A/N This was inspired by 2foxxie4u on deviantart. Do not own.
By signing this agreement, I agree to never – under any circumstances – do or say anything described in this agreement ever again. So help me, Kingdom Hearts, as failing to abide by the rules will result in undesirable consequences.
1. I am not allowed to sing 'Fergalicious', especially not in front of Xigbar – any unforeseen consequences of the aforementioned act should be dealt with on my own.
2. I am also not allowed to call Xigbar 'Xigalicious'.
3. Zexion does not cut himself.
4. And we're not going to check if he does.
5. I am not allowed to hack into the main system and write stories about anyone in the Organization.
6. Even if I was just blogging.
7. I am not allowed to sing 'I Feel Pretty' while prancing about in a dress.
8. Even if I did look 'stunning' in one.
9. And yes, the aforementioned statement is meant to be sarcastic.
10. I am not allowed to organize a tea party just because I think tea parties are fun.
11. And no, they are not fun.
12. I am not allowed to say that they are fun either.
13. Vexen is not the long lost cousin of Mr. Freeze.
14. I am not allowed to make crack theories about how Roxas and Sora could have fucked with each other.
15. Even though some of them might be possible.
16. I am not allowed to get Zexion drunk, and then let Axel and Xigbar 'play' with him.
17. I am not supposed to join in either.
18. Lexeaus is not a pedophile, even if he looked like one.
19. Which he doesn't.
20. I am not pregnant with Vexen's love child.
21. I will never be pregnant with Vexen's love child.
22. Although we can't guarantee that.
23. Flowers cannot, and will never, grow out of Lexeaus's head.
24. Even if I 'pollinated' him.
25. I will not spy on Cloud and Sephiroth.
26. I won't put hidden cameras in their room either.
27. No matter how much I want to 'gather information'.
28. I am not allowed to say that the sun is 'hot', no matter which definition of 'hot' I'm referring to.
29. I shall not watch anymore episodes of 'Death Note Abridged'.
30. Nor will I quote them ever again.
31. And no, candies are not sexy.
32. 'As if' is Xigbar's catch phrase, I myself will be responsible if Xigbar ever hear me say it again.
33. 'Got it memorized' and 'Commit it to memory' is Axel's catch phrase. I am not allowed to say it, no matter how much I like it.
34. If I want a catch phrase, I should make one myself.
35. But 'Flower power' is not a suitable catch phrase.
36. Nor is 'I love the birds and the bees'.
37. I shall not say that DDR owns Guitar Hero.
38. It doesn't matter if Axel and Zexion agree with me.
39. Saix does not take drugs.
40. Nor is he Sailor Moon.
41. I am not allowed to refer Vexen as Deidara of Naruto, and myself as Sasori. It is wrong, very wrong.
42. It doesn't matter if Vexen has long blonde hair like Deidara.
43. It also doesn't matter if I argue that I top.
44. Because in truth, I don't.
45. If Demyx asks what 'top' and 'bottom' means, I shall tell him that it refers to bunk beds.
46. If Zexion kicks/punches/slaps me for calling him emo, raping him in return doesn't count as punishment.
47. I shall not dye Vexen's hair pink, no matter how tempting it is.
48. Saix is not Xemnas's puppy.
49. It doesn't matter if everyone else is saying it.
50. It sounds more irritating if I say it anyway.
51. I am not allowed to emphasize on 'birds' when I sing 'The Thunderbirds are Go!'
52. 'Pain' by Three Days Grace is not Zexion's theme song.
53. Zexion doesn't have a theme song to begin with.
54. And no, I am not allowed to create one for him.
55. I shall not kill anyone who calls me 'ugly'.
56. Trying to impress Heartless or Nobodies by stripping is not allowed.
57. Michael Jackson is not my lover.
58. Nor is he Zexion's lover.
59. I am not allowed to stalk Saix when he goes into Xemnas's office.
60. And no, they do not make out there.
61. I will not irritate Larxene when she's PMS-ing.
62. I am not allowed to go around and tell people how good it feels to fuck another guy.
63. No matter how true it is.
64. I will not steal Xigbar's Captain Crunch.
65. Even though Captain Crunch are delicious.
66. Humping random objects does not count as exercise, and thus I will not perform such things.
67. Especially in front of Vexen.
68. Even though he seems to like it.
69. When spring comes, I'm not allowed to fuck anyone I come across.
70. No matter how aroused I am.
71. I am not allowed to film how Zexion jacks off.
72. Neither am I allowed to post said videos on the internet.
73. Or sell them on ebay for money.
74. I will not rape Saix, no matter how sexy he is.
75. Xemnas is not Saix's 'sugar daddy'.
76. Ice-cream shall not be eaten off another person.
77. Same goes for whipped cream.
78. And chocolate.
79. I am not allowed to pilot the Gummi Ship.
80. No matter how tempting it may be.
81. I will not say any dirty jokes in front of Demyx.
82. Or explain what it means when he doesn't get it.
83. Watching hentai on the internet is prohibited.
84. Yaoi and Yuri are hentai too, no matter how much I argue.
85. Zexion does not get so desperate as to fuck a heartless.
86. We're not going to find out if he actually does.
87. I will not 'test' if Riku is on top or bottom.
88. According to our information, he tops Sora.
89. I am not supposed to find out if the aforementioned statement is true or not.
90. No one cares if I broke a nail.
91. Nor do they care if my hair is a mess.
92. Neither do they care if I've gained weight or loss weight.
93. My scythe is strictly for fighting purposes.
94. Using it to rape someone does not fall into the category of 'fighting'.
95. Same goes for my powers of summoning and controlling plants.
96. 'Just because' is not an answer.
97. It will never be, no matter how much I argue.
98. Organization XIII will not have their own TV program, no matter how much I beg.
99. Neither will they create a band.
100. Nor will they be pole dancers at a bar.
A/N Man, the lack of fonts kill. I wanted to put Marluxia's sig there, but there's no fonts! Grr, it looked so much better on Word. And yes, its Marluxia. It was an agreement letter written by Xemnas.