran wiped his face with his hands.

"I know I was wrong. My ego was just too big to realize how much I love her. It's too late now. She won't call me," Syaoran explained as Mei Ling raised her brow at him, just like he did to her.

"Why don't you send a telegram to her? It might work," Mei Ling said sarcastically. Syaoran looked at her in disbelief, "What era do you think we are in now?"

"And you're stupid enough to worry when she won't call. If she won't call, you call her. It's not that hard and if she won't answer, leaves her a voicemail. Sakura isn't that stupid when it comes to phone's application. She might not want to but I know her good enough to know how much she loves you. She's not that cruel, you know," Mei Ling said as Syaoran came to realization. Mei Ling got up and took her bag and keys with her.

"Where are you going?" Syaoran asked bluntly.

"Make up your mind, Li. You want me to stay or leave?" Mei Ling asked playfully when Syaoran frowned at her, "Well, since you just made me realized that I have that many rooms in my home, I want to go see if the shower works in the other rooms."

Syaoran looked at her in disbelief but said nothing. Mei Ling was married for one year already but still no hope for baby. She must have been in stress with a mother-in-law whining at her to give her an heir. Luckily, her husband loved her too much to take his mother's advice and divorce her. If Sakura was in her situation, he would do the same thing.

He took her advice to heart and said to himself to call Sakura first thing tomorrow. She might break his heart again but he had to patch that broken heart of hers first. He was the one who went and broke her heart and left it in pieces. Patching up would take awhile before she could take him back in her life.

Rika just arrived home when Naoko called and asked her to come to a restaurant. Well, it was an everyday routine that Naoko asked her to come meet her for dinner or just to hang out especially when her boyfriend was out-stationed. They usually meet at family restaurants or fast food outlets before making any decision. She took a shower and put on a casual T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans before she drove to the place mentioned. She parked her car and looked for the restaurant. She hadn't heard anything about the restaurant, so she didn't know what kind of restaurant Naoko was at. She called but Naoko didn't pick up. Might have a problem with the connection. She found the restaurant and quickly went in when a waiter stopped her at the entrance, "I'm sorry, Miss but we have dress code here."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Can you call Miss Naoko out, please? She didn't tell me to dress up for tonight. She must be eluded to tell me the most important dress code for tonight," Rika hated the smug look the waiter had when he stopped her. She knew she was wrong but no need to tell her how 'peasantly' she was dressed.

"Excuse me, Miss," the waiter said as he walked passed her without another glance. As she was waiting, she just realized something that she was supposed to remember before she went out from her house. Naoko just played her. Ken was home and she played the matchmaker again.

"She's so going to get it from me," Rika said as she slung her bag and leaved the restaurant as fast as she could. Hopefully before her date saw her. She was looking for her car key when someone grabbed her shoulder. She was startled that she swung her bag onto the stranger to escape his grip.

"Ow," she turned back and looked at the breathless man.

"Sato-san, what are you doing here?" Rika asked with a puzzled look but realization quickly came when she looked at the suit he was wearing.

"Shouldn't you be asking if I'm alright?" Izumi frowned at her while rubbing his aching chin. She really didn't hold back when she swung her bag at him.

"Sorry, but never grab me from behind. That's what you get as a reward," Rika tried to slow down her racing heart which wasn't because of his handsome face but obviously from fear of everything that could happen if the stranger wasn't Izumi.

"You still don't want to ask if I'm alright?" Izumi was kind of amused by her reaction. Rika huffed and took his chin into her right hand. She examined it and took a band aid from her bag and plastered it on his redden chin, "There, all better."

"Thanks for the band aid but I don't really appreciate a bear stuck on my chin," Izumi chuckled as he looked at his chin through her car's window. Well, no man would want a smiling Winnie the Pooh on his chin when they were nicely clothed for a date.

Rika stayed silent and quickly put her key into the lock when Izumi stopped her again.

"Are you angry?" Izumi asked as if the glares she kept sending his way and the annoyance shown on her face weren't that obvious.

"You think? Can you please stop dancing to Naoko's tune? Just tell Naoko you're not interested with me and we can all go back to the way we are. You don't want this, I don't want this. I don't want to hurt her feelings, so you have to do the dirty work and tell her the truth," Rika really hated it when Naoko was in her matchmaking mode. Just for three weeks, she had five dates that won't work in the first place. Rika never felt any chemistry with them. Apparently, the sixth date didn't even make it through the greeting session.

"Who told you I'm dancing to her tune? Who told you I don't want this? Who told you I'm not interested with you?" Izumi asked her as Rika stayed silent as she really didn't have any answer to all his questions, "You judged me before you get to know me. I know someone hurt you before but if you close the door, how am I supposed to get to know the real you? I know you're amusing to be with but amusement alone won't take us anywhere. I have tons of amusing friends. Let's get to know each other before you make a judgment on me as a person. Okay?"

"You'll never get anything out of this. I'm not ready for dating again," Rika tried to explained but Izumi just leaned on her car and shook his head, "I'd already got something."

"What?" Rika was getting annoyed.

"I now know that you stock up Winnie the Pooh band aids in your bag," Izumi grinned triumphantly as Rika had a shocked look on her face before bursting with laughter. Her anger was dissipating with every laugh resonating from her lips.

"So, can we get back to the ice-breaking session? In the restaurant, I mean. It's getting cold out here," Izumi put out his arm for Rika to take but Rika shook her head, "No, can't do."

"Oh, come on. I thought we're over with the drama," Izumi said with frustration.

"Sato-san, I'm not sure if I'm qualified into the restaurant. I'm on the bottom list for the dress code, if you didn't realize," Rika explained as Izumi finally realized the casual clothes Rika was wearing. He forgot to tell Naoko to remind Rika to dress up.

"Then, why don't we go get some pizza and hang out?" Izumi asked as Rika frowned, "Under one condition."

"What the? Even going for pizza have condition? You have got to be kidding me," Izumi looked at her in disbelief as she just chuckled, "The suit has to go. I don't want people staring at us."

"Okay, I could take that condition if you promise you'll start calling me Izumi," he set his own condition. Rika couldn't help but smiled at his antics, "But this benefits you better than me."

"OH, God. Please don't go into secretary mode. Spare me, please?" Izumi pleaded with puppy eyes with both hands clasped together. Well, Rika wasn't one for taking advantage of a 'damsel in distress' anyway. What's the harm, right?

"Okay, Izumi. Let's go," Rika chuckled and walked to his car as he insisted she took a ride with him.

While Rika and Izumi were happily getting to know each other, Sakura and Syaoran were still in conflict. While Syaoran couldn't wait for tomorrow, Sakura didn't want tomorrow to come. Syaoran couldn't wait to hear her voice first thing in the morning while Sakura was afraid he would change his mind and hurt her again. The irony of conflicting feelings of a man and a woman madly in love. Excitement and fear. If only they could read minds, they would be together by then and nothing would have happen. Fate wasn't that cruel but luck wasn't that great too for the both of them. They didn't expect that in another six months, their fate would intertwine with a lot of people and the course of hearts would change.

Author's Note: I'm sorry that there wasn't much of Sakura and Syaoran's moments. The development of Rika and Izumi had to be told as they are going to be quite involved with the story plot from now on... and again... if there's any grammatical error... I'm sorry... =)