"I am SO bored, James…" Jessie tossed up a rubber ball at the ceiling in her boredom.  The ball rebounded and hit James smack on the nose, who was lying on the same bed as her.

"OW!" James rubbed his stinging nose. Blood was starting to pour out, staining his white jacket.

"Now that's something new…we never spilled blood on the show…"

"Stop making fun of me!" James wailed, his hands covering his bleeding nose. Jessie looked at the pathetic sight and sighed again.

"Well, since you've got your jacket stained…we might as well go…"

"SHOPPING!" both of them cried out gleefully.  James still had his hands over his nose other wise he would have gotten blood all over his pants as well.

*********

Unmentionables  (based on the RPG)

Compiled and re-written into story-form by SV.

Original RPG by [mainly] JNMR/Celestial Maiden, Packrat1, DuoisMyMan, Jesse 16 and SV

Rated PG-13

*********

Jessie and James walked into a Victoria's Secret at the mall, arm in arm.  Meowth, who had followed them decided to stay outside.

Jessie pondered for a while before yanking James towards a display for panties. 

"Look!" she exclaimed.  She frowned when she noticed James had hid his eyes in his hands and was blushing wildly.  She tore his arms away from his eyes and made him look at the display. "You know, since we share, we should pick out stuff together!"

James started to shake his head when he saw an adorable blue unmentionables set with little kitties all over it and took it into his hands. 

"Ohh! Aren't these so cute, Jessie?" he grinned.  Jessie started to grab the set away from him when a man came up behind them.

"Welcome! Can I- Jessie! James! What the hell are you doing here?" Giovanni yelled.

 James sweatdropped but came up with what he considered a brilliant idea. "I am Jessie's fashion consultant!" 

Giovanni raised an eyebrow. "For underwear?"

"Um…yeah!" He grabbed the blue unmentionables in one hand and Jessie's arm in another. "And if you'd excuse us, we'll be in the dressing room to see if they fit!"

Jessie nearly exploded with rage and she thwacked James with her paper fan. But she decided to drag him to the dressing room all the same.  She threw him into the room before slamming and locking the door behind them, attracting many stares.

"LOOK at this!" She thrust the set into his face. "The top is way too small and the bottom is too big! Are you saying I am underdeveloped?!"

James remained silent so Jessie hit him with the coat hanger.  The screeching that followed made the women in neighboring stalls to file out and leave the store.  The nearby sales clerk sweatdropped.

"Do you need any h-" she started before hearing more pleading and whimpering from James. "Ok…I thought I've seen everything at the mall and I certainly didn't know dominatrix were for hire at the mall."

"Shut up!" Jessie shoved the blue kittie undies on James' head.  He shut up and sat sulking as Jessie pulled bits of his hair through the holes in the sides so he looked like he had pigtails.  "Now if you're gonna hug me in fear again, you'll have to walk around wearing that all day!"

James sniffed.  Jessie felt bad so she decided to complement that they matched his hair.  James looks in the mirror and strikes a few poses.  "Well, I do make the coooolest girl!" he exclaimed. Jessie coughed softly.  "…besides you of course, Jessie!  I can't ever be that pretty!"  he added.  Jessie blushes and gets big anime eyes and blew him a kiss in her judgment-clouded mind.  James grinned broadly as Jessie started braiding the strands of hair that stuck out.

In the next stall, Giovanni was looking through his selections and came out sporting a frilly pink dress! The sales clerk decided to quit her job and ran off to Starbucks to get some coffee.

"I feel so pretty!" Giovanni squealed.  Outside, a masked man stole a woman's purse and he heard the cry for help.  "Oh no! This is a job for…" he rips off the dress to reveal a rather skimpy sailor senshi fuku.  "SAILOR GIOVANNI!"  He runs off in pursuit of the bandit. 

Jessie and James peek out of their shared changing room.

"You thinkin' what I am thinkin'?" Jessie asked.

"Lorne and his Mountain Quillots again (INSIDE JOKE!)…geez…and I thought I was weird," James commented. 

"Nope. He's on MQ's. You're weird all the time," Jessie rolled her eyes.  James got all sad and Jessie felt bad again. "Course, being weird CAN be a turn-on…"

James grins.  "Erm…should we go get the Boss out of trouble?" he thought.

So they ran out of the store for a couple of miles(it's a huge mall) until Jessie noticed something wrong.

"James! Put your pants on!" she cried.  James looked down and saw he was only in his pokèball boxers and attempted to steal a pair of pants off a display dummy. He suddenly heard the command, "FREEZE!" and he stops with the pants halfway up his thighs.  He whirls around to see Officer Jenny behind him.  "EEP!" he squeaked.

"You are under arrest for two violations. Wearing panties on your head and running around in boxers," she started jotting down a ticket. Jessie stuck her tongue at Jenny and grabbed James, who had decided to pull his pants all the way up, and ran off.

SUDDENLY…..Happosai (of Ranma ½) bounced into the scene.  He spots Jessie and James and starts chasing them.

"Deck the halls with bras and panties…." He sang out of tune as he skipped on.

"Damn, James! He's even more obsessed about underwear than you are!" Jessie commented.  James sniffed. 

"That was mean…" he  commented.  Happosai caught up with them and yanked the blue kittie-cat undies off James' head before drooling over them.

A huge procession of broom-wielding girls show up, demanding that the old perverted man return their underwear.

"Ooh! Girlies!" he squealed.  Jessie decided this was the best time to run for it so she grabbed James again and ran.

Meanwhile with Sailor Giovanni….

"PRETTY RAINBOW SPARKLE!" his battle cry echoed as he threw a container of glittery hair gel at the thief.

"Hey! Get off me, man! Gimmie a break!" the poor victim cried.

Back with Jessie and James…

"Jessie, I am tired," James complained. Jessie stopped, dropped James and thwacked him again with the fan.

"You MORON! I was the one  who dragged you all the way across the stupid mall!" Jessie screamed.

Happosai caught up with them and glomped Jessie.  She screamed and swatted him away. "Ooh! You're feisty!" he exclaimed.  James glowered at the pervert.

"She's taken!" James snarled at Happosai.  Jessie's hair started to smoke  in rage  and unfortuatly, set off the sprinklers. Jessie nad James gasped in horror.  They had been victums of Jusenkyo before on an expedition in the name of Team Rocket.  Both had fallen into one of the hundreds of cursed springs.

Jessie had fallen into the Spring of Drowned Mew while James, who wasn't as lucky, fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl.  Just a splash of cold water would make them transform and James wasn't about to turn into a girl in front of Happosai or the rest of the world.  He whisked out an umbrellia out of nowhere and shielded Jessie and himself from the cascading waters in time. 

"James! My hero!" Jessie said happily.  James blushed and grinned again.  Happosai put two and two together and tried knocking the umbrella out of James' hands.  James gets mad and kicks Happosai away. 

"Another feisty one! Hand over your panties and I'll love you for life!" Happosai exclaimed.

"I AM A GUY!" James yelled.  He pulled Jessie close to him and kissed her for several seconds as if to prove his point.

"Two girls to steal panties from…" Happosai calculated in his head.  Jessie scowled in anger.

"Do THESE look like panties to you?!" she spat as she pulled James' pants down to reveal his boxers.  James screamed and covered his boxers with his hands.  The procession of angry girls ran over Happosai and started beating him up with broomsticks, mops and other household items.

The sprinklers turn off and they go inside a store.  James sits cross-legged on a bench and sulks.  Jessie still had his pants and was looking them over and then glanced at his boxers.  James looked at her with huge sad puppy-dog eyes.

"Aw, don't worry! I think they're cute on you!" she giggled and waved the pants in front of his face.