Leah finds herself entangled in Jacob Black's thoughts often, as for some reason they often transform at roughly the same time. He thinks about a human girl that Leah has met several times in passing and thought to be generally unremarkable, though her father is an old friend of Billy Black's.

If she thinks about it hard enough, Leah can see striking parallels from her own situation to Jacob's – Edward and Bella were, as Bella apparently thought of them, 'soul-mates', but her connection with Jacob was deeper and truer. Leah wants to put Jacob out of his misery by telling him that the deeper, truer love will never triumph – the one without a choice will.

She doesn't tell him about the connection that she sees; it's far too personal, and she takes care never to think it at all. She does tell him that Bella will never choose him; she realizes a split-second too late that without rationale, it just seems like another of what he has dubbed 'typical Leah' comments. She knows that it's true; she makes these comments to everyone. Everyone, that is, except Sam.

Still, she thinks, it's a bit unfair – this one she never intended to be a barb, and it irritates her that others are seeing it as such.

For a moment, she thinks about correcting herself, explaining why she said that, and then wonders why she would even bother. Wolves are supposed to be pack animals, she thinks, but she has remarkable difficulty in forging a bond with her own pack.

Except Sam, she reminds herself. For an instant, she sees them – two wolves, off in the wild, creating their own pack. Howling at the moon and raising puppies, teaching them to hunt, silhouetted against a mountainous backdrop.

It's a beautiful picture.

-

The vampire threat becomes startlingly real, causing them to, ironically, make a pact with other vampires.

Leah lingers in her wolf form, telling Sam that she needs to talk. The others, while she can sense their curiosity, leave them be.

She can tell that he is wary. She would be, too, if she were him. Are you sure that you can trust them? she asks. It is one of the things they share; she knows he resents the vampires for inducing transformation, causing him to be split apart from her. She despises them for the same reason.

I think so, he says guardedly. He hasn't been open with her in so long, it is like a physical hurt.

I miss you, she whines at him.

She feels him right beside her, sees his enormous body approach her. He nuzzles her, and it brings her such an absurd, happy pleasure that she is grinning. Things are much simpler, as a wolf. There are things that make her happy and things that make her unhappy. She knows that there is still a niggling feeling of discomfort, which he described to her as feeling wrong in what seems like decades ago, but he has begun to overcome it. It is easier, as a wolf, he has thought to her.

Similarly, there are basic instincts. The instinct to comfort, that he is displaying now. The instinct to defend. The instinct to kill. The instinct to reproduce.

She regrets thinking it the instant that she does.

He immediately pulls away, and she bounds after him. Her desire for love, for companionship, it is too much. Please, I love you.

For the first time, when she says those words they don't seem to pain him. He wants to hear them as much as she does, when he's a wolf. His instincts draw her to Emily, but Leah takes pride in that she still has his heart. She moves closer to him, so that their fur touches each other. Again, Leah cannot help thinking of sex, but he doesn't move away this time.

You don't know what could happen. He is trying to dissuade her, and she hates to admit he brings up a good point. She could get pregnant, in either her wolf's body or her human one. This wolf pack hasn't been around for some time, and the idea of a female werewolf is relatively new. Leah hates thinking of it that way, though. She doesn't see herself as any different than the others; she thinks it's more sexist to acknowledge her as unique.

I don't care. It's mostly true.

He cannot resist her, not now. She is too close, and she knows from his thoughts that she is beautiful and appealing. The only drawback could be the discomfort he might feel, but she believes that it is trivial in comparison to the pleasure they both could receive – pleasure she hasn't felt for almost a year. Has it really been so short a time? It has felt like millennia to her.

They are so close; she playfully nips at him. She invites him, begs him.

And he wants to accept, she can see. But the bonds of imprinting have imprisoned him, leaving him hesitant. Even though she knows the significance of imprinting, his reluctance hurts her pride.

She backs away slightly. Sam makes a move to follow her, then holds himself back.

I'm sorry. She wishes she could have one good fuck for every time he has told her that since becoming a werewolf.

Me too.

-

Things are strained between them after that, at best, although he still defends her honor within the pack. She has made enemies fast, and while it doesn't particularly bother her how the others see her, she hadn't realized she had been so antagonistic. Still, she doesn't think there's much she can do to rectify the situation.

It is Seth who approaches her, the appointed messenger of the other werewolves. "Um, Leah?" he asks, hovering outside her door. It's disconcerting, how much he's grown. She, Leah, has grown as well, become more muscular in her arms and legs and stomach, but not nearly as dramatically as the others.

"What is it?" she asks, genuinely curious. Seth rarely seeks her out to talk anymore; after all, what reason would have to do so? He already can hear all of her thoughts whenever she has transformed and he follows suit.

"We've been thinking – the pack, I mean – well, not Sam, but, he might agree, you never know…"

She decides to give him a hand. He is her brother, after all. Their family has grown steadily apart since her father's death, and although it saddens her, she has learned that closeness and love cannot be forced. "What is it, Seth? What do you want me to stop thinking about?"

Taken by surprise, he begins his stutter all over again. "W-well – a lot of things, really – but most importantly, er, Sam?" It is only around her, and only when he is nervous, that Seth lets his confidence slip; probably a result of her having seen him in diapers and once threatened him, when he attempted to throw toy cars at her, that she didn't care about his age and that she'd throw them right back. Although he isn't scared shitless of her anymore, the way he was when he was a toddler, he still has a certain respect for her, she supposes she would call it.

"I can't stop thinking about Sam," she says automatically. The anger in her is rising – not the kind that will cause her to phase, but the kind that will make her destroy herself and everyone she loves in a single moment.

Sympathy battles with annoyance on his face. "Don't you know how he feels about Emily?" Seth finally says, in exasperation.

The anger is too much to control. She crosses the room and slaps him, hard. He looks at her in disbelief for a moment, before leaving her alone. He doesn't touch his face, but she can see that his skin on that side has become redder.

Her own graduation comes swiftly; she had hardly thought about it with all the events occurring in her life. The one thing she does think about, though, is that Sam had told her that when she graduated, he would plan the best graduation party ever, and they would drink and dance and fuck and be young and happy.

-

After the battle with the vampires, she sits outside her house, her arms curled around her legs. She hears, rather than sees, Sam settling beside her. Becoming a werewolf has caused her, even in her human form, to become more attuned to her other senses.

"What is it?" she asks the wind, not looking at Sam.

"Are you all right?" he asks her, obviously knowing what Jacob said to her. For the first time, she looks at him. He makes a subtle gesture, as if he wants to push away the stray strands of hair falling into her eyes, but he doesn't.

She shrugs. "I guess. Why aren't you with Jacob?" She knows that he has run off to God knows where, and honestly, she thinks that based on the depth of his feelings for Bella Swan, someone needs to save him before he ends up like her.

"Jacob will be fine." The implication is clear: will she be fine? Leah doesn't have an answer for that, so she says nothing. Pointless reassurances will only be revealed to be lies once she transforms.

It's strange, the way she changes around him. With everyone else, she is all rage and energy and madness; with him she is calm and pensive. "I don't know, Sam," she whispers into her hair. More of it falls about her face, shading her off from the world. "I just don't know."

He doesn't either; it's clear that he has no idea what he is supposed to do. Instead, he just sits next to her, not touching, a silent sentinel there for support. Leah doesn't reach for him this time; she just lets him sit there beside her. For about an hour, it looks like the picture of serenity; two figures side by side.

-

Her mother looks through her, not at her. She has taken Harry's place in the council, and Leah thinks that she has mostly recovered from her grief, except around her children. She looks through them.

There is one comment that Sue makes, though, that strikes Leah to the bone. "What are you doing?" she asks brokenly, as Seth hands her a cup of tea. It is clear, though, that she is talking to her daughter rather than her son.

"I don't know?" Leah has no idea what her mother is talking about, and doesn't hesitate to let it be known.

"They all hate you," Sue says. It is the first direct comment that Leah has heard from her all day.

Seth shoots her a warning look; Leah has to resist the urge to phase, closing her eyes to stop herself. "I don't care what they think," she finally says. For the most part, it's true.

Still, that does not explain why she pulls Seth's sleeve and asks him whether or not what Sue said is accurate.

Seth squirms. He doesn't want to answer her, but her hard grip on his sleeve and the determination in her eyes to receive an answer convinces her. "Do you hate me?" she hisses at him.

Her tone prompts him to action. "Yes, fuck it!" It is the first time Leah has heard her brother swear, and she thinks it's somehow monumental. "We all think you're a bitch and I've been defending you to the others because you're my sister – but I'm done with that now, because there's no excuses for you anymore." He hesitates; cruelty does not come so easily to him as it does to others, like Jacob Black. "I don't even recognize you now," he says sadly.

-

That night is the worst for her; she knows that she will not be able to sleep, so she doesn't bother. Instead, she stares into the darkness around her and wonders if Seth's right – if she has changed and if she has, if there's a way to get out of it.

She thinks about the person she used to be – carefree, optimistic, who giggled at the slightest thing and loved people and parties. She compares this to who she is now, and she begins to feel slightly nauseous.

She pads into Seth's room, not bothering to knock. It's late, but she knows that he phased back into human form just a few minutes ago, and must be up. "Seth?"

He doesn't look at her, his attention resolutely fixed on the wall. "Yeah?"

She doesn't like to show vulnerability, but she lets it come out in her voice, if not her expression. "Do you think I can go back to how I used to be?"

He still doesn't meet her eyes, though he is at least looking at her. "I think if you really want to, you could." His tone is doubtful, contradicting the optimism of his words.

She slides her hands through her hair, thinking. "I really want to," she says finally.

It isn't that simple, she can see. She can't apologize and magically make everything better. He still averts his eyes, though his expression has grown less harsh. "Well. Show us, then."

-

She phases, feeling the thoughts of the others gradually stream into her mind. Sam is there, she feels. She experiences firsthand the raging, tempestuous attraction – she will not call it love – for Emily, and immediately the desire to wound the others, quickly, so she's not the vulnerable one, takes over. She feels Embry's presence, and immediately her thoughts start to drift toward his parentage.

It would be so easy, to remain like this indefinitely. To never grow, or change, or do anything. To remain frozen in this particular persona forever – there's pain, yes, but there's also protection and vindictive joy. Leah can see the appeal in that.

She can feel the pack waiting, just as they always do. Instead, she feels a shudder run through her as she tries to change her habit, and instead keeps her thoughts blank.

It doesn't give her any kind of satisfaction, the way she thought it would. She almost slips back, before she hears Jacob's angry thoughts – just do it already, and spare us the fucking suspense. There is almost a trill of agreement.

Indignant, she is more determined than ever to hold her ground, if only to be contrarian and prove them wrong.