This is my first fanfic :D I hope you guys like it. Its kind of short, but, hey, doesn't take as long to read. (I even included a twilight reference)

Disclaimer: I do not own Life with Derek or it's characters.

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I want to go through a transformation, a personality metamorphosis and even a physical one. I can't help but feel jealous of those pretty girls. The girls, who are at the top of the popularity food chain, who have about 100 pairs of high heels, who have boys crawling all over them. I am sadly envious of them and I can't stop it. I want to be myself and have my own identity, but a part of me wants to be one of them, mainly because he hangs out with them. He is interested in those types of girls. It pains me to know that I am not one of those girls, and that I might never be one of them, and that he will never ever take a second glance at me.

I feel so shallow and stupid for liking him. I not even supposed to like him. 'Just his appearances attract me' I say those words every night to myself. Well I find myself always thinking that the boys I like actually have a deep soul under their skin. They are not shallow and have a sensitive side. But as I get to know them, they aren't who they look like. They are childish and shallow. But is it my right to call them shallow, as I only like them for their looks. He is no different. Whenever his words are directed to me, it's usually said out of annoyance. Again, he's not really different from my last crushes. Popular, good with the girls, and always adorable. Maybe I'll get over him as soon as I see that he is not who I idolize him to be. Maybe another guy will catch my eye, and maybe pigs will fly. He is always in my eye. This is why I'm worried. I can't get over him. I see him every day.

I like him a lot though. Whenever I actually think about him liking me, my heart literally skips a beat. But it eventually goes back to its regular pattern as I convince myself that there is no way that he will ever like me. It's practically impossible. He used to be in love with this other girl. That girl is meant to be with him, not me. I know. They loved each other a lot. That fact adds on to my self loathing. Another fact is that I am not his "brand of heroin". Pretty girls are his type. I am not pretty at all from any angle what so ever. But there are actually rare times where I feel good about myself and I exude self confidence. But those moments are quickly destroyed and pounded into dust as soon as I see him talking to another one of his lady friends. Another reason why I shouldn't like him is that I'm not allowed to like him and that hurts the most. Knowing I have practically no chance with him forces me into a more depressing state.

There are these times at school where I saw him looking at me. But I think those momentarily glances are caused by just looking around or even disgust. He knows I like him. Everytime I pass by him, he looks at me. I'm fed up with myself. But sometimes, I misconstrue his glances as him maybe liking me and admiring me. That's when my heart gets out of control. But there's no way he can like me. Just no way, right?

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I hope you guys liked reading it :) thank you. Review if you like and it will fuel me to continue. Constructive criticism is welcome. :)