A/N. Have you ever wondered what the teachers do after the students leave for summer holidays? As a speech therapist in the local school district, I know what we do after the kids leave, and I've adapted it a bit for the Hogwarts universe.
Disclaimer. I do not now nor have I ever owned anything to do with Harry Potter. Other than the books I've bought. But I didn't write those books, and I'm not receiving anything but the occasional review for my work.
The End of Another Good Year
"Wait for it," Severus Snape said under his breath as he strained his eyes looking toward Hogsmead and the train station. All that could be seen from his vantage point at the top of the stairs leading to the grounds was a white plume of smoke rising lazily into the warm June air, but in his mind he could see the little miscreants piling their luggage near the baggage car.
Pomona Sprout nudged him gently with her elbow. "Severus, no matter how hard you glare at them, they can't see you."
He glanced down at the diminutive herbology professor. "Don't you believe it; I can throw this glare for at least a mile. In fact, I have it on good authority that my glare has been known to affect people up to 25 miles away!" He raised an eyebrow at Filius Flitwick who was chortling under his breath. "You don't believe it?"
"You're good, Severus, but I don't believe you're quite that good!" Flitwick said with good humor.
"Aren't they gone yet?" Minerva McGonagall asked her colleagues as she stepped out of the hallway and into the bright sun.
"Good heavens, Minnie, one would think you were excited to be getting rid of your little lambs," Severus said sardonically.
Minerva stared at him forbiddingly, a look which Severus met with a quirked eyebrow. "You can't tell me you aren't ready for a break from your snakes, Severus. Why should I be any different?"
A wispy voice drifted on the breeze from behind them. "I have SEEN."
The teachers gathered on the steps glanced at each other and then steadfastly kept their backs turned toward the door.
"I have SEEN," the voice said a little louder.
"I HAVE SE…."
"Yes Sybil, we know, you have 'seen' something. Now kindly do be quiet and allow us to observe the sacred rite," Minerva huffed.
"The sacred rite?" Snape queried.
Minerva turned to face him, eyebrow raised. "What else would you call it? We observe this activity once a year, we anticipate it for months, and it involves certain rituals. That's as close to the definition of 'sacred rite' as I can think of."
"Good point," Flitwick said, staring intently into the distance. "I do believe they're moving."
"Are you sure?" Sinistra asked, also staring intently into the distance.
Severus shaded his eyes. "No, he's right; the smoke is definitely changing color. Look, it's grayer." The teachers watched raptly as the smoke changed slowly from the white of pure steam to the grey of mixed steam and fuel, to the sooty black of an engine gathering speed. The smoke hung on the air, dissipating slowly as the train left the station and wound its way into the distance.
With a final sigh they turned away from the sun and ambled back through the massive front doors of Hogwarts.
Severus Snape glared at his desk. For some reason the accumulated papers didn't catch fire and burn to cinders as they should have. A loud knocking at the door of his office caught him off guard.
"Severus, are you in there?"
"Where else would I be, Minnie?" Severus asked as he whipped open the door and glared at McGonagall.
"Don't you take that tone with me, young man, I was just going to advise you that the celebration is about to begin. What's got you in such a foul mood?" She took a closer look at him. "Well, you certainly didn't waste any time washing off the old this year!"
Snape raked his hand through his clean hair rather sheepishly and stepped through the door closing it softly behind him. "I was working on final papers, Minerva, the sixth year Gryffs and Slytherins must have slept through the last three weeks of class. The only person who has a remote understanding of the principals we covered is Miss Granger. Yes, yes, no need to gloat. I admit she's one of the smartest witches we've ever seen, but for heavens sake, when is she going to learn to extrapolate?
Minerva shook her head silently as they walked through the halls toward the Room of Requirement. This was a frequent subject of Severus' grumbles. "Severus, did you ever think that she might not want to go into potions? Perhaps there is another field out there that she would excel in. In fact, I believe she's got a good chance at being an Unspeakable."
Severus stopped and stared in disbelief at his colleague. "You must be joking. Miss Granger, an unspeakable." He shook his head as he opened the door to the room. "Well, I guess stranger things have happened in this world."
"Ahh, Severus, we were wondering where you were. Thank you for fetching him, Minerva," the headmaster said jovially. "What do you think?"
This year the Headmaster was in charge of decorations, and it was obvious that he'd chosen a Mexican theme for their annual faculty celebration. The room had turned into what looked very like a courtyard. The night skies shone with twinkling stars above them, the floor was tiled in terra cotta colored tiles, and there were exotic plants scattered all over the room. The faint strains of a mariachi band could he heard in the background. The headmaster himself had on fluorescent green shorts, a turquoise shirt, and an immense sombrero.
Minerva and Severus exchanged amused glances before accepting the drinks offered to them by a house elf. Minerva took a cautious sip. One never knew what Albus would come up with. "Mmm, very good, what is this Albus?"
"It's a mint moheetoe, Min; I understand it's a very popular drink in Mexico. Ahh, Poppy, just the woman I needed to see," Albus said as he hurried toward the matron.
"Attention please," Albus said, rising to his feet and tapping his glass with his spoon. "I have a few words to say before we begin the night's entertainment. Another year has gone by, and while we've all had our challenges, we've come through the year remarkably well. It's been an honor to work with each and every one of you, and I'm pleased to say that most of you will be returning next year. The one exception, as usual, is the DADA post. We are again in search of a new professor, if you have any leads on a willing and qualified individual, please do share them with me over the summer months. Now, I believe Filius has a few things to share with us?"
The tiny professor stood on his chair and waved his wand. "Nox. As usual, we have managed to obtain pictures of some of the most entertaining moments of the year."
A magical slide show came into view on a newly appeared screen in the depths of the garden. The first slide depicted a snarling Severus Snape in mid flight after two smirking and running Weasley boys. "Severus, did you ever catch them?" Pomona Sprout asked?
"No, they got away that time, but Argus caught them two days later trying to play the same trick on Professor Sinistra, and they payed for it that time," Severus said with great satisfaction.
"Oh my," Pomona said, giggling as a picture of Draco Malfoy entangled in a mess of bindweed showed up. "It took us almost half an hour to cut him loose of that mess. I had to have Neville Longbottom come help me, and I thought Mr. Malfoy was going to have an apoplexy before we finished. He has quite the inventive vocabulary."
"So we've heard," Flitwick, Sinistra and Hooch said at the same time.
"Yes, well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say," Minerva said, a rather pinched look to her mouth as she considered some of the more memorable run-ins she'd had with Lucius.
"Indeed," Severus agreed quietly.
The slide show continued on, depicting many of the professors and students in embarrassing situations. Everyone agreed that the award for the funniest picture of the night went to Professor Dumbledore, who had been caught surrounded by a group of first years with a just exploded bubble of gum all over his beard and eye glasses!
Madame Pince got up as the lights came on and cleared her throat loudly.
"Yes, Irma, did you have something to share with us?" Professor Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. He had a fair idea of what was coming next.
"Yes sir, I have some excuses I'd like to share with you all." She shifted on her feet as she spoke, more than a little uncomfortable with the attention she was getting.
"Splendid! Do carry on!" Professor Dumbledore settled back to listen to what was sure to be a hilarious collection of excuses.
"Very well. I'll give you the excuse; you see if you can guess who it came from. Oh, and at the end, I have several from previous years that recently came to light that I'd like to share as well. The first then:
Madame,
I don't know where your stupid book is. If you have any questions, talk to my father.
Any guesses?"
"Oh, that has to be Mr. Malfoy," Madame Hooch said. "He never misses any opportunity to mention his father, does he?"
"Very good, Rolanda, that's exactly right! Here's the next one: Madame Pince, I am so sorry that I returned my book late. It got buried at the bottom of my trunk, and I got so busy with Quidditch practice that I forgot to turn it in. I'm sorry." She looked out at the rest of the teachers, waiting patiently for someone to take a guess.
"Miss Bell?" Filius was fairly sure that wasn't the correct student, but someone had to start the ball rolling.
"No."
"Mr. Diggory?"
"Miss Chung?"
"Mr. Weasley?"
"Which one?"
"Any of them!
Madam Pince waited patiently as the teachers called out names, none of which was the right one. "Do you want a hint?"
"Yes!" multiple voices cried.
"This person is not in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw."
The teachers considered who the most likely culprit was.
"Mr. Potter." Albus said, a twinkle in his eye.
"Exactly, Headmaster," Madame Pince said respectfully. "One more from the current students, and then I'll bring some from older years. This one you have to read to get the full value." She waved her wand at the screen and the excuse popped up.
"Deer Madam Pinch,
Im sorie that I lost the book. It was a dum book any ways."
"Crabbe" Severus said immediately.
"No, Goyle." Flitwick corrected.
"Filius, I do believe that it is Crabbe," Sprout commented.
"No, Filius is correct, Pomona, it is Goyle," Minerva said firmly.
"It could be either one, couldn't it?" Madame Pince asked, laughing. It's actually Mr. Goyle's excuse, but I saw Mr. Crabbe 'helping' him with it just before it was turned in, so I guess credit could go to both." She shuffled some papers and pulled an old, yellowed piece of parchment from the midst of several others. "Ah, here we are then, guess who this one was:"
"Dear Sir,
I am profoundly sorry that I am returning the following book titles to you later than the due date. I have no excuse save to say that I got so wrapped up in them that I forgot entirely that they were due to be returned. Regards, X
There was a moment of silence before all eyes turned to the Headmaster, who smiled charmingly at them.
"Headmaster?" Minerva queried.
"Yes, Minerva, it was indeed I that penned that note. And I regret to say that it was neither the first nor the last apology that I had to write for Master Janeworthy," Albus said ruefully. "In fact, I seem to remember once being made to redistribute all the books in the library to the new filing system after one particularly bad patch of not returning books. I believe you have some more?"
"Why yes," Madame Pince said gently, shuffling her parchments as she looked for another. "Ah yes, here's a good one!"
"Dear Madame,
I am sorry to report that I have lost the book 'X'. As I explained at the time, I mistakenly took it with me to my special lesson with Professor Dumbledore, and I'm afraid that it must have dropped out of my satchel at some point during that lesson. As we were in the forest, it is unlikely that it will be found."
Severus considered the wording of the 'apology' and started laughing, a surprisingly merry sound that was very rarely heard. "That has to be Minnie, and I would wager a third of the money I get for the Wolfbane potion that she was out in the forest transforming into her cat!"
Professor McGonagall lightly whacked him on the arm as she chuckled. "You are absolutely correct, Severus! And I shall say no more on the subject, Filius," she added as the charms professor opened his mouth to add his two cents.
"I have one more for tonight, and it's quite entertaining. 'Dear Madam, I am writing to apologize for the 'appalling' state you found the book, 'X' in when it was returned to you. I was working per the instructions listed on page 41. Everything was going very well until an unexpected outcome happened. I don't know why it worked that way; it makes no sense, but please be assured that I will not make the same mistake twice!'"
"Severus!" multiple voices cried out.
"Guilty," he said, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "What gave it away?"
Madame Hooch leaned forward across the table, her glass of scotch dangerously close to spilling. "Severus, the wording of the whole thing screams with its Snapeishness."
"Snapeishness? I don't believe that word exists, my dear," Pomona said, leaning across Filus to look at her colleague.
"Oh good, I've invented a new word!"
"I've always wondered Severus, what happened to that book?" Madame Pince asked.
Severus leaned back in his chair and cupped his hands around the snifter of excellent brandy he held. "I was trying to learn some new potions out of 'Moste Potent Potions', only to find out that the directions were incorrect on one section. In fact, the directions in the book caused bright green ooze to foam out of the cauldron half way through the procedure, and it ran all over the table and the book before I could stop the reaction. And yes, I did figure out what was wrong, the idiot writer had you stirring counter-clockwise when it should have been clockwise."
"Thank you my dear, that was wonderful," Dumbledore said as he led the applause for the quiet librarian. "Now, I am curious, what are your plans for the summer? I am going to the sea for a few weeks and then I shall return to start the paperwork for next year. Minerva?"
"I am going to visit my niece and her family in Switzerland. I believe we are going to be taking a tram up into the mountains and hiking back. Oh stop, Rolanda," she said as Madame Hooch opened her mouth to make a comment. "You know that we did extensive climbing in the Himalayas a few years ago, I'm hardly ancient!"
Albus moved to head off the incipient quarrel by looking down the table past Minerva. "Severus? Are you going anywhere special this year?"
"Actually yes," Severus said. "Don't look so surprised, I do occasionally leave the area, you know! I will be going to a potions conference in Milan in two weeks, and then I will be spending a month in Texas with my college roommate. He and his family settled there and they've promised to take me to the Gulf and let me dangle my feet in the water. Who's next?"
Flitwick bounced on his seat. "I will be going to Brazil for ten days the end of July. The Brazilian University of Wizardry has made some breakthroughs in some more obscure charms and I have an appointment to consult with the leader of one of the groups involved."
"Very good, Filius, what about you Pomona?" Dumbledore reached for his hard lemonade as he spoke.
"I
will be staying here until the end of July, there are several plants
that I need to keep a close watch on, but in August I'll be going
to New Zealand to consult on a film location.
No worries," she
said as several people leaned forward to protest this involvement in
a muggle endeavor. "Peter Jackson is the director and he's a
wizard. He's doing an adaptation of "Lord of the Rings', and
he needs some help with set design, especially for Hobbiton."
"Good heavens, Pomona, I'm terribly jealous!" Madam Hooch exclaimed. "I thought I was going to have a most exciting vacation, but it sounds like you have me beat! I will be leaving in two days time to go train with the Italian Quidditch team for the National Championship."
"Anyone else? Poppy?" Dumbledore asked.
"I'm staying here for most of the summer. I may go to the sea for a few days, but it's that's all I have planned."
"Hagrid's already left, of course," Dumbledore mused as he sipped his drink "he'll be visiting France this summer, if there's no one else, then I believe we'll…"
"I have SEEN!" Sybil's voice was normally very wispy, but the copious amounts of sherry she had drunk during dinner had apparently resulted in the loud, strident tones she was using. "I have seen that I will be staying in my rooms for two days, at which point I will descend, walk in the moonlight with a dark, saturnine man who will clutch me passionately to his bosom, and then we shall leave for an extended trip to the Americas." Her scarves jingled as she sat down with a 'fwumph'. The rest of the staff watched in amusement as their Divination professor promptly fell asleep with her face resting on the corner of her desert plate.
"If I were you, Severus, I'd make sure that I was gone from the Castle before she wakes up and comes looking for her 'dark, saturnine man', Pomona giggled.
"You can't be serious," Snape said, a faintly nauseous expression on his face.
"You didn't hear her going on and on about you and how attractive you were, and what a fine figure of a man you are when we went out for a drink the other night," Madame Hooch said, taking a deep drink of her scotch. "What was it she said?" Rolanda asked, looking at Madame Pomphrey.
"A fine pair of shoulders and the tightest bum she'd ever had the privilege to observe," the Matron said, a wicked grin on her face as she watched Severus' eyes practically pop out of his head.
"Right," he said decisively, standing up and putting his snifter down. "I believe I'll go pack then. There are some things that need my urgent attention. I'm not sure what they are, but I'm sure I'll figure them out by the time I finish packing! I wish a wonderful summer to you all; I'll see you at the end of August."
Albus watched his potions professor leave the room. It had been a stressful year for them all, but it looked as though the summer was off to a fabulous start!
The end.