Author's Note: So I took a little hiatus from but I'm back! I apologize for so abruptly deciding to make "Sticks and Stones" a one shot, but I just wasn't feeling it. So I present to you my newest fic! These ideas have been bubbling in my head ever since the first hiatus, but I wanted to wait until the season was over before I began. There are some SMALL spoilers for season 2, but even if you read this it won't ruin anything for you because I think most of these things were basically implied at the end of season 1. I'm hoping this will be a few chapters, I have a pretty good feeling that it will be. The POV sort of jumps back and forth between Blair and Nate, sometimes a mixture of both. I hope that's not too confusing! Happy reading and feedback is always appreciated.
The story description is from "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own are my ideas, the characters and Gossip Girl are not mine.
--
The first time they speak in months isn't because they actually have anything to say to one another – it's because she's practically begging for his help. And because when he sees her frantically running towards an elevator that holds a barely conscious Serena van der Woodsen, he wants to protect her. He knows that for the majority of their friendship, she's been the one to take care of best friend.
In fact, she's usually the one taking care of everyone.
Everything that comes out of his mouth when he does actually speak to her still sounds angry and bitter. He doesn't mean for it to, but he doesn't know how to talk to her anymore.
Chuck makes some sort of comment about it being just like the old days. He narrows his blue eyes and silently disagrees.
It's the furthest from how it used to be.
--
She didn't want to ask for their help, especially not his. Considering they hadn't spoken a word to each other in months and ever since she saw him with Dan's little sidekick, from Brooklyn, she's been trying to get rid of the dulling ache in her stomach that won't seem to go away.
And talking to him certainly won't help. But she does anyway and she's impressed with her ability to stay composed in this awkward of a situation.
They share a few words, but she can't help but notice that she's not the only one sneaking looks.
--
When Nate hears his former best friend confess that he was in love with Blair, he almost feels more betrayed than he did when he found out they had been sleeping together. His mind is racing in a thousand different directions so he doesn't have long to linger on the feeling before he confronts his father.
While Chuck was wrong about the Captain, he almost wishes he was right. Any hard feelings that he may have had towards him are masked by the gratitude he feels.
It's nice to have him there again, even if things aren't sorted out.
Once they resurrect the burned bridges, he gives Chuck his blessing. Doesn't he owe it to him? He doesn't think he's ever heard Chuck say he loves someone.
That's what he tells himself, but really, he knows the person he owes it to her. She deserves to be happy, too.
--
He spends the summer in the Hamptons with Serena while he thinks Blair and Chuck are off in Europe. But when Chuck shows up two weeks later and won't say much about what happened, he begins to try and weasel information out of Serena.
Blair calls far too much for her to be having a good time, and the blonde always leaves the room when her best friend's name flashes on her screen. They speak in hushed voices, so even when he does try to listen, he can't hear a thing.
He finds his distractions to make the summer fly past, usually in the form of women.
--
She knew it was a bad idea to believe Chuck Bass. He's spent his entire life perfecting lines to get women into his bed, why did she think she would be any different than the rest?
Oh, right. Because he had said he wanted something.
She sends him a text telling him that as far as she's concerned, he doesn't exist anymore. And then she deletes his number from her phone, and her world, that's just like removing him from her life.
--
Nate almost freezes in his tracks when he enters Serena's summer house and hears Blair's voice. She sounds relaxed, casually laughing at something Serena has said. The door shuts behind him and he knows he can't run now.
He trudges into the kitchen and Serena sends him a weary smile. Blair slowly turns to face him and he can't help but notice the way the corners of her mouth turn down to create a slight frown.
Serena greets him in her normal friendly manner while Blair just purses her lips and scans him up and down quickly. He takes a seat on the other side of the table and starts flipping through the paper. His ex-girlfriend continues with her story about one of the towns in France she visited.
He looks up and speaks, regretting it a second later.
"Hey, Chuck never told me how Tuscany was."
Her eyes narrow in his general direction and he almost winces.
"That's because we never made it."
Serena shifts uncomfortably in her seat and Blair continues.
"Your son of a bitch best friend stood me up. And then I find out he's slept with some slut who calls herself an interior designer."
Nate folds his hands in his lap, trying not allow them to ball into fists.
"Oh?"
"I'm shocked he hasn't told you. Chuck Bass always did like to make trophies out of his conquests, but maybe he's lost count of how many it is now. I'm sure he's slept with half of the Hamptons at this point."
Behind her harsh words, Nate can tell Blair's hurting. He could always tell when she was, considering he was the cause of that more times than he'd like to admit.
He excuses himself from the table a few minutes later.
--
The confrontation with Chuck is a far cry from the last one the two experienced. Nate's hands aren't around his neck, there's no yelling, in fact, there's barely any speaking.
When he sees his best friend lounging around in one of the sitting rooms smirking about god knows what, he sits down in a chair across from him and stares.
Chuck just assumes he's high again and starts discussing the plans for the day, but Nate can't pay attention. He's trying his best not to lose his temper, but he can feel his teeth grinding together.
And apparently Chuck can too. He asks why that particular look seems to be a temporary fixture on Nate's face.
"You said you loved her, man."
He gets up without another word or glance and spends the rest of the day in town trying to ignore the fact that this is upsetting him much more than it should.
--
Chuck approaches her at the beginning of a party. She almost throws her drink in his face but then she realizes it's almost all gone.
He talks, apologizing over and over again. She listens, rolling her eyes at half of the things that come out of his mouth. But somehow, an hour later, he's worn her down and she can't fight it anymore.
He says he could make her happy, and Blair decides to let him have that chance.
--
He sees the two of them at the last summer party of the year together. Her face is emotionless while Chuck looks desperate to earn her forgiveness.
By the end of the night, she's smiling at him and his Cheshire grin doesn't look phony for once.
They look happy, so Nate grabs another drink even though he shouldn't and goes to look for a girl who won't ask many questions.
--
He doesn't know why he's surprised to see them walk into school together, especially because he's seen them do this every Monday through Friday for the past two months.
Chuck will make some sort of comment and Blair will shoot him a teasing, but warning, look to knock it off. Usually he does.
--
Whenever Blair thinks about the fact that she's dating Chuck Bass, she almost always laughs to herself. She'll never admit it to anyone, but she wasn't sure it was going to work.
But it has, for the most part. Yes, they fight and they bicker, but she knows that deep down, he cares for her.
He's trying. For her. And for now, that's enough.
--
Serena comes over one night practically in tears. She explains that she tried calling Blair first but it went straight to voicemail, and that Nate was the only other person she could think of.
She had seen Dan and Vanessa at a little café that she went to to escape from time to time when the rush of Manhattan became too much.
He nods along as she tells her story, her dark blue eyes brimming with tears and he can't help but feel for her.
--
He walks up the stairs to school holding the hand of his dream girl. But he doesn't feel the rush he expected, he just feels sort of empty. He feels her give his hand a light squeeze and he looks over and smiles weakly.
She sends back a similar expression and lets go of his hand, kissing him lightly on the cheek before heading in the other direction.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Blair pause in the hallway. He turns slowly to face her, but she's gone before he even gets halfway there.
--
Serena comes to her after she's slept with Nate. Again.
Blair doesn't know how to react. So she sits in silence with her best friend and fidgets with her ring.
Serena's voice is tiny when she asks if Blair's upset. She looks up and sees that Serena looks scared, scared that she's going to lose her again.
Blair's decided that Serena's lost too much recently. So she takes her best friend's hand in hers and shakes her head.
It's all a lie, of course, but Blair's always been a good actress when she needed to be.
--
As soon as Serena leaves that night, Blair runs to her bathroom and locks the door behind her. Her finger is down her throat in what feels like record time and she flushes the toilet and slams the lid down before she jumps in the scorching hot shower.
The noise of the running water drowns out the sound of her tears.
--
She feels herself pushing everyone away.
She puts on a happy face for Serena, acting as if nothing has changed between them. Sometimes it feels like nothing has, but then she'll see something that reminds her of Nate. Then she'll think of the two of them together, and that's usually when she finds an excuse to escape to a bathroom.
She finds that she starts to ignore more of Chuck's phone calls than she used to. It's not that she doesn't want to see him, she does, but she can't stop herself from being frustrated when she's around him and he says or does something that just reminds her.
Reminds her that he's not Nate.
--
He's not surprised that they only date for a couple of months. It was all for comfort, really. He was lonely, she was miserable; they needed each other to get through their respective rough patches.
He's is, however, surprised that he's the one to end it. If you had told him a year ago that he would be the one ending a relationship with Serena van der Woodesen, he would have disagreed until he was out of breath.
Dan stops dating Vanessa and once Serena hears the news, she's different. He can see that there's hope that's made its way back into her and he knows that his purpose has been served.
She still comes to him when Blair doesn't pick up her phone calls, and he tries his best to reassure her that even though it's hard now, it will get easier.
"You'll find you way back to each other, people like you two always do." He says.
She stands in his doorway and smiles like she knows something,
"You should remember that, too."
--
When her distance and new icy nature become too much for Chuck, she knows it. He looks at her differently, and she can't blame him.
He holds her hand a little looser, for a little less time. He calls less, and soon not even the master of disguise can fake that he's happy.
She goes over one night to end things the right way, instead of letting them linger like they have been.
He answers the door with his shirt half unbuttoned. She scowls and shakes her head.
"I was stupid to think I could change you."
He looks down, ashamed.
"No, I was stupid to let you try."
He closes the door behind him and walks her to the elevator, kissing her one last time, the way she deserved to be kissed.
She doesn't feel a thing.
--
Lily and Bart have another one of their monthly dinner parties. It's the first time that almost everyone has been able to attend.
Serena and Dan are still in their awkward stage, and Blair is trying her best to be there for Serena. She asks how she looks about a million times that evening and the brunette always smiles encouragingly telling her that she's always going to be fabulous and she shouldn't let Humphrey make her think otherwise.
Blair slips by Dan, who was invited by Serena, and suggests that he go and talk to her if he knows what's good for him.
On her way over to the refreshments, she sees Nate and Chuck standing together talking. They're laughing; she doesn't think she's seen them this at ease in what seems like forever.
They both seem to turn and look at her at the same moment, and she feels her stomach turn. She sets her drink down and darts away to the nearest bathroom.
--
It's been easier to talk to Chuck lately. He showed up one night and told him that he and Blair had broken up, and that he didn't want to talk about. They never have.
He attends the dinner party, it's his first in a while, and for the first time in ages he feels okay. Nate's been looking for her the entire night, but there are so many people there that it's difficult to spot the tiny brunette among the sea of people.
He feels her eyes on him, and apparently Chuck does too, because they both look over at her at the same time but she's gone in a split second.
But before she can get away, he sees a look on her face that concerns him. There's panic written all over her features.
He excuses himself and weaves his way in and out of the people to try and find her.
One of the servers points him in the direction of the bathroom.
--
She hates herself for doing this, really. But at the same time she feels like it's the only thing she can control these days. The contents of her stomach have been emptied and she breathes a small sigh of relief as it disappears as the toilet flushes.
She rinses her mouth out with the mouthwash in the bathroom and wipes the tears from under her eyes. After reapplying gloss, she decides she's composed enough to go back to the party.
When Blair opens the door she's greeted with the painfully striking face of Nate Archibald. He wears an expression that can only be explained as indescribable.
--
His eyes study her face and he can tell she's hiding something. She's standing in the doorway trying to block his view of anything.
"What are you doing out here?" She spits at him, he can almost feel the venom coming from her words.
"I think the better question is what are you doing in there."
He pushes past her into the bathroom and she shuts the door behind him, locking it. He notices that she glances in the mirror, quickly wiping her mouth.
Nate can smell the vomit, and he feels his stomach sink.
He turns to look at her and he can tell that she knows he's aware of what she's been doing.
--
She bites her lower lip and refuses to look in his direction. Blair has looked weak enough times in front of him, and she doesn't want to add this moment to the list.
"It's nothing."
Lie.
She looks up and he's still staring.
"It's not what you think, I just..I just haven't been feeling well this evening."
Lie.
"It was a one time thing, Nate. Don't give me that look."
Lie. And he knows it.
--
It's just about painful for him, standing here, watching her try to so blatantly lie to him. He pinches the bridge of his nose and inhales deeply.
The two stand in silence for what seems like forever. He's the first the break the uncomfortable quiet.
"How long?"
She looks away from him again, now staring at the floor.
"Since I found out about you and.." she pauses, and the next word struggles to come out, "Serena."
Nate runs his hand through his hair, taking another deep breath. He never really gave much thought to what the two of them together would have done to her. He fights back a bitter laugh when he realizes, of course he didn't, because he never did.
"I just assumed that you wouldn't care. I mean, you being with Chuck and all."
Her chocolate eyes constrict and her red lips purse together. He can't place his finger on this look, he hasn't seen it before. At least, not on her. It's somewhere between a mix of anger, hurt, and misery.
"You really do have no idea, do you?"
--
She can't believe the words coming out of his mouth. She wouldn't care? Did he know her at all?
She's lost in her thoughts and soon she tastes salt on her lips. She hadn't even realized she'd been crying.
Before she knows it, she's sliding down the wall and has become a crumpled mess of a person. She's near silent when she cries, but the tears are flowing and she reaches up to grab a tissue but he beats her to it.
She feels his body slide down and sit next to her, and her fist instinct is to make herself even smaller than she already feels.
He hands her the tissue and she takes it.
--
He considers the tissue a white flag. He watches her carefully as she begins to compose herself, unsure of what he's supposed to do.
They sit in silence again. It's still tense, but there seems to almost be a truce in the air as well. At least for the moment.
She goes to grab another Kleenex, but he reaches up and brings the box down for her. She still won't look at him, and he wants nothing more than to look at her and know that she's going to be okay.
The minutes pass and they still say nothing. She tosses the last tissue into the trash and sighs.
He stands up, and offers his hand to her. She looks at it for a second before hesitantly accepting it.
Nate watches her as she reapplies mascara and lipgloss, primping herself in order to keep up an appearance.
"You look beautiful, stop fidgeting."
She looks over at him and he's pretty sure he feels his heart break again.
He doesn't think she's ever looked this broken before.
--
Blair watches Nate go to open the door and she grabs his arm, stopping him.
"Wait."
He pauses and looks at her oddly.
"Don't tell anyone about this, please. Not even Serena."
He falters.
"Only if we talk about this later. If we talk about…things later."
She feels her breath hitch and her heart race a mile a minute. The idea of talking about this incident, and everything else that "things" could be implying, terrifies her. Especially because she'll be talking about them with him.
But she nods anyway.
--
He opens the door and stands aside, letting her exit first.
He can feel her relax next to him when she realizes that no one had been paying attention to that bathroom.
When they get back into the vicinity of their friends, she turns on her heel to face him again, and she's close enough so that only he can hear what she says next.
"This doesn't mean anything. All we're going to do is talk. And remember, you promised you wouldn't tell anyone."
Nate nods ever so slightly and then she's gone, making her way through the crowd to find Serena.
He thinks to himself, it may not mean anything now, but it's a start.