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He still hadn't called. She had expected he would change his mind, and call before the wedding How could she be nothing to him? Lily sat on her penthouse couch alone. Tears, she didn't even know how she could have any left after how much she cried. Bart was out, preparing, thank god or he would ask questions as to why she was so upset and how could she possibly explain that the man she loved didn 't want her, when she claimed to love Bart. And she did, she really did, just not in the exhilarating, 'i wanna' be with you for the rest of my life" way she loved Rufus. Lily wasn't someone to sit around and cry, never had she done that, but why was she suddenly weak at the knees?

Serena opened her door, it was 10 o'clock in the morning and she hadn't slept well at all. She'd heard her mom crying and as much as she sometimes couldn't stand her mom at all, she also couldn't bare hearing her mother that upset. Never, not even when she had been through her 3 divorces, had she cried that much. Serena hadn't even known she COULD cry that much. She had been crying all night, ever since the concert.

"Mom?" called Serena as she wearily edged into the living room, where her mother was sitting. She had a pretty good idea where all this emotion was coming from.

Lily looked up. She'd forgotten anyone on this earth existed. Quickly she tried to wipe away the tears, but it did no good, Serena saw, not to mention the redness under her eyes was horrible.

"Yes?" Lily replied, putting on a smile, praying Serena hadn't realized she was crying

"Mom, cut the act,"

"Serena, what act?"

N

"You've been crying all night. You think that cause you rub your eyes I'm not gonna' know you're upset?"

"I'm not upset," Lily answered simply. Serena didn't need an explanation. It was HER life and Serena didn't need to know everything.

Serena glowered at Lily, but Lil's smile did not flicker.

So, Serena spoke, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Really. Just pre-wedding jitters." she replied reassuringly.

"Mom, instead of hiding behind that fake smile of yours, why don't you tell me what's wrong? Oh, wait. That's asking to much from my mother. The person who's supposed to be my example, yet she can't even tell me what has her pouring her eyes out. You know what, I don't get it, Mom."

"You don't need to get it, Serena. It's none of your business."

"Yes it is my business. You're my MOTHER and I think you frequently forget that. You aren't some teenager...Mother, you've been different lately. And I'm not talking about you crying your eyes out. You've been, "Serena paused searching for the right word, "brighter...ever since Rufus..."

"STOP!" She didn't want to talk about Rufus. It hurt, her stomach dropped and those stupid butterflies came back,"I'm getting married today. I don't need to look upset and I really need to start getting ready."

"Mom, just tell me what's wrong..." serena pleaded.

"No. I've got to go. It's none of your business." She stomped out the door. She needed a breather.

Serena was right. She was different. But what right did Serena have to tell her what to do?

She's your daughter. She cares.

Ugh, why was life so...confusing? She wanted to let Serena in, but how could she. If she told Serena, serena would either tell her she was being crazy and flip out or break up with Dan. Serena claimed that she was head-over-heels in love and she should get what I didn't get. A chance.

So then and there, she stopped crying. Big girls don't cry she thought...funnily enough as she got into her car to take a drive to clear her head the song by fergie came on.

And I'm gonna' miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've gotta' get a move on with my life.

It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry.

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Chapter 4: One more time!

4 hours till the wedding. He was invited, so was Dan. Should he go?

Rufus sat in his bed. He couldn't believe he had turned down, Lily. But he couldn't be used for one night, not by her. Twenty minutes ticked by when e decided to go see Lily. He HAD to see her.

He got up, dressed quickly, and headed over to the Palace.

Knock Knock.

Lily Van der Woodsen was getting married in a 3 and a half hours. Who could possibly be bothering her? She had to get ready. She crossed silently to the door, annoyance etched on her face and opened it, only to see a shocking candidate there.

"Rufus?" She questioned. She couldn't believe he was here, "Get the hell out. You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want anything to do with me anymore and I have a wedding to prepare for."

"Lil, I know I have no right whatsoever to be here..." he replied, but was interupted.

"You've got that right."

"Could you please listen?"

"Rufus, I-I don't know what to say, no there's nothing left to s..." she wasnt able to finish her sentance. Before she knew it he had thrust his lips upon hers and she surrended. Together, they stumbled into the bedroom and come on boys and girls, you know what happened next ;)

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