The Author Says:Hey :-) I was puttering about my workplace when I thought I heard someone hiccough (yes, i did spell that correctly). Turns out it was probably the sound of some machine, but made me start thinking of hiccoughs and curing hiccoughs and Naruto (I blame the obscure connection between those unrelated thoughts on my Narutard-ism), which in turn made me start thinking of SasuNaru-ness. I had wanted to get back in gear to continue writing my other two fics, so I guess this comes as a sort-of warm-up. It was written a little at the time over a period of three days and one Narnia movie. Sad, huh. This isn't the first one-shot I've started, and certainly not the one I planned on uploading first, but it's the only one I've actually finished. So... yeah.

Warnings: AU, Author's laziness and limited vocabulary, cliched ideas, probable OOC-ness, WAFF, nearly-plotlessness (I think I made that word up), author's lame attempt at humour, SasuNaruSasu, fem!Naru.

Disclaimer: Kishimoto-sensei is doing a superb job with Naruto. I couldn't have possibly come up with all his cool characters, wonderful conspiracies and kick-ass fights.

U/L: 23rd June 2008.

Hic!

by TooDarnLazy

Sasuke grimaced as he tried to focus on what Iruka-sensei was droning on about.

"And after the attack of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the nine-tailed demon fox, believed to be the greatest and most powerful demon, the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi-sama, effectively led the restoration efforts. Konoha was rebuild in record time, and though the death of the Yondaime Hokage weighed heavily on the minds of the people, morale improved quickly—"

Hic!

"... reunification of the Hyuuga main and branch families by the underdog of an heiress and the prodigy of that generation, with the help of the Rok—"

Hic!

He had difficulty paying attention in Chemistry, too.

"When you want to give a name to an alkane, you first count the number of carbon atoms along the straight chain, ignoring any branches the molecule might have," Hayate-sensei said, and coughed twice before continuing, "For instance, if you have three carbons on the main chain, it will be a propane, four carbons make it a butane, and so on. Only then do you take the side chains into account by—"

Hic! Hic!

"...and in alkenes it's the same, generally. All you have to do is—"

Hic!

Sasuke ground his teeth silently.

Hic! Hic! Hic!

Unfortunately, it continued all the throughout the day, and every hic! wore Sasuke's patience thinner and thinner.

Hic!

"... pancreatic amylase digests any remains of starch that might have escaped the salivary amylase. As you may recall, the pH in the mouth is alkaline, whereas the pH in the stomach, where our food has just come from, is acidic, so in order to neutralize the stomach's acid, the liver produces—"

Hic! Hic! Hic!

"...and in the intestines are little projections called villi, which is plural for vilus. These function to—'

Hic! Hic!

Sasuke's eyes nearly turned red from annoyance and frustration, and the pen he had been gripping tightly snapped as his fist tightened. He threw the pen down as he turned to his perpetual deskmate. He loved the girl (secretly, of course), but Kami-sama help him, sometimes she just drove him mad!

"Dobe!" he growled, not caring that the teacher, Shizune-sensei, had cleared her throat warningly. "Stop that!"

Said dobe glared back at him. "What, you think I hic! am enjoying this?"

Sasuke glared back at the blue-eyed blonde. "How would I know with you, you unpredictable idiot! Go drink some water upside down or hold your breath or something!"

Naruto turned at the waist, put her hands at her hips and scowled at him. "I've hic! tried all those useless ways, hic! but it hasn't gone away! Hic! hic! I'm trying my best hic! to control it! Hic!" she snapped loudly.

"Well maybe your best isn't enough, idiot!"

"Well ex-hic!-cuse me if my best isn't good enough hic! for you, you hic!hic! bastard!"

"ENOUGH!"

The two paused their verbal (and about to become physical, at least on Naruto's part) fight and looked up at the black-haired teacher folding her arms and glaring at them for all she was worth. The class sniggered and watched the teacher fume silently. It was a minute or two before she could speak.

Hic! hic!

"Uchiha-kun! I would have never expected it of you!" Shizune-sensei gritted out, and turned to Naruto, who cowered back a little. "And you, Uzumaki-kun! You should know better than to interrupt my class after all the detentions you've had!"

Naruto immediately sat up. "He hic! started it! Hic!" she declared loudly, pointing at Sasuke, who glared at her and looked like he was going to bite her finger off, so she pulled it back a bit. "It's his hic! fault hic! this time!"

"I'm not the one who pulled a prank and laughed so much that I got hiccoughs," Sasuke muttered loud enough for Shizune-sensei to hear.

"Bas-hic!-tard!"

"Idiot."

"Why you! Hic!"

"ENOUGH!" Shizune-sensei slammed her palm onto Naruto's desk and glared at the both of them again. "Both of you! DETENTION!"

Hic!

xxXXxxXXxx

Sasuke covered his ears as he tried to read up on all the lessons he'd missed because his stupid crush had been hiccoughing right beside him loud enough to block out what the teachers had been saying. For the first time, he actually regretted sitting at the back of the class with her.

Hic!

He growled as the sound of Naruto's hiccoughs penetrated his makeshift earmuffs. He turned to her, all the way on the other side of the detention room, ready to bite off her head. She had been silent the whole time so far, which was quite unusual for her. No, he wasn't concerned... okay, maybe a little concerned. But he was more pissed off than concerned. Yeah. That was why he turned.

"Can you stop it already!" he said peevishly.

The back of her blonde head was facing him, and she was half-turned in her seat so that she was looking towards the door, away from him. At the sound of his voice, she hiccoughed twice and turned around to face him. He was about to snap at her again when he noticed how utterly miserable she looked, and she had her hands around her middle, like she was in pain.

"Shut hic!up, bastard," she said weakly, and turned her back on him again. Sasuke noticed she winced and curled a little tighter as she let out another hiccough. His heart made a funny twinge in his chest at the sight. He scowled a little, but his scowl degenerated into a small pout, and he sighed.

Hic!

Quietly, he heaved himself onto his feet and noiselessly walked around the desks in blocking him from Naruto.

Hic! Hic! Hic!

Sasuke slid into the seat next to the blonde's and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around with a frown of pain on her face and scowled at him. "Go hic! away," she hiccoughed, and a wince of pain crossed her face. She tightened her arms around her mid-section. Hic!

Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed in concern despite himself. He sighed inwardly and placed a hand on her shoulder but she flinched and pulled away from his touch. Hic! He sighed, brushed his blue-black bangs out of his face and put his hand on her shoulder again, and held on when she tried to shrug him off.

Hic!

"Are you alright?" he asked gently. She hiccoughed twice before answering in a sulky voice.

"My chest hurts from hic! hiccoughing hic! too much."

Sasuke chuckled and pulled lightly on her shoulder. She didn't resist and turned around in her seat, looking at him with pouty lips and big blue eyes that had hints of tears in them. The sight of her face did funny things to his insides. He pulled his hand back and rested his cheek on a hand supported by an elbow propped up on his desk, and she hiccoughed a few times and closed her eyes at the spasm of pain.

"Hn. We wouldn't be in detention, and you wouldn't be in this pain if you hadn't pulled that prank on Ebisu-sensei with Kiba, you know."

She scowled at him even with her eyes closed. "I hic! don't regret that! Hic! That hic! closet pervert had it hic! coming!" Hic! Hic! Hic! Naruto turned a little and buried her face in the crook of an arm resting on the desk. The other was still curled under her bust. "I've tried hic! everything and hic! it hic! won't go away! Hic!"

Sasuke chuckled under his breath. An idea suddenly came to him, like the proverbial light bulb going off. He smirked even as a light blush dusted his cheeks. Maybe this was the opportunity he was looking for to tell her how he felt about her... and if it didn't work he could always pass it off as merely trying to help rid her of the hiccoughs. With a nod and an effort at repressing his blush, he pulled at her shoulder again.

"Dobe," Sasuke called. She made a growling sound that was interrupted by a series of hiccoughs and twisted further away from him. Sasuke smirked. "Naruto."

She finally pushed off the table and turned to him angrily. "What? Hic! What do you hic! want! Just hic! leave me hic! alo—"

Her eyes widened in surprise as Sasuke cut her off by softly pressing his lips against hers. His aim was a little off; his mouth landed on the corner of hers, so without breaking skin contact, he dragged his lips softly over hers so that they connected properly. His eyes nearly slipped shut at his simple touching of lips, but he managed to pull himself away and smirk at her. She blinked a few times, then a fierce blush coloured her cheeks before she opened her mouth to roar at him.

"What the heck was that? What were you thinking, kissing me all of a sudden? I oughta—" Her hand was posed to deliver a punch right at his smugly-smirking face when she realized what had happened. Her fist lowered. "Hey," she said slowly, looking a little bewildered. "I'm not hiccoughing anymore."

Sasuke smirked. "Yes. One way of getting rid of hiccoughs is by surprising the sufferer, and obviously, it worked on you."

A big grin split Naruto's face and she straightened from her slumped position and clapped her hands happily. "It's gone! It's gone! My hiccoughs are gone! Woohoo! Uzumaki Naruto is back in the game!"

Sasuke's smirk faltered. He had been hoping that, yes, the surprise kiss would cure her hiccoughs, but that after that, he'd hoped she'd question him about what he'd done. Then he'd be able to use that chance to explain to her just why he used a kiss, of all things, to surprise her. She had started on the right track, but now it seemed, as Sasuke watched her cheer and grin happily, that all she could think of was the fact that her hiccoughs had disappeared. He was sure he had a good plan, but nothing seemed to go according to plan when dealing with the most unpredictable girl. His features settled into a barely-visible pout.

"I'm not hiccoughing anymore! I've gotta call Kiba and tell him that phase two of the Ebisu-sensei Retribution Pranks is back on track! Woo-hic!" Naruto's eyes widened in horror as a hiccough cut her off. "Hic! No!! Hic! They went away! Hic!" she screeched. The blonde jumped up towards Sasuke. "Get rid of them again, Sasuke!"

Sasuke deliberately turned to the front of the class (no, he was not sulking, thank you very much) and eyed her from the corner of his eyes. "And just what do you want me to do, idiot?" he snapped, his lips almost curling into a sulky pout he managed to stop at the last minute. "Serves you right."

Naruto shook her head wildly, causing her long blonde ponytails to fly about. "I don't hic! know! Do hic! what you did just hic! now!" she demanded. Hic! With a pout and a few hiccoughs, she fell into the seat she had occupied earlier and crossed her arms huffily under her chest. Sasuke raised an eyebrow, not sure if he'd heard what he thought he'd heard. Hic! He slowly turned to her, and his heart thumped in his chest when he saw her lower lip jutting out, her eyes turned to the floor, the shy expression on her face, and most of all, the pink staining her cheeks. With a smirk he stood up and closed the distance between them, leaning over her with a hand on the desks on either side of her to support him.

"What I did just now, Naruto?" he repeated a little huskily.

Hic! "Yeah, whatever hic! will hic! rid me hic! of these stupid hic! hiccoughs," she said, but didn't look up at him and instead caught her pouting lip between her teeth. Her blush deepened, and Sasuke's pulse raced.

He smirked at her, and leaned lower, catching her chin gently with his thumb and pointer finger, and tilted her head up to look in her eyes. Her beautiful cerulean blue eyes stared into his own for a moment, then looked shyly to the side. Sasuke chuckled with relief and leaned so close his breath fanned over her nose, and he could feel hers on his skin. Her eyes slowly turned back to meet his deep onyx eyes. "Since you asked so nicely," he whispered, and closed the distance. His lips touched hers briefly and withdrew, and he nearly smiled at the way her head automatically followed his. Feeling more confident, he lowered his head and kissed her again.

Hic!

Sasuke jerked back in surprise, a little breathless. Naruto's eyes, which had slipped shut, popped open and hic!she hiccoughed again. The brunette chuckled. "Looks like it didn't work this time, Naruto," he said, and rested his forehead against hers. Her eyes nearly crossed as she tried to look him in the eye.

"Hic! Then do it hic! again. And hic! again, and again hic! Until you get hic! rid of it. Under-hic!-stood, Sa-su-ke?" she drawled softly, with a grin and a blush. Sasuke's eyes lit up and he smiled. Who was he to deny that request?

Their lips met again, and again, and again, but –

Hic!

It didn't work. So they did it again, and again, and again. But then Shizune-sensei popped in to check on them, and her surprised shriek startled Sasuke and gave Naruto a fright, which cured her hiccoughs. But of course, that didn't stop them from keep trying to permanently cure Naruto's hiccoughs well into the future.

The Author has More to Say: Heheh. The fluffiness. Anyways. Naruto spoilers! Noooo!! Itachi-sama!! And Sasuke - are you that stupid to not realize that the frickkin' founder of the Akatsuki won't help you without a little something up his sleeve? Here's hoping you're not as oblivious and daft as you seem! Iruka-sensei's back in the picture! Everybody loves Iruka-sensei! And Naruto cried! And Tsunade! Uwaa!! -Gives Naruto a big, big hug-

This oneshot wasn't much of anything, but reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated!